FabSwingers.com forum: Approaching my wife. Help!!

By *unter45 OP Man
1 week ago

SW Wales

Hi all,

The swinging and hotwife lifestyles have been a huge turn-on for me recently. The more I think about it, the more I want to consider.

I would like to talk to my wife about it, but I feel very reluctant.

I am afraid if I talk about it, she may think badly about me or affect our relation.

I would appreciate some advice, please, on a few things:

1) What is the best way to approach the topic with her?

2) Is there a way to find out if she is interested or not without risking any bad judgement?

3) What are the downsides of the lifestyle?

4) What things should I be aware of?

Thank you all for your help.

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By *ichaelsmyMan
1 week ago

douglas

ask her if she has any fantasies

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By *otfunx1Man
1 week ago

Edinburgh

Im lucky mine fantasizes about it all time. Always telling me how much she wants another cock

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By *unter45 OP Man
1 week ago

SW Wales

"ask her if she has any fantasies"

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞

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By *unter45 OP Man
1 week ago

SW Wales

"Im lucky mine fantasizes about it all time. Always telling me how much she wants another cock"

you are really lucky

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By *ubyRonCouple
1 week ago

Lancs

I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man.

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By *unter45 OP Man
1 week ago

SW Wales

"I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man. "

I wish it is that easy for me to be that direct.

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By *he Happy ManMan
1 week ago

Merseyside

"ask her if she has any fantasies

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞"

Then I would leave it.

What if you swing and hate seeing her with another man? Fantasy and reality don't always match up.

What if you swing and your wife loves it ? Always looking for new cock?

I know men who have hated seeing their wife with another guy. I know man who lost his wife to the lifestyle. He would come home from work to find her being gangbanged.

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By *attooedbbwandhubbyCouple
1 week ago

Dorset

Make the discussion safe space. No judgement and no disappointment. Ask her questions that would get her involved rather than wanting a yes/no from it

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By *unter45 OP Man
1 week ago

SW Wales

"ask her if she has any fantasies

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞

Then I would leave it.

What if you swing and hate seeing her with another man? Fantasy and reality don't always match up.

What if you swing and your wife loves it ? Always looking for new cock?

I know men who have hated seeing their wife with another guy. I know man who lost his wife to the lifestyle. He would come home from work to find her being gangbanged.

Thank you for elaborating the down sides.

yes it makes sense.

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By *unter45 OP Man
1 week ago

SW Wales

"Make the discussion safe space. No judgement and no disappointment. Ask her questions that would get her involved rather than wanting a yes/no from it"

very good point

thank you

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By *ellinever70Woman
1 week ago

Ayrshire

I think sometimes it's best just to keep your fantasies inside your head

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By *anyasmanMan
1 week ago

Preston

Maybe open up the conversation about a tv program or even someone you had heard of etc. Then see if that opens up for further discussion. Golden rule though, don’t push.

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By *irsSubCouple
1 week ago

Stockton

My advice would be to talk, listen to her views and make sure your relationship is healthy. Don't let the thought of swinging become everything to you, it's fun, but it's nowhere near as exciting as you imagine it in your head.

You mentioned she has fantasies, make sure you help her live them out

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By *ornucopiaMan
1 week ago

Bexley

Always let your woman initiate this sort of discussion.

Unless you fancy ending up living in the garden shed..

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By *lueDressWoman
1 week ago

Bath Somerset

People that I know who don’t swing. Who don’t want the lifestyle.Are not interested because of STD risks.

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By *unter45 OP Man
1 week ago

SW Wales

"My advice would be to talk, listen to her views and make sure your relationship is healthy. Don't let the thought of swinging become everything to you, it's fun, but it's nowhere near as exciting as you imagine it in your head.

You mentioned she has fantasies, make sure you help her live them out"

Thank you.

I am taking just some baby steps to see how she feel about it.

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By *unter45 OP Man
1 week ago

SW Wales

"I think sometimes it's best just to keep your fantasies inside your head "

Could you olease explain why?

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By *unter45 OP Man
1 week ago

SW Wales

"Always let your woman initiate this sort of discussion.

Unless you fancy ending up living in the garden shed.."

I wish she does one day

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By *rectus HumongusMan
1 week ago

uranus

"Hi all,

The swinging and hotwife lifestyles have been a huge turn-on for me recently. The more I think about it, the more I want to consider.

I would like to talk to my wife about it, but I feel very reluctant.

I am afraid if I talk about it, she may think badly about me or affect our relation.

I would appreciate some advice, please, on a few things:

1) What is the best way to approach the topic with her?

2) Is there a way to find out if she is interested or not without risking any bad judgement?

3) What are the downsides of the lifestyle?

4) What things should I be aware of?

Thank you all for your help.

Whilst a turn on for you I think been better talking to her in detail and informing her about you joining fab before joining because if she finds out from someone else you are on sticky ground, a common theme sadly where either male or female say similar to you in my opinion.

you are tryjng to justify to yourself and others that cheating is fine.

