FabSwingers.com forum: D/S brat tips

By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

Im reasonably well versed in D/S dynamics and have always enjoyed the mental/emotional side of it as well as the obvious physical. I am however in need of some advice. I am currently playing with a brat and im struggling to keep the play in the mental/emotional side. She just wants to be pinned and physically dominated so will be a typical cheeky brat until then. Of course, that's no problem, but any tips on maintaining control and dominance before the physical aspect without it just spiralling into an argument!

It's tricky, might trade her in for a sub and stay away from brats in future 😅🤣

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By *eautifully TwistedWoman
37 weeks ago

Telford

It shouldn't be spiraling into an argument haha.

I always liked to be given tasks and having to send photo/video evidence but if she is that bratty she won't do them anyway haha.

I like variety myself but if she is just purely in it to be physically dominated then maybe you're just not aligned. I can be a brat more to see what they will do, punishments were always the way to calm the brat and bring out the sub in me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
37 weeks ago

"It shouldn't be spiraling into an argument haha.

I always liked to be given tasks and having to send photo/video evidence but if she is that bratty she won't do them anyway haha.

Thanks for the advice - What punishments have you found to be "brat friendly" as such?

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By *eautifully TwistedWoman
37 weeks ago

Telford

Depends if she likes pain or not or what your boundaries are.

Whips work well, orgasm denial, sensory play in general if done right can calm a brat

I don't know her though or her personality .

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By *icentiousCouple
37 weeks ago

Up on them there hills

Fractionation of pain and pleasure into denial works pretty well.

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By (user no longer on site)
37 weeks ago

"Im reasonably well versed in D/S dynamics and have always enjoyed the mental/emotional side of it as well as the obvious physical. I am however in need of some advice. I am currently playing with a brat and im struggling to keep the play in the mental/emotional side. She just wants to be pinned and physically dominated so will be a typical cheeky brat until then. Of course, that's no problem, but any tips on maintaining control and dominance before the physical aspect without it just spiralling into an argument!

It's tricky, might trade her in for a sub and stay away from brats in future 😅🤣"

It might sound obvious, but as she’s ‘topping from the bottom’ the best way to tackle it is to simply deny her the things she’s trying to get, and obviously not be coerced into dishing out funishments! It’s true it could result in you also missing out - but if you are the dominant in the dynamic, you have to take control 🤷🏻‍♂️

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By *ensualMan
37 weeks ago

Sutton

This thread may be of help.

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1719414

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By *ir and GoddessCouple
37 weeks ago

Frodsham

It's tricky, might trade her in for a sub and stay away from brats in future 😅🤣"

Being the dominant takes more forms than just pinning her down and physically dominating her. This is where things like restraints come in, which serve a double purpose in this case. The ‘brat’ will assume the restraints are a pre cursor to being pinned and used. However, they allow you to take ultimate control, whether that be giving her some of what she wants to a point she’s about to orgasm and then stop (denial is a great way to calm a brat) or more aligned to punishment and pain, like spanking, nipple play/torture.

In the end, it’s about creating a situation that puts the control and options all in your hands and nullifies the brat being able to run proceedings

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
37 weeks ago

Herts/Leeds

Let the argument happen.

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By *awkandAngelCouple
37 weeks ago

Oxford

Ok I've got experience with a couple of brats and as with most dynamics it can vary greatly. As said above there are punishments that can be used or bait and switch techniques. Some that I've used are....

After giving an instruction like can you drink some more of your water (yeah I had one of those brats) Grabbing her by the arms pinning her to the wall getting my mouth next to her ear and letting my lips gently touch so she thinks I'm about to bite then saying "I said drink" and just turn and walk away. If she complies don't forget praise.

Alternatively you can start to take control get her whimpering and ask "you want to be a good girl for me" she replies yes and you then repeat the original instructions.

Most of the time the brat will have a desired goal in their mind. The aim is to give them what they want but on your terms not theirs.

One of mine would intentionally start feeling me up when it wasn't appropriate looking for me to snap take control and fuck her stupid. Specifically while I was working at the computer. So I took to tying her on her knees in front of me she can use her mouth to try to stimulate me through clothes but I could use my foot to stimulate her much better and she soon worked out I wouldn't let her cum until I was ready to take her the way she wanted.

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By *k8888GLWWoman
37 weeks ago

Glasgow

To me it sounds like she has a lack of emotional trust in you. Shes testing you to get the physical side because at the moment thats what she is capable of giving you.

Try getting her relaxed and in a soothed state, then have a conversation about how getting what she wants makes her feel, get her comfortable talking about physical feelings then gradually move on to more deep emotions and how they feel. Its building layers of trust.

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By *layful_GaiaWoman
37 weeks ago

Yorkshire

Ask her and discuss how you want the arrangement to be.

BDSM is different for different people, her idea of brat and what she wants to happen, someone else's can be very different.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
37 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

It's tricky, might trade her in for a sub and stay away from brats in future 😅🤣"

I'm a switch. My sub mode is very bratty!

Psychologically, you have to figure out what gets her into full sub mode aka what tames the brat.

