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"Maybe people have differing definitions of politeness and rudeness. For example, do you think "hi" or "how's you" are polite opening messages ? Do you think not replying to a first message is rude ?" I think its polite but a bit more said would be better for sure. | |||
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"makes one wonder what is the best way to approach. " I find the best way to approach is face to face in a club. | |||
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"Been polite to every single person I have spoken with or not but its like either ghosting or rudeness. Don’t get it…" Maybe you should consider what you expected, and then try to think of reasons why the reality of it is different. Could it be that a message you took time and effort to write is nonetheless just one of 200+ similar messages the recipient received that day? Could it be that the recipient doesn't attach a particularly high priority to their activities on fab? Could it be - open your mind real wide here - that your idea of "polite" is in fact most people's idea of bland, boring, off-putting, or even weird, pushy or abrasive? The above notwithstanding, "polite" is a baseline of human behavior for which you ought not be congratulating yourself. Meanwhile, if people are genuinely being rude to you, block them and think of it as their way of telling you they're not worth wasting time on. There are plenty of extremely nice people on here, you've only been around for three months, you'll find them eventually. | |||
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"I always find there’s a really uncomfortable undertone to anyone who takes umbrage with not being responded to, just because they were nice. It’s too edgy for me. It feels conditional… “I was polite to you now love me or I’ll rage!”" Yup. "I did the polite dance. This is fake, but it should get me what I want. Now I will show my true colours and then you'll be sorry" 👀 | |||
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"I always find there’s a really uncomfortable undertone to anyone who takes umbrage with not being responded to, just because they were nice. It’s too edgy for me. It feels conditional… “I was polite to you now love me or I’ll rage!” Yup. "I did the polite dance. This is fake, but it should get me what I want. Now I will show my true colours and then you'll be sorry" 👀" This is why I sympathise with women on fab, it must be a nightmare! | |||
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"Politeness depends on the situation. Generally it is good however if it means that you are just a wall flower all the time then it doesn’t end well." It's a common dichotomy I see on here. "Do I be vulgar and entitled, or do I be simpering and boring?" Neither. Interesting doesn't mean like a red flag, and polite doesn't mean like sleeping pills | |||
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"I always find there’s a really uncomfortable undertone to anyone who takes umbrage with not being responded to, just because they were nice. It’s too edgy for me. It feels conditional… “I was polite to you now love me or I’ll rage!” Yup. "I did the polite dance. This is fake, but it should get me what I want. Now I will show my true colours and then you'll be sorry" 👀 This is why I sympathise with women on fab, it must be a nightmare!" "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe..." | |||
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"Polite is necessary but not sufficient." Succinctly put. I like that.  | |||
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"Been polite to every single person I have spoken with or not but its like either ghosting or rudeness. Don’t get it… Maybe you should consider what you expected, and then try to think of reasons why the reality of it is different. Could it be that a message you took time and effort to write is nonetheless just one of 200+ similar messages the recipient received that day? Could it be that the recipient doesn't attach a particularly high priority to their activities on fab? Could it be - open your mind real wide here - that your idea of "polite" is in fact most people's idea of bland, boring, off-putting, or even weird, pushy or abrasive? The above notwithstanding, "polite" is a baseline of human behavior for which you ought not be congratulating yourself. Meanwhile, if people are genuinely being rude to you, block them and think of it as their way of telling you they're not worth wasting time on. There are plenty of extremely nice people on here, you've only been around for three months, you'll find them eventually." That’s great advice really appreciate it!! | |||
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"I'm polite but as for a response well that depends on how they've approached me. Have they actually read my profile and then messaged me out of genuine interest in maybe seeing what could happen? Or just because I'm woman and they thought they would just say hi. I find the ones that just write hi or a sentence never actually converse more than that at a time. I can converse well but I'm not doing pointless email ping pong of one word responses. I even have someone reply the word K to me today haha. " So true!! I always read the profile tbh, if people have put their efforts then surely we have to. | |||
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"Politeness is the quickest way into my knickers. But yes it seems overrated in here sometimes!" Ha that’s what my understanding would’ve been but like one guy said here, it eventually works out. It is definitely underrated and I think should be appreciated with a gentle no thank you at the very least | |||
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"I always find there’s a really uncomfortable undertone to anyone who takes umbrage with not being responded to, just because they were nice. It’s too edgy for me. It feels conditional… “I was polite to you now love me or I’ll rage!”" I like this explanation. Understanding what being polite is can be subjective and a lot of rude and entitled people think they are polite when in fact they aren’t xx  | |||
