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Over five years on here and not even one meet.

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By *aughty-one OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Stansted

Does the swinging scene really that poor of a success rate and why does it appear so impossible to get a flow of messages from any potential fwb’s or even friendly banter on this site?

I have been to clubs in the past with a moderate amount of success but never really had much in the way of communication or interaction with many people that could led to building relationships for repeated play mates.

Is the whole scene really that anonymous and full of escapism that people like to have distanced themselves in a way of hiding their identity and play at presenting themselves in a different light from their normal self?

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By *ast2WestMan
13 weeks ago

East Midlands

Fair play for not giving up mate. I’ll be brutally honest, five years without one meet is hilarious. You’re obviously doing something wrong, reply to this message if you want any advice. I’ll get you that first meet I promise.

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By *hadowSirenWoman
13 weeks ago

Wales

So, some advice from a female.

Your profile is decent and tells me what you are looking for, although I’d appreciate a few more photos (they don’t need to be explicit and definitely not loads of your member from different angles and against various objects for size comparison either). Perhaps add a little about what you’re into sexually or some of your desires/kinks/fuckit list (take a look at mine), things you’d like to explore as all I’m getting is you want just a FWB which you could easily find on any dating app. I appreciate a slightly longer message than just ‘hi’ and 10 pics of your dick! I want someone to engage my mind with their messages otherwise for me, it’s a no go as I’m a sapiosexual. Show your cheeky/flirty side a little - make me want to engage with you! My FWB doesn’t have loads on his profile, but he got creative with a video of him (not explicit), doesn’t have loads of dick pics, tells me what he’s looking for both sexually and in vanilla life. He took the time to write me a longish message showing he’d read my profile and that made me want to know more about him - all of this got him brownie points with me. Plus, he turned up to our social/meet/sleepover with good coffee and snacks and made me coffee in bed too!

The biggest piece of advice from me would be to get yourself to some organised socials. Although these are no play events, it’s a great chance to network, meet other local people, get verified more and even if there is nobody there you think you meet again, people you speak to may have friends that you may match well with. Also, interact on the forums more too as you’ll find local people posting replies here. A lot of my messages have come off the back of posting here, so although they may not be local and it doesn’t go anywhere, they may end up being close to somewhere you’re planning to go to for an event (for example, I live in Wales, but have visited Swindon Swingers so met people not local to me that were going there on the same night who I ended up playing with). I’ve also been contacted by potential meets where both parties would be willing to meet halfway from doing this too.

Good luck!

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By *ast2WestMan
13 weeks ago

East Midlands

Great effort and I’m sure very helpful.

Out of interest did you only just block me or did I earn that in the past?

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By *hadowSirenWoman
13 weeks ago

Wales


"Great effort and I’m sure very helpful.

Out of interest did you only just block me or did I earn that in the past?"

I don’t block people without good reason to, so there must have been a reason! Perhaps not reading my profile/repeated messages without me replying is usually the main one

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By *ast2WestMan
13 weeks ago

East Midlands

Hmmm maybe, doesn’t sound like me though 😉

Cool username and good luck to you x

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By *aughty-one OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Stansted


"So, some advice from a female.

Your profile is decent and tells me what you are looking for, although I’d appreciate a few more photos (they don’t need to be explicit and definitely not loads of your member from different angles and against various objects for size comparison either). Perhaps add a little about what you’re into sexually or some of your desires/kinks/fuckit list (take a look at mine), things you’d like to explore

The biggest piece of advice from me would be to get yourself to some organised socials.

Good luck!"

I would never have a profile full of dick pics, it’s not exactly the most classy way of trying to get someone attention…. To be honest, I’m not that comfortable in having dick pics in my private photos, even if it might be tempting to send them with a message.

I think a fairly nice and well dressed photo is a nicer option?

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By *hadowSirenWoman
13 weeks ago

Wales


"So, some advice from a female.

Your profile is decent and tells me what you are looking for, although I’d appreciate a few more photos (they don’t need to be explicit and definitely not loads of your member from different angles and against various objects for size comparison either). Perhaps add a little about what you’re into sexually or some of your desires/kinks/fuckit list (take a look at mine), things you’d like to explore

The biggest piece of advice from me would be to get yourself to some organised socials.

