FabSwingers.com forum: Playing seperate

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just wanted some advice on our current situation. We had our visitor yesterday, it the second time we have seen him now and Him and RG really have hit it off, she loves havin sex with him and he obviously likes her..

We noticed yesterday when I played with him that he went soft indicating he wasn't comfortable with me playing as well. We did discuss originally about the bi side and he seemed ok with it but after yesterday's visit its obvious its not for him. I found myself sitting and watching.

We have talked about the possibility of her seeing other men without me there, tonight she asked if she could go and visit him while he is away with work an staying in a hotel.

How many on here play without their partner present? And how do you deal with the feeling of anxiety? Don't get me wrong the fantasy turns me on but the reality might be different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know playing seperately is something some couples are comfortable with but for us its a def no no.

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By *AMES19620Man
over a year ago

newport

it all depends if its beyond your set parameters when you started but at the end of the day its between you and other half

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would love Mr Naughty to meet alone and come home and tell me all the details but he isn't so keen

He feels that 1on1 is too intimate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we tried it but not again it can be different when your partner isn't there you are her safety net things can turn bad she has to ask what happens if he does something she doesn't like ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

98% of our meets are separate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my first solo meet last night... I never intendedto when we first signed up... Talking about it turns hubby on, so I bit the bullet. I worriedabout how we'd both feel but actually we both feel happywith it and will do it again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet on my own without my wife. She knows about all my meets, not because of the turn on, just because we don't hide anything.

She chooses not to meet anymore but is ok for me to, as long as she knows where I'm going.

It works for us

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thats the thing, the fantasy is a turn on but I worry (as im sure most men would) about the long term effect it might have.

We are open with each other as I believe you need to be in this lifestyle and she admits it is a massive turn on but she too worries that our sex life may become mundane and boring compared to the rampant sex she would be getting away from home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We only play together but thats our set up,its a decition for only you both to converse over and resolve asking us lot is not a good idea as we are not you guys,hope it works out for you both.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet alone regardless of my relationship status....

the simple fact is....most guys WILL behave differently when there is another man present, with most its a respect thing, for others...its fear of overstepping bounderies.

Men are more willing to let go of their inhabitions and explore mutual desires if the meet is on a one to one....

If you and your partner totally trust each other and are honest and frank about any worries you may have, then its really just a matter of taking the plunge and having healthy de-brief-ing session with each other afterwards... it really does fuel some mega hot sex sessions!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/06/13 20:15:46]

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Well, I know I am single, so maybe my contribution is not welcomed, but I do meet the male half of a couple, and have done for a few years now!

I have met his wife, and their relationship is very strong, and I have never been under the delusion that it is more than nsa and neither have they/he, so maybe it has more to do with the person they are meeting?

Just a thought?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well, I know I am single, so maybe my contribution is not welcomed, but I do meet the male half of a couple, and have done for a few years now!

Just a thought? "

It can be difficult getting a meet when your the male half of a couple, even with permission.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No im sure it is just nsa sex, not sure what you mean by it having more to do with the person though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not for us I like to watch too much and it goes against why we play. But each to their own and I can see in some cases why it would would work out for all concerned.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I meet alone regardless of my relationship status....

the simple fact is....most guys WILL behave differently when there is another man present, with most its a respect thing, for others...its fear of overstepping bounderies.

Men are more willing to let go of their inhabitions and explore mutual desires if the meet is on a one to one....

Thats the thing, Ive said if i wasnt there im sure the sex would be even better for them both, like you said having someone there watching will distract you from the job in hand.

We do both trust each other, the issue is my own anxiety with following through with it. From what I gather its totally normal to feel this way and most men who have a hotwife that plays away feel the same as I do about it, the trick is to feed of that feeling and use it as a driver.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"No im sure it is just nsa sex, not sure what you mean by it having more to do with the person though?

Ok, second try! They have both complimented me on the fact that they wish everyone understood the swingers rule book with regards to nsa sex, like I have.

I have never been under any elusion that my 'relationship' with him is anything more than nsa, and yes I have been seeing him for over 2 years, 'but' they do have other friends (couples) who tend to become quite jealous, if he has met a single female! (that would be myself lol)

I hope that makes things a little clearer?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeah...its normal to feel that way, there is no way to safe guard the way you are going to feel, perhaps if your partner would video the first few meets, it would help you feel more a part of the fun...

this turned on my bf no end, he would have a raging hard on at work because he knew what i was doing at that moment and he was getting to watch it later with me...he loves it when i meet others, everything new i learn, i take home and try on my bf, fantastic way to show your partner how much you love and trust them.

well done both of you, i know how hard it is to get those nasty jealous feelings out the way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How well do you know the guy , and how much do you trust him ?

