Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to Swinging Support and Advice |
| Jump to newest |  |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think if a trap is your mindset that's not a great position. You have to be able to trust in eachother that what you're expressing to each other is open, honest and not a game. If you feel she is playing a game she either genuine is or you've not got that confidence in her. Either way that's not good. You're clearly talking about it and dipped your toes in. If you've got good honest communication with each other you've got good in place. Is she as up for this as you are? Are you both on the same page? As a couple on the scene it take a bit of bravery to take calculated risk once you talked about stuff. None of us fully know how we will feel until we do it and break a new barrier. As much as we talk things through you just don't know till you do. And if you never take that brave new step you will never know. And it's not always plain sailing, because we are individual humans with individual thoughts feeling. Sometimes we don't know how we'll feel till it happens and we experience it for the first time. It can also be part of the excitement. I'm sure we as a couple aren't exclusive in having some hick ups along the way as we found our feet. But you talk through stuff openly and honest. You work things out and you really start to understand eachother in maybe a deeper and better way than you would as a vanilla couple. Find what works for you, how to read each other better and a path forward to better things. Swinging isn't always easy but it massively rewarding. And as times goes by and your security and trust in each others grows you find a freedom in that security to widen your scope and horizons. Because whats epic about true security in a relationship is freedom (as counter intuitive or oxymoronish as it sounds). That freedom give you more bravery to se what you can unlock because you fear not threat to your relationship from others. You fear not your own hang ups and inadequacies because you are comfortable in your own skin and know your are always number 1 to each other without question. And of course on that note another important factor is you both being comfortable in your own skin as an individual. Personal insecurity can be a real problem. You need to make sure you support and build each other up. Mr" This is really helpful and taking this away from here. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Read the verification " We can't read the verification. You aren't displaying it. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As of now she’s not keen but already started going to clubs with me I believe she’s getting ready slowly just I don’t have courage to start or take a step forward and push both of us straight into this.. hence asking advice and also wanted to know anyone’s got any real negative experience about the start just in case if it doesn’t work out then how would you face each other in life. " I can understand why you're confused She's not keen but she's going to clubs with you. I could be wrong but I haven't seen anything saying that you've talked about this with her. That is really the only way you will understand what she wants If you're afraid of what the consequences might be if you do both get involved in swinging and you believe you need to 'push' both of you in to it I would say neither of you are ready. You need clearly defined boundaries and to agree that whatever happens with other people within those boundaries will not affect your relationship. If you're only going on what you believe your wife wants rather than finding out exactly you will end up in difficulty | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Read the verification and yes both of us met them as a couple but now he’s single so left a veri as a single man" We can’t read the veri as it’s not public. If it’s as you say he’s verifying both of you then showing it would probably help people to think you are genuine | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"She is happy enough to go too a club with you, so if I was you just keep going to the club, eventually so will either like it of will say she doesn't want to go anymore. " We’ve only got his word that she has went to clubs though | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"How as a long term couple you can start this? We both know little bit and have spoken about things, been to clubs, played in front of other couples.. but having no guts to starts with others. She says she wants to see me start with someone but can that be a trap?? Absolutely stuck from last year and not moved.. only couples please reply your experience. " If you have already been to clubs I would continue with that Have clear conversations before a visit, are you open to chatting with other couples Do you play in the couples room, are you both comfortable with closer proximity of others . Just build on the club nights Start making connections But always always plan, have conversation during the evening and have a safe words to end any situation that one of you becomes uncomfortable with And when you get home Talk hug and reassure each other | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"How as a long term couple you can start this? We both know little bit and have spoken about things, been to clubs, played in front of other couples.. but having no guts to starts with others. She says she wants to see me start with someone but can that be a trap?? Absolutely stuck from last year and not moved.. only couples please reply your experience. If you have already been to clubs I would continue with that Have clear conversations before a visit, are you open to chatting with other couples Do you play in the couples room, are you both comfortable with closer proximity of others . Just build on the club nights Start making connections But always always plan, have conversation during the evening and have a safe words to end any situation that one of you becomes uncomfortable with And when you get home Talk hug and reassure each other " We have a safe "squeeze a big toe" as we tended to forget a safe word or would feel a dick shouting out "red". Only ever did it once and that was when it just didn't feel right, couldn't put our finger on it, bith of us sensed it. As everyone has said, I'd just carry on going to clubs, chatting to couples, lots of swingers will tell you about other clubs, holidays, private parties, socials, weekends away they have experienced and the fears and trepidation they sometimes experience. Take your time, there's no rush and do it as a couple and you must, must, learn to articulate all your thoughts around swinging in the cold light of day. