FabSwingers.com forum: Newbie

By *hygirlx OP Woman
13 weeks ago

Suffolk

So I'm new to all of this, as the name suggests shy, and very nervous. Ive just started being brave and sharing pics, as im self conscious of how I look and my size.

Haven't been short of offers but as a single female it's very overwhelming. How can I get over the hurdle of meeting someone? There are lots of pushy people who get grumpy with me, despite me explaining my situation and that I have a personal life and commitments away from here.

I was supposed to meet someone this weekend but sod's law ive been very poorly.

Sorry for the long post I welcome any responses ☺️

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By *eeman1200Man
13 weeks ago

Paulton Nr Bristol

Choose to meet the person you want to meet in the place that you feel comfortable in

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By *aomilatteCouple
13 weeks ago

Midlands

You get over the hurdle of meeting someone by meeting them. Maybe best to speak to them on the phone first. Looking at their profile is one thing but having a chat will help you decide if you want to meet.

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By *hygirlx OP Woman
13 weeks ago

Suffolk

"You get over the hurdle of meeting someone by meeting them. Maybe best to speak to them on the phone first. Looking at their profile is one thing but having a chat will help you decide if you want to meet. "

Thanks makes sense to my over thinking brain 🙈😂

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By *all me FlikWoman
13 weeks ago

Galaxy Far Far Away

The pushy, grumpy ones rule themselves out from meeting you. Take your time, be comfortable with what you want to do and set your boundaries.

Enjoy x

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By *hygirlx OP Woman
13 weeks ago

Suffolk

"The pushy, grumpy ones rule themselves out from meeting you. Take your time, be comfortable with what you want to do and set your boundaries.

Enjoy x"

Thank you, been called a time waster when I've been nothing but honest. I guess the block button is my friend!

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By *heLeadbettersCouple
13 weeks ago

Reading

"So I'm new to all of this, as the name suggests shy, and very nervous. Ive just started being brave and sharing pics, as im self conscious of how I look and my size.

I was supposed to meet someone this weekend but sod's law ive been very poorly.

Sorry for the long post I welcome any responses ☺️"

Welcome to the world of wonder that is swinging and Fab.

Where "you" can find exactly what (and who) "you" want.

Where to start....

If you haven't already, filters. Use them to suit exactly who and what you want.

As a single female you'll be inundated. Filters will be a huge help.

Men will do a lot to help you, unwittingly, but they have a knack of ruling themselves out. FAF messages, dick pics, etc, block button.

Any abuse, report and block. Any attempts to guilt you into meeting, block button.

Be certain of what you're looking for and stick to it. You may find what you want evolves, adjust your filters and profile to suit.

Social first. Public place, ideally somewhere you'd likely be anyway, if they no show you've not wasted your time. Let someone know where you're meeting, maybe even get a friend to call you, that gives you an excuse to bail out if you're getting bad vibes.

Try group socials, even if you're shy there'll be people there to make you feel welcome, probable introduce you to a few people.

Join in the forums, let people get a feel of who you are.

And don't rush to meet, do your due diligence, follow the veri trail can help.

Don't settle.

Be you.

Enjoy Fab, but don't take it too serious, it's supposed to be fun.

M and J

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

According to your verifications you have met someone that seemed a success.

So just follow what you did then

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

I feel the same but the advice of taking your time and filtering through the pushy weirdos, is good advice. X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
13 weeks ago

East Sussex

Don't make yourself vulnerable.

It's ok to be nervous and shy but you do need to present a fairly tough front even if you don't feel it. You owe nobody anything, the pushy people especially. Never be afraid to say no, report abuse or block people.

Sometimes it's a good idea to block all mail and just find your feet. Look around at a few profiles, maybe make first contact with them.

When you decide to meet do so in a public place, go under your own steam, have enough money to get home in an emergency and don't drink.

All this might sound a bit dramatic but 🤷‍♀️.

Always remember in certain situations it is ok to not be nice.

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By *cunthorpe123Couple
13 weeks ago

scunthorpe

"Don't make yourself vulnerable.

Sometimes it's a good idea to block all mail and just find your feet. Look around at a few profiles, maybe make first contact with them.

When you decide to meet do so in a public place, go under your own steam, have enough money to get home in an emergency and don't drink.

All this might sound a bit dramatic but 🤷‍♀️.

Always remember in certain situations it is ok to not be nice. "

Perfect advice!

Donna

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By *herrybakewellCouple
13 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Go to a club or a group social. You may find it less intense and more relaxed.

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

The grumpy and pushy ones just block, it's a walking talking red flag.

Have you thought about popping along to one of the organised social events? They are quite good for newbies and there's no sex just people in a pub.

You could always set your message filters to block guys too and you send the 1st message or block all newbies, non verified, non site supporter and anyone out your age range if you haven't already that should cut them down.

It can be overwhelming just remember a no reply is a polite no thank you.

Don't feel like you need to reply to all & if people are rude and pushy online what are they like in person, safety 1st, just ignore the pricks.

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By *discreetprofessionalXMan
13 weeks ago

Liverpool

Take your time, you’re in control - even if you enjoying giving some of that control up now and again - you have the real power, you set the boundaries, social with any chance of any action completely off the table- unless you decide other wise that is.

