FabSwingers.com forum: "Punching" down

By *ensual_Sam OP Man
20 weeks ago

Bracknell

Potential grenade here -

I might have read something similar on another thread and don't remember where but would you say that some men on here out of desperation are "punching down". Basically sleeping with women who, on a superficial scale, are less attractive then them? Of course I'm not that shallow and they're maybe more to it then that but

I've read bios where women have basically put they can afford to be picky and fair play to them.

And if this the case in some instances not only makes it impossible for average/below average guys (we've all seen the thread topics - Profile advice - Why is no one replying to me - OP no longer on site ) but can also lead to time wasters who are happy to chat/flirt online with someone they deem less attractive but when push comes to shove they get cold feet?

Just a thought 🤔

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By *issmorganWoman
20 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

I've seen a few men start threads hinting that they've been turned down by women they wouldn't look twice in real life. So I do think some men will message everyone within a certain area, whether they find them attractive or not.

They then get outraged when the lady doesn't reply or says no and come to vent on the forums in a derogatory way.

Attractiveness is subjective though, so some may not think they're punching down at all. You can't always explain what you find attractive in someone.

I'm average and in the past I've had meets with some handsome men. It's possible they were punching down, but they never gave me any sign that they thought that.

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By *issmorganWoman
20 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Also just to add, I've only ever been stood up once.

I have seen really attractive people messed about and stood up too though on the forums.so think there are some who just get off on wasting other peoples time.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
20 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

On the whole you'll likely find women tend to be less interested in the visual than men. A man's objective physical beauty or lack of is less of a factor than many think in many cases.

My favourite is when people who think they're punching down get offended that their perceived easy fuck meat doesn't rate them the same way.

You're not going to change the way a large number of men behave. Especially not with a plea to make it easier for less visually attractive men to get laid by not exercising all their perceived options.

It is what it is. If you think someone is only not into you because prettier boys are giving her attention, why do you even want to be involved with someone like that anyway?

People be people 💜

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
20 weeks ago

East Sussex

When women have choice and actually exercise it some men get cross when that choice excludes them and instead of upping their game blame the women.

Expectations vary wildly and are often way too high

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
20 weeks ago

Central

People find different things attractive in others and often the personality and attitudes that some communicate are quite repugnant, to the extent that they would be heaving, should they engage at a physical level. Some may underestimate the value of personality and vastly overestimate their own physical attractiveness. Some just are dicks, judging by profiles

Many project their negative feelings onto others, not readily admitting, potentially even to themselves, when they're not ready to accept something. Surprisingly, there are some who suggest they perhaps are not especially emotionally much advanced since childhood tantrum stages.

Despite emotional maturity, there's a seeming chasm too, in some people not being understanding of what others need.

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By *oupleSouthEast69Couple
20 weeks ago

brighton

"When women have choice and actually exercise it some men get cross when that choice excludes them and instead of upping their game blame the women.

Expectations vary wildly and are often way too high "

Exactly!

In the traditional dating market men have the upper hand because they have less to lose if it goes wrong than women who are often looking to have kids and settle down. Men have decades longer than women to do this. There is also often an economic disparity especially when a woman already has kids and has taken a career hit. But in casual sex/dating/swinging women have the upper hand. So our currency/value shifts. Women who men wouldn't be attracted to as a wife/partner have other attributes that increase their attractiveness in the swinging market. It's not about men 'punching down' it's about men looking for ^different^ attributes in women. Primarily men aren't looking for women who are stand out in the looks department, instead they are looking for women who are a) available, b) interested, c) good company and d) sexually GGG. If you just look at attractiveness in terms of boob size, small waists or whatever then you're missing the point of swinging. Some of the most sought after women on fab are not the 10s in the looks department but are the ones who are FUN to hang out with and always have a good time. If men are viewing time spent with a woman 'less attractive' than they are as 'punching down' they don't get swinging and don't deserve to have any woman's time IMO!

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By *ichaelsmyMan
20 weeks ago

doiglas

"I've seen a few men start threads hinting that they've been turned down by women they wouldn't look twice in real life. So I do think some men will message everyone within a certain area, whether they find them attractive or not.

They then get outraged when the lady doesn't reply or says no and come to vent on the forums in a derogatory way.

Attractiveness is subjective though, so some may not think they're punching down at all. You can't always explain what you find attractive in someone.

I'm average and in the past I've had meets with some handsome men. It's possible they were punching down, but they never gave me any sign that they thought that. "

everyone has preferences, people just need to grow up and get over being turned down.

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By *igad999Man
20 weeks ago

wolverhampton

Everyone has a type and that’s women as well as men

One persons type might not be another’s and that could be perceived as “punching down” which is wrong because there’s more to attractiveness than looks

I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, my wife might not be for everyone and that’s fine

But also ive come across people that might not be my usual type but something about them has just made them amazingly sexy and hot

Yes there has to be physical attraction of course that’s a given but there’s many parts of beauty to a lady (and man)

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By *rpeggioCouple
20 weeks ago

Baughurst

... If you think someone is only not into you because prettier boys are giving her attention, why do you even want to be involved with someone like that anyway?... "

___

Top marks for this answer...

