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"I have noticed over the past year or so that more and more people using the site are high, I personally prefer to only ever meet while sober and also will only meet people who are the same, however I have found myself having to ask every time I am chatting to someone whether they are high or not and although some will admit that they are (at which point I will decline a meet) I am finding more and more people lying about it, last night I arranged a meet with a guy who lied about it, I travelled almost 30 miles to meet him and as soon as I arrived I knew, I told him I could see he was high and he admitted it, then told me he had lied because he knew I wouldn't meet if he was honest! I cancelled the meet and left, but that ruined my entire evening, I had spent literally hours getting ready to go to that meet, I drove 45 minutes to meet him and then spent 45 minutes driving back home afterwards, I declined to meet other people because I had a meeting arranged and I don't agree with wasting people's time by keeping them as a "back up plan". I understand that some people prefer to meet after they have been on something and I understand that some people enjoy that, however I also believe in freedom of choice and I have the right to decide whether a situation is for me or not! How do others like myself deal with this situation when it occurs? I have reported the user to admin but as the majority of our conversation happened over Snapchat and then in person I'm thinking nothing much can be done about it, but I do think that the report form should have an option to report people for that specifically and then if multiple people report a user for it they should be banned from the site! Again I agree that if people want to do it that's their choice but if they are honest about it then you are making an informed decision about if you want to put yourself in that situation or not! " Which is why as a single woman, I no longer meet men alone for a first meet. As you can see from my profile, they have to be vetted by me and my swinger/naturist/kinkster/fetish community group. You are not the first transwoman that I've met who has been treated like crap this way, either. They use your vulnerability against you. It's why I go to clubs and organised socials ( munches in kink world) or bondage workshops/jams. Safety is reinforced. You just don't know what someone is going to do when on substances. It blurs their ability to consent and you don't know if they will get aggressive with you. I tied up a guy once at a club who initially consented. Then he got triggered and became aggressive during the scene adn I had to untie him very quickly and retreat. It would have been scary if I had been alone with him because he could have physically assaulted me. However, because there were so many witnesses who know me longer than they have known him, he dare not put a violent hand on me. Please be safe. I know it's hard living far away from clubs and events but do try to plan to visit on special LGBTQIA nights and once like me you become a regular at a club, the safe people will look out for you and play with you. | |||
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"It's very annoying. They just don't get that lying to get laid is creepy. I'm sorry that happened to you, no real way to police it. " Not to mention, depriving the other person of informed, risk aware and enthusiastic CONSENT! No I do not consent to having sex with someone high because they could turn around later and accuse me of something! I know chemsex/d*unk sex is normalised for a lot of people but not me! Even more so now I do rope bondage. Nope I need them to have all their faculties and physiological functioning! | |||
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"I have been around the block quite a few times and anyone that puts things like 420 frièndy or anyone got snow etc I report the profile, whether the indidual is hot to trot I do the same. In my humble opinion if someone has to get high to enjoy swinging it is instant block from me. I have always thought the same and few yr ago a couple came to my place and they were aware of my views and said they did no do drugs turned up off their face they got nasty when I told them to fk off. My stance hardened as a result of them " As a cis-het woman, I don't have them come to my home for a first meet. I would advise trans women not to have them come to their home either. I only go to the homes of people that I've met regularly and usually I place them in my poly pod partnerships. I have a safety buddy that knows where I go and who with and the men know that my friend is monitoring them. My sister also tracks me. It's not creepy. I allow her to because I don't want her worrying. She's chill about me being in the lifestyle. It's a bit like Life360 but with Google. I know a veteran who can do like 100 push-ups a day, but he won't let strangers come to this home either. I guess war has made him hypervigilant, too! I have my own trauma from childhood and marriage so I know people can be exceptionally nasty with no warning. When you've seen the worst in people you are more protective of yourself and people you care about. I am definitely protective of my partners and subs. Not controlling but wanting to make sure they are safe physically and psychologically. That's why in bondage aftercare is so important. Subs are particularly vulnerable after and weirdos might try to manipulate them into things when they are still in subspace. | |||
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"Good idea Abbie to avoid anyone who’s doing that sort of stuff before, during or after. The issue will always be, are they putting something in your drink. I can’t see the site being able to do anything about it, but it’s a credit to yourself that your common sense tells you to walk away. "The putting things in drink thing scare the f out of me...which is why I sit in rope spaces and swingers clubs with staff monitoring others behaviours and me! They know if I start acting weird something is wrong and probably know they need to call an ambulance! I'm neurodivergent and perimenopausal and all kinds of weird things set me off. My first rigger had to put me in the recovery position after I was just dizzy out of the blue! We were in a club so if it escalated the staff could have helped. I've watched too many crime documentaries about gay men who have been dr*gged and unalived and trans women who have been just unalived for being trans!! I'm always about self-protection first!! People lie too much...to themselves and to other people and we can't always rely on site and app runners to protect us. The clubs and the events are more strict and has everyone's ID and address and cameras in certain locations and dungeon monitors in others. So glad we have trans inclusive parties and spaces in London but I know it's not the same all over the country. | |||
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"Literally this. Why is everyone HnH on hard drugs? Massive turn off. Weed, maybe I can let that slide but I’ve spoke to a few people who will happily admit they’re on the devils dandruff or crystal. " Lol@ devil's dandruff. I have mental health and kinkster peers on prescription MJ and stimulants. They are stable enough and obviously, they don't bring their prescriptions to venues. They do it at home privately. I've had prescription sedatives that I used to take to work before I got therapy and was diagnosed with autism. Now I manage mostly without prescriptions and am weaning off antidepressants. Now if you are just getting random street shit...man you are making it high risk..I'm risk-averse. To the point that I won't just play with anyone because I get randomly triggered by nothing in particular so I need to know what to expect and they need to know what to do in a (mental health/autistic) emergency. I had a maternal uncle who had drug induced psychosis and my dad was an alcoholic so...um it's not for me...I'm genetically and environmentally not wired to mess about with substances. Even d*unk people can trigger me. | |||
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"Good idea Abbie to avoid anyone who’s doing that sort of stuff before, during or after. The issue will always be, are they putting something in your drink. I can’t see the site being able to do anything about it, but it’s a credit to yourself that your common sense tells you to walk away.