I am far from perfect but i am old school in that if a relationship is struggling talking it through and try to get a mutual understanding and the fact you know she not wanting same as you does not justify going behind her back.

Whats more important leg over with strangers which i like by the way or relationship

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By *um n raisinWoman
1 week ago

taunton

only you know your wife ???

and the truth is 99.% of women are simply not interested ...if its was going to happen you both would have been openly talking about fun things .. so no advice will help as no one here knows you or your wife...

just look at how few women and couples there are and by that i mean who really do play / fake profiles who are just men / and old couples profiles where the wife no longer wants to play / split up.

not trying to be negative just truthful of the scene

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By *arry n OopsCouple
1 week ago

horsham

Open and honest are key in this lifestyle everyone needs to be on the same page otherwise the dynamic changes forever as well as trust good luck x

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By *akamineMan
1 week ago

Glasgow

As daft as it sounds get porn on, pick one of the websites that has categories and ask her to pick something that’s she’d like to watch, depending on her choice and her reaction, ask if she’d like to reenact what’s going on, then go from there.

Only you really know your wife and if she’s not interested then leave it there.

The flip side is you open up her deviant side and loves it and wants more and more. How would you then feel about that?

Good luck though and hopefully if you do have the conversation with her, you both get the outcome you want.

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By *its_and_TiramisuCouple
1 week ago

North Somerset

To me, the time to talk to a partner about swinging is either when you first meet, so that you can establish if there's any interest at all so that you're not wasting time in a relationship where one of you wants something the other doesn't, or at least before you start involving yourself without their knowledge or consent.

It's one of those things in life where it's much better to ask for permission than forgiveness. 🤷‍♂️

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By *issmorganWoman
1 week ago

Calderdale innit

She'd definately feel worse about your relationship, if she knew you were already on a site like this behind her back op.

Best thing to do is have an open conversation with her, ask her if she'd be interested in swinging.

If she says no, be prepared to leave it though op and hope she doesn't catch you on here.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
1 week ago

Coventry

"I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man.

I wish it is that easy for me to be that direct."

I think there is a point when you either do or you don't. In a relationship your partner should be the one your comfortable with sharing your desire or fantasies with. So I see two options really. Either open up a conversation about fantasies or a sexual bucket list. Find out what she really desires if she could. If she slow to start break the ice, be open with her on what your fantasies and desire are. Show here the conversation is a safe place to be open. Then take things from there in terms of exploring if this intrests her (or something similar)? Or alternatively don't and never give this seed chance to grow.

Word of warning though. This conversation may sow a doubt about your fidelity. Which if you are faithful you have nothing to worry about, because there's nothing to expose. However you are on here and if you have been unfaithful or currently being unfaithful it may trigger her to do some digging and expose you. So if you've been unfaithful you may have ruined the special sauce before you've started. Because this lifestyle as a couple is about solid foundations. It's all about total transparency with each other and communication.

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By *igladAndLulahCouple
1 week ago

South East

"ask her if she has any fantasies

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞"

Well tell her your fantasy

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By *allySlinkyWoman
1 week ago

Leeds

My friends who don't swing say they only want sex with someone they love.

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By *ensual 2Couple
1 week ago

Blackpool

Swing life is not for everyone.. if your both on the same page it can be very rewarding for all .. 😉

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By *xposedInTheMaleMan
1 week ago

Cambridgeshire

"He would come home from work to find her being gangbanged. "

I guess it all depends whether she put the tea on first...

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By *unter45 OP Man
6 days ago

SW Wales

Thank you all for your advise.

Any thoughts about what are the downsides? any bad experience? xx

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By *tormchasingCouple
6 days ago

Billericay

Honesty and openness are absolutely essential as a couple who swings. Without them you risk running into jealousy, resentment, or situations where one partner goes along with something they don’t really want just to please the other. That kind of dynamic can quickly become unhealthy.

As a couple, we only look to connect with secure, transparent couples. You can usually sense when something feels off, and it makes the experience uncomfortable for everyone.

If you don’t feel able to be completely open with your partner BEFORE exploring this lifestyle, our advice would; don't!

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By *ubblecplCouple
6 days ago

Swindon

Communication-communication-communication….

Without this, you’re a disaster waiting to happen….

Tell her you like watching swinger/group sex porn maybe?

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By *ose_and_OakCouple
6 days ago

Tamworth

The difficulty for you with the ‘what are your fantasies’ conversation is you’re coming at it with an agenda - you’re hoping she’ll say she wants you to watch her with another man.

You can only meet someone where they are, this kind of scene isn’t for everyone. Nothing turns people off faster than feeling pushed so if it’s no, it’s no.

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By *morinaKISSCouple
6 days ago

Chelmsford

Erm, you are on here as a single and it looks like you have met before. Might wanna have told her about that first!

