FabSwingers.com forum: Emotions after threesome

By *Kcouple999 OP Couple
7 weeks ago

Welwyn

Hi! Im hoping someone has had a similar experience to me and could maybe give a little advice please? We do not have much experience.

We had a threesome last night, meet for drinks first.. the drinks flowed a little to much before we started playing. My partner and the guy we invited to play couldn't perform properly.. im left feeling very flat, vulnerable and anxious about it today. Is it common to feel like that afterwards? How do I shift the feelings? Xx

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By *arryandJinnieWeasleyCouple
7 weeks ago

Woking

Erm suppose it happens, it’s one of those things.

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By *ink vixenCouple
7 weeks ago

Medway

My Mrs always feels it’s her fault if a guy can’t “perform”.

Like she’s unattractive or not sexy enough.

I of course give her lots of support and encouragement and it takes a few days sometimes before she realises that she wasn’t at fault.

Sometimes single guys talk the talk but the pressure of suddenly having to walk the walk sees many either back out or fail to rise to the occasion.

Chalk it down to experience and avoid the alcohol in future?

Also look for guys that have actual play verifications.

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By *ickylouCouple
7 weeks ago

birmingham

Stage fright. performance anxiety. Or just had too much to drink happens to everyone. It also happens on a meet especially if the person is relatively new. Then they worry about it. Apologise. They get worse and can’t perform at all.

It happens unfortunately. It makes us feel the same.

But try again in a relaxed atmosphere and it will happen. Xx

It is nothing to do with you personally just other factors xx

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By *randMrsLowkeyCouple
7 weeks ago

Manchester

I (Andy) have had this- as much is I wanted to, I lost erection as soon as I tried to put the condom on!

Its absolutely not you. Guys dont talk about it, but there will be feelings of frustration, disappointment, failure, inadequacy etc for the guys.

It's definitely not you- Just one of those things!

I find drinking very little- a few drinks chills the nerves/gets the vibe, but no more, a little blue pill, and being totally chill and in the moment all helps.

Cock still asleep... no drama, there are other options, that soon wakes him up!

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By *hortieWoman
7 weeks ago

Northampton/south coast

Call it a learning curve.. talk to your partner about it.

It's easy to want to shout from the rooftops when things go right, not always when things go wrong.

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By *un couple 2Couple
7 weeks ago

Tynemouth.

the first time for us was completely different, it was with a close friend of mine, first threesome for Sam at 19yr old not long after we met, it was supposed to be just sex a threesome. i never thought about setting rules beforehand, as to be honest i thought Sam wouldnt have agreed.

anyway they didnt have sex, it was more like they made love. i walked out and left them too it, the jealousy killed me, but after a few weeks i got over it, and the rest is history.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
7 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Understand that it happens more often than not. It's not you and nuts not really them - and bit of stage fright or first night nerves. You accept it can happen, stop play or do something different (the lady gets all the attention / have a drink, etc) and don't beat yourself up about it.

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By *Kcouple999 OP Couple
7 weeks ago

Welwyn

Thank you all so much, I have never spoken to another couple or women in this scene until today. I cant believe how much better I feel from those messages. Its really normalised everything if that makes sense. Might think about a newbie swinger club night to meet a few people and get to know the scene better. Xxx

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By *eacock1221Couple
7 weeks ago

Bedfordshire

I think this is far more common than we hear about. There are so many factors that can be at play here. Even the heat/lack of heat in the room! Sometimes chatting for too long before the sex starts can cause a bit of tiredness too. Try not to over think it as it will cause so many further problems for you down the line. Honestly, it's not you xx

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By *akat158Couple
7 weeks ago

Nottinghamshire

I've never in my life struggled to get an erection.

Never has it even crossed my mind that it might be a possibility.

Until the first time at a club and something exciting happens.

The poor lil fella just doesn't seem to want to work when called upon (for the first few minutes at least).

I think for me, it's the adrenaline. I could be very excited, but there's something physical to do with the adrenaline that just stops an erection from occurring. Plus you've got the fact that someone else is there as well.

I think if I'd had a decent amount of alcohol as well, it would ceease to function at all.

