FabSwingers.com forum: Swinging and AuADHD

By *laywithme39 OP Man
50 weeks ago

East Mids

Does anyone else here find it rather difficult having the above and wanting to explore the swinging scene?

You know....enjoying the thrill of exploring this world of fun...but finding it rather difficult/frustrating to make and maintain a meaningful connection due to the difficulty around social interactions?

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By *ananaPieCouple
50 weeks ago

Basingstoke

Very much so. We also often don’t reply to messages not because we don’t like them, but because we feel we might not be good enough.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
50 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"Does anyone else here find it rather difficult having the above and wanting to explore the swinging scene?

I have autism diagnosed only...maybe some ADHD traits.

the swinging world is fickle. You will get the most of it, if you treat it as an experience without expectations of more.

I go elsewhere for my deeper meaningful connections.

Namely, mental health support groups and moving towards Rope Bondage, practised mainly in a non-sexual environment in a group. to the point that people call these groups Rope families, like Drag families.

Most of people on swinging sites and apps are not looking for meaningful connections. Most just want a connection for a short period of time. For a long time, I just wanted to connect sexually but that has changed.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
50 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"Does anyone else here find it rather difficult having the above and wanting to explore the swinging scene?

Here are the links for all the other neurodivergent threads.

https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1447141

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By *smith87Man
50 weeks ago

totton

Mine affects me in getting easily attached to people

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By *cnugatugMan
50 weeks ago

Chatham

"Very much so. We also often don’t reply to messages not because we don’t like them, but because we feel we might not be good enough. "
this is exactly how I feel

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By *otshot14Woman
49 weeks ago

tunbridge wells

Yep I get attached aswell to who ever I'm having sex with,sometimes it's so hard to walk away even though you know it's hurting you.

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"Yep I get attached aswell to who ever I'm having sex with,sometimes it's so hard to walk away even though you know it's hurting you.

I'm sorry, but when I was a kid in the 1980's that was called "True Love".

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By *eyDJMan
48 weeks ago

Willenhall

[Removed by poster at 07/09/25 08:58:20]

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By *eyDJMan
48 weeks ago

Willenhall

"Very much so. We also often don’t reply to messages not because we don’t like them, but because we feel we might not be good enough. "

Yeah it can be very hard

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By *laywithme39 OP Man
48 weeks ago

East Mids

I find it disheartening if im honest.

Ive always struggled with making ans maintaining social connections.

I long for that connection, but i feel that the effort I put in is wasted which frustrates and as said earlier leaves you disheartened.

Where the exceptions I do connect with someone here and they request a pic. Thats where it usually stops. Wouldn't say im ugly but not exactly anyone's cup of tea either.

As it seems repeatable.

Talking about it now leaves me frustrated.

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By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

fellow with an autistic wired brain here

I hear you OP, I can find connecting with folk and maintaining relationships, socially, difficult too, but I just keep persevering with it all and just keep learning, it's the only thing that's within my control

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By *just.meMan
47 weeks ago

hartlepool

Especially when you're an introvert

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By *he_13th_ghostWoman
47 weeks ago

Swindon

I'm riddled with ADHD and it can be a pain sometimes with the scene

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By *andaloriansCouple
42 weeks ago

Malvern

I have autism with adhd traits and C has adhd with autistic traits. It can be a struggle on occasion but also, it can help to help people understand why we are who we are(as long as they arnt closed off that is). Sometimes it really gets in the way of my sex drive which is annoying for us both!

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By *laywithme39 OP Man
5 weeks ago

East Mids

I get what you mean.

Im currently trying to weight up if being on here is worth the effort anymore.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
5 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"I get what you mean.

Im currently trying to weight up if being on here is worth the effort anymore."

Hey I can't speak for Derby but it is worth it in London and the Home Counties. That said, I did have a therapist that I could speak to every week and a mental health support group to discuss my awkwardness in social, sex, and vulnerable settings when I started.

the more social you are the more you get out of it but you don't have to be super social. plenty of my swinger partners and kink friends are less social than me and have their social battery drain quite quickly.

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By *laywithme39 OP Man
4 weeks ago

East Mids

I enjoy being social when I have the battery for it.

