FabSwingers.com forum: Surprisingly difficult as a couple

By *weet n Salty OP Couple
4 weeks ago

Lydney

More of an observation really…

Our Male half had a single profile for a few years and would say that it was difficult getting attention at times and you would work hard to stand out and have great verifications. Saying that, although different, a couples dynamic is also really hard! So many messages of no interest but very hard to approach people who are actually fun and have good banter. Single females are our first preference although notoriously hard to find unicorns, couples seemingly are only interested in full swap situations which is not ideal as our female half is very new to this and wants to try certain things and progress at a level that she is comfortable with.

Realistically are clubs the only way forward for her to gain experience? We both love the social aspect but fear this is where we are stuck

Thanks

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By *herrybakewellCouple
4 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Couples are incredibly difficult, finding 4 way mutual attraction.....it can often feel like someone is bending their preferences to suit the other.

We would suggest clubs, some do couples and single lady events, and also group socials are a great way to meet people.

Mr.

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By *weet n Salty OP Couple
4 weeks ago

Lydney

We have attended a few group socials which are a great laugh but not had too much luck coming away from it. The emphasis is on our female half having fun and feeling secure, Male half just wants to support that

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By *aomilatteCouple
4 weeks ago

Midlands

Welcome to Fab as a couple! You'll get messages off profiles who don't interest you, one line messages, messages off f@ke profiles, messages off couples with only photos of the Lady. Clubs are a good call, that's where many actual genuine swingers go, many couples are happy to soft swap also. You get to actually see what they look and talk like.

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By *lossomTreeWoman
4 weeks ago

Ipswich

Believe it or not it's hard for us single ladies too!

Every couple likes looking, thinking about a single lady - but when it actually comes to doing - very few follow through!

My time waster couple rate (purely through here) has been 100% for some time - where there is attraction on both sides.

Some female halves of couples view us single ladies as a threat, the man says yes the lady says no...

From my perspective swinging is very much a couples lifestyle with us singles left feeling like spare parts for much of the time (left more than one private party feeling that way).

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By *herryEatersCouple
4 weeks ago

East Cheshire

It is certainly much harder on here the last few years, decline started 6 months or so before covid hit. We're only finding timewasters and fakes now

, same issue with both couples and singles !.

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By *air havenCouple
4 weeks ago

southampton

Kinda same with us.Getting couples can be difficult

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By *rBandMrsGCouple
4 weeks ago

Kilkenny

Going to a club or event rather than depending on messages or photos is the best way forward in our experience.

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By *ebaucherous_duoCouple
4 weeks ago

Bristol/ Daventry

[Removed by poster at 24/06/25 05:41:41]

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By *ebaucherous_duoCouple
4 weeks ago

Bristol/ Daventry

Male led unicorn hunting profiles will always get a lower response rate. It’s an extra layer of arseache and a longer lime to value, not to mention the risk of coercion or outright surprise of the other party. It’s just not worth wasting time engaging with them. Equally guys also get super jealous especially when I don’t want to fuck them and only play with Ms. When I play with women, the Male half always often feels like they want to direct or engage in a way that is unhelpful and downright distracting.

If Ms were leading the search and making the connections and reaching out, I suspect you’d have a better result. Equally have you considered her going to F only nights (there’s lots of them). To get her “experience up”?

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By *harAndBryCouple
4 weeks ago

Downham Market

We find it incredibly difficult, possibly due to the way we play we find couples and single women aren't interested. We have more luck with single guys but still, even with as much due diligence as we can, we still get 70% no-shows.

We definitely found it easier give years ago when we started, so not sure if it's the site and it's users, us getting older, or us refining our dynamic and becoming more niche.

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By *ISSchievous CoupleCouple
4 weeks ago

Bedford

We’re a little baffled to hear about some of these issues as personally we rarely have any issues. In all our time in the lifestyle only one couple didn’t follow through on the planned meet and kindly messaged us.

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By *eeshellsCouple
4 weeks ago

Reading

We started in January. A couple of dates organised through searching but also parties are a great way to meet.

We're not really struggling.

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

"Believe it or not it's hard for us single ladies too!

Every couple likes looking, thinking about a single lady - but when it actually comes to doing - very few follow through!

My time waster couple rate (purely through here) has been 100% for some time - where there is attraction on both sides.

Some female halves of couples view us single ladies as a threat, the man says yes the lady says no...

From my perspective swinging is very much a couples lifestyle with us singles left feeling like spare parts for much of the time (left more than one private party feeling that way). "

I agree with all the above. My experience in the past chatting to couples with a view to meet has been bad. In fact some of the worst abusive messages I have received on Fab has been from couples profiles (from people I have been chatting to). Very often it is only the man up for it or a female is wanted for the inexperienced F to try FF with.