It's very bizarre, but happily it does seem to be improving the more comfortable I get in that environment.

So hopefully things should improve. It might be worth popping to a club that you like and just having fun together so you ease yourselves into it a bit more steadily?

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By *omRachCouple
7 weeks ago

Wirral

Try it again - but with no alcohol until AFTER you're all done.

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By *amCutMan
7 weeks ago

east Midlands

Could just be embarrassed around seeing another man's cock. Sometimes the fantasy should stay as that for some men.

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By *helroyCouple
7 weeks ago

Skegness

its happened a few times with us we now dont play after any drinking we do have after the fun

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By *amCutMan
7 weeks ago

east Midlands

"its happened a few times with us we now dont play after any drinking we do have after the fun "

Does that stop men preforming? I have no issues on alcohol

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By *ercuryMikeMan
7 weeks ago

Newtown / Oswestry

" My partner and the guy we invited to play couldn't perform properly.. im left feeling very flat, vulnerable and anxious about it today. Is it common to feel like that afterwards? How do I shift the feelings? Xx"

Hi, so are you having these feelings because you think they couldn’t before because of you?

First off I’d say he needs to make it up to you, should have know better than to drink too much.

As a bloke I’d say don’t worry about that from speaking with other chaps you’d be amazed at the numbers who have had issues, either not being able to stay hard or being able to maintain and erection but not able to cum, whilst swinging.

Even spoken to a couple who have never cum whilst at a club as they haven’t got that mental connection with people.

Basically don’t blame yourself.

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By *ildoshagginsWoman
7 weeks ago

South Wales

Yeah this is kind of the thing I worry about might happen too.

I feel like a sex club might be the answer instead, because the expectations are different maybe?

But again that comes with it's own drawbacks. Sigh. Will I never get my 3some

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By *oucancallmeAlMan
7 weeks ago

east anglia

The more experienced and confident would put it down to one of those things.

Stage fright or being too keen can happen to all of us.

We are all unique

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By *ickedwillyCouple
7 weeks ago

Bangor

Happened to us as well leaving my wife feeling the same way.

I think some men in fear of premature ejection masturbate before a meet.

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By *m3232Man
7 weeks ago

maidenhead

I think it’s more of getting comfortable in that situation.

So it may be worth building up to it so a couple meets with the other person but only going halfway or even just kissing and being involved. So the next time or so it’s not as overwhelming and then it comes naturally.

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By *ill37Man
7 weeks ago

cambridge

Anything can happen first time round "stage fright" dont let this out you off

If you can trt again with less dronk for the guys may work better next time they may cum to soon due to excitement

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By *CExeCouple
7 weeks ago

Hong-Kong/Exeter

It happens, it's definitely not you. Sounds like a case of alcohol provoking the desire and taking away the performance. Happened to me a couple of times without alcohol. Just means I have to make a self deprecating joke and then put my mouth to good use.

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By *heSuccubusWoman
7 weeks ago

Darlington

It happens, and I bet the guys feel just as bad as you

The first time it ever happened to me, I genuinely thought it was all my fault. Maybe I wasn't attractive or sexy. Did I pick the wrong lingerie? Was I not desirable? After talking with my husband at length, I realised it was none of those things.

Men have a lot of pressure on them to become hard at the right time, stay hard, not to ejaculate too quickly, not to last to long, will they 'cum enough', will they be able to manage round two.... when they are new to it, I think the pressure of all these things going round their head affects their 'performance'. They're that conscious of getting it all right, it ends up going wrong.

Even when they are more experienced, the pressures of work, life, stress, tiredness, alcohol can all affects of sexual performance.

Although it is natural to think that is down to you. It really isn't. My best advice would be to try to remain upbeat, yet empathetic. In general, men are a bit rubbish about talking about this kind of thing especially if it's someone you've never met. Accept, it's going to happen from time to time and dont let it get you down xxx

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By *udienudie01Couple
7 weeks ago

Chelmsford

100%

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By *udienudie01Couple
7 weeks ago

Chelmsford

This has happened to me! It was our first experience in the lifestyle, and there were four of us, (2 couples). I was so nervous it just wouldn't happen. It's never happened before. Absolutely nothing to do with what anyone else did, or didn't do. Luckily for me the other couple were really nice about it, they knew it was our first time. I made some jokes at my own my expense and tried my best to play it cool, but I did feel like I'd let the side down a bit!