To my cost ,my wife met a guy alone we'd played with originally as a 3. He told her he loved her and wanted to be with her all the time. Flattery got him everywhere in the end.

Imo , don't do it !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How well do you know the guy , and how much do you trust him ?

To my cost ,my wife met a guy alone we'd played with originally as a 3. He told her he loved her and wanted to be with her all the time. Flattery got him everywhere in the end.

Imo , don't do it !"

Oh wow, sorry it didnt work out for you.

We dont know him that well at all so theres no danger of that happening, its purely a sex thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm looking forward to feeding on those emotions like I have when I've been banished from watching or joining in. She finally was going to take the plunge this weekend and play alone at another guys house but something came up.

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

We like to play together most of the time, but on occasions at parties and clubs we do go off on our own if the other is ok with the situation.

But we would never go out on a meet on our own, its not something we like to do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"yeah...its normal to feel that way, there is no way to safe guard the way you are going to feel, perhaps if your partner would video the first few meets, it would help you feel more a part of the fun...

well done both of you, i know how hard it is to get those nasty jealous feelings out the way!

Thankyou, I do love and trust her with all my heart as she does me which is part of the reason why this is such a buzz to think about.

I know how exciting it can be to have 'new' sex especially with your partners consent and I want to give her the freedom to explore it all., I just need to come to terms with my own inner jealous feelings as I know she will be coming home to me.

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

I know how you feel. My bf and I live a long way apart and sometimes I feel I'd like him to being having some fun when we aren't together, the fantasy of it turns me on...but will the reality? We are new to this and have only had one meet so far which was brilliant and I had no feelings of jealousy at all when he was with the woman we met, I loved it, but I felt part of it because I was there...if he does it hundreds of miles from me will I feel left out? Will jealousy damage our relationship, will he meet someone closer to home that he might get too close to? These are the things that make me nervous about it.

Sorry that's probably no help to you, just wanted to say I understand how you feel.

One idea I had though is what about if she were to be with the guy but you weren't in the room? There would be a feeling of separation and maybe it would give you a clue as to how you might feel if she were away completely with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well done both of you, i know how hard it is to get those nasty jealous feelings out the way!

Thankyou, I do love and trust her with all my heart as she does me which is part of the reason why this is such a buzz to think about.

the quickest and most painless way is for both of you to arrange a solo meet on same night, or the next week, so you can experience it from both sides!! thats the einstein way to do it lol!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"One idea I had though is what about if she were to be with the guy but you weren't in the room? There would be a feeling of separation and maybe it would give you a clue as to how you might feel if she were away completely with him."

You think the same as my wife, she also suggested playing alone but in the house initially, perhaps I go upstairs or take a walk to the shops, might make it an easier transition.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"the quickest and most painless way is for both of you to arrange a solo meet on same night, or the next week, so you can experience it from both sides!! thats the einstein way to do it lol!

Only problem is I dont play unless its with the male visitors.

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By *-and-DCouple
over a year ago

thetford

I (L) played alone for the first sat and was great, d didn't mind one bit and when he got home after we had the best sex ever. He on the other hand hasn't played without me so not sure how i would feel but think i would be fine with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?"

I agree with this, you sound as if you are talking your self into it because your partner wants it. If you have even one shred of doubt don't do it, once done it can't be undone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?

Its not that im opposed to it, more that its something new that has a lot of emotion attached to it, surely every couple who do this must have the same reservations and feelings of anxiety?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the quickest and most painless way is for both of you to arrange a solo meet on same night, or the next week, so you can experience it from both sides!! thats the einstein way to do it lol!

Only problem is I dont play unless its with the male visitors. "

Gender of the person meet shouldn't make any difference...the experience kinda brings out the same feelings and emotions regardless of wether you meet male or female!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?

Its not that im opposed to it, more that its something new that has a lot of emotion attached to it, surely every couple who do this must have the same reservations and feelings of anxiety? "

Couldn't say but you must go with what you feel not what you think others feel in the same situation. This is what makes me think you aren't sure, you're trying to check if other people feel the same way you do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?"

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

I read the original post was that he wasnt comfy with the bi side.

The man must be special enough for her to want to play with him alone without her other half.

I would say unless you have been swinging together for years dont do it. Get meets as a couple under your belt before considering seperate play.

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

Forgot to say as your questioning to do it... dont. If you have to question it then its not right in my opinion x

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By *exycleanerWoman
over a year ago

pontefract

be very very careful from a lady who speaks from experience lots of single guys can go soft its the situation nerves etc

not with you been there .

tread carefully as swinging can ruin marriages xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I guess to some degree you're right, ultimately it is such a huge step in a relationship that its only normal to seek advice from other like minded people.

