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"I think if you continue on this path there's potential for you to become really resentful of your partner " This is the important part for me and you need to have a conversation about how you go forward in a way that ensures you are both enjoying swinging together, especially if the current situation is making you feel unhappy and less desirable. I think you have a unique look that may not appeal to everyone but I wouldn't say you were unattractive, nor that you're mismatched as a couple in terms of attractiveness (which is, of course, completely subjective). | |||
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"I think if you continue on this path there's potential for you to become really resentful of your partner " There is no worries of that happening this is Purley a me issue | |||
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"Plus it's supposed to be a partnership that doesn't sound like one... If she's always happy to enjoy knowing you're not of course it would lead to questions Communication is required BEFORE leaving the house and during events just to be sure BOTH are still feeling the same" We do and its not an issue for us in our own relationship its more im trying to work out the why and if it would be better for her if I stepped back | |||
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"Plus it's supposed to be a partnership that doesn't sound like one... If she's always happy to enjoy knowing you're not of course it would lead to questions Communication is required BEFORE leaving the house and during events just to be sure BOTH are still feeling the same We do and its not an issue for us in our own relationship its more im trying to work out the why and if it would be better for her if I stepped back " But what about you and what is better for you? Because that matters too | |||
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"Plus it's supposed to be a partnership that doesn't sound like one... If she's always happy to enjoy knowing you're not of course it would lead to questions Communication is required BEFORE leaving the house and during events just to be sure BOTH are still feeling the same We do and its not an issue for us in our own relationship its more im trying to work out the why and if it would be better for her if I stepped back " Would it be better for your relationship if you stepped back? My opinion is that you should both stop doing this until you've worked out how you feel about one of you getting more attention than the other and resolved that issue. Like it or not most women will get more attention than most men in couples. We don't go to clubs but the messages we get focus 95% on me the woman, 4% on us as a couple and 1% on my partner. | |||
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"I think your beard may be a little off putting it looks somewhat scruffy" Looking scruffy seldom goes down well anywhere, particularly in this scene. Evidenc of a decent sized cock can also help a lot! | |||
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"I think a good haircut and grooming would do wonders But you look fit which is a huge compliment " Yes And putting the correct age on profile may help as well | |||
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"I think a good haircut and grooming would do wonders But you look fit which is a huge compliment Yes And putting the correct age on profile may help as well " That is our correct ages | |||
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"Plus it's supposed to be a partnership that doesn't sound like one... If she's always happy to enjoy knowing you're not of course it would lead to questions Communication is required BEFORE leaving the house and during events just to be sure BOTH are still feeling the same We do and its not an issue for us in our own relationship its more im trying to work out the why and if it would be better for her if I stepped back " I Understand.. but how is your decision based on the WHY.. you don't control the WHY.. Back to the original point if you're uncomfortable seeing her enjoying herself and she is comfortable seeing you left out then that needs communicating between you two and some things need to be spoken about and agreed upon to make your night enjoyable for you both not just for one. | |||
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"So we have gone to a few clubs and parties over that past few years and the pattern seems to be bubbles gets attention but I (luxury) get ignored. I know bubbles is amazing and sexy but its really getting to me that maybe im the reason ive never seen myself as attractive and well this world seems to confirm that for me. We have meet wonderful people and had a great time with alot of them but when it comes to having fun I seem to be the deal breaker so fuck it lets go have a look at the profile and be honest am I right to think im not attractive and should just stay at home while bubbles has fun " Hello mate, ive just joined the swingers scene. Im bisexual and i think your partner looks great. But also, my type with men is pretty much you, older white male, rockstar hair and beard and a good personality. Im quite an eccentric guy. So yeah, hello. I really dont know how swinging works but it would be nice to get to know you and your partner. | |||