Were going to try again soon. Got some things in place to help. I would have felt mortified if the other people felt like it was down to them.

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By *eautyandthebeast86Couple
7 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)

It’s happened to us before many times. Men have performance anxiety, worried they are going to get too excited etc. My partner always says the pause to put the condom on sometimes makes him go floppy and has done in 3 somes and 4 somes. Jealousy also can come into it, if he feels inferior because the other man is far larger and giving me a good time.

I also sometimes get jealous in 3 somes if I’m left out and she’s getting all the attention. It’s swings and roundabouts but you will find your feet but it’s NEVER because you’re not attractive enough or desirable.

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By *icemember7Man
7 weeks ago

Worcester

You feel flat because you were not sexually satisfied. Choose someone new, check that they are experienced. Then enjoy.

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By *rispy KremeMan
7 weeks ago

wolves

Performance anxiety happens to everyone, not your fault, you can imagine it's a new territory compared to messages, plus drinks might have helped to be flirty but not when it came to being hard.

Honestly don't blame your self nothing to do with you. It's harder for guys to hide the performance anxiety haha

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By *inky_RagnarCouple
6 weeks ago

Peterborough

We had a meet with a similar outcome, we still had fun and he took video as well as offering oral services

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By *otPoshorBecksCouple
6 weeks ago

London

"I (Andy) have had this- as much is I wanted to, I lost erection as soon as I tried to put the condom on!

Its absolutely not you. Guys dont talk about it, but there will be feelings of frustration, disappointment, failure, inadequacy etc for the guys.

It's definitely not you- Just one of those things!

I find drinking very little- a few drinks chills the nerves/gets the vibe, but no more, a little blue pill, and being totally chill and in the moment all helps.

Cock still asleep... no drama, there are other options, that soon wakes him up!

This is very good advice. It’s definitely not your fault and you’re not to blame. Many men use pills for an extra layer of confidence. They don’t need them all the time but for public meets and clubs they are very good.

S&B xx

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By *aughtystaffs60Couple
6 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Just be Try sexual. Have another go

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By *aughtystaffs60Couple
6 weeks ago

Staffordshire

"Just be Try sexual. Have another go

Pop on the online Pharmacy website and get some Blue friends. Soon be up to muster with one of them in him

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By *ltraedgeMan
6 weeks ago

Suffolk

Speaking as a once half of a mf couple not a single male on here.

If you don't mind me saying, the first mistake is drink! My wife and I did group play on numerous occasions and it was sad to see that too much "Dutch courage" was often necessary to bolster up nervous ladies. If that the case, there's an obvious question as to whether they should be doing it.

But speaking as a guy, sometimes things don't work as well as they did once upon a time, it's almost always not the lady's fault. Putting a condition on can have the same effect to those who are not used to it within the own relationship.

Floppy playmates was the main reason my wife gave up on this!

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By *ltraedgeMan
6 weeks ago

Suffolk

"Speaking as a once half of a mf couple not a single male on here.

But speaking as a guy, sometimes things don't work as well as they did once upon a time, it's almost always not the lady's fault. Putting a condom on can have the same effect to those who are not used to it within the own relationship.

Floppy playmates was the main reason my wife gave up on this!

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By *nlyliveonce69Man
6 weeks ago

carlisle

I can speak as a man that never normally as a problem . But it happens once from a vanilla date site been out couple times .played touching mature play couple time first time she wanted full sex first time in my life came as soon as entered her !!

With different lady first time needing condom in several years went soft every time tried put it on

Dont over think anything was once told ever 10 times you have sex 1 be great 8 will be ok 1 will be rubbish its just life

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By *izandpaulCouple
6 weeks ago

merseyside

"Hi! Im hoping someone has had a similar experience to me and could maybe give a little advice please? We do not have much experience.

These things happen to most of us at some stage.

Booze, nerves etc all quite natural, normal and to be expected.

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

If it happens often we sometimes do have to reflect.

But cross that bridge when you come to it.