I've looked at conveying myself to others in many ways.

I can talk to some people and be having a good conversation. Then im ghosted. Others dont entertain it and don't reply or just delete it.

Appreciate theres loads of messages to go through. But fundamentally it gets frustrating.

I've re read things to check I haven't said things wrong either

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By *inkie_bearMan
4 weeks ago

Faringdon

For me, hookups and swinging are the only option. Diagnosed ASC has limited my social interaction to the point I never had a significant other, although I want it very much, even after all this time. But yes, pure physical interaction works for me, when I can get it !

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By *heekyCharmMan
4 weeks ago

Lancashire

AuDHD here and I wondered, would you put in on your profile?

I haven’t because I worry it will put people off or potentially cause someone to take advantage of me.

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By *laywithme39 OP Man
4 weeks ago

East Mids

Personally I haven't...yet.

I don't particularly enjoy being diagnosed autistic. I'd love to be able to not upset both others and myself.

Im still in the process of working through it all and learning to be more accepting of my foibles and working through them to work in a neurotypical world.

I've had some people be audacious and rude enough to PM and tell me what I said was autistic. Domt quite

Errr yeah already know on that one im afraid

Personally I won't waste my energy on those sort of messages though as its never going to arrive at any form of mutual understanding.

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By *lusive_curvesWoman
4 weeks ago

crawley

I’m AuDHD my biggest issue is being so oblivious I don’t know when someone is hitting on me, I assume just being friendly. Much easier when someone is direct

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By *pinningfasterWoman
4 weeks ago

Birmingham

"For me, hookups and swinging are the only option. Diagnosed ASC has limited my social interaction to the point I never had a significant other, although I want it very much, even after all this time. But yes, pure physical interaction works for me, when I can get it ! "

I could have written this myself. I would love a relationship but I just don't know how to connect with people like that, so I keep doing this because it fills the void I guess.

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By *heekyCharmMan
4 weeks ago

Lancashire

I could have written this myself. I would love a relationship but I just don't know how to connect with people like that, so I keep doing this because it fills the void I guess. "

You’ve got this xx Just keep doing and being who you love

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
3 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"I enjoy being social when I have the battery for it.

I've looked at conveying myself to others in many ways.

I can talk to some people and be having a good conversation. Then im ghosted. Others dont entertain it and don't reply or just delete it.

Appreciate theres loads of messages to go through. But fundamentally it gets frustrating.

I've re read things to check I haven't said things wrong either

Oh I definitely pace my way through the social aspect.

I find it far more rewarding and worth the effort than trawling through hundreds of profiles and messages online.

Actually, people with my diagnoses are not supposed to spend ages on screens anyway. It causes sensory overstimulation and nervous system dysregulation.

I meet people once a week on average for rope play, swinger play, or naturist chill-out.

This reduces my frustration to 0.01%. What is left is the usual neurodivegent/disability angst that is from everything not just connecting with people.

My carer put 3 cups of tea in front of me this morning. I said I will knock over at least 2, so she moved them to a relatively disaster-free place.

It's not you. It's the screen communication interface and neurotypicals.

Looking into neurodivergent coaching so that you can reduce the screen communication and find more ways to navigate and tolerate face to face interaction at swinger clubs and socials and parties. Some of my neurodivergent peers in this world wear headphones and loop earplugs. Some come with fidget toys. I fidge with my scarf in winter and escape outside or to the toilet for a sensory break.

Sometimes I'm so tired, I just sit and listen just to be around people and I learn fun things about them that I can relate to later.

Sometimes in the club I'm the only one in the jacuzzi or the dungeon or the pool taking a sensory break.

I trying not to mask anymore because that is absolutely draining.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
3 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

Hugs you are in for a rough ride if you only prefer people 20 years or more younger than you. I never wanted to date someone outside of my generation when I was under 35 and still, for poly partners it's still 15 years older and I cannot partner with people under 30.

for clubmates, it's different as I get to know them and the club vets them and me so less chance for exploitation or they are only in town for one night or so.

The reality is most younger people want someone their own age and/or someone rich to pay for everything for them because they don't know or want to be independent and/or someone extroverted to go off and do lots of social activities with them.