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By *rpeggioCouple
20 weeks ago

Baughurst

"Everyone has a type and that’s women as well as men

One persons type might not be another’s and that could be perceived as “punching down” which is wrong because there’s more to attractiveness than looks

I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, my wife might not be for everyone and that’s fine

But also ive come across people that might not be my usual type but something about them has just made them amazingly sexy and hot

Yes there has to be physical attraction of course that’s a given but there’s many parts of beauty to a lady (and man) "

Not everyone has a type (physique wise). I don't (Mr. Arpeggio). For me, my experience is always what for you might be occasional, the "...coming across people that might not be my usual type but something about them has just made them amazingly sexy and hot". I do feel physically attracted, but could not make a list or filter based on physical attributes.

Have also met people (mostly women) who don't like anyone at all based on physique, just get turned on with conversation and affinity, feeling at ease with someone.

My point: we are all different, thankfully

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By *imbob2025300Man
20 weeks ago

Grantham

A Fab 8 or 9 is maybe a 4 or 5 in real life, fab is a alternative reality, many have never had the attention they get on here before in their lives and it on many occasions has a negative effect on their prospective on real life...

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By *acavityMan
20 weeks ago

Redditch

The number of 'Straight' men who will meet transvestites, men etc. Shows that some men will meet anybody who will help them to orgasm.

But 'the market' is definitely skewed to female "sellers", rather than the male 'buyers. (Not in the financial sense)

More men than women, so not surprised.

Generally, I'm amazed that people want to meet me, because I'm judging by physical standards, and thankfully they are judging by personality (the importance of a good profile)

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
20 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Leeds/London

"The number of 'Straight' men who will meet transvestites, men etc. Shows that some men will meet anybody who will help them to orgasm.

But 'the market' is definitely skewed to female "sellers", rather than the male 'buyers. (Not in the financial sense)

More men than women, so not surprised.

Generally, I'm amazed that people want to meet me, because I'm judging by physical standards, and thankfully they are judging by personality (the importance of a good profile)

The personality that punches down TVs and gay men you mean?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
20 weeks ago

East Sussex

The attitude of some men towards women who aren't having sex with them never changes and is on a par only with their attitude towards women who have sex with more than one man.

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By *bitofaslutWoman
20 weeks ago

Cannock

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. They might not be top tier to you, but it doesn't mean everyone's going to find them unattractive.

And I don't know if it's just me but I get a daily flow of blind fools sending "you're gorgeous" messages. I know it's bs, they know it's bs, but you kinda go along with it for a while anyway.

Just occasionally it's fun to let an obvious line play out, y'know?

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By *olds CoupleCouple
20 weeks ago

Louth Lincolnshire

I read an article once that was about how people rated their looks on a 1 to 10 basis. It concluded that women rated themselves lower than they actually were, being more self critical. On the contrary, men rated themselves higher than they were in reality. This is probably why you see a fair amount of attractive women with dodgy looking guys. R

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By *acavityMan
20 weeks ago

Redditch

"The personality that punches down TVs and gay men you mean? "

"Punching above / below your weight" implies that you have a level of attractiveness, which is not equal to your partner.

Punching down is implying that you are using advantages and privilege to attack those without it.

I'm reading the original post, and reading it the first way.

But also calling out fab-straight men, who seem to think that gay, bi, and trans people will fall to their knees and worship them (no judgement for people want to do that).

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
20 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Leeds/London

"The personality that punches down TVs and gay men you mean?

"Punching above / below your weight" implies that you have a level of attractiveness, which is not equal to your partner.

Punching down is implying that you are using advantages and privilege to attack those without it.

I'm reading the original post, and reading it the first way.

But also calling out fab-straight men, who seem to think that gay, bi, and trans people will fall to their knees and worship them (no judgement for people want to do that)."

No doubt sone do (prob the same ones who thought women would). But there is an attitude among some on here that gay, bi and trans people on here are the consolation prize if women keep saying no.

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By *oveandfastWoman
20 weeks ago

Bromsgrove

"The personality that punches down TVs and gay men you mean?

"Punching above / below your weight" implies that you have a level of attractiveness, which is not equal to your partner.

Punching down is implying that you are using advantages and privilege to attack those without it.

I'm reading the original post, and reading it the first way.

But also calling out fab-straight men, who seem to think that gay, bi, and trans people will fall to their knees and worship them (no judgement for people want to do that).

No doubt sone do (prob the same ones who thought women would). But there is an attitude among some on here that gay, bi and trans people on here are the consolation prize if women keep saying no. "

Agree!

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By *riel13Woman
20 weeks ago

Northampton

We know when someone isn't that into us and reject them too

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
20 weeks ago

Coventry

I think first the first factor is market forces, especially when it comes to the market of causal sex (which often has some different priorities over the relationship market). This has been very well explained on here so I won't go over it.