We have talked some more and decided that its safer from an emotional point of view that the first solo time will be in our home, that way I can always look in if I feel left out.

"It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?

Its not that im opposed to it, more that its something new that has a lot of emotion attached to it, surely every couple who do this must have the same reservations and feelings of anxiety?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I guess to some degree you're right, ultimately it is such a huge step in a relationship that its only normal to seek advice from other like minded people.

We have talked some more and decided that its safer from an emotional point of view that the first solo time will be in our home, that way I can always look in if I feel left out.

It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?

Its not that im opposed to it, more that its something new that has a lot of emotion attached to it, surely every couple who do this must have the same reservations and feelings of anxiety?

Whatever happens I hope its the best outcome for all of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We play almost separately all the time now and it;s actually made our marriage stronger - makes us both appreciate each other more and the suspense and thrill are amazing.

But, have to be very careful and be honest and COMMUNICATE with each other.

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

bedford

We do play seperate every now and again,bit when wife plays solo Ita only with guys i have,met,and we try to keep it to twice a year per guy .to Mamy meets may start involving feelinhs,lucky enough i have found thee guys she enjoys having sex with ,if i play solo i prefer the other womans husband to be there as i like seeing both enjoying thexperience and Ita a turn on for me that way,we find it works for us,as we van only get to club 3/4,Times a year together due to work ,and its fun telling each other what happens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing that gets me here is, the guy joined you knowing you were a couple and there would be some bi action.

He and ur mrs get on well, he comes back and now is uncomfy with you there..

Have I understood this right?

So maybe that's what is niggling u deep down the fact that he hasn't stuck to ur original agreement?

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

You think the same as my wife, she also suggested playing alone but in the house initially, perhaps I go upstairs or take a walk to the shops, might make it an easier transition."

I think this could be the way forward for us also. We may try separate room swapping and see how we feel...little steps

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The thing that gets me here is, the guy joined you knowing you were a couple and there would be some bi action.

He and ur mrs get on well, he comes back and now is uncomfy with you there..

Have I understood this right?

So maybe that's what is niggling u deep down the fact that he hasn't stuck to ur original agreement?"

May have hit the nail on the head there, I felt like a spare part while they were together and with him going soft when I went close just made it all feel uncomfortable.

I think the thing that's niggling is how much RG likes having fun with him and I think the request to see him alone just hit me by surpise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You think the same as my wife, she also suggested playing alone but in the house initially, perhaps I go upstairs or take a walk to the shops, might make it an easier transition.

I think this could be the way forward for us also. We may try separate room swapping and see how we feel...little steps

This sounds like a good idea, ease yourself into it. The main problem I have is I'm faithful to her, we only play with men so it would be hard for me to swap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thing that gets me here is, the guy joined you knowing you were a couple and there would be some bi action.

He and ur mrs get on well, he comes back and now is uncomfy with you there..

Have I understood this right?

So maybe that's what is niggling u deep down the fact that he hasn't stuck to ur original agreement?

May have hit the nail on the head there, I felt like a spare part while they were together and with him going soft when I went close just made it all feel uncomfortable.

I think the thing that's niggling is how much RG likes having fun with him and I think the request to see him alone just hit me by surpise.

Sometimes straight guys say they are bi just to get to meet the female half of the couple.

Your posts make it sound like she's asking for something outside of what you have agreed. You said you are faithful to her as you only meet guys- in my mind that implies that she is being unfaithful.

I hope you don't take that the wrong way. I think you both need a chat and be honest. If you're not happy, say so. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You think the same as my wife, she also suggested playing alone but in the house initially, perhaps I go upstairs or take a walk to the shops, might make it an easier transition.

I think this could be the way forward for us also. We may try separate room swapping and see how we feel...little steps

This sounds like a good idea, ease yourself into it. The main problem I have is I'm faithful to her, we only play with men so it would be hard for me to swap"

OP - sorry I've not spotted your thread until just now. Ruby and I have had a similar situation recently which could have caused very serious problems between the two of us if we hadn't stopped, taken a breather from everything on here for a few weeks and talked it through THOROUGHLY.

That is the key to this - TALKING.

Underneath everything, it feels to me that something in your relationship has changed, but neither of you has yet stopped and said to the other 'Can we talk..?'. You have said that, as a coupe on Fabs, you were only looking for bi guys so that both of you could play TOGETHER. Now RG is wanting to meet what is potentially a straight guy on her own (and the point made by someone else that straight guys often pose as bi just to have sex with the fem is, sorry to say, true) and that means the status quo has shifted. It is no longer what it was when you joined Fabs and put your profile up there.