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"Plus it's supposed to be a partnership that doesn't sound like one... If she's always happy to enjoy knowing you're not of course it would lead to questions Communication is required BEFORE leaving the house and during events just to be sure BOTH are still feeling the same We do and its not an issue for us in our own relationship its more im trying to work out the why and if it would be better for her if I stepped back I Understand.. but how is your decision based on the WHY.. you don't control the WHY.. Back to the original point if you're uncomfortable seeing her enjoying herself and she is comfortable seeing you left out then that needs communicating between you two and some things need to be spoken about and agreed upon to make your night enjoyable for you both not just for one." Never said i was uncomfortable seeing her have fun i want her to be happy and enjoy herself | |||
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"In a similar vein, it’s shocking how often couples approach us and when we have a quick scan of their profile it’s all about finding a unicorn or FFM experience. It’s fun sometimes to see how long it takes for Mr to be dropped altogether from the meeting plan. " The unicorn hunters its always entertaining when they message forgetting the male half even exists | |||
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"I've read none of this thread, to declare that from the start. In our 2nd month of sharing we attended a party, a large one. Analysing what happened after the event made me realise that the invitation wasn't for us. It was for her, but I could come along too. D had a great evening. Mine was utter shit. I was the chaperone. She sees that now, because we've discussed it, rationally. We don't do parties because of that. Mostly, blokes aren't required at parties. OK there will be exceptions at smaller events sometimes, but generally we're there to bring the women in. I know that's a shit attitude, but it's often true. We stay away from them now. We probably miss out on so many great events, but an analysis of one bad event is eye opening. I can name the offending organisers by pm if requested. " Naming and shaming is against the rules of the site and completely inappropriate. One night and one event does not a scene make. You and the OP have agency and choices about what you do and how you interact with others This occasion and the OP’s experience sound similar in that there wasn’t enough conversation going on; about the role and what was expected or how it is communicated to others. Male parties in couples often don’t know/practice the very underrated but very useful skill of playing the background and knowing when to come forward. Women will get more attention: fact. Men can often be overbearing. Not being overbearing puts you ahead of the hoards. Use it to your advantage. Women can open conversations get the party started very easily. That’s okay. Men don’t have to be the Main Character here. Enjoy it and work with it. The biggest tip is, communication early on with others ie. “what’s your dynamic? We’re a full swap couple looking for same” is a simple way of being clear and reduces the risk of the male partner being left out. | |||
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"I've read none of this thread, to declare that from the start. In our 2nd month of sharing we attended a party, a large one. Analysing what happened after the event made me realise that the invitation wasn't for us. It was for her, but I could come along too. D had a great evening. Mine was utter shit. I was the chaperone. She sees that now, because we've discussed it, rationally. We don't do parties because of that. Mostly, blokes aren't required at parties. OK there will be exceptions at smaller events sometimes, but generally we're there to bring the women in. I know that's a shit attitude, but it's often true. We stay away from them now. We probably miss out on so many great events, but an analysis of one bad event is eye opening. I can name the offending organisers by pm if requested. " We had different experience at party. There were about 10 couples and the guys mostly just holding their partners hands, kissing and watching while me and 2 other guys fucked all the women, it was almost like a queue forming, waiting for us . It's like they were there for their women to have fun only , muse was dissatisfied that not enough guys were playing, not even soft play , they were stuck to there partners side, and so she went upstairs to bed ! | |||
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"I've read none of this thread, to declare that from the start. In our 2nd month of sharing we attended a party, a large one. Analysing what happened after the event made me realise that the invitation wasn't for us. It was for her, but I could come along too. D had a great evening. Mine was utter shit. I was the chaperone. She sees that now, because we've discussed it, rationally. We don't do parties because of that. Mostly, blokes aren't required at parties. OK there will be exceptions at smaller events sometimes, but generally we're there to bring the women in. I know that's a shit attitude, but it's often true. We stay away from them now. We probably miss out on so many great events, but an analysis of one bad event is eye opening. I can name the offending organisers by pm if requested. Naming and shaming is against the rules of the site and completely inappropriate. One night and one event does not a scene make. You and the OP have agency and choices about what you do and how you interact with others This occasion and the OP’s experience sound similar in that there wasn’t enough conversation going on; about the role and what was expected or how it is communicated to