…and in terms of your body image -I think most people would say ( from your photo) you look like a beautiful, sexy lady who anyone would be lucky to be with - if your being approached -people find you attractive -take it on face value

Good lucj and I hope it goes well for you and your find what you’re looking for xx

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By *hygirlx OP Woman
13 weeks ago

Suffolk

"According to your verifications you have met someone that seemed a success.

So just follow what you did then "

This is a friend I knew aside from fab who introduced me to it

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

no way id be on this scene as a woman whos shy and nervous not knowing how some will treat you especially when you start saying no thanks

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By *hygirlx OP Woman
13 weeks ago

Suffolk

"no way id be on this scene as a woman whos shy and nervous not knowing how some will treat you especially when you start saying no thanks"

Do you have any other reccomendations as to how to explore my sexual needs? Genuine question

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
13 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Filters, filters and more filters.

Definitely block incoming mail from men at least for a while. Many will happily message a photo less profile with no text, especially a relatively new profile as they hope to beat the rush to get your attention.

Take time to explore the site. Browse profiles and hotlist those that catch your eye. Then maybe message one or two - try and focus on getting a good conversation going rather than trying to contact lots of people.

You've already found the forums which can be a good way to read about others experiences and get advice.

Most of all? Be in no rush to meet. It can be exciting and easy to get sucked into the idea of something new, but taking things at a slower pace works much better.

And it's OK to say no or change your mind at any point that you're not sure or if anything makes you uncomfortable. Red flags can pop up at any moment even after conversations seem to be going well.

Good luck.

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By *ikminWoman
13 weeks ago

STOKE-ON-TRENT

I started on fab as a single lady I had no clue how it worked but have learnt alot .

Best advice is go to a social or a club , your safety is top of the list.

Think about what you're ideally looking for , set up boundaries and stick to them . Any guy that ignores them instant block .

Any good club will look after you if you let them know you're new and nervous. Make friends with couples who can show you around clubs. Just going to a club chatting and watching is fun and gives you an idea of what you might like to explore oneday.

Take it slowly don't let any guy push you into anything you're uncomfortable with .

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By *elkieWoman
13 weeks ago

Durham

Don’t ever say no thankyou. Reply to a message once, they will always be able to get through filters. Being nice can cost you later on.

Some people grab my attention, and from there I try to get to a cup of coffee in a public place within 5 days of first message. Doesn’t give me time to overthink. That coffee might or might not lead to play.

Find a reason to disagree with them in those five days, you want to know they can take a no well. Block immediately someone pushes past a previously stated boundary even if you have arranged a meet - there’s no coming back from that one.

You are strong and resilient enough to cope with setbacks. Swinging is hard for single lasses, but so js vanilla dating and so is marriage. There’s the potential for this to be amazing for your confidence.

Enjoy the adventure - from one shy lass to another. It’s absolutely ok to ask for what you want. Don’t ever forget that

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By *WANDTGCouple
13 weeks ago

Borough of Greenwich

Take things at your own pace, arrange a meet in public area and stipulate it will only be for a coffee for the first social. If they can't handle that then it will have to be a no from you. If they are the pushy type, then you'll probably realise that they are only in it for themselves. As someone mentioned, maybe do a face call chat beforehand, we've done a few just prove we are a couple for their benefit.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
13 weeks ago

Coventry

Definitely would recommend a club or even a social event. It's really helps when you get to immerse yourself in the scene in the real life world and experience that we are all just a wide section of society. All different backgrounds, shapes and sizes and all sexy. Because our only barrier is our mental hang ups, not our bodies. If you can just become comfortable in your own skin you'll find you are desired and more importantly you'll find your people and the hot adventures you seek. Clubs are a great space to let go of your inhibitions and realise you're fine as you are, as well all are and nothing should hold you back.

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By *eroLondonMan
13 weeks ago

Mayfair

OP, have you taken the plunge and messaged people first, initiating the conversation?

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By *lowercandyWoman
13 weeks ago

Lancashire

If you are overwhelmed with the messages then give yourself the control back by setting your filters so no one can message you

You then in your time/availability to spend on here search, read profiles and wink or message

This put it's in your court

In regards meeting I say on my profile all first meets are social only.

Over the years (as I've lived in different places) I've either found a local pub/cafe I am comfortable going to on my own. That then becomes my meeting place.

I'd also look at any organised social events in your area or close enough if you are wanting to travel

Believe me I "get you" and I'm sorry I'm not closer. I had the good luck that the lady who introduced me to swinging many years ago also took me to a club so we'd have the comfort of being with a friend but were two single people arriving and leaving together ( just like a night out in town).

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By *umagain58Man
13 weeks ago

London

You have had some great advice on here. All I can add is it’s entirely understandable. I am a long time swinger and can still get a little nervous when meeting new people from here

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By *arierWoman
12 weeks ago

birmingham

I used to be self conscious until my highest rated video on the a certain site was the one my stretched marked tummy and tits were swinging about 😂

As for meets, just go for it! Once you get that first meet out the way it gets so much easier 🥰

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By *tu.xMan
12 weeks ago

around

I find after messaging if the interest is still there phone calls maybe a video chat are good icebreakers...Good look

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By *renzMan
12 weeks ago

Between Chichester and Havant

Make your first meeting somewhere in public, a social, so you can see how you get on. Ignore anyone who is pushy, that is a red flag in itself. Remember you can say no at any point! Anyone who isn't patient, isn't worth knowing. The biggest for me.... trust your gut instinct, it's rarely wrong!

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