Before you go further, you need to have that conversation. Maybe it is just that RG wants a different kind of meet now, specially if this has given her more confidence. But I think YOU are worried there may be something more to it than that.

So talk....

Ted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

great advice..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi RG here.....thought I'd find out what everyone's advice was on here. Thanks for everyone's messages. Most have hint the nail on the head dirk isn't happy or sure this is the step he wants us to take......I may add that dirk is the one who suggested a while back I could maybe meet alone in the future but that was with someone else who we were both comfortable with.

I have told dirk to forget it, it would not bother me in the slightest if I didn't see the guy again and if he's uncomfortable with it I'd rather we didn't.

I don't want either of us to do something we are not happy with.

Dirk is the one who drives our swinging, he hunts for men and rhen shows me the good ones. my work life is so busy I would never find the time or be bothered to find any meets but I enjoy them when we get a good one.

As many have said I feel this is a matter we need to work out between us.....thanks again and I'm no doubt dirk will post the outcome at some point.

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

It's good to hear that you have communicated so well. I think I need to take a leaf out of your book.

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By *exyLancs2Couple
over a year ago

Manchester

Good that you're working it out. We have done it so PM us for some advice about all of it.

It is as horny as hell - trust us!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi RG here.....thought I'd find out what everyone's advice was on here. Thanks for everyone's messages. Most have hint the nail on the head dirk isn't happy or sure this is the step he wants us to take......I may add that dirk is the one who suggested a while back I could maybe meet alone in the future but that was with someone else who we were both comfortable with.

I have told dirk to forget it, it would not bother me in the slightest if I didn't see the guy again and if he's uncomfortable with it I'd rather we didn't.

I don't want either of us to do something we are not happy with.

As many have said I feel this is a matter we need to work out between us.....thanks again and I'm no doubt dirk will post the outcome at some point. "

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By *athfindersCouple
over a year ago

Hull

I would say that NSA sex is great if treat as No string attached!!! People seem to forget what NSA means when abbreviated!

I would be uncomfortable with the idea of her asking to meet the guy on her own. To me this would indicate it is a little more than NSA as there could be more than initial attraction/ feelings.

The intimacy of meeting alone could cause additional feelings other than NSA!

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By *eakcoupleCouple
over a year ago

peak district

We had our first full-swap 4some and our first separate room swap on the same night, in a club. It's not a problem for us, but can understand why it is for some.

We prefer to play together but when we have friends around or we visit others, we often sleep swapped in separate rooms. Both of us find that very "naughty" - sleeping one-on-one in different beds is a bit like having an affair. We always get together in one bed when we wake up, though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have told dirk to forget it, it would not bother me in the slightest if I didn't see the guy again and if he's uncomfortable with it I'd rather we didn't.

I don't want either of us to do something we are not happy with.

As many have said I feel this is a matter we need to work out between us.....thanks again and I'm no doubt dirk will post the outcome at some point. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Forgot to say as your questioning to do it... dont. If you have to question it then its not right in my opinion x"

This!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Just wanted some advice on our current situation. We had our visitor yesterday, it the second time we have seen him now and Him and RG really have hit it off, she loves havin sex with him and he obviously likes her..

We have talked about the possibility of her seeing other men without me there, tonight she asked if she could go and visit him while he is away with work an staying in a hotel.

How many on here play without their partner present? And how do you deal with the feeling of anxiety? Don't get me wrong the fantasy turns me on but the reality might be different.

I'm not part of a swinging couple, so take from this what you will.

I'm good at reading between the lines from less information than you've given: you do not seem 100% happy with what's being suggested. Both of you need to be secure and happy to maintain your relationship, so I have to ask: why on earth are you contemplating something you're not happy and/or sure about?!!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?"

Couldn't agree more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is clear from your posts that you aren't totally happy with the idea. In fact your lack of enthusiasm is so clear you sound opposed to the idea. So why on earth are you even considering it?"

This is all about choices and I agree that if one of you is against it then it's not what you should be doing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You think the same as my wife, she also suggested playing alone but in the house initially, perhaps I go upstairs or take a walk to the shops, might make it an easier transition.

I think this could be the way forward for us also. We may try separate room swapping and see how we feel...little steps

This sounds like a good idea, ease yourself into it. The main problem I have is I'm faithful to her, we only play with men so it would be hard for me to swap"
OP from what I am reading here is you really love your wife and she is only one for you ? Now if your not happy you tell her as it could split you two up ....... if she go do it how you going to feel ? And if you was having other woman doing it too maybe it would be ok ... its a one way road , It should be two . You need to feel happy with things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know playing seperately is something some couples are comfortable with but for us its a def no no. "

Same here

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