I am so happy staying home in middle age! The thought of going clubbing every night or every weekend with a 20 or 30-year-old is exhausting.

I have JOMO not FOMO

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
3 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

"AuDHD here and I wondered, would you put in on your profile?

I haven’t because I worry it will put people off or potentially cause someone to take advantage of me."

I enjoy putting people off. That's a perk of middle age. lol! I'm also too difficult to take advantage of. Another perk of middle age.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
3 weeks ago

near Putney Heath

I could have written this myself. I would love a relationship but I just don't know how to connect with people like that, so I keep doing this because it fills the void I guess. "

I just went to therapy. Lots of it and group therapy. I still don't connect deeply with people but that's more a trauma and trust issue than the neurodivergent stuff. But I connect enough and am more ambivert to have a group of long-term poly pod swinger partners in London. Londoners do like going outside though... that's part of the reason why we are in London. There's always something to do! And some of them are sensory neurodivergent friendly.

Naturists spa

swimming in the river

Richmond Park

Hyde Park

Hampstead Health

Wimbledon Common

Sitting in the semi-dark in a shibari studio playing around and tying with rope on teh floor.

Naturist cycling

Dimly lit art exibitions

Quiet museums

Hidden churches and gardens.

I met a small group of people once for a quiet walk along the river. No pressure. just a local meetup. No need for lots of conversation just enjoying the scenery.

If you are very introverted or housebound that makes it incredibly more difficult to meet people.

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By *eralDeviantWoman
3 weeks ago

Hull

"AuDHD here and I wondered, would you put in on your profile?

I haven’t because I worry it will put people off or potentially cause someone to take advantage of me."

I have ultimately decided not to. I get 'theres just something about you' stated alot and it truely is just the Audhd.

I got my diagnosis after being taken advantage of alot, having my communication ignored and feeling betrayed by my own body when it would shut down and go selectively mute.

Im as upfront about pace as anyone can be, try to express strict boundries in how i want to get to know someone. Allow others to express themselves as youd expect fabbers to express themselves but gently try to explain demisexual/sapiosexual as i feel giving the connection style a label makes those less understanding go away and others more curious as to how something may develop.

Sensual platonic friendship is my starting point.. Shibari to connect in a different way.

Im excited by the idea to connect in a more intentional way, so once things become more overtly fab both parties feel more responsive to one another.

Enough people on fab have heard the line about intreguing the mind and the body follows.. And much as we have this label Autism and adhd have been around and in the community for longer than its been labeled.

Patience and best efforts in communication is all anyone can do NT or ND.

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By *heekyCharmMan
3 weeks ago

Lancashire

"AuDHD here and I wondered, would you put in on your profile?

I haven’t because I worry it will put people off or potentially cause someone to take advantage of me.

I have ultimately decided not to. I get 'theres just something about you' stated alot and it truely is just the Audhd.

I got my diagnosis after being taken advantage of alot, having my communication ignored and feeling betrayed by my own body when it would shut down and go selectively mute.

Sensual platonic friendship is my starting point.. Shibari to connect in a different way.

Im excited by the idea to connect in a more intentional way, so once things become more overtly fab both parties feel more responsive to one another.

Patience and best efforts in communication is all anyone can do NT or ND. "

What a beautiful way to put it, I appreciate this. Xx

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By *hegirlwithnonameWoman
2 weeks ago

shrewsbury

I struggle to maintain conversations I get bored or the vibe don’t feel right ppl want endless chat n I don’t were either doing it or we ain’t but until we connect im distant

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By *igJohnwants269withuMan
2 weeks ago

Devonshire!

Hi all enjoying reading the thread and relating to the posts.

I'm ADHD diagnosed and medicated for the first time in my life. I've been considering disclosing it on my profile in the hope of connecting with fellow neurodivergent people who might relate to some of my experiences.

Since my diagnosis I've been reflecting on how much masking I've done over the years, including around some of my interests and parts of my personality.

I find this site can be something I dip in and out of when the mood takes me, without necessarily seeking a deeper emotional connection.

Can anyone else relate to that? Has an ADHD or AuDHD diagnosis changed how you approach things here?

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