I haven't actively looked for a couple for FMF for several years now, because of this

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By *irsSubCouple
4 weeks ago

Darlington

We tend to go to clubs, we put a meet request up a couple of days before, and message any couples who have done the same. Seems to sort the wheat from the chaff, and worst case we enjoy playing with each other in club.

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By *r Mrs FuckableCouple
4 weeks ago

Stoke

Clubs are definitely the way forward, you can do as much or as little as you choose to with zero pressure.

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By *obnFluffyCouple
4 weeks ago

Chester

Like a previous poster, we can’t say we’re struggling either, but we have found a lot of people who clearly don’t even start reading our profile, or contact us when it’s clear we’re not what they’re looking for or vice versa so on…

We have found out what ghosting means…it’s not at all unusual for conversations to just stop dead for no obvious reason…at the end of the day though, it depends what you’re looking for and you just have to tailor your approach accordingly… we’re not looking for lots of meets, for example, just a few high quality ones (‘normal’ life is incredibly busy, so even an occasional meet can be challenging)….on the other hand, if we wanted one each week, we’d almost certainly need to go to clubs etc (again, as others have said…)

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By *issmorganWoman
4 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

It's hard for couples as others have said & you're looking for the most sought after demographic, bi ladies.

So, you're competing with many other couples, men and even other ladies for one.

Clubs tend to be an easier way for couples to meet fems, according to other threads on this subject.

Remember with another woman there has to be a 3 way attraction.

With couples it's just as tough as you have to factor in everyone's availability and hope that there's attraction between you all.

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By *ndymac888Man
4 weeks ago

Dumbarton

It might seem a bit counter productive but would you consider creating a profile just for her to talk/meet other bi curious woman.

She can be honest on the profile and explain her situation and even share with you the hot stuff.

Couples are difficult to deal with sometimes as it’s difficult to intimately interact with whatever half you’re interested in as they may have limitations.

I get you want to experience things as a couple but 3 way intimacy is difficult to achieve via message never mind when things get physical.

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By *weet and SpiceCouple
4 weeks ago

Around the Midlands

"Clubs are definitely the way forward, you can do as much or as little as you choose to with zero pressure. "

We agree with this and really enjoy our club visits. Fab and messaging apps can be such hard work, so at least in a club you get to meet a variety of like-minded, 'real' people

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By *weet n Salty OP Couple
4 weeks ago

Lydney

That’s the ideal for us I think

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By *ean154Man
4 weeks ago

Salthill area

"It is certainly much harder on here the last few years, decline started 6 months or so before covid hit. We're only finding timewasters and fakes now

, same issue with both couples and singles !."

100% agree with this observation. It used to be so much easier meet years ago.

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By *acky RacersCouple
4 weeks ago

Lincoln

"It might seem a bit counter productive but would you consider creating a profile just for her to talk/meet other bi curious woman.

She can be honest on the profile and explain her situation and even share with you the hot stuff.

Couples are difficult to deal with sometimes as it’s difficult to intimately interact with whatever half you’re interested in as they may have limitations.

I get you want to experience things as a couple but 3 way intimacy is difficult to achieve via message never mind when things get physical."

As both a woman in a couple and having a single woman profile...it's an immediate block if a single female profile approaches me but only meets with their male partner...my single profile is purely to meet alone and no mention of my partner happens on it.

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By *entlemanFoxMan
4 weeks ago

North East / London

"It might seem a bit counter productive but would you consider creating a profile just for her to talk/meet other bi curious woman.

She can be honest on the profile and explain her situation and even share with you the hot stuff.

Couples are difficult to deal with sometimes as it’s difficult to intimately interact with whatever half you’re interested in as they may have limitations.

I get you want to experience things as a couple but 3 way intimacy is difficult to achieve via message never mind when things get physical.

It is another Fab truth that ‘most’ single female profiles actually turn out to have some form of significant other not far in the background.

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By *urvyLady4BlackMenWoman
4 weeks ago

Norwich

"It is certainly much harder on here the last few years, decline started 6 months or so before covid hit. We're only finding timewasters and fakes now

, same issue with both couples and singles !.

100% agree with this observation. It used to be so much easier meet years ago."

Agreed it was way easier. Now it's become a lot more complicated. Plus my age might put some guys off too.

I dont see couples,unless it's MM but it can be hard work as a single lady too if that's any consolation.

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By *rdere OpusCouple
4 weeks ago

Brum - ish

Fab is hard for anyone because it involves dealing with people. Different objectives, different outlooks, different approaches (not to mention those who say one thing and do another) - all makes it hard to find someone compatible. Throw in four-way attraction and it’s really difficult.

I agree with what others have said about clubs and socials. With the best will in the world, there has to be an attraction for play to take place so at least that’s one box picked up front. Plus, attraction is about a whole lot more than you can see in a few photos.

