FabSwingers.com forum: Overcoming 'cheating' worry

By (user no longer on site) OP
45 weeks ago

Sorry if this has already been answered many times...

Me and my partner have been together 15 years, we have a lovely relationship and we're very adventurous sexually.

She knows that I have a real fascination with the idea of watching her get fucked by a hot younger guy or a BBC, I'm very honest with her about wanting to try it.

The issue is that she feels that even though she has my full permission, she feels that after the meet she'd feel like she had cheated on me (I've tried to assure her that this would not be the case)

I know she likes hot guys, she tells me when she finds someone up our rugby club hot and I love hearing it.

If there's any advice for getting around this hurdle, I'd be grateful ❤️

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By *elkieWoman
45 weeks ago

Durham

Don’t. She’s not saying yes, so it’s a no. If she brings it up in future, great, but otherwise it’s just a fantasy, and still a fun one you can share.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
45 weeks ago

East Sussex

Which hurdle? Getting you to accept that the woman you love doesn't want to do something or getting the woman you love to do something she's not happy doing?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
Forum Mod
45 weeks ago

Central

People often rely on their gut instincts and it sounds like she knows how she would react emotionally. Even with reasoning, it's unlikely that she would feel comfortable. Preserving emotional well-being is essential

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By *eavenscentitCouple
45 weeks ago

barnstaple

It's a no from her.

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By *issmorganWoman
45 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

There isn't unfortunately op.

You've told her several times by the sound of it and she hasn't wanted to act on it, so isn't really interested .

Take the hint and don't keep bringing it up, swinging isn't for everyone.

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By *eandmrsjones69Couple
45 weeks ago

Middle England

This seems to be just a fantasy of yours. Are you sure this is for her or just for you (make you feel ok about being on here).

Does she know you're on here; have you been honest about that? Have you discussed the fact that you're a swinger or at least a wannabe swinger?

If you can be totally honest with her that will help. From my experience being a swinger is better together than without consent.

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By *uvs2snogMan
45 weeks ago

Now living in Spain

We have a similar scenario- she has said she doesn’t want another man to join us however during sex she has fantasised a few times about another woman joining us and the two of them going down on each other infront of me

I love the sound of this - but I know she isn’t comfortable with ‘sharing’ me and hence we haven’t taken it further

So for now it’s fantasy fun

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By *andy IanMan
45 weeks ago

cheshire/Preston

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By *ayd100Man
45 weeks ago

clitheroe

Is it cheating if you know about it?

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By *en_kMan
45 weeks ago

North West

It suited my now ex wife and me, but with my ex gf we tried and it ruined our relationship. It seems like your partner is telling you how it would make her feel, so best listen. The reality in your head isn’t the salient point. How she feels is.

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

She isn't into it OP, so best keep it as a fantasy.

How does she feel about the solo male swinging profile btw?

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

This is the difference between horn/porn and emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the buzz phrase these days on all the female dating profiles. Men by and large don't get it. We simply are not wired that way. Age old men from mars women from Venus. If you are an intelligent enough guy you can understand the female mind enough to roll with it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
45 weeks ago

East Sussex

"This is the difference between horn/porn and emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the buzz phrase these days on all the female dating profiles. Men by and large don't get it. We simply are not wired that way. Age old men from mars women from Venus. If you are an intelligent enough guy you can understand the female mind enough to roll with it. "

You don't need to understand women's minds (it's not difficult anyway but that's another conversation) you just need to understand that you need to accept her concerns and ' I'm reluctant to do that because I would feel like I was cheating' is a full and final answer.

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By *herrybakewellCouple
45 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Its incredibly common for one person to lead a journey when they are a couple to follow their fantasy.....and its just that, theirs.

Does she also have an account on here OP? Or is it just you researching.

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By *esparate danMan
45 weeks ago

glasgow

"Sorry if this has already been answered many times...

Me and my partner have been together 15 years, we have a lovely relationship and we're very adventurous sexually.

She knows that I have a real fascination with the idea of watching her get fucked by a hot younger guy or a BBC, I'm very honest with her about wanting to try it.

The issue is that she feels that even though she has my full permission, she feels that after the meet she'd feel like she had cheated on me (I've tried to assure her that this would not be the case)

I know she likes hot guys, she tells me when she finds someone up our rugby club hot and I love hearing it.