Good luck!

I would never have a profile full of dick pics, it’s not exactly the most classy way of trying to get someone attention…. To be honest, I’m not that comfortable in having dick pics in my private photos, even if it might be tempting to send them with a message.

I think a fairly nice and well dressed photo is a nicer option? "

Oh absolutely I agree. But a few more of you would be good, like maybe a shirtless one? One pic is hard to go by

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman
13 weeks ago

Cambs


"So, some advice from a female.

Your profile is decent and tells me what you are looking for, although I’d appreciate a few more photos (they don’t need to be explicit and definitely not loads of your member from different angles and against various objects for size comparison either). Perhaps add a little about what you’re into sexually or some of your desires/kinks/fuckit list (take a look at mine), things you’d like to explore as all I’m getting is you want just a FWB which you could easily find on any dating app. I appreciate a slightly longer message than just ‘hi’ and 10 pics of your dick! I want someone to engage my mind with their messages otherwise for me, it’s a no go as I’m a sapiosexual. Show your cheeky/flirty side a little - make me want to engage with you! My FWB doesn’t have loads on his profile, but he got creative with a video of him (not explicit), doesn’t have loads of dick pics, tells me what he’s looking for both sexually and in vanilla life. He took the time to write me a longish message showing he’d read my profile and that made me want to know more about him - all of this got him brownie points with me. Plus, he turned up to our social/meet/sleepover with good coffee and snacks and made me coffee in bed too!

The biggest piece of advice from me would be to get yourself to some organised socials. Although these are no play events, it’s a great chance to network, meet other local people, get verified more and even if there is nobody there you think you meet again, people you speak to may have friends that you may match well with. Also, interact on the forums more too as you’ll find local people posting replies here. A lot of my messages have come off the back of posting here, so although they may not be local and it doesn’t go anywhere, they may end up being close to somewhere you’re planning to go to for an event (for example, I live in Wales, but have visited Swindon Swingers so met people not local to me that were going there on the same night who I ended up playing with). I’ve also been contacted by potential meets where both parties would be willing to meet halfway from doing this too.

Good luck!"

This is all great advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

You mention not having much “ success “. What do you measure that by ?

If you want to meet more people then organised socials and clubs are the way to go however you need to go with zero expectations.

Well done for persevering 🫡

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By *aughty-one OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Stansted


"You mention not having much “ success “. What do you measure that by ?

"

By replies to sent messages, which actually led to a responsive conversation and possible meeting with a female .. despite sending messages out weekly.

At a guess, I would say it’s possibly a three hundred massage to one response ratio! 😂

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By *ew year new nameWoman
13 weeks ago

Bolton


"Does the swinging scene really that poor of a success rate and why does it appear so impossible to get a flow of messages from any potential fwb’s or even friendly banter on this site?

I have been to clubs in the past with a moderate amount of success but never really had much in the way of communication or interaction with many people that could led to building relationships for repeated play mates.

Is the whole scene really that anonymous and full of escapism that people like to have distanced themselves in a way of hiding their identity and play at presenting themselves in a different light from their normal self?"

No meets but you have a veri from a meet 2 years ago? Make your mind up lol

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By *aughty-one OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Stansted


"

No meets but you have a veri from a meet 2 years ago? Make your mind up lol"

Verification from a club meet by someone who is no longer on the site, which means that it would no longer show on my profile.

The only thing with club meets is that they can very easily be just a one off meeting and not a true gauge of what a person might be able to bring to the party?

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By *acky RacersCouple
13 weeks ago

Lincoln


"You mention not having much “ success “. What do you measure that by ?

By replies to sent messages, which actually led to a responsive conversation and possible meeting with a female .. despite sending messages out weekly.

At a guess, I would say it’s possibly a three hundred massage to one response ratio! 😂

"

Don't call women 'females' would be my advice...we're women...people, not specimens...

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By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple
13 weeks ago

Somerset

This is the last place I would be looking for a FWB as a single man. Before I met my partner I was that single man looking for FWBs and had lots of success through regular dating sites like PoF (no idea if it’s still going). There are lots of women out there looking for something casual. Just be honest in your profile. You can put face pics up there too, though I am not sure whether that was a help or hindrance in my case! I just used to use Fab to meet couples and very very occasionally a single woman.

