FabSwingers.com forum: Approaching my wife. Help!!

By *unter45 OP Man
6 weeks ago

SW Wales

Hi all,

The swinging and hotwife lifestyles have been a huge turn-on for me recently. The more I think about it, the more I want to consider.

I would like to talk to my wife about it, but I feel very reluctant.

I am afraid if I talk about it, she may think badly about me or affect our relation.

I would appreciate some advice, please, on a few things:

1) What is the best way to approach the topic with her?

2) Is there a way to find out if she is interested or not without risking any bad judgement?

3) What are the downsides of the lifestyle?

4) What things should I be aware of?

Thank you all for your help.

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By *ichaelsmyMan
6 weeks ago

douglas

ask her if she has any fantasies

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By *otfunx1Man
6 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Im lucky mine fantasizes about it all time. Always telling me how much she wants another cock

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By *unter45 OP Man
6 weeks ago

SW Wales

"ask her if she has any fantasies"

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞

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By *unter45 OP Man
6 weeks ago

SW Wales

"Im lucky mine fantasizes about it all time. Always telling me how much she wants another cock"

you are really lucky

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By *ubyRonCouple
6 weeks ago

Lancs

I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man.

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By *unter45 OP Man
6 weeks ago

SW Wales

"I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man. "

I wish it is that easy for me to be that direct.

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By *he Happy ManMan
6 weeks ago

Merseyside

"ask her if she has any fantasies

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞"

Then I would leave it.

What if you swing and hate seeing her with another man? Fantasy and reality don't always match up.

What if you swing and your wife loves it ? Always looking for new cock?

I know men who have hated seeing their wife with another guy. I know man who lost his wife to the lifestyle. He would come home from work to find her being gangbanged.

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By *attooedbbwandhubbyCouple
6 weeks ago

Dorset

Make the discussion safe space. No judgement and no disappointment. Ask her questions that would get her involved rather than wanting a yes/no from it

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By *unter45 OP Man
6 weeks ago

SW Wales

"ask her if she has any fantasies

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞

Then I would leave it.

What if you swing and hate seeing her with another man? Fantasy and reality don't always match up.

What if you swing and your wife loves it ? Always looking for new cock?

I know men who have hated seeing their wife with another guy. I know man who lost his wife to the lifestyle. He would come home from work to find her being gangbanged.

Thank you for elaborating the down sides.

yes it makes sense.

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By *unter45 OP Man
6 weeks ago

SW Wales

"Make the discussion safe space. No judgement and no disappointment. Ask her questions that would get her involved rather than wanting a yes/no from it"

very good point

thank you

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By *ellinever70Woman
6 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I think sometimes it's best just to keep your fantasies inside your head

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

Maybe open up the conversation about a tv program or even someone you had heard of etc. Then see if that opens up for further discussion. Golden rule though, don’t push.

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By *irsSubCouple
6 weeks ago

Stockton

My advice would be to talk, listen to her views and make sure your relationship is healthy. Don't let the thought of swinging become everything to you, it's fun, but it's nowhere near as exciting as you imagine it in your head.

You mentioned she has fantasies, make sure you help her live them out

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By *ornucopiaMan
6 weeks ago

Bexley

Always let your woman initiate this sort of discussion.

Unless you fancy ending up living in the garden shed..

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By *lueDressWoman
6 weeks ago

Bath Somerset

People that I know who don’t swing. Who don’t want the lifestyle.Are not interested because of STD risks.

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By *unter45 OP Man
6 weeks ago

SW Wales

"My advice would be to talk, listen to her views and make sure your relationship is healthy. Don't let the thought of swinging become everything to you, it's fun, but it's nowhere near as exciting as you imagine it in your head.

You mentioned she has fantasies, make sure you help her live them out"

Thank you.

I am taking just some baby steps to see how she feel about it.

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By *unter45 OP Man
6 weeks ago

SW Wales

"I think sometimes it's best just to keep your fantasies inside your head "

Could you olease explain why?

