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Newbies: Soft Swap Thrills, But Full Swap Pushback a Buzzkill - Advice on Boundaries?

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By *aughtyExplorers OP   Couple
30 weeks ago

Greenwich

We are a newbie couple easing into this world after starting with nudist resorts and exhibitionist flashes. We are all about soft swap (kissing, touching, full oral all around) with a firm boundary of no penetration for her by the male half of other couple but oral is fine. She genuinely wants to see me with other women. We are progressing at our level - last night's club debut was our first soft swap, and it was electric!

We danced into chemistry with a couple, leading to steamy kisses, body worship, and oral teases that left us buzzing from the sensory overload - total bliss! But after, they nudged toward full swap, and when we politely held our boundary, the vibe cooled off. We have had similar chats with others before where we felt great great connection, but they prefer full swap and hinted we should "evolve" faster.

Is full swap a common blocker for finding fun matches at our soft level? How do you communicate boundaries early without killing the spark? Tips for soft-focused clubs/events or spotting couples open to our level?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

East Sussex

Did you explain before things went too far?

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By *unKinkyCouple-XCouple
30 weeks ago

Hampshire

During the chatting/vibing stage I usually just ask something like "so how do you both like to play" in a flirty/direct way so we all know where everyone stands before it gets more intimate. Gives everyone the chance to continue forward or make their excuses. There are so many different dynamics that it's hard to predict how it will go.

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By *hevintagecoupleCouple
30 weeks ago

Braintree

As a same room but no-swap, ff fun only couple, we'll be watching the responses with great interest.

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By *hefoxesofpenCouple
30 weeks ago

chester

Simple answer. We make very clear our play boundaries in explicit details prior to starting.

If they want to vote with their feet at that point, so be it.

If anyone attempts to overstep the mark during play I’d say my safe word very loudly and hubby and I would stop immediately.

Boundaries should be respected and are non negotiable.

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By *quirtyndirty!Couple
30 weeks ago

Nottingham

You should let other couples know your preferences before play. Then they can make their own minds up. We enjoy soft swap but prefer full with the right people x

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By *ichaelsmyMan
30 weeks ago

douglas

your boundaries are your own and should be respected by people

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By *ixyduoCouple
30 weeks ago

Cheshire ish

Fully communicate boundaries before playing, if they say no before play that's just how it is. Any form of play with someone else is a priveledge and should be viewed as such. It shouldn't be a 'we only did x' but it can be, and they have the right to say what they want out of it too. Keep doing what you feel comfortable with, enjoy it and establish clesr boundaries before play and you'll find the right people it may just take time

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By *hatsWhatCoupleCouple
30 weeks ago

Northampton

It’s mostly all been said, be open at the start. If it kills the vibe, no problem, it wasn’t meant to be.

Our view is that time is precious so be open at the earliest opportunity.

Your rules and play style are exactly that, yours. Don’t change or accelerate them for others, but do be open.

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By *issmorganWoman
30 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Just be open, but firm about what you will and won't do op.

I'm half a couple and we are partner swap only, full or soft.

We make it very clear there will be no girly play, which is what so many couples seem to actively look for here.

Not everyone looks for the same, from swinging, which is why I like a social meet first. So we can all discuss what we are looking for and expect.

It's good to meet people in clubs, but always be upfront & express what you're looking for and offering,before you take it any further.

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By *D73Couple
30 weeks ago

South London

I'm here for the comments, we are also new and have only played with eachother while being watched. I (F) find it difficult to know how to engage with others, without crossing our boundaries. But we definitely want to explore soft swap for now.

I guess when the chemistry is right things might change.

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By *randmrssexyneCouple
30 weeks ago

north east

Hi,

We have been on the site for 10 years and started playing then but we, are still a soft play couple. We have never 'involved'. And we don't intend too!!

Do what is comfortable for you. Don't get pressured into any thing.

Move at your own pace.

We have never found it a problem.

We have recently started exploring hot wife play still with soft swing. The men seem happy with that!! They say it is, less pressure on them to perform so enjoy it more.