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By *iltsNewTwoCouple
6 days ago

Marlborough

I introduced it gradually as play during sex. She got turned on by it but we stayed at the fantasy level for years. It was the step to reality that was the hardest. On line sites can also be a bit seedy. In the end a work colleague showed some interest and when she told me about it I encouraged her. Door opened.

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By *ubmissive Cuckold CoupleCouple
6 days ago

Edinburgh

"I told her my fantasy of seeing her being pleasured by another man.

I wish it is that easy for me to be that direct."

I was direct haha

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By *unter45 OP Man
4 days ago

SW Wales

[Removed by poster at 26/05/26 12:02:55]

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By *omsarah73Couple
4 days ago

Suffolk

When having sex drop it in conversation see what the reaction and personally I would sort of go from there

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By *ed_BlueCouple
4 days ago

Loughborough

Clearly not a relationship you can be open with each other, your on here as a single male with veri.

Maybe show her your profile first and go from there

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By *ednesday 2023TV/TS
4 days ago

Stortford

get talking,

I found asking did her friends/ work colleagues get up to anything naughty opened the door to conversations about sex,

My wife found out Kath at work preferred anal sex, I said that sounds so hot, it took a while, but it's easier to talk about someone else's sex life first

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By *arzanandJane2016Couple
4 days ago

the big city

First of all your verified on here does she k ow about this, why are you on here as a single man and not a couple, what would she say if she found you were here???

Not digging you out but for most couples I would say it’s pretty normal for you to join together from the start and make it a journey you undertake together.

Chances are if she would think along the lines of wtf to the above questions you could well be setting yourself up for a volcanic response if be very careful.

We met a lovely couple the hubby drove the swing life style were met with them and we got on like a house on fire when it came to having fun he lost his erection and sat on the side lines where as the Mrs she went like a runaway train

Hope it works out for you x

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By *estinysswingersCouple
4 days ago

Worsley

Ask her how she feels about you having a profile on this website.

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By *oupleInSyncCouple
3 days ago

Falkirk

For me, there are quite a few variables here that are not really known to us collectively as forum users and they would likely vary the advice given.

You are a member here, are you meeting with your partners permission or without their knowledge? If it's with, then the subject in question may be easier to broach. If not, then as has been mentioned, you could be on shaky ground if they were to find out.

Not to hate on anyone, but someone mentioned watching porn and seeing if they would pick a category of that nature. I disagree. This is not a conversation to be had in the midst of foreplay or sex. It's a conversation to be had away from the bedroom, in a mutual safe space and in the cold light of day so to speak. As has been mentioned before, fantasy and reality can be two extremely different things.

Also, one last piece of advice, do not try to "persuade" your partner to indulge. The people who wish to do so are fewer than you think and your partners decision must be respected if you value your relationship with them.

Best of luck whatever happens. Mr.

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By *xposedInTheMaleMan
3 days ago

Cambridgeshire

"It's a conversation to be had away from the bedroom, in a mutual safe space and in the cold light of day so to speak. As has been mentioned before, fantasy and reality can be two extremely different things."

Which is why it's a good idea to mention it during sex first. If it's not a fantasy you share, then you can drop the idea before progressing to a serious conversation, and you still have plausible deniability.

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By *ackagain214Man
3 days ago

livingston

Suggest some group/swinging porn. Watch it and it gives a conversation starter. Or even better, watch a documentry on swingers. Theres loads around. Just something you can have a giggle over and open up a light hearted conversation. If her curiosity isnt piqued then the swinging path isnt for you two

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By *londebiguyMan
3 days ago

Southport

"ask her if she has any fantasies

I did, but her fantasies are far from the lifestyle 😞"

There's your answer then.

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By *aandLoCouple
3 days ago

Southampton

If you can't comfortably talk about your fantasies with her, it's very unlikely that as a couple you're in a position to talk about making swinging a reality, let alone indulge.

Opening up your sex life requires non judgemental, strong communication, and honesty between you. Your posts suggest you don't have that yet. Perhaps you should work on building a solid foundation of communication first.

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By *hLookItsThemTwoCouple
7 hours ago

In That Village

1) What is the best way to approach the topic with her?

Make it more about her, her playing and any of her fantasies. Don't make it all about you, or it being about you having a desire to experience other women. It will make her feel like she's not enough or she can't meet your needs alone if she's currently 'monogamous' minded. And will be more of a worry than a turn on.

2) Is there a way to find out if she is interested or not without risking any bad judgement?

Start by asking her about her fantasies or suggest you have fantasied about watching her with others. Rather than it being a must to act it out.

3) What are the downsides of the lifestyle?

It could become 'too much' or come between you if you don't communicate well and recognise when your partner is not feeling it.

4) What things should I be aware of?

Fake profiles, people with no morals

Mrs x

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By *lack King DomMan
5 hours ago

London

Here for DMs about this

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