You are a normal person not a porn star and the guys the same.

Make sure any advice given is from folks who have actually been there and bought the tee shirt, not some dreamer or fantasist.

Good luck.

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By *nlyliveonce69Man
6 weeks ago

carlisle

Also had 3 some once lady friend and lad she been chatting on here.

He was full of it what he done etc

The min we all got naked he just could not get it up. Afterwards admitted it was his first 3 some

So remember lot men like idea of 3 some etc but when it happens either not upto it or its over too fast

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By *WB85Man
6 weeks ago

Staffordshire

The replies are a reminder of why I will never do threesomes / group play.

Sounds complicated, it will leave it to those more suited.

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By *eyeYCouple
6 weeks ago

Nr Leicester

A very honest and vulnerable post!

Openly it's happened to us when D had a little too much 'dutch courage' and to a guy who joined us.

There's a lot of emotions, worries and doubt's in such a scenario as as hot as it often is there are other factors in play, other than just the mechanics.

Well done OP for raising (apologies for the pun) issue, we're all human and guess it may be why it's known as 'the money shot' amongst some.

It's not as easy as many may suggest once nerve's cum (again 🤷) into play.. x

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By *maginitivemindMan
6 weeks ago

notts

It is tricky when you join an established couple particularly if you’re not hung like horse and the obvious benefits that might bring to the meeting. But I do love making the lady the centre of attention and in general I’ve found if she enjoys herself her partner is happy to

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By *hefoxesofpenCouple
6 weeks ago

chester

Had a similar- ish experience. He needed a cock ring to stay hard and just couldn’t manage it. Did float through my mind is it me, but he was quite reassuring it wasn’t.

We did eventually overcome it, but wasn't great.

I suppose its a risk you take- ot everyone can perform 100% of the time.

I wouldn’t over think it should it happen again.

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By *onyHoveMan
6 weeks ago

North East

Some great advice and thoughts here. Great thread.

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By *igBeardyDanMan
6 weeks ago

Bilston

I might have one drink before a club meet but I don't drink much anymore anyway so id probably suggest having a drink after.

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By *reindwithatwistMan
1 day ago

Glasgow

me and the wife were stopped meeting together as we had seperated for a bit and we were having sex and I was saying to her it was so good to fuck her and she said she felt no worries or anything when I asked if she would meet again with who she asked me if I could see her with Brian saying that he really does fancy her that I had met him months ago and all he was talking about was how horny she got him with her asking me if he was still with his girlfriend and saying no wonder she can't kiss when she asked me if I was wanting to meet up with him and she said what would she do with me telling her that I had a really nice thought of us meeting with us both back in his house and I was asking him to tell her what he said to me that day and I put the porn on with him saying that she looks so like my wife and she said she did look like her with the guy saying he loves kissing her and looks at the porn with the guy licking her hairy pussy with him saying to her that he would love to do that for her saying that he would do it very slowly and softly as he said that I had been saying that he was too fast and he said to me can he kiss her if she would let him with me saying it was so erotic seeing them kissing my wife looking at me saying she was a bit embarrassed to do it with me looking at them both and I said to her don't worry about it when I said to him that he was to take her to the room for ten minutes and I had already been telling him what he was to say to her and do with her saying that he was going to the toilet and I was saying to her she could go further than kissing him if she feels comfortable with it was she asked me if I was not bothered with it and I said to her that I love her to bits and would love to see them both fucking he comes back with me telling her to go with him and I was sitting for a minute and then I

went to the room When he was in the room talking to her and I was listening to him asking her if she had enjoyed herself the last time he f***** her she said she really enjoyed it as Ivoice listening to her when they were both kissing each other and she said to him that

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By *uv2spurt2000Man
1 day ago

Bradford

For a first time this is quite normal and absolutely nothing to worry about. On my first mfmf I didn’t get very hard but did managed to cum. It does get better with practice, honest lol.

BTW I was even too shy to wank myself as I thought that might show disrespect but actually I was told later it would have added to the fun. Wish had now as it really helps get you hard. Hope that helps.

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By *eautifully TwistedWoman
1 day ago

Bognor Regis

I've been in situations where sometimes guys can't perform she I of course always feel like it's ny fault.