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By *unter45 OP Man
6 weeks ago

SW Wales

"Always let your woman initiate this sort of discussion.

Unless you fancy ending up living in the garden shed.."

I wish she does one day

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By *rectus HumongusMan
6 weeks ago

uranus

"Hi all,

The swinging and hotwife lifestyles have been a huge turn-on for me recently. The more I think about it, the more I want to consider.

I would like to talk to my wife about it, but I feel very reluctant.

I am afraid if I talk about it, she may think badly about me or affect our relation.

I would appreciate some advice, please, on a few things:

1) What is the best way to approach the topic with her?

2) Is there a way to find out if she is interested or not without risking any bad judgement?

3) What are the downsides of the lifestyle?

4) What things should I be aware of?

Thank you all for your help.

Whilst a turn on for you I think been better talking to her in detail and informing her about you joining fab before joining because if she finds out from someone else you are on sticky ground, a common theme sadly where either male or female say similar to you in my opinion.

you are tryjng to justify to yourself and others that cheating is fine.

I am far from perfect but i am old school in that if a relationship is struggling talking it through and try to get a mutual understanding and the fact you know she not wanting same as you does not justify going behind her back.

Whats more important leg over with strangers which i like by the way or relationship

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By *um n raisinWoman
6 weeks ago

taunton

only you know your wife ???

and the truth is 99.% of women are simply not interested ...if its was going to happen you both would have been openly talking about fun things .. so no advice will help as no one here knows you or your wife...

just look at how few women and couples there are and by that i mean who really do play / fake profiles who are just men / and old couples profiles where the wife no longer wants to play / split up.

not trying to be negative just truthful of the scene

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By *arry n OopsCouple
6 weeks ago

horsham

Open and honest are key in this lifestyle everyone needs to be on the same page otherwise the dynamic changes forever as well as trust good luck x

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By *akamineMan
6 weeks ago

Glasgow

As daft as it sounds get porn on, pick one of the websites that has categories and ask her to pick something that’s she’d like to watch, depending on her choice and her reaction, ask if she’d like to reenact what’s going on, then go from there.

Only you really know your wife and if she’s not interested then leave it there.

The flip side is you open up her deviant side and loves it and wants more and more. How would you then feel about that?

Good luck though and hopefully if you do have the conversation with her, you both get the outcome you want.

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By *its_and_TiramisuCouple
6 weeks ago

North Somerset

To me, the time to talk to a partner about swinging is either when you first meet, so that you can establish if there's any interest at all so that you're not wasting time in a relationship where one of you wants something the other doesn't, or at least before you start involving yourself without their knowledge or consent.

It's one of those things in life where it's much better to ask for permission than forgiveness. 🤷‍♂️

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By *issmorganWoman
6 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

She'd definately feel worse about your relationship, if she knew you were already on a site like this behind her back op.

Best thing to do is have an open conversation with her, ask her if she'd be interested in swinging.

If she says no, be prepared to leave it though op and hope she doesn't catch you on here.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
6 weeks ago

Coventry

"I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man.

I wish it is that easy for me to be that direct."

I think there is a point when you either do or you don't. In a relationship your partner should be the one your comfortable with sharing your desire or fantasies with. So I see two options really. Either open up a conversation about fantasies or a sexual bucket list. Find out what she really desires if she could. If she slow to start break the ice, be open with her on what your fantasies and desire are. Show here the conversation is a safe place to be open. Then take things from there in terms of exploring if this intrests her (or something similar)? Or alternatively don't and never give this seed chance to grow.

Word of warning though. This conversation may sow a doubt about your fidelity. Which if you are faithful you have nothing to worry about, because there's nothing to expose. However you are on here and if you have been unfaithful or currently being unfaithful it may trigger her to do some digging and expose you. So if you've been unfaithful you may have ruined the special sauce before you've started. Because this lifestyle as a couple is about solid foundations. It's all about total transparency with each other and communication.

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By *igladAndLulahCouple
6 weeks ago

South East

"ask her if she has any fantasies

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞"

Well tell her your fantasy

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By *allySlinkyWoman
6 weeks ago

Leeds

My friends who don't swing say they only want sex with someone they love.