Although desire is subjective (as some have said) certain men have great value and get the majority of the action. This is true too. However I think men often get wrong where this value lies. They imagine Chad with the ripped chest, fine chiseled face and 10 inch nob. But experience tells me they're wrong. Especially experience of the club scene and seeing which guys clear up regularly and are popular. They tend not to be Chad (as above), although being easy on the eye does no harm. They tend to be just fairly average blokes. But they also tend to be comfortable in their own skin, be able to read the room, have good social skills and a respectful nature.

I think guys can spend more time blaming others for their lack of success than they do looking to thier own personal qualities for their lack of success. And in all fairness its a tough game. I think the best way forward it to look to yourself and what you do than lamenting about other people.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
20 weeks ago

Chichester

"Potential grenade here -

I've read bios where women have basically put they can afford to be picky and fair play to them.

Just a thought 🤔"

A lot of men just want to fuck a hole and don’t care really remotely about the person looks . As fab / clubs is just to get sex not date /make friends. These types give zero fucks as it’s the old motto. Any hole is a goal .

Not sure they see it as punching down remotely

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By *ickandHilaryCouple
20 weeks ago

Barnstaple

Survival of the fittest mate. Darwin wasn’t kidding…..

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By *bitofaslutWoman
20 weeks ago

Cannock

"The personality that punches down TVs and gay men you mean?

"Punching above / below your weight" implies that you have a level of attractiveness, which is not equal to your partner.

Punching down is implying that you are using advantages and privilege to attack those without it.

I'm reading the original post, and reading it the first way.

But also calling out fab-straight men, who seem to think that gay, bi, and trans people will fall to their knees and worship them (no judgement for people want to do that).

No doubt sone do (prob the same ones who thought women would). But there is an attitude among some on here that gay, bi and trans people on here are the consolation prize if women keep saying no. "

Joke's on them, this bi trans person's gonna say no too.

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By *oveandfastWoman
20 weeks ago

Bromsgrove

There’s plenty of guys who I’ve said no to and they’ve come back and basically said they were trying to do me a favour 🙄

I rejected them not necessarily on looks but the way they approached, their profile (or lack thereof or the fact they are married.

I don’t believe in these numerical ratings for people’s looks because most “traditional” ideas of attractiveness are actually very dull to me and I’m guessing a “10” is a generically attractive person: tall, slim, European/ adjacent features.

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By *ouise 555Woman
20 weeks ago

Dorchester

"There’s plenty of guys who I’ve said no to and they’ve come back and basically said they were trying to do me a favour 🙄

I rejected them not necessarily on looks but the way they approached, their profile (or lack thereof or the fact they are married.

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By *oiluvfunMan
20 weeks ago

Penrith

"Potential grenade here -

I've read bios where women have basically put they can afford to be picky and fair play to them.

Just a thought 🤔"

"Desperation" and "punching down" are two disappointing terms, but....

The reality is; there are so few ladies in here, that a guy is happy to make a connection with one who actually replies to their message. Whether he sent that message because she was the one in a thousand he really wants to meet, or whether she was one of the thousand messages he sent that day, only he will know for sure, but omg! Somebody replied to me! Let's just roll with it! Maybe this site works after all......

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

if your a woman single or in a couple physical attraction is key srxual attraction is key as is compatibility its key i dont know of any woman or couple where this does not apply and i know lots from 30+++ years on this scene some way way older swingers we know who played late 60s/70s still were based on attraction its the first thing your eyes see and brain processed so those women saying its not attraction it clearly is it may not be the only thing but its deffo the first..

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By *ympho6969Woman
20 weeks ago

glasgow

There are many profiles that message me, that come off as 'I'll fuck anyone willing'.

Not for me. Not sure if it's would be classed as punching down as you call it, but isn't exactly flattering either. Some prefer quantity others quality. One of them isn't for me personally

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By *GoodGirlGemxCouple
20 weeks ago

Glasgow

"if your a woman single or in a couple physical attraction is key srxual attraction is key as is compatibility its key i dont know of any woman or couple where this does not apply and i know lots from 30+++ years on this scene some way way older swingers we know who played late 60s/70s still were based on attraction its the first thing your eyes see and brain processed so those women saying its not attraction it clearly is it may not be the only thing but its deffo the first..

I agree if im not physically attracted to someone nothing is happening. Which is why we would request to exchange face pics quite early in the conversation

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
20 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I've never been interested in whether someone thinks people are 'punching' up or down, much in the same way as I've never felt the need to explain why I find some people attractive and not others. It's their business the same way it's mine - nobody else's.

Likewise I don't look at someone I find attractive and then compare myself to others they've met. What's the point? I'm me, they're them. If they're interested in me then it'll be down to something about me - anyone else is irrelevant.

The site is full of younger, fitter guys than me, much as it was when I joined 17 years ago. It'll be the same long after I'm gone.

The worst thing anyone can ever do when joining any kind of online contact/dating site is to compare yourself to someone else. It's not as if you can change who you are. 🤷‍♂️

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