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By * AND R 777Couple
30 weeks ago

Teesside

If you set out your boundaries to people before hand and thay agree, then the problem lies with them not you,definitely take things at your oun pace and do not let others try and change your boundaries,we always suggest that you also never change our boundaries when in a club or on a meet,always talk at home and set new boundaries before changing the rules of play,

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
30 weeks ago

near Putney Heath


"We are a newbie couple easing into this world after starting with nudist resorts and exhibitionist flashes. We are all about soft swap (kissing, touching, full oral all around) with a firm boundary of no penetration for her by the male half of other couple but oral is fine. She genuinely wants to see me with other women. We are progressing at our level - last night's club debut was our first soft swap, and it was electric!

We danced into chemistry with a couple, leading to steamy kisses, body worship, and oral teases that left us buzzing from the sensory overload - total bliss! But after, they nudged toward full swap, and when we politely held our boundary, the vibe cooled off. We have had similar chats with others before where we felt great great connection, but they prefer full swap and hinted we should "evolve" faster.

Is full swap a common blocker for finding fun matches at our soft level? How do you communicate boundaries early without killing the spark? Tips for soft-focused clubs/events or spotting couples open to our level?"

I'm solo polyamorous. With my neurodivergent brain, I prefer boundaries to be communicated before touching.

so if I go out with one of my play partners, we always ask before and are asked before the touching.

I know it kills the spontaneity and impulsiveness for some people but I hate to disappoint people and it always gets awkward for me declining mid-play.

I've had declines mid-play but I brush it off because I cringe at the thought of someone doing something they don't want to do.

But to be honest, the best group sex I've ever had was when I got to talk to all 6 people in the group and I hovered on the periphery as the only straight single female. There were 3 couples who had played with before and I had only played with one of the husbands alone before. His wife started off playing with another woman and then at the end of the night, it was super hot watching him and her fuck condom free. All the men were really respectful and careful swapping out condoms. And the ones I never played with before didn't try to finger my butt hole or squirt in my eye or put hands around my n£ck since we just met!

Also the ladies didn't try to snog or finger me, knowing I was straight. Lol!

Please do not rush into anything because you are at your most vulnerable when it comes to sex and anything sex adjacent and anything to do with your committed life partnership.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
30 weeks ago

near Putney Heath


"We are a newbie couple easing into this world after starting with nudist resorts and exhibitionist flashes. We are all about soft swap (kissing, touching, full oral all around) with a firm boundary of no penetration for her by the male half of other couple but oral is fine. She genuinely wants to see me with other women. We are progressing at our level - last night's club debut was our first soft swap, and it was electric!

We danced into chemistry with a couple, leading to steamy kisses, body worship, and oral teases that left us buzzing from the sensory overload - total bliss! But after, they nudged toward full swap, and when we politely held our boundary, the vibe cooled off. We have had similar chats with others before where we felt great great connection, but they prefer full swap and hinted we should "evolve" faster.

Is full swap a common blocker for finding fun matches at our soft level? How do you communicate boundaries early without killing the spark? Tips for soft-focused clubs/events or spotting couples open to our level?"

Just to be clear...there should be no full swap expectation!

I'm doing rope kink and we have intimacy without sex because we know how important boundaries and physical and psychological safety are!!

I've played with couples and men where there was only kissing or cuddling or massage or light spanking or being tied up.

Consent is sexy and the faster people get that, the easier and happier everyone will be.

Don't let your ego or libido or anyone else's get in the way. No one is entitled to anyone else's body. Even in a swinging club.

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By *orphia2003Woman
29 weeks ago

Tonypandy.

As has been said multiple times, communication is key. As long as all parties are clear from the start, then you can make informed decisions.

I've certainly been in situations where people have tried to push boundaries and I have no issue with stopping the scene.

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By *ultry ZaraCouple
29 weeks ago

dublin


"We are a newbie couple easing into this world after starting with nudist resorts and exhibitionist flashes. We are all about soft swap (kissing, touching, full oral all around) with a firm boundary of no penetration for her by the male half of other couple but oral is fine. She genuinely wants to see me with other women. We are progressing at our level - last night's club debut was our first soft swap, and it was electric!

We danced into chemistry with a couple, leading to steamy kisses, body worship, and oral teases that left us buzzing from the sensory overload - total bliss! But after, they nudged toward full swap, and when we politely held our boundary, the vibe cooled off. We have had similar chats with others before where we felt great great connection, but they prefer full swap and hinted we should "evolve" faster.