If there's any advice for getting around this hurdle, I'd be grateful ❤️"

Do you think this is quite selfish of you

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By *uffolkcouple-bi onlyCouple
45 weeks ago

West Suffolk

I believe you are being very selfish, you have joined this site looking for a guy to fuck your wife when she hasn’t agreed, this is your fantasy not hers, she has told you she would think of it as cheating even though you would know, does she know you are on a swinging site and are open to cheating on her?

Mrs

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By *qushDivineCouple
45 weeks ago

Gloucester

It’s like a saying I’ve heard.

“No” is a complete sentence.

Doesn’t need expanding on.

If that’s the way she feels, respect that.

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By *xposedInTheMaleMan
45 weeks ago

Cambridgeshire

As everyone else is being a bit preachy, I'll try and answer the question. I don't think trying to develop something you can enjoy doing together is inherently wrong.

But the very last thing you want is for her to do it to "make you happy". It's likely to be a disaster, and there's a good chance it will take your relationship with it.

So the real question is how to make it something that she wants to do? For a start, you have to keep it fun. If you constantly tell her that you're happy for her to take things further, then she's going to feel pressurised, and it will never happen. Far better to tell her that you totally respect her feelings and you're happy for it to remain a fantasy, but if she ever changes her mind then let you know.

It probably won't ever happen, but your only chance is to make her feel respected and trusted, and that she can trust you not to push her into something she doesn't want. And even if it doesn't work, if you do all that you'll have a pretty good relationship anyway.

Oh, and delete your profile from here...

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By *hastityPleasureGiverMan
45 weeks ago

Rotherham

This feeling of cheating is very common as it was mentioned by a lot of ladies in potential relationships.

I have I've previously been in two cuckold relationship , the second one was cuckold from day one , me wanting a cuckold lifestyle put off many a potential partner.

If You have tried several times to ease her worries and it hasn't worked I'm not sure you will ever be successful and continuing to try will just damage your relationship.

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By *aomilatteCouple
45 weeks ago

Midlands

"Sorry if this has already been answered many times...

Me and my partner have been together 15 years, we have a lovely relationship and we're very adventurous sexually.

She knows that I have a real fascination with the idea of watching her get fucked by a hot younger guy or a BBC, I'm very honest with her about wanting to try it.

The issue is that she feels that even though she has my full permission, she feels that after the meet she'd feel like she had cheated on me (I've tried to assure her that this would not be the case)

I know she likes hot guys, she tells me when she finds someone up our rugby club hot and I love hearing it.

If there's any advice for getting around this hurdle, I'd be grateful ❤️"

Has she said she wants to have sex with another Man? If the answer is yes then a threesome would be less chance of drama. If the answer is no, then...Oh dear.

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By *illabongboy1971Man
45 weeks ago

Penicuik

No means No.

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By *ornyone30Man
45 weeks ago

ABERDEEN

Imo it depends on what her actual response was. I mean how did she reply, was it a "no, I think that's cheating". Or an "I'm not so sure it still feels like cheating". Only you OP knows the context of her reply. I'm in the same boat but I've taken my wife's answer as a firm No. We have however role played the scenario which still ticked the thrill box for me and kept everything between us for her. Maybe that's the answer for you too?

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By *cunthorpe123Couple
45 weeks ago

scunthorpe

I think the fact that she’s expressed her concern should be enough for you to drop the idea and respect her feelings.

Donna x

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By *andy IanMan
45 weeks ago

cheshire/Preston

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By *histle do nicelyMan
45 weeks ago

Glasgow South

Maybes shes thinking that you would want to do it..If she doesn't you won't..

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By *awpleasureMan
45 weeks ago

Sutton Coldfield

It's a hurdle with a big red flag on it.

If i were you I would only want her doing anything that she was 100% into and it sounds like she's not ready. And maybe never will be!

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

no means no.

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By *um n raisinWoman
45 weeks ago

taunton

no means no push it and then you'll just find cracks in your relationship..

and heres the thing if either of you worry about one of you running off then 100% your relationship is not for this scene.... 30 years on this scene and we have seen those not so strong couples fail you see them in clubs from time to time when they are swinging for the wrong reasons swinging will not fix relationships issues it will tear them apart so quickly some not so

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By *um n raisinWoman
45 weeks ago

taunton

so many guys come on here and then think they can change thier wives/girlfriends or other guys think oh i can find someone who would like to swing with me ermm its super hard because for one you need a solid relationship dont get me wrong some ladies do find guy via the scene and make it work but think about it you only hear of the few success storys but no one ever tells you of the fat many more fails

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By *xposedInTheMaleMan
45 weeks ago

Cambridgeshire

"so many guys come on here and then think they can change thier wives/girlfriends "

I think that's the point - it's pretty impossible to change someone, but by making them feel valued and trusted, and by convincing them that they can trust you, then they may just feel able to be the person they always were.