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By *ensual 2Couple
6 weeks ago

Blackpool

Swing life is not for everyone.. if your both on the same page it can be very rewarding for all .. 😉

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By *xposedInTheMaleMan
6 weeks ago

Cambridgeshire

"He would come home from work to find her being gangbanged. "

I guess it all depends whether she put the tea on first...

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By *unter45 OP Man
5 weeks ago

SW Wales

Thank you all for your advise.

Any thoughts about what are the downsides? any bad experience? xx

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By *tormchasingCouple
5 weeks ago

Billericay

Honesty and openness are absolutely essential as a couple who swings. Without them you risk running into jealousy, resentment, or situations where one partner goes along with something they don’t really want just to please the other. That kind of dynamic can quickly become unhealthy.

As a couple, we only look to connect with secure, transparent couples. You can usually sense when something feels off, and it makes the experience uncomfortable for everyone.

If you don’t feel able to be completely open with your partner BEFORE exploring this lifestyle, our advice would; don't!

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By *ubblecplCouple
5 weeks ago

Swindon

Communication-communication-communication….

Without this, you’re a disaster waiting to happen….

Tell her you like watching swinger/group sex porn maybe?

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By *ose_and_OakCouple
5 weeks ago

Tamworth

The difficulty for you with the ‘what are your fantasies’ conversation is you’re coming at it with an agenda - you’re hoping she’ll say she wants you to watch her with another man.

You can only meet someone where they are, this kind of scene isn’t for everyone. Nothing turns people off faster than feeling pushed so if it’s no, it’s no.

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By *morinaKISSCouple
5 weeks ago

Chelmsford

Erm, you are on here as a single and it looks like you have met before. Might wanna have told her about that first!

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By *iltsNewTwoCouple
5 weeks ago

Marlborough

I introduced it gradually as play during sex. She got turned on by it but we stayed at the fantasy level for years. It was the step to reality that was the hardest. On line sites can also be a bit seedy. In the end a work colleague showed some interest and when she told me about it I encouraged her. Door opened.

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By *ubmissive Cuckold CoupleCouple
5 weeks ago

Edinburgh

"I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man.

I wish it is that easy for me to be that direct."

I was direct haha

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By *unter45 OP Man
5 weeks ago

SW Wales

[Removed by poster at 26/05/26 12:02:55]

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By *omsarah73Couple
5 weeks ago

Suffolk

When having sex drop it in conversation see what the reaction and personally I would sort of go from there

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By *ed_BlueCouple
5 weeks ago

Loughborough

Clearly not a relationship you can be open with each other, your on here as a single male with veri.

Maybe show her your profile first and go from there

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By *ednesday 2023TV/TS
5 weeks ago

Stortford

get talking,

I found asking did her friends/ work colleagues get up to anything naughty opened the door to conversations about sex,

My wife found out Kath at work preferred anal sex, I said that sounds so hot, it took a while, but it's easier to talk about someone else's sex life first

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By *arzanandJane2016Couple
5 weeks ago

the big city

First of all your verified on here does she k ow about this, why are you on here as a single man and not a couple, what would she say if she found you were here???

Not digging you out but for most couples I would say it’s pretty normal for you to join together from the start and make it a journey you undertake together.

Chances are if she would think along the lines of wtf to the above questions you could well be setting yourself up for a volcanic response if be very careful.

We met a lovely couple the hubby drove the swing life style were met with them and we got on like a house on fire when it came to having fun he lost his erection and sat on the side lines where as the Mrs she went like a runaway train

Hope it works out for you x

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By *estinysswingersCouple
5 weeks ago

Worsley

Ask her how she feels about you having a profile on this website.

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By *oupleInSyncCouple
5 weeks ago

Falkirk

For me, there are quite a few variables here that are not really known to us collectively as forum users and they would likely vary the advice given.