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By *ellhungvweMan
13 weeks ago

Cheltenham

What have you changed over the years? Are you are still doing the same thing that you started with over five years ago?

Same messages? Same profile? Same pictures? Same approach?

I have no idea what you are doing wrong but it is going to be one of the above. Probably more than one of those things.

Do something different. Anything different. If that doesn’t work then do something else. Repeat until you find _your_ way of working on here.

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
13 weeks ago

Newry

I'd suggest that if you're not getting a flow of conversation from "potential FWBs" then they're not potential FWBs. The clue is in the name. Friends (with benefits). Friendship builds over time. It can't be forced. It happens when you cross paths with someone and you just click. I find the notion of actually seeking a FWB here through messaging random people a bit odd. I'm not saying it can't happen but you'd be better off out on the real world meeting people through hobbies and activities you enjoy where there's already a common interest as a starting point.

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By *aughty-one OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Stansted

I’d like to say that my use of the term FWB is just my more polite way of describing a situation that is a little more than just a chance meeting in a club or a random one night stand.

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By *izzy.Woman
13 weeks ago

Stoke area

You have had some helpful advise on here already. Looking at your profile it is very much about what YOU are looking for.

Maybe you could include why someone would want to meet you. What do you bring to the table that would benefit the person looking at your profile ?

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By *enelope2UWoman
13 weeks ago

Doesn't matter cant block distances


"Does the swinging scene really that poor of a success rate and why does it appear so impossible to get a flow of messages from any potential fwb’s or even friendly banter on this site?

I have been to clubs in the past with a moderate amount of success but never really had much in the way of communication or interaction with many people that could led to building relationships for repeated play mates.

Is the whole scene really that anonymous and full of escapism that people like to have distanced themselves in a way of hiding their identity and play at presenting themselves in a different light from their normal self?"

Yes! Wishers and pretenders and fake lives

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By *aughty-one OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Stansted


"

Maybe you could include why someone would want to meet you. What do you bring to the table that would benefit the person looking at your profile ?

"

I’m fairly well mannered and open minded about life, have a lot of experience in clubs and willing to play with a group, not the kind of guy who would be hogging the play.

I’m well dressed and have had a lot of commitments on my girthy equipment…. Which I generally don’t like to send out pictures of.

Other than that, I’m not exactly sure how I can bait my profile in a way that might make more women feel comfortable with sending a message.

It seems that the ladies are in total control on here, which shouldn’t come as a surprise but it sure is frustrating!

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By *oodmessMan
13 weeks ago

yumsville

You are asking how to get more meets... Going by your responses and your profile, you're either happy to fuck random women or you are looking for a buddy come ltr.

You say you've exp on clubs which is good, so you should know people are pretty relaxed with sex, chat and boundaries around them ... Having a profile like a vicar might not get you very far.. There has to be some spice.

This isn't a criticism of you just if you want different to what you have, something different has to happen with what you are doing. Plenty of guys are saying they can't get meets.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
Forum Mod
13 weeks ago

Central

People need to be able to choose someone who's likely to be 1 of the rare minority who are mutually compatible. The onus is on each of us to give them what they'll need to be able to assess us, as well as they are able to assess others. When we don't, we are short-changing ourselves.

The advice to get to socials as well as back to clubs is helpful

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By *ealitybitesMan
13 weeks ago

Belfast


"

Maybe you could include why someone would want to meet you. What do you bring to the table that would benefit the person looking at your profile ?

I’m fairly well mannered and open minded about life, have a lot of experience in clubs and willing to play with a group, not the kind of guy who would be hogging the play.

I’m well dressed and have had a lot of commitments on my girthy equipment…. Which I generally don’t like to send out pictures of.

Other than that, I’m not exactly sure how I can bait my profile in a way that might make more women feel comfortable with sending a message.

It seems that the ladies are in total control on here, which shouldn’t come as a surprise but it sure is frustrating! "

I could have written what Lipstick Kisses said above because that was the term that jumped out at me immediately and just because a number of people say they are looking for a fwb doesn't mean they have anything else in common.