I'm a bit too much I think for my Dominant male rigger sometimes.

However, I was we were in the BDSM club in Cap D'agde in July. He tied me up with 6 ropes and made me sit in a corner while he sorted out me the semi-suspension parts. I went into full sub space and when I'm like that, I can't argue back.

The ropes are not painful for me but it's like a weighted blanket..I'm autistic.

When my other play partner who is a masseur, gives me a massage, it also calms me down and makes me more submissive.

of course you can use gags, cock in mouth, mouth spreader? the brat can't talk back if there is something in their mouth.

I had a dominant play partner before and he would dominate me with toys. I would squeal and wiggle but had to remain in position.

When I'm in domme mode, I find a tit in the mouth stops most men from talking back. Lol! Then tend to stop talking if I have their cock in my mouth also.

In some ways you might not be a brat tamer. Which is ok. What does your BDSM test say about you? Some Doms are pleasure doms or pain doms or sadists, not brat tamers.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
37 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"It shouldn't be spiraling into an argument haha.

I always liked to be given tasks and having to send photo/video evidence but if she is that bratty she won't do them anyway haha.

My BDSM play is mostly restricted to a boundaried play time in person because the rest of my life is so busy and demanding. So I'm not a full-time Domme or Sub. Naturally I'm a switch so again hard to be full-time with either role.

So I would be very hard to control to be made to take photos and evidence. Lol!

What gets me to behave is something intense sensory-wise but not initially painful as I can dissociate from pain and...that can be dangerous as a sub/bottom or intense pleasure-wise.

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By *og and MuseCouple
37 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Set clear boundaries , which she’ll break, punish by deny orgasm etc reward good behaviour

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
37 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"Fractionation of pain and pleasure into denial works pretty well."

I'm a very naughty brat bottom bunny. I wriggle out of the ropes during intense pleasure and probably during intense pain too ( my rigger top dom is not into medium to severe pain play).

I'm at my most submissive when they can soothe me physically and psychologically. If I'm scared or defensive, I stay in domme mode....if the sensation or mental load is too intense, I go into brat mode or dissociate.

Balancing all of this towards a sub/bottom takes a lot of practice but some people are not cut out for that but that's ok.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
37 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"Let the argument happen. "

This works ...give the brat the silent treatment so they are arguing with themselves.

As a brat, I like a good argument with myself. Lol!

I say myself but my brattiness comes from my three inner children, BPD/EUPD me, Autistic me and Trauma me. I figure out why and which of the inner me is all dysregulated, distressed and fearful and calm and soothe and regulate them.

I notice in rope play that some tops/doms/riggers do blindfold their Botoms/subs/bunnys and I notice that if I close my eyes and concentrate on a meditation breathing style it calms all of inner me's down.

It's our responsibility as Dommes/Tops/Riggers/Spankers to learn how to calm our subs down but also we need to regulate ourselves ( put our oxygen masks on first) before we help the sub regulate and calm and soothe down.

Doms and Dommes need aftercare and feedback too! You have to know what drains you so you know how to handle it and set it as a boundary or limit so you can still be an effective controller.

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By *din_DomMan
37 weeks ago

East Calder

This does come over as a communication issue, brats take a lot more communication, just to work out their behaviour and the result theyre looking for, and one of the biggest issues I discovered is that brats say they want to be in control, so they say or act to get a particular outcome, however, over time, they also work out if you're learning their triggers, and if you're not, they often end up Dom baiting to see how far they can push you

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By *ensualMan
37 weeks ago

Sutton

Something I have said before.

"In terms of brats I would offer an alternative view, which only a few have touched on. That is, not all brats are the same. Personally, I have nothing to do with brats except one type no 4 below. People categorise brats differently, I use 6 categories.

1. Dominant personalities that call themselves submissives but actually want control of the dynamic and will oppose submission.

2. Primal brats, people who need to be mastered (in their individual way) to be able to submit, the Dominant needs to earn their submission.

3. Pushing the button brats, these do extreme things as they want a reaction, it may be punishment or being noticed. Their actions are not nice and can be unpleasant, and challenging to Dominance. They think they fall into type 4.

4 Cheeky Chappy brats. They like to go up to the limit and dance on the line. What they do is annoying but humorous. They don't challenge dominance but may tickle it. An example, from Fab of the difference between 3 and 4. Was a submissive that admitted to replacing their Dominant's after workout drink with vinegar. When I told my mildly brat sub the story, her view was vinegar no, but water yes.

There are also behaviours called bratting but are not.

5. Failure to carry out instructions due to a lack of attention or disrespect from the Dominant.

6. Submissives giving constructive feedback to the Dominant which is not accepted due to the Dominant's ego, or inexperience.

Labeling a person a brat is not

enough. The Dominant needs to understand the type of brat or understand the cause of the bratting before thinking of punishments.

One point on punishments. My view is punishments should be agreed by both before the dynamic/relationship starts. Not tacked on afterwards."

I would add to my last point that proper preparation for the D/s dynamic would have included discussion of potential punishments, aftercare, injury, approach to risk, and the list goes on.

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