You are a member here, are you meeting with your partners permission or without their knowledge? If it's with, then the subject in question may be easier to broach. If not, then as has been mentioned, you could be on shaky ground if they were to find out.

Not to hate on anyone, but someone mentioned watching porn and seeing if they would pick a category of that nature. I disagree. This is not a conversation to be had in the midst of foreplay or sex. It's a conversation to be had away from the bedroom, in a mutual safe space and in the cold light of day so to speak. As has been mentioned before, fantasy and reality can be two extremely different things.

Also, one last piece of advice, do not try to "persuade" your partner to indulge. The people who wish to do so are fewer than you think and your partners decision must be respected if you value your relationship with them.

Best of luck whatever happens. Mr.

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By *xposedInTheMaleMan
5 weeks ago

Cambridgeshire

"It's a conversation to be had away from the bedroom, in a mutual safe space and in the cold light of day so to speak. As has been mentioned before, fantasy and reality can be two extremely different things."

Which is why it's a good idea to mention it during sex first. If it's not a fantasy you share, then you can drop the idea before progressing to a serious conversation, and you still have plausible deniability.

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By *ackagain214Man
5 weeks ago

livingston

Suggest some group/swinging porn. Watch it and it gives a conversation starter. Or even better, watch a documentry on swingers. Theres loads around. Just something you can have a giggle over and open up a light hearted conversation. If her curiosity isnt piqued then the swinging path isnt for you two

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By *londebiguyMan
5 weeks ago

Southport

"ask her if she has any fantasies

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞"

There's your answer then.

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By *aandLoCouple
5 weeks ago

Southampton

If you can't comfortably talk about your fantasies with her, it's very unlikely that as a couple you're in a position to talk about making swinging a reality, let alone indulge.

Opening up your sex life requires non judgemental, strong communication, and honesty between you. Your posts suggest you don't have that yet. Perhaps you should work on building a solid foundation of communication first.

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By *hLookItsThemTwoCouple
5 weeks ago

In That Village

1) What is the best way to approach the topic with her?

Make it more about her, her playing and any of her fantasies. Don't make it all about you, or it being about you having a desire to experience other women. It will make her feel like she's not enough or she can't meet your needs alone if she's currently 'monogamous' minded. And will be more of a worry than a turn on.

2) Is there a way to find out if she is interested or not without risking any bad judgement?

Start by asking her about her fantasies or suggest you have fantasied about watching her with others. Rather than it being a must to act it out.

3) What are the downsides of the lifestyle?

It could become 'too much' or come between you if you don't communicate well and recognise when your partner is not feeling it.

4) What things should I be aware of?

Fake profiles, people with no morals

Mrs x

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By *lack King DomMan
5 weeks ago

London

Here for DMs about this

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

"ask her if she has any fantasies

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞

There is a potential half way meeting point. Maybe ask her if, once in a while (not too often mind) she could role play and pretend she was into it and to vocalise same during sex - of course on the strict understanding that things said during sex doesn’t count. This may partially satisfy your desire and, at the same time, giver her the opportunity to safely explore the subject from her own perspective. But take as read - no pushing.

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By *eautyandthebeast86Couple
3 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)

We are luckily in a relationship where we can talk about everything and anything but it’s not the same for everyone.

I would approach maybe talking about someone at work whose wife does it and just to gauge her thoughts on it all ? If she recoils in horror that’s your answer or if she thinks that’s interesting or even horny again that’s your answer.

Also word of warning as this is rare but can happen, we used to see this woman who’s husband let her play away on her own with couples and with other men. Would always have the best time reclaiming her after.

Long story short she fell for one of her playmates, divorced her husband , just married said playmate and no longer swings.

Also I know someone who had the same fantasy, his wife did it and loved it so much that she wanted to do it all the time and the fella ended up feeling emasculated and eventually they broke up.

It’s not an easy journey and it’s different for everyone x

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By *K86Couple
3 weeks ago

Tenterden

For me it was the other way round, my wife suggested it to me. She took her time and went slowly slowly making suggestions here and there over a couple of years. If you are in a deep trusting relationship you should be able to have this conversation with her. Maybe try “have you ever fantasised about ****?” Naturally whether her answer is yes or no she will likely follow up with… “have you?” Then my friend the onus is on you to be honest with her.