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By *ndymac888Man
4 weeks ago

Dumbarton

"It might seem a bit counter productive but would you consider creating a profile just for her to talk/meet other bi curious woman.

She can be honest on the profile and explain her situation and even share with you the hot stuff.

Couples are difficult to deal with sometimes as it’s difficult to intimately interact with whatever half you’re interested in as they may have limitations.

I get you want to experience things as a couple but 3 way intimacy is difficult to achieve via message never mind when things get physical.

I meant for her to play alone, she might find it easier to relax and enjoy female intimacy, the threesome might add to much pressure.

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By *enaiWoman
4 weeks ago

worcester

I'm not bothering with any more couples.

I've chatted with so.many and yet never met a single couple.

Putting aside the liars, the sad sick men who pretend to be a couple......

Trying to get one person to meet is almost impossible

Trying to align 2 people is like trying to get planets to line up.

Total waste of time

Won't bother in future

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By *herrybakewellCouple
4 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Its bound to be more difficult though with a couple isnt it....you need two people to be attracted.

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By *ebaucherous_duoCouple
4 weeks ago

Bristol/ Daventry

"It might seem a bit counter productive but would you consider creating a profile just for her to talk/meet other bi curious woman.

She can be honest on the profile and explain her situation and even share with you the hot stuff.

Couples are difficult to deal with sometimes as it’s difficult to intimately interact with whatever half you’re interested in as they may have limitations.

I get you want to experience things as a couple but 3 way intimacy is difficult to achieve via message never mind when things get physical.

I meant for her to play alone, she might find it easier to relax and enjoy female intimacy, the threesome might add to much pressure."

This!!! 100% agree

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By *orelloCouple
4 weeks ago

Hitchin

As a couple for us it's finding couples we're both attracted to. That's the tricky bit. Also if we meet singles We've always had a great time, couples isn't the case so we're now less inclined to look.

We don't need to have message ping pong either, if you look good in photos we meet and if you're a laugh and we both fancy you....happy days!

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By *oBoCoupleCouple
4 weeks ago

Bournemouth

We have found it difficult too but that’s mainly because my partner works shifts and has family commitments so setting dates is difficult to say the least!

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By *hechonkyduoCouple
4 weeks ago

Café Leblanc, Stourbridge

Our difficulty is finding couples attracted to us and vice versa.

We are large and usually too large for most people and that also goes for bigger folks as well.

Another hurdle is Mrs is straight but flexible but unsure how flexible she is and most aern't willing to take things slowly.

We also like to get to know a couple first to make sure everyone gets along.

Then there is the added issue of only meeting couples at clubs if play does happen.

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By *teinsGateDuoCouple
4 weeks ago

Newcastle under Lyme

"couples seemingly are only interested in full swap situations"

Funnily enough, you'll find that couples tend to prefer both people having fun. Otherwise it's not really any different for them than a single male meet.

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By *una_RaineCouple
8 hours ago

worcester

We’ve only found a few couples on here honestly, majority of our swinging experiences is at the club, we go mostly of connection more than looks (not to say we have no standards, we still all need to have some sort of attraction to one another)

Unicorns are so difficult to find though! I wouldn’t mind if my man plays with a woman with me joining or with me watching but that’s not happened other than in foursomes with couples

It is extremely difficult for couples to all find each other attractive, we have this problem a lot as I’m ally younger than my man but we don’t have that problem at clubs, like I said connection is the biggest thing for us, we can get more attracted just by how well we get on together and having a laugh even if it doesn’t lead to play

I suppose it’s down to how much of an attraction you all feel you must have.. it’s not easy finding a couple that are both 10/10s who also find you both 10/10 yano so maybe focus more on connection than looks

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By *eard and BoobsCouple
8 hours ago

Portstewart

Op try finding organised socials in your area where you can chat with people and get to know the lay of the land as such and try making connections with single ladies at these events and you may find that it may help. We also think that the actual written part of your profile is a big deal too think of it as like a job application where your trying to stnd out and be different from everyone else and you will find that it may help improve your time on the site and probably most importantly have fun people like to join fun couples and just take things at your own pace and don't get pushed into something that you don't want to be involved with and good luck to you both. Feel free to message us if you would like to chat and see if we can assist you further. And just to clarify we don't want mail from single males

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
7 hours ago

near Putney Heath

It's always going to be a challenge introducing a new partner to this lifestyle.

I have a preference to play with experienced swingers because often ...people do get in over their head and are not clear about what they want and what their boundaries are.

that said I ended up the first time at a club with a new playmate because I was waiting for him to make a move and he was waiting to make a move. Lol!

He was new to the club but I was a regular. Anxiety can make men go soft or come too quickly so I try not to push new men too hard. Lol!

It takes time and verifications and patience. You will get their in the end.

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