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"I always find there’s a really uncomfortable undertone to anyone who takes umbrage with not being responded to, just because they were nice. It’s too edgy for me. It feels conditional… “I was polite to you now love me or I’ll rage!” I like this explanation. Understanding what being polite is can be subjective and a lot of rude and entitled people think they are polite when in fact they aren’t xx "I was brought up to be kind, honest and respectful. Basic common decency goes a long way! Sometimes all the way  | |||
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"Politeness is the quickest way into my knickers. But yes it seems overrated in here sometimes! Ha that’s what my understanding would’ve been but like one guy said here, it eventually works out. It is definitely underrated and I think should be appreciated with a gentle no thank you at the very least " Careful there...you're letting your expectations creep in | |||
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"Politeness is the quickest way into my knickers. But yes it seems overrated in here sometimes! Ha that’s what my understanding would’ve been but like one guy said here, it eventually works out. It is definitely underrated and I think should be appreciated with a gentle no thank you at the very least " Nope. I have no idea if a no thank you will be met with abuse. Truly polite people will understand the pressures on the other side of the message. Those who are putting it on for show will think they should be rewarded for doing the bare minimum. | |||
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"Politeness is the quickest way into my knickers. But yes it seems overrated in here sometimes! Ha that’s what my understanding would’ve been but like one guy said here, it eventually works out. It is definitely underrated and I think should be appreciated with a gentle no thank you at the very least " "Should be appreciated?" "At the very least"? No, mate. Just no. Nobody is required to interact with you. You count yourself lucky to be acknowledged at all, and if you don't get a reply then you interpret that as a "no" and you get on with your life. How "polite" you are has no bearing on it. "Polite" is merely a baseline requirement. It's the ante. It wins you fuck-all. You're entitled to nothing. You should expect nothing. The sooner you accept that, the happier you'll be. If you can't accept it, you probably need to stay away from women. | |||
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"Politeness is the quickest way into my knickers. But yes it seems overrated in here sometimes! Ha that’s what my understanding would’ve been but like one guy said here, it eventually works out. It is definitely underrated and I think should be appreciated with a gentle no thank you at the very least "Should be appreciated?" "At the very least"? No, mate. Just no. Nobody is required to interact with you. You count yourself lucky to be acknowledged at all, and if you don't get a reply then you interpret that as a "no" and you get on with your life. How "polite" you are has no bearing on it. "Polite" is merely a baseline requirement. It's the ante. It wins you fuck-all. You're entitled to nothing. You should expect nothing. The sooner you accept that, the happier you'll be. If you can't accept it, you probably need to stay away from women." Totally acceptable no doubts you’re right | |||
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"As others have said, I've replied a polite "no thank you" and received a torrent of abuse (last standout one was along the lines of "you've had more pricks than a 2nd hand dartboard you slag"), so I very rarely bother now. Sad, but that's how it is. " Sorry to hear that, well like the other guy said its just better to move on | |||
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"politeness with a touch of sarcasm is still being polite " You know that you can just delete your profile if you don't want to meet people any more? How polite did you find that? | |||
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"Totally agree with all, never rage or angry no response but still makes one wonder what is the best way to approach. " So, you're wondering whether rage and anger at people would make you more successful? | |||
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"Totally agree with all, never rage or angry no response but still makes one wonder what is the best way to approach. So, you're wondering whether rage and anger at people would make you more successful? " Not at all, I think you got that totally the wrong way. | |||
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"I (C) run this account mostly, and try to reply to everyone, but it’s impossible to keep track at times, so other times I just open or delete if we’re not interested. I’m not trying to be rude, I do try, it’s just sometimes life is a tad busy C " That’s definitely the biggest issue that is highlighted, just the sheer volume of mails for each couple is crazy. | |||
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"Lots of guys seem to enjoy patting themes on the back for having qualities that rate as Bare Minimum. "Fun loving", "No drama", "Easy going", "Clean", "Polite" I guess it's to filter out all the women who prefer men that are rude, dirty, hard work, joyless dramaramas" I think those keywords are put on the profiles so that women and couples that have put those similar ones just get the answer (or so we think) and probably because too lazy to type 🤣 | |||
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"Been polite to every single person I have spoken with or not but its like either ghosting or rudeness. Don’t get it…" Let's put this another way. You have chosen to send messages, and the recipient(s) have chosen not to reply. Neither action is in itself polite or impolite. ______ To those people that persist with the idea of 'manners cost nothing'. Look at it another way. Any time you choose to 'do something', such as reply to a message or 'be nice' it takes a certain amount of energy/effort. No-one has infinite amounts of either. So choosing not to reply, or engage with manners, is often a choice based on energy use. (nothwithstanding that polite 'no thanks' can be met with torrents of abuse). ____ Also no-one here is owed anything by anyone else. If you don't like that, or aren't emotionally balanced enough to manage that. This may not be the place for you. | |||