I believe that I am mannerly and well dressed but I don't use it as my usp. If I have to remind people that I'm kind or mannerly or nice, that would tell me that they don't already see me that way.

There is a fine line on here between being nice and being sychophantic and the latter can make women uncomfortable.

Your belief that women are in total control here could also be part of that issue.

Most women are more comfortable with a man who is self assured and in control of himself rather than one who puts them on a pedestal.

Speak to women as equals and not as objects of desire.

I don't give profile advice so I haven't even looked at yours and anything I've said here is based purely on your comments.

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By *izzy.Woman
13 weeks ago

Stoke area


"

Maybe you could include why someone would want to meet you. What do you bring to the table that would benefit the person looking at your profile ?

I’m fairly well mannered and open minded about life, have a lot of experience in clubs and willing to play with a group, not the kind of guy who would be hogging the play.

I’m well dressed and have had a lot of commitments on my girthy equipment…. Which I generally don’t like to send out pictures of.

Other than that, I’m not exactly sure how I can bait my profile in a way that might make more women feel comfortable with sending a message.

It seems that the ladies are in total control on here, which shouldn’t come as a surprise but it sure is frustrating! "

This is the kind of information that is on your profile, not just posted in an answer on a forum post that not many people will see.

The idea is people see your status update or a forum comment or you send them a message if you think you are compatible, and they then find out a bit about you from your profile.

You obviously need to change how you are messaging people, how you are interacting with people at socials or clubs, or your profile to change your "lack of success" .

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By *aughty-one OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Stansted

So, what exactly am I doing wrong with this situation?

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By *igYin n CowGirlCouple
13 weeks ago

New Cumnock

Do you ever get in the chat rooms on face cams and talk to people?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
13 weeks ago

SW1A1AA


"So, what exactly am I doing wrong with this situation?"
What are the messages you send out like. First impressions count.

Maybe add a selection of different photos.

Go to socials, plenty in the party and meets section if clubs seem to daunting

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By *aughty-one OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Stansted


"Do you ever get in the chat rooms on face cams and talk to people? "

Never really used chat rooms and cameras… it’s all a lot of sad men wanking over their laptops isn’t it? 😂

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By *CExeCouple
13 weeks ago

Hong-Kong/Exeter


"Do you ever get in the chat rooms on face cams and talk to people?

Never really used chat rooms and cameras… it’s all a lot of sad men wanking over their laptops isn’t it? 😂"

We've not used them either, but if you haven't had a meet in five years, perhaps you need to change what you're doing and try different avenues of approach.

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By *ad Bod AdonisMan
13 weeks ago

Birmingham

I think it's par for the course on here to be honest. I've also been on here for years and have never had a meet. The odds against it are astronomical for a single male, especially if you're older.

I'm not complaining, though;I've had plenty of success in clubs, as can be seen from my veris.These days, I only use Fab for the forums and to keep in touch with what's going on in the clubs.

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By *andystick72Man
13 weeks ago

kinky Street

I turn down meets

Yes I'm picky

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By *tlanshiaWoman
13 weeks ago

Chatham

As others have said, more pictures. Your one profile picture makes you look like one of those headless statues in a clothes store. Doesn't need to be your penis either. Just something else to get a feel for you.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
13 weeks ago

Chichester

I wouldn’t even look at the profile / open the message based on that one profile picture alone. Harsh yes but reality based .

As others have said a selection of pictures. Don’t like posting explicit ones that’s fine. No face pics fine most don’t anyway openly , Get creative with artistic / black white etc. takes minimal effort to read online how to very quickly adjust photos for online use if not sure his to improve picture taking game .

You are a single male profile in a sea of single males. It is hard for most males as per regular forum threads from many stating that. Standing out is paramount and humans are en mass visual based creatures . For a lot myself included I will use a profile pic 99% of time as the initial factor of if I can be bothered to open the message or not .

Clubs are your best bet and if you are finding no one wants to swap numbers / profile handles after a fuck in a club then perhaps other than people just wanting a one off maybe they didn’t gel with you social exciting wise.