The putting things in drink thing scare the f out of me...which is why I sit in rope spaces and swingers clubs with staff monitoring others behaviours and me! They know if I start acting weird something is wrong and probably know they need to call an ambulance! I'm neurodivergent and perimenopausal and all kinds of weird things set me off.
My first rigger had to put me in the recovery position after I was just dizzy out of the blue! We were in a club so if it escalated the staff could have helped.
I've watched too many crime documentaries about gay men who have been dr*gged and unalived and trans women who have been just unalived for being trans!!
I'm always about self-protection first!! People lie too much...to themselves and to other people and we can't always rely on site and app runners to protect us. The clubs and the events are more strict and has everyone's ID and address and cameras in certain locations and dungeon monitors in others.
So glad we have trans inclusive parties and spaces in London but I know it's not the same all over the country."I wish you were up here as I love bondage and knowing I’d be safe around you would be a blessing. I fully agree with all of your posts and it seems you ensure your own safety is paramount as it should be. Hopefully get myself down to London soon and hopefully meet up one day.  | |||
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"I met a couple at a well known health spa in Brighton. Usually, folks who play keep condoms and lube in a discreet wash bag which gets taken upstairs to the playrooms. I was covered and was playing with the wife, when hubby pulls out a tiny bottle of fragrant liquid. Popular in the gay scene. He removes the cap, takes a long whiff, passes in to his wife who is trying to hold it still and I'm grabbing her hips. I didn't ask for that, and the aroma just gave me a throbbing headache. Not the best thing to produce in an enclosed playroom space." Another reason why I often play in open spaces or the couples room...people get too sneaky in the private areas where no one else can see. I play at the spas with my poly partners or people I've known for a long enough time ( a year) at said spas or clubs. | |||
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"Totally agree with everything that’s been said in here. It’s not a great look especially if you have a job that does drugs testing on its employees. Had a meet from a different platform and half way through the act she told me she’d done some stuff in the toilet. Super off putting. " Yikes and she could come back and accuse you of anything because she's high and can't technically legally consent! Cringe.... I'm a switch so I could be accused in Domme mode and I could have something done to me while I'm tied up in Sub mode. Acutely aware that people need to be sober to consent to be my bottom and to top me! I don't do extreme things at clubs( most don't allow non-prescribed drugs) where there is alcohol. I leave that for my strictly rope spaces. | |||
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"This reminds me of two different meets ( both with single men which is why we now don’t see single men ). First one met us at a spoons for a social, we were already there for some food anyway so it was no biggie but he turned up d*unk and gurning. I outright asked him if he had taken anything and he admitted he had done some white stuff before coming to see us as he was nervous, even more concerning was the fact he had driven about 30 mins to see us. We made our excuses and left and funny enough never saw him again. Second one we met with a really sweet fellow but again it was clear he had been smoking as he stunk and even more strange he then offered us a line of white stuff and admitted he had done that before also! We politely declined explaining we do not partake in drugs and exited the premises very swiftly. Worst still that he admitted he was also doing this behind his wife’s back! Hence no more single men because every experience has put us off ! " I meet single men in clubs where they have to behave or they get thrown out! | |||
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"Good idea Abbie to avoid anyone who’s doing that sort of stuff before, during or after. The issue will always be, are they putting something in your drink. I can’t see the site being able to do anything about it, but it’s a credit to yourself that your common sense tells you to walk away.
The putting things in drink thing scare the f out of me...which is why I sit in rope spaces and swingers clubs with staff monitoring others behaviours and me! They know if I start acting weird something is wrong and probably know they need to call an ambulance! I'm neurodivergent and perimenopausal and all kinds of weird things set me off.
My first rigger had to put me in the recovery position after I was just dizzy out of the blue! We were in a club so if it escalated the staff could have helped.
I've watched too many crime documentaries about gay men who have been dr*gged and unalived and trans women who have been just unalived for being trans!!
I'm always about self-protection first!! People lie too much...to themselves and to other people and we can't always rely on site and app runners to protect us. The clubs and the events are more strict and has everyone's ID and address and cameras in certain locations and dungeon monitors in others.
So glad we have trans inclusive parties and spaces in London but I know it's not the same all over the country.
I wish you were up here as I love bondage and knowing I’d be safe around you would be a blessing.
I fully agree with all of your posts and it seems you ensure your own safety is paramount as it should be.
Hopefully get myself down to London soon and hopefully meet up one day. "There are rope groups in Manchester and one of the London people lives in Yorkshire part of the time and runs a group up there. I think they are non-binary. They are on the fetish website that we are not allowed to name. Lol! I used to live in the East Midlands and take day trips to Chester, Manchester, Birmingham, Sheffield, Derby and Coventry by coach or train. Very easy on Weekends if they have a day rope jam. My peer rope in London runs on a Sunday between 2pm and 6pm once a month so people can come on like the 10 am train and go back home on the 8pm train. I think the rope groups do the same all around over the country on the weekends. After group psychotherapy, I now trust the group dynamics more than one-on-one. It's what predators do...they separate and isolate you from the herd. | |||
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