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"Been polite to every single person I have spoken with or not but its like either ghosting or rudeness. Don’t get it… Let's put this another way. You have chosen to send messages, and the recipient(s) have chosen not to reply. Neither action is in itself polite or impolite. ______ To those people that persist with the idea of 'manners cost nothing'. Look at it another way. Any time you choose to 'do something', such as reply to a message or 'be nice' it takes a certain amount of energy/effort. No-one has infinite amounts of either. So choosing not to reply, or engage with manners, is often a choice based on energy use. (nothwithstanding that polite 'no thanks' can be met with torrents of abuse). ____ Also no-one here is owed anything by anyone else. If you don't like that, or aren't emotionally balanced enough to manage that. This may not be the place for you. " Agreed, appreciate the feedback | |||
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"Lots of guys seem to enjoy patting themes on the back for having qualities that rate as Bare Minimum. "Fun loving", "No drama", "Easy going", "Clean", "Polite" I guess it's to filter out all the women who prefer men that are rude, dirty, hard work, joyless dramaramas" In my experience, the "no drama", "easy going" ones are the most upright drama llamas I've ever met 😂😂 | |||
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"Totally agree with all, never rage or angry no response but still makes one wonder what is the best way to approach. So, you're wondering whether rage and anger at people would make you more successful? Not at all, I think you got that totally the wrong way. " I don't think they did. The fact you bring it up at all means you consider it to be part of the range of possible reactions. Like, yeah, it's objectively a good thing that you don't get angry with people who don't respond to you, but only in the same way that it's a good thing that you don't stab people who don't let you cut in line at the supermarket checkout. Look, in an ideal world everybody would get as much love as they want, and it's fine to feel disappointed that you don't. But the premise of your thread is "why haven't my good manners earnt me the attention I want", and that's a flatly toxic attitude. For the record, the correct attitude is "I will present myself in the best way I can, and hope - but never expect - that people will respond positively to it." | |||
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"Totally agree with all, never rage or angry no response but still makes one wonder what is the best way to approach. So, you're wondering whether rage and anger at people would make you more successful? Not at all, I think you got that totally the wrong way. I don't think they did. The fact you bring it up at all means you consider it to be part of the range of possible reactions. Like, yeah, it's objectively a good thing that you don't get angry with people who don't respond to you, but only in the same way that it's a good thing that you don't stab people who don't let you cut in line at the supermarket checkout. Look, in an ideal world everybody would get as much love as they want, and it's fine to feel disappointed that you don't. But the premise of your thread is "why haven't my good manners earnt me the attention I want", and that's a flatly toxic attitude. For the record, the correct attitude is "I will present myself in the best way I can, and hope - but never expect - that people will respond positively to it."" What I meant was I am enraged with anyone wouldn’t dream of abusing anyone for the same either. Just like you said before its just better to let it go so doing just that 😊 | |||
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"Been polite to every single person I have spoken with or not but its like either ghosting or rudeness. Don’t get it…" Being Polite to get a response or a reply went out with the internet circa 1999. We no longer live in Victorian times when if you wrote a letter, there was always a response back. It is acceptable now that If you message a stranger on the internet that they do not have to respond to you. Too many criminals on the internet and women especially have to be cautious...men get scammed too but are more unlikely to state it so it's rarely reported by men. Also men often don't get unalived from interacting with strange women. Sadly, women and trans do. | |||
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"I'm polite but as for a response well that depends on how they've approached me. Have they actually read my profile and then messaged me out of genuine interest in maybe seeing what could happen? Or just because I'm woman and they thought they would just say hi. I find the ones that just write hi or a sentence never actually converse more than that at a time. I can converse well but I'm not doing pointless email ping pong of one word responses. I even have someone reply the word K to me today haha. " That was my youngest’s response to very heartfelt and reasoned expressions of concern about the way that his behaviour was putting his life in real danger and causing me untold worry, when he was going through his difficult teenage years. He later confessed that it was done because he couldn’t be arsed dealing with things, not simply to piss me off. | |||
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"Been polite to every single person I have spoken with or not but its like either ghosting or rudeness. Don’t get it…" You can be polite but it’s not going to make people message back. If you’re crass and rude, they’re *definitely* not going to respond.. | |||
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