others. Male parties in couples often don’t know/practice the very underrated but very useful skill of playing the background and knowing when to come forward. Women will get more attention: fact. Men can often be overbearing. Not being overbearing puts you ahead of the hoards. Use it to your advantage. Women can open conversations get the party started very easily. That’s okay. Men don’t have to be the Main Character here. Enjoy it and work with it. The biggest tip is, communication early on with others ie. “what’s your dynamic? We’re a full swap couple looking for same” is a simple way of being clear and reduces the risk of the male partner being left out. " Where is my barge pole so I can separate myself from This. Im in no way bitching about the community we have been around it for a very long time and know whats what and how things go down please don't put me along side this it was not my intention | |||
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" Where is my barge pole so I can separate myself from This. Im in no way bitching about the community we have been around it for a very long time and know whats what and how things go down please don't put me along side this it was not my intention " I didn’t think you were bitching about the community at all. Don’t worry. I was merely stating that improving communication early on with all concerned making it clear that you are a full-swap couple looking for same would give people an easy out early on before the fun starts so that no one is left out. Yes, your partner might get less action, but if everyone’s not having fun/agreed in the process then it can leave lasting issues in the relationship as the discontent can rack up over time. We sometimes take turns on nights; some nights are tailored to my tastes, sometimes to Mr’s and some for both of us separately or together. Agreeing what we want and the role we’ll play in the evening ahead of time, as well as code words for yes/no/move on etc in place. Everyone has a fun time. We also do a full debrief afterwards on what went well/could be improved from both of our perspectives so that we can continually improve. It sounds like communication of needs and wants may be worth considering like others have said. | |||
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"In a similar vein, it’s shocking how often couples approach us and when we have a quick scan of their profile it’s all about finding a unicorn or FFM experience. It’s fun sometimes to see how long it takes for Mr to be dropped altogether from the meeting plan. " We've had this recently on we are x. 3 'couples' who turned out to just want me (f)  | |||
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"I've read none of this thread, to declare that from the start. In our 2nd month of sharing we attended a party, a large one. Analysing what happened after the event made me realise that the invitation wasn't for us. It was for her, but I could come along too. D had a great evening. Mine was utter shit. I was the chaperone. She sees that now, because we've discussed it, rationally. We don't do parties because of that. Mostly, blokes aren't required at parties. OK there will be exceptions at smaller events sometimes, but generally we're there to bring the women in. I know that's a shit attitude, but it's often true. We stay away from them now. We probably miss out on so many great events, but an analysis of one bad event is eye opening. I can name the offending organisers by pm if requested. Naming and shaming is against the rules of the site and completely inappropriate. One night and one event does not a scene make. You and the OP have agency and choices about what you do and how you interact with others This occasion and the OP’s experience sound similar in that there wasn’t enough conversation going on; about the role and what was expected or how it is communicated to others. Male parties in couples often don’t know/practice the very underrated but very useful skill of playing the background and knowing when to come forward. Women will get more attention: fact. Men can often be overbearing. Not being overbearing puts you ahead of the hoards. Use it to your advantage. Women can open conversations get the party started very easily. That’s okay. Men don’t have to be the Main Character here. Enjoy it and work with it. The biggest tip is, communication early on with others ie. “what’s your dynamic? We’re a full swap couple looking for same” is a simple way of being clear and reduces the risk of the male partner being left out. " With respect, I doubt you were there to see the spectacle. When an organiser admits openly that new people are only invited to spice things up for the regulars, the alarm bells start to ring. When the organisers & regulars actively try to put distance & people between a couple, then the intention is clear. If I hadn't seen that D was enjoying herself, I'd have whipped her out of there in that moment. But being the considerate person I am, I decided not to spoil her evening. But putting us as a couple back into that scenario again just will not happen. We were taken advantage of, lied to & made to pay for the privilege, which I believe is also very much against fab rules. If we get banned for stopping someone else having to endure this treatment, then it's worth it to save 1 couple the trouble. | |||
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 )
We treat any private party as a club unless we know at least some of the folk there. Some parties are a bit sketchy, especially the ones charging large fees to single blokes.