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By *ctionSandwichCouple
3 weeks ago

Newcastle under Lyme

Talking to her and respecting her input will be a big plus. There are worse things folk in marriages do.

Or example, it's not as bad as taking a big loan for a vehicle, or an expensive ill advised purchase, before talking to her...

Talk to your wife.

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

Honesty with yourself first and try understand what it is your are actually turned on by and maybe like to try etc...

Everyone else had said it... Talk to her honestly...approach her with your thoughts but be clear that there is no expectation.

Setting is key. Make sure you have time and you're not rushing anywhere etc. Hopefully you'll know your partner to know when is a good time.

Ultimately don't expect any love of response, don't be defensive if she challenges you or asks questions or even dismisses it out right. It's big but also if you've been honest with yourself and you do need that in your life then you have to be honest with her.

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By *eekaboo BellyMan
3 weeks ago

Bradford

Go on all 4 or whatever it's called these days. Watch something on swinging, there's always something then judge what you see in front of your wife and see how she reacts

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By *ubcup2Couple
3 weeks ago

London

Hubby took a few years to persuade me. He's the man to talk to.

Message me privately and I'll put him in touch with you.

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By *eo662024Man
3 weeks ago

Southampton

[Removed by poster at 12/06/26 23:01:00]

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By *laymates4UCouple
3 weeks ago

leeds

[Removed by poster at 12/06/26 23:15:34]

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By *lpine12Couple
1 week ago

BARMOUTH

We both agreed to it not long after meeting

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By *penmindedvixenCouple
9 hours ago

Bath

I think the truth is she’s got to have some sort of natural sluttiness/open mindedness about her, and a high sex drive. Without those your task will be very difficult but good luck!

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By *andb69Couple
8 hours ago

leeds

"I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man.

I wish it is that easy for me to be that direct."

The unfortunate thing is that if you and your wife are incapable of sitting down and having an open and sensible conversation about swinging then swinging as a couple is almost certainly not for you. Mutual trust, honesty and openness are all essential.

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By *xSirenaxxWoman
8 hours ago

Gloucestershire

As others have said OP honesty and openness are key to swinging.

So how does she feel about you being on here OP? And meeting other people already?

If the answer is she doesn't know ... then you are not ready for a swinging discussion.

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By *aughtystaffs60Couple
8 hours ago

Staffordshire

Looking at your picture I should think your wife is pretty satisfied already. This could be the issue in her head. Why would I want another cock when I have this one to bounce up and down on when ever I want.

The bottom line is we don't know her or you so can only offer ideas. Do you get impression she is a bit naughty, does she like any genre of porn at all.

Does she get easily jealous if she sees you flirting ?

Bla Bla Bla.

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By *nly2getherCouple
5 hours ago

East London / Essex

Following

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By *essTTWoman
5 hours ago

Birmingham

"Hubby took a few years to persuade me. He's the man to talk to.

Message me privately and I'll put him in touch with you."

"Persuade"

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By *oyager77Man
5 hours ago

Colchester

Tried to talk about it, but its a no. Hinking about some of the other comments here, she's not exactly slutty but openminded, rightly looks after her health, very homely, I'm 'enough'. Pity as I love the idea of her with others.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
5 hours ago

East Sussex

"Tried to talk about it, but its a no. Hinking about some of the other comments here, she's not exactly slutty but openminded, rightly looks after her health, very homely, I'm 'enough'. Pity as I love the idea of her with others."

How would she feel if she could see you describing her this way to strangers on a swinging site and saying it's a pity that she finds her husband is enough for her?

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By *its_and_TiramisuCouple
5 hours ago

North Somerset

"I'm 'enough'. Pity as I love the idea of her with others."

So there's your answer. You're enough for her.

Whether you 'love the idea of her with others' or not.

Her body. Her choice. 🤷‍♂️

Obi

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