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"How as a long term couple you can start this? We both know little bit and have spoken about things, been to clubs, played in front of other couples.. but having no guts to starts with others. She says she wants to see me start with someone but can that be a trap?? Absolutely stuck from last year and not moved.. only couples please reply your experience. If you have already been to clubs I would continue with that Have clear conversations before a visit, are you open to chatting with other couples Do you play in the couples room, are you both comfortable with closer proximity of others . Just build on the club nights Start making connections But always always plan, have conversation during the evening and have a safe words to end any situation that one of you becomes uncomfortable with And when you get home Talk hug and reassure each other We have a safe "squeeze a big toe" as we tended to forget a safe word or would feel a dick shouting out "red". Only ever did it once and that was when it just didn't feel right, couldn't put our finger on it, bith of us sensed it. As everyone has said, I'd just carry on going to clubs, chatting to couples, lots of swingers will tell you about other clubs, holidays, private parties, socials, weekends away they have experienced and the fears and trepidation they sometimes experience. Take your time, there's no rush and do it as a couple and you must, must, learn to articulate all your thoughts around swinging in the cold light of day. " Thanks for a very positive advice. Honestly means a lot also we’re in a long term relationship and can’t spoil this for what I like hence wanna take my time to convince her that’s what I like but if she’s not ready that’s us then I won’t ever or can’t think to cheat her. Experienced couples like you are putting a positive light I can’t express the feelings. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"How as a long term couple you can start this? We both know little bit and have spoken about things, been to clubs, played in front of other couples.. but having no guts to starts with others. She says she wants to see me start with someone but can that be a trap?? Absolutely stuck from last year and not moved.. only couples please reply your experience. If you have already been to clubs I would continue with that Have clear conversations before a visit, are you open to chatting with other couples Do you play in the couples room, are you both comfortable with closer proximity of others . Just build on the club nights Start making connections But always always plan, have conversation during the evening and have a safe words to end any situation that one of you becomes uncomfortable with And when you get home Talk hug and reassure each other " That’s what was missing from after club visits I was upset and we didn’t talk for a bit and it was all very awkward I know it was my fault. Thanks for the lovely advice. Xx | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It took us literally years to move on from going to a club together, enjoying the sexy atmosphere, but just playing with each other. In the end there wasn't really a specific decision - another couple invited us to swap, and we looked at each other and both basically said "why not?". It's fine to try and convince her, but what you need to convince her about is that her happiness is always your top priority, and that whatever you experiment with together won't change how you feel about her, or how much you respect her. And that she can trust you around other women. Yes, just you playing while she watches could be a trap for you both. She may be feeling that she doesn't want to try it herself until she knows how she'll feel about seeing you with someone else, but if that doesn't work out then it may stay an issue between you. Much better to wait until you can both move forwards together. I'd recommend socialising with other couples at the club just for a chat. It's amazing how quickly that can make this weird lifestyle seem normal. Talking to other women in the lifestyle will probably give her more confidence. Also keep in mind that what you have now is much better than what a lot of couples ever have. Don't gamble it for a quick fuck!" Wow very sensible way to explain I feel like we’re newly born babies xx yes I handle the account mostly but this is something we both will read.. really appreciate your input. Thanks a ton | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It took us literally years to move on from going to a club together, enjoying the sexy atmosphere, but just playing with each other. In the end there wasn't really a specific decision - another couple invited us to swap, and we looked at each other and both basically said "why not?". It's fine to try and convince her, but what you need to convince her about is that her happiness is always your top priority, and that whatever you experiment with together won't change how you feel about her, or how much you respect her. And that she can trust you around other women. Yes, just you playing while she watches could be a trap for you both. She may be feeling that she doesn't want to try it herself until she knows how she'll feel about seeing you with someone else, but if that doesn't work out then it may stay an issue between you. Much better to wait until you can both move forwards together. I'd recommend socialising with other couples at the club just for a chat. It's amazing how quickly that can make this weird lifestyle seem normal. Talking to other women in the lifestyle will probably give her more confidence. Also keep in mind that what you have now is much better than what a lot of couples ever have. Don't gamble it for a quick fuck!" Wow very sensible way to explain I feel like we’re newly born babies xx yes I handle the account mostly but this is something we both will read.. really appreciate your input. Thanks a ton | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