Trial and error I’d look at single men profiles in your age bracket with a good number of verifications and do analysis of their profiles structure / pics and then apply variation to oneself .

Keep on evolving

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By *ouple4BlackGuysCouple
13 weeks ago

Leicestershire


"Do you ever get in the chat rooms on face cams and talk to people? "

I think this is the key here !

Before I met my Wife and in my earlier years I was well known amongst my mates for just talking to women about anything and everything without expectation and it opened doors I didn’t expect.

I’ve often had female friends of some lady’s I’ve chatted to ask me if I didn’t fancy their friend ? and led to my mates laughing at me My problem wasn’t the one your dealing with misreading signals but I wasn’t truly chasing, I’m just being me.

So I guess just be yourself and get chatting in the outside world I’d say without expectations and I’m sure it’ll happen for you fella !

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By *awpleasureMan
13 weeks ago

Sutton Coldfield

Lack of photos will not help.

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By *ad Bod AdonisMan
13 weeks ago

Birmingham

I used to have a lot of photos and a much more detailed profil. I would also spend ages crafting individual messages. In all that time I never even got close to a meet, so, eventually I gave up and stripped the profile right back. As I said earlier, this certainly isn't a "woe is me" post as I've had plenty of success in other ways, but as an older,single male, I found trying to get meets through FAB was a pointless and soul-destroying experience.

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By *ad Bod AdonisMan
13 weeks ago

Birmingham

Profile even

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By *aughty-one OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Stansted

I think I’ll have to tweak my profile a bit and change my profile picture.

I thought the suited and booted or something playful would be a good angle but it seems to be quite useless.

Bit worried about using a face picture as I don’t want to appear too public and we all know that a picture of your private parts is best avoided if you are hoping to seem like there’s a bit of class behind the profile.

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By *heSuccubusWoman
13 weeks ago

Darlington

If you have so many 'commitments' on your girthy equipment, I don't know what you're complaining about . I'd maybe fixed that little typo on your profile.... I'm assuming you mean compliments?

I have read a few bits of good advice on this thread, but you seem to give off the vibe that you know better, or you are shrugging of the advice.

I don't think one picture is enough, and your profile picture looks quite awkward and staged i understand you want to remain anonymous, but there's still loads of other options. I am always put off by people who talk a lot about their penis size. Keep it in your profile if you think your girth reflects to your personality, but I'm sure there are more interesting things to know about you.

Instead of clubs try attending social events? Some people are quite conscious of their time in a club. If they have sorted baby sitters etc, there might be keen on having an adventure and don't want to waste time having small talk with people. In a social environment, people are a lot more open to sitting around chatting.

I know you have shrugged off the suggestion of cam rooms. Yes, some men sit with their willy out, but if you come out of the directing rooms, there is plenty of social banter going on.

Women are also drawn to positivity ....

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By *ousteau72Man
13 weeks ago

Wombourne

In my opinion, the biggest obstacle single men face on fab is simply the ratio of men to women.

Because of the imbalance, it's always going to be difficult when there's an abundance of men for women or couples to choose from

Also, there is definitely a 'clique' which exists with swinging, something which is even more prevalent in clubs. I've had experiences as a single male and as part of a couple and the response from others is completely different depending on which group you belong to, this again being due to the 'numbers'

However, be positive in your approach. If you sound miserable and a bit down and out you really will have no chance. There's no such thing as a sympathy shag.

Also, take a number of different photos, yes some might want proof of size but in the main, a cock pic isn't going to do it.

Just remember, it's not personal, someone either likes you or they don't.

Good luck

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By *ivilised matureMan
13 weeks ago

East Sheen/ Barnes

I've had a couple of social meetings that were nice but no play over the same period.

Still pop in to chance my luck

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
13 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I'd not meet you, as you only have one pic and it doesn't show your face

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

Definitely a huge number issue. I can get maybe the odd message in a month. Wife on her account hundreds a day. Even if you get a reply, then swamped in new messages unless go looking in sent folder. It's just life. The attention makes the wife happy at least. Not helped men will resent loads of messages, when they don't get a reply. She has had a monologue of one sided creepy Ness often to deal with.

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