I'll say it rarely is if ever about you but their anxiety, alcohol consumption etc.

It's hard to not feel like you were the problem, talk to your partner.

I don't mix alcohol with swinging anymore, the alcohol can overtake what initially is a social situation and make a more intimate one awkward or not work out.

Obviously you can't control what others do but you set the pace have a drink, settle some nerves then just make a move. I promise they'll not say I need another drink first

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By *carlettsWoman
1 day ago

Harpenden

I had a threesome with a married couple about 8 years ago from Fab. Everything seemed fine, well more than fine in fact until afterwards when the wife went very quiet.

It all became rather awkward after and it felt like she was struggling with what had just happened emotionally, which made me very sad.

They messaged asking me to meet again many times but I politely declined as it was clear one party was far more invested than the other.

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By *xSirenaxxWoman
1 day ago

Gloucestershire

It has happened to me on 121 meets with men before. Also had a MFM with a previous partner and he had issues staying hard.

The pressure to perform was just too much for them so I was very relaxed about it and kindly brought things to and end.

Other than discussing boundaries ahead of meeting I don't like to discuss exactly what we will do because I prefer to go with the flow and not have the pressure to perform.

I also never drink when meeting so that I am firmly in control of communicating enthusiastic consent.

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By *aandLoCouple
1 day ago

Southampton

We're been there. In PDI one evening we had specifically said we weren't going to a club. Enjoyed a nice meal and a lot of sangria and cocktails. Ended up in a club, Ja simply couldn't perform. He was very happy to lavish his attention on the lady concerned for a while though.

Alcohol can be a killer of erections. I'm certain it wasn't you at all OP. Look at the experience as part of your swinging journey. Next time will be so much fun.

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By *uvs2snogMan
1 day ago

Now living in Spain

Have to say this worries me too from two perspectives

I’ll start by saying Ive never had a 3-some or played in the presence of another man

I have received happy endings at the end of a massage and in each case although I’ve enjoyed it i never lasted long - id love to say I watched her play and wank me for ages before bringing me to orgasm but that didn’t happen - it was all over in a minute or so

So in a 3-some with 2 women would I last first time - doubt it

In a 3-some with 2 men would I even get hard ? Honestly don’t know

And finally if we ever got to the point where the Mrs actually allowed a 3rd person to join us how would we both feel afterwards? Would I actually enjoy seeing another man fuck her??? - fantasy vs reality

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By *hong80321967Man
1 day ago

Wakefield

Chill, relax, keep trying, im sure it's all really common

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By *otPoshorBecksCouple
24 hours ago

London

"Thank you all so much, I have never spoken to another couple or women in this scene until today. I cant believe how much better I feel from those messages. Its really normalised everything if that makes sense. Might think about a newbie swinger club night to meet a few people and get to know the scene better. Xxx"

Yes this is a great idea. You don’t have to play just observe your first visit, but if you want to go for it you can chat to a single man and take it from there.

S&B

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By *nourtimeMan
24 hours ago

london

Mfm is the best form of sex but needs all side to be comfortable and confident! For more tips ! Message me!

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By *rectus HumongusMan
22 hours ago

uranus

Whilst I am fortunate re performing there is a lot of pressure on men usually overthinking.

Stress can affect men as can other things the thing with having a cock if any of above factors pop up no amount of viagra will well make cock erect

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By *eyeYCouple
4 hours ago

Nr Leicester

Absolutely not about you!

We've had similar experiences and in fact D has struggled to perform in an mfm scenario with me on a couple of occasions after possibly one too many and Christ he's obviously attracted to me, at least I think so.. 🤔😉

Nerve's and alcohol are often a less than satisfying combination. Yx

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By *omsarah73Couple
4 hours ago

Suffolk

You should go into these situations with ease and don’t expect what you want to will happen.

When drink is involved this can lead to the night not being successful and also thinking about performing could lead your mind to play funny buggers with yourself.

I before have taken the blue pill and had a lot to drink and well it’s been absolute shocking not even got hard whatsoever but I tried to make the best out of the situation by a touch and fingers you have other body parts where you could possibly have a very good time then you can plan for another meeting in the future.

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