As others have said, speak to your partner. It's not a lot to ask her to be your wingman and help find the right couples? | |||
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"I've read none of this thread, to declare that from the start. …. With respect, I doubt you were there to see the spectacle. When an organiser admits openly that new people are only invited to spice things up for the regulars, the alarm bells start to ring. When the organisers & regulars actively try to put distance & people between a couple, then the intention is clear. If I hadn't seen that D was enjoying herself, I'd have whipped her out of there in that moment. But being the considerate person I am, I decided not to spoil her evening. But putting us as a couple back into that scenario again just will not happen. We were taken advantage of, lied to & made to pay for the privilege, which I believe is also very much against fab rules. If we get banned for stopping someone else having to endure this treatment, then it's worth it to save 1 couple the trouble. " With the greatest respect, and not wishing to derail the original request, one event early on in a journey isn’t a reflection on the scene as a whole. Guys are very much wanted and indeed needed. As a full-swap couple I have no intention of sitting on the sidelines. I appreciate your stance, and respect that. But, trying more, other organisers, club nights etc to get a more rounded view might help. Most have had a bad night, but at the worst case we can fuck each other and have the best time. As with the OP, clear communication is key ie. Asking the organisers what the party is like, looking at veris, asking others/past attendees , checking the forum reviews is a great way to get a good idea of what is expected and needed. If it’s a couples and single guys event/club night those there are more likely than not after guys, given the sheer plethora of couples and single women events available. | |||
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"I've read none of this thread, to declare that from the start. …. With respect, I doubt you were there to see the spectacle. When an organiser admits openly that new people are only invited to spice things up for the regulars, the alarm bells start to ring. When the organisers & regulars actively try to put distance & people between a couple, then the intention is clear. If I hadn't seen that D was enjoying herself, I'd have whipped her out of there in that moment. But being the considerate person I am, I decided not to spoil her evening. But putting us as a couple back into that scenario again just will not happen. We were taken advantage of, lied to & made to pay for the privilege, which I believe is also very much against fab rules. If we get banned for stopping someone else having to endure this treatment, then it's worth it to save 1 couple the trouble. With the greatest respect, and not wishing to derail the original request, one event early on in a journey isn’t a reflection on the scene as a whole. Guys are very much wanted and indeed needed. As a full-swap couple I have no intention of sitting on the sidelines. I appreciate your stance, and respect that. But, trying more, other organisers, club nights etc to get a more rounded view might help. Most have had a bad night, but at the worst case we can fuck each other and have the best time. As with the OP, clear communication is key ie. Asking the organisers what the party is like, looking at veris, asking others/past attendees , checking the forum reviews is a great way to get a good idea of what is expected and needed. If it’s a couples and single guys event/club night those there are more likely than not after guys, given the sheer plethora of couples and single women events available. " We did our due diligence. But much of what was written was clearly constructed by the regulars. We asked the questions & received the lies. Yes blatant lies. Thing that we're clearly untrue & developed during the evening. It was a very clever deception. Regrettably the experience damaged us to the point that we won't be repeating it any time soon. We have no confidence in that type of situation & therefore are unlikely to enjoy it. A sexually charged situation that has the potential for such a huge loss of control just can't happen for us. We're more important to each other than risking being in that situation again. Surely you'll appreciate that? | |||
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"No worries. You do you and what’s right for you and your relationship. As the rest of the thread for the OP suggests as well. The relationship should win. All the best. "Thanks. It's the most important thing. What we do is to enhance & not damage our relationship. Any other approach is just the wrong way to look at this lifestyle. I'd assume that others have a similar outlook. And to clarify, we're not saying that group situations are bad, but after what we were subjected to, they just aren't for us at this time. We need to grow & see what, if anything, the future holds. Our experience is told purely as an opinion that may or may not influence others. But when we have more commentry, we all tend to make decisions that are more informed. Hence our need to post about our experience. Good luck to those that have better experiences than we had. | |||
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"So we have gone to a few clubs and parties over that past few years and the pattern seems to be bubbles gets attention but I (luxury) get ignored. I know bubbles is amazing and sexy but its really getting to me that maybe im the reason ive never seen myself as attractive and well this world seems to confirm that for me. We have meet wonderful people and had a great time with alot of them but when it comes to having fun I seem to be the deal breaker so fuck it lets go have a look at the profile and be honest am I right to think im not attractive and should just stay at home while bubbles has fun " My husband feels somewhat the same but we come as a pair. Unfortunately, your look does make you appear older than your years. However, do not change who you are. Mutual attraction between 4 people isn't an easy thing. I have been won over by the personality of a man in a couple, that I wouldn't normally be attractwd to. There's more to attraction than looks, but presenting well will certainly help. | |||
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"I think if you continue on this path there's potential for you to become really resentful of your partner " I had the same thing at a munch. We just met in other ways. | |||
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