My view is that that would work for most people of either sex. People who are genuinely anti being appreciated are pretty rare. So the difficult thing is not finding the right person, but making them feel secure enough.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
45 weeks ago

East Sussex

"so many guys come on here and then think they can change thier wives/girlfriends

I think a lot of men make the mistake if thinking that women feel appreciated from having sex with multiple men.

Some do of course but very many don't and it's nothing to do with them becoming the person they always were and everything to do with them just not seeking validation that way.

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By *xposedInTheMaleMan
45 weeks ago

Cambridgeshire

"I think a lot of men make the mistake if thinking that women feel appreciated from having sex with multiple men.

Some do of course but very many don't and it's nothing to do with them becoming the person they always were and everything to do with them just not seeking validation that way. "

I'm a guy, so how would I know? But I do know that treating women with respect maximises you chances.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
45 weeks ago

East Sussex

"I think a lot of men make the mistake if thinking that women feel appreciated from having sex with multiple men.

Some do of course but very many don't and it's nothing to do with them becoming the person they always were and everything to do with them just not seeking validation that way.

I'm a guy, so how would I know? But I do know that treating women with respect maximises you chances."

I can only agree with you on that

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By *uckurcumMan
45 weeks ago

Bishop Auckland

I think you have a porn fantasy that you'd like realised,and obviously your other half is far from keen on the idea emotionally....

From experience I'd be careful what you wish for,the act may appeal to you but she certainly isn't comfortable with it ...

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By *HE ONLY PLAN IS NO PLANMan
44 weeks ago

Westmidlands

Let her try BBC then see what she says ,More please

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By (user no longer on site)
44 weeks ago

those that will cheat will cheat.

even letting your wife fuck other guys with you not in the room can actually open up the lady who becomes more confident and may cheat where she otherwise may not have. This is what some of the single blokes in a natuirst club and a few we have met over the years have told me. The women who were the wives of cuks often balmed their hubby for their cheating.

to my surprise my wife cheated in her mid 30's i was shocked as she used to tell me all the time she loved me and worried about me cheating which i never would be she did - we started out in our mid to late 20's as a cuk - stopped being a cuk for a few years after she cheated and left for the other guy but he went back to his wife and kids as many do.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
44 weeks ago

Coventry

[Removed by poster at 16/07/25 07:44:36]

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
44 weeks ago

Coventry

When something feels a little bit forced and more about your desire than theirs it can be a bit toxic. Bring a horse to water and all that. You've given her the option, expressed your desire and now the ball is in her court. So leave her ball there in her court without pressure. Nothing kills a lady boner more than piling on the pressure and expectation.

She may decide in due course yes. She may not actually like the idea beyond fantasy. She may be worried what she opens up regards you if she does. Often for women the worry is they think there maybe an ulterior motive from the guy wanting them to sleep with others. Like the guy then expecting to use it as a reason for them be able to sleep with other women when they're not comfortable with that. Because sometimes it is one sided and "not fair". Sometimes one partner is happy to be shared but not share their partner. So there's maybe many reasons why she's still says no beyond the excuse she's giving.

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By *ee And MikeCouple
44 weeks ago

Cannock

You’ve given her a ‘free pass’ if she wants to use it she will.

We’ve been a cuckold couple for over 30 years, so from our experience it’s something you don’t force, if it happens, it’s because she wants it to.

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By *cnugatugMan
44 weeks ago

Chatham

She's not comfortable with it I would suggest keeping it a fantasy and don't go forcing it after all this should only show you how much she cares and loves you and that is worth more then any fantasy you have I hope you do what is right for you both dude but just don't go forcing it maybe in a few years/months she may chan her opinion but just keep it as a fantasy

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
44 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

As always, consent is everything and you shouldn't be pushing her to so anything she is uncomfortable with.

However, if its something that she wants to do but has a mind block on it, maybe have a voyeur just watch you two with no participation and if she's comfortable with that the next stage is the guy joins in to a very limited extent with ou both. She has to lead at her pace with no pressure though.

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By *ensual 2Couple
44 weeks ago

Blackpool

Full on swinging is not for everybody… takes a lot of ..Communication open honest chats … & taking little steps never rushing … & making your own limits/ rules together

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By *esparate danMan
41 weeks ago

glasgow

"those that will cheat will cheat.

So you werent controlling her the way you wanted to

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