Is full swap a common blocker for finding fun matches at our soft level? How do you communicate boundaries early without killing the spark? Tips for soft-focused clubs/events or spotting couples open to our level?

Just to be clear...there should be no full swap expectation!

I'm doing rope kink and we have intimacy without sex because we know how important boundaries and physical and psychological safety are!!

I've played with couples and men where there was only kissing or cuddling or massage or light spanking or being tied up.

Consent is sexy and the faster people get that, the easier and happier everyone will be.

Don't let your ego or libido or anyone else's get in the way. No one is entitled to anyone else's body. Even in a swinging club."

This in a nutshell👌❤️

Exactly consent is Sexy , anyone pushing that is a red flag & not your people.

Going at your own pace should be respected !! And we all have different boundaries & thats ok too. Happy Swinging guys & as someone says you matter as a couple & your relationship matters so look after each other first & foremost x

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By *iking SoftiesCouple
29 weeks ago

Chesterfield

We have been around the lifestyle for over 15 years and we started as soft swing, in that we dont have full sex with any one other than ourselves, and we have remained that way all the way through our adventures.

We have had, and continue,, to have great times with people and in clubs. There's a big clue in our user name but we always let people know where we stand on this at the outset.

It isnt for everyone, we get that, but a lot of things people do aren't for us either. There is such a wide range of activity that goes under the banner of Fabswingers that there will always be some people who enjoy what we and we will enjoy what they do. Agreeing to differ isnt failure, it is a grown up way of working through tings and moving on to suitable people.

be yourselves, be open about it and the fun will come, dont be pressured too doing something you dont want to do.

Have fun.

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By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple
29 weeks ago

Somerset

When we visit clubs we normally play in the couples room and start playing with each other and play then starts organically with a hand touching, a smile or few words asking those playing alongside if they want to join. Very occasionally the male of the couple we are playing with has asked if it is okay to fuck but have not taken offence when told no and have been more than happy in a bi soft swing pile of bodies. With meets arranged here it doesn’t come up as our profile states explicitly we are soft swing so if that were a deal breaker, people know up front.

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By (user no longer on site)
29 weeks ago

Mrs only soft plays and we will always ask in clubs how others like to play and make it clear she will only soft play. It's never been an issue for us.

On here, people will ask how we play, and if they don't we will make sure it's mentioned - we've had many who are no longer interested when we do.

Just stuck to your boundaries.

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By *ighlibidoCouple
14 weeks ago

Cheshire

Following...

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By *elkieWoman
14 weeks ago

Durham

In my experience, if someone’s nudging a boundary, it’s time to wind the play session up because not everyone is still having fun. Doesn’t mean anyone is in the wrong.

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By *iscreetfuncpl12Couple
14 weeks ago

Somerset

We have never found it a problem. Our profile clearly states our preference so couples met via FAB have known this in advance and been happy to proceed on that basis. In clubs we have played and the male of the couple has asked and a no has not been a deal breaker but that sort of play has tended to happen organically in couples rooms.

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By *exycarlashane181Couple
14 weeks ago

Stratford upon Avon

After three years our boundaries have changed from soft swap to full swap but that kinda just evolved and we were happy with it.

When iwere soft swap we did find it restricted us meeting a lot of people, mainly couples that just want full swap.

We have even had someone get quite cross with us saying that it is a swinging site and that we shouldn't be on it if we wouldn't have full sex. Needless to say they never got an invite to visit us

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
14 weeks ago

Coventry

We were strictly soft swap when we started out. However I often think people don't understand that the hotness of an encounter is little to do with the technically of who sticks who's dick in who. Some of the hottest encounters we've had have been soft swap. It's a lot more to do with chemistry and how at ease you are with eachother that makes a great time. So you can still have hot times with the right people and have a few boundaries.

This is exactly why we don't see playing with a soft swap couple as lesser or a disappointment. To be fair we dont really draw distinction between soft and full swap. An encounter is just an encounter and played within the agreed boundaries. Because if the chemistry is there then we will have a hot time within the boundaries everyone is happy with. And just because we do full swap, that doesn't mean we do with everyone anyway. A lot of who we full swap with is to do with the individuals involved and how we feel with them.

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