FabSwingers.com forum: Training to be a sub...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am currently training to be a sub...i am a switch so i can be dom and sub....but im finding it very hard to stick to the rules set out by my master....he does live miles away from me and no punishment has been given yet...i want to learn how to to be more submissive any help on this would be greatful

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Doing as you're told might be a good start.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Doing as you're told might be a good start."
Its really hard to do as im told

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you both need to work at your roles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What rules has he set?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ask yourself why you find it hard to do as your told.. It maybe that he simply doesn't command your submission... And it's very hard to submit over distance..

You have to decide if it's what you really want... Also did you discuss boundaries ? Are the rules given things that your not really happy with?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and I also don't think you can learn to be submissive... You either are or you aren't..

anyone can act submissive.. but if it's not really you.. the moment your pushed then you will respond with defiance... Not saying submitting is easy if it's natural for you... Just that it's not for everyone.

Good luck...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and I also don't think you can learn to be submissive... You either are or you aren't..

Good luck... "

I agree with that, You wont be able to 'play sub' with any real conviction or for any length of time.

Being naturally submissive still means you have to learn to allow his wants/desires overrule your own natural responses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and I also don't think you can learn to be submissive... You either are or you aren't..

Good luck... "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh and I also don't think you can learn to be submissive... You either are or you aren't..

Good luck...

I agree with that, You wont be able to 'play sub' with any real conviction or for any length of time.

Being naturally submissive still means you have to learn to allow his wants/desires overrule your own natural responses

"
I am both naturally sub and dom tho i can switch quiet easily....i have to ask permission to have any meets and any meets i have are ruled by him, like he will check the person out give him or her or both the rules on which to act out ect, play with myself...(which is the most rule i break) but the punishment for breaking rules are yet to be found out and when im in his company i have to not speak and kneel with my head bowed untill he commands me ect xx

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"Oh and I also don't think you can learn to be submissive... You either are or you aren't..

Good luck... "

what Cali said....

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Doing as you're told might be a good start. Its really hard to do as im told

Can you tell?

If you can't do as you're told, you should be punished.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doing as you're told might be a good start. Its really hard to do as im told

Can you tell?

If you can't do as you're told, you should be punished."

some subs play up so they can be punished.. I find a good dominant always knows the best punishment to not reward bad behavior.. mine knows full well how to punish me..

I just try not to need it..

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

A sharp flick on the nose, oft does the job.

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By *andy andy69Man
over a year ago

worksop ish

My sub is also in training and also lives a few miles apart.

She knows that if she breaks any rules then she will be punished !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a switch. I know when im punished, lol i am cheeky , and know when I push the right button. a true sub, or a natural sub, her submission comes from her heart, or within herself. When she finds the right Dom/me its the respect for that person that allows her to kneel in submission to that person. A collar / or submission is not a sign of weakness , but a sign of strength.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was thinking and some advice to the original poster that I thought of was this.

I need to know what my boundaries are.. I need to know what is expected of me.. and what the consequences of failing would be.. I also find consistency helps me to be a better sub..

oh and communication with my dominant.. without that I can feel very touchy and grumpy.. and that does not make for a good sub.

Tasks to keep me busy also help me..but bottom line is I very much live to serve.. and letting my dominant down makes me feel awful. I can be impossible for days if I have.

But you have to trust that your dominant knows best, and if he isn't yet punishing you there maybe a reason..

I personally respond best to rewards.. although punishment spankings are not something I enjoy.

Good luck and I hope your journey leads you to many places.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

communication and trust from both sides. Trusting your Dom, and respect works both ways. I would never autimatically kneel to a Dom just because he says hes Dom, lol I have a Mentor , and of course i kneel at his feet, because He has earned my respect, and he respects me for submitting to him. You must be willing to serve Him. you do have to know what your boundaries and limits are , and if He is able to push them , all the better for the Master . Not all Men are dom s, and most times they do not need to shout it out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"communication and trust from both sides. Trusting your Dom, and respect works both ways. I would never autimatically kneel to a Dom just because he says hes Dom, lol I have a Mentor , and of course i kneel at his feet, because He has earned my respect, and he respects me for submitting to him. You must be willing to serve Him. you do have to know what your boundaries and limits are , and if He is able to push them , all the better for the Master . Not all Men are dom s, and most times they do not need to shout it out. "

As I Dom I totally agree with this statement!

Trust as to be both ways. My subs don't kneel at me automatically only if I command I also don't dictate who they sleep with either but every relationship is different

I can't play sub as I don't like it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sub in training and also I am expected to keep sir will happy! But I dont like my sir making it harder by placing unrealistic expectations on me, and i like to be prepared to make some decisions on my own. Most real-life dominants do not care what color socks you wear. They may want control over you, but I find that most are not into micro-management. Expect this…and please… don’t call your dominant at work every time you have to go pee (unless he tells you to). LOL…

Explore… and above all, enjoy yourself... That’s what it’s all about. Just do it safely, sanely, and consensually.

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By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

When I subbed to a dom, who knew what he was doing, I did not break the rules. This was because I wanted to earn his pleasure and the rewards that comes with that.

Although I have had two doms since neither of them were as natural at it as he was and I found it difficult to give it my all. Subsequently neither were such rewarding relationships and I ended up walking away from both.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I came to the conclusion i really can't be all dub in bedroom

but on day to day things i can x

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By *amchris7979Couple
over a year ago

london

just do as you are told when with him and tell how bad you have been when hes not with you truth counts

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By *msmithWoman
over a year ago

bristol

I think I'm more Dom than sub too.. Just because like was previously said, I tend to defy what I'm told to do..

And when punished, I let them punish me but at the same time still in control, till that moment that I can't take it anymore.. Then. I just let go of the control but still won't submit.. It's more like giving up and let him do whatever. The weird thing is, I kinda like that play.. Because, I'm usually very in control of myself, when that happens, I get so frustrated with myself.. But afterwards, I feel like human again, the fact that I can lose control.. (So maybe there is a bit of sub tendency)

I think Dom and sub is such a complex thing that is different with every couple. A good Dom will know the sub's limit and keep pushing towards the boundary but knowing when to stop. A good sub will control the Dom (some theories of sub actually being in control of the relationship since they chose to submit themselves and they control their limits..)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

there's a good girl now sit ?????

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes master lol x

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

"Doing as you're told might be a good start. Its really hard to do as im told

Can you tell?

If you can't do as you're told, you should be punished.

some subs play up so they can be punished.. I find a good dominant always knows the best punishment to not reward bad behavior.. mine knows full well how to punish me..

I just try not to need it.."

Bang on, there's not submitting/behaving badly because you want punishment and there's doing it because its not what you want, 2 very different things

Are you looking for punishment or is it more the submission in general that's the issue?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Doing as you're told might be a good start. Its really hard to do as im told

Can you tell?

If you can't do as you're told, you should be punished.

some subs play up so they can be punished.. I find a good dominant always knows the best punishment to not reward bad behavior.. mine knows full well how to punish me..

I just try not to need it..

Bang on, there's not submitting/behaving badly because you want punishment and there's doing it because its not what you want, 2 very different things

Are you looking for punishment or is it more the submission in general that's the issue?"
submission is hard in the bedroom x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you looking for punishment or is it more the submission in general that's the issue?

submission is hard in the bedroom x"

Then is it really what you want? Because if not, why bother.

If you accept a submissive role to a Dominant, you need to WANT to do as you're told because it makes him or her happy. Your dynamic is the easy bit. Keeping still during punishment or not making eye contact are difficult but doing as you're told in the bedroom should be entirely natural or he isn't the dom for you.

Playing up for punishment is normally punished by lack of control or disappointment by my idea of a good dom. Otherwise he is submitting to YOUR desires!

Just my opinions there, everyone has very different ideas as to what D/s truly is and how a dynamic works for them.

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

Are you looking for punishment or is it more the submission in general that's the issue?

submission is hard in the bedroom x

Then is it really what you want? Because if not, why bother.

Playing up for punishment is normally punished by lack of control or disappointment by my idea of a good dom. Otherwise he is submitting to YOUR desires!

Just my opinions there, everyone has very different ideas as to what D/s truly is and how a dynamic works for them. "

On the whole I agree with this but some subs take a while to be trained. Training is part of D/s especially within the dynamic of a new relationship. Not understanding what is expected it often the issue

But a good sub must understand why she does not do as she is told and that could be a whole raft of reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Then maybe you are not cut out to be a sub!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and I also don't think you can learn to be submissive... You either are or you aren't..

Good luck... "

Agree 100% xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and I also don't think you can learn to be submissive... You either are or you aren't..

Good luck... "

I agree with this, but also just because I am submissive it doesn't mean I'll submit to any guy claiming to be Dom...I have only ever fully submitted to a couple of men, although I can 'play' sub with most to a degree. Is he the right Dom for you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh and I also don't think you can learn to be submissive... You either are or you aren't..

Good luck...

I think you may be right...i have only ever fully submitted to one guy and i loved it to a degree....but this one is slightly less demanding x

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