FabSwingers.com forum: Honest Question about Accommodation

By *risbs OP Man
over a year ago

Cardiff

Newbie to the site but thought I would ask this one. Apologies if it's been done too many times before.

Do people ask if there's a reason why some single guys can't accommodate, or is it really assumed it's because there's another half who doesn't swing? I say this because I'm not married (I was, but don't really want to take my decree absolute to a meet!) But I do have what I think are pretty genuine reasons for not being able to accommodate; basically I live with my sister after a disastrous house share, and can't currently live on my own because I have epilepsy and don't want to be found dead on the floor in the (thankfully extremely unlikely) event that I have a huge seizure. I just can't take that risk

I know my profile needs a bit of work, certainly pics wise, but I have had a few meets since joining, so I'm not going down the road of "woe is me", but was just interested to learn if people have any _iews on this that might help?

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I would say that from what I've read on here most people assume that singles who can't accom are in a relationship. Just pop a line in your profile saying I can't accom as I house share. Some still wont believe you but there not much you can do about it unfortunately xx

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

It is totally unfair that it is assumed that, when men can't accommodate, they must be married. As has been said on another post here, that's rarely the case with women.

However, in my experience, nine times out of ten it means they are married.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Sorry I've actually read your profile now and that's exactly what you have done!! Lol xx

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

"It is totally unfair that it is assumed that, when men can't accommodate, they must be married. As has been said on another post here, that's rarely the case with women.

However, in my experience, nine times out of ten it means they are married. "

Eloquently put.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't accommodate last year due to being in a house share. A lot of ppl assumed I was living with another hair and not in a house share, now I'm out of the house share but still can't accommodate as I now have my kids living with me, I took a couple of months off of here to get this all sorted out... Profile updated to reflect this, but not sure how its all going to go as yet lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People can't accommodate for all sorts of reasons, us because we simply don't want people at our house! For us swinging is a fun pastime that we like to keep separate from our day to day lives and we enjoy travelling round the country having weekends away. Couples never get questioned on their reasoning yet single guys always seem to get a hard time rightly or wrongly. Like others have said it does help to say why you can't accommodate, some may believe you others may not.

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By *risbs OP Man
over a year ago

Cardiff

Thanks for the replies. I guess it's as I thought, honesty is the best policy!

I get that there must be a ton of guys on here that are in relationships and "can't accommodate"; As a bi guy I get lovely one liner messages just saying "nice cock". I know, I like it too, it suits me, but FFS at least string a sentence together....

Anyway, thanks again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some might consider me an urban pioneer to live in my neighborhood. It's a safe neighborhood, and I have had others over without incident. Nevertheless, for those living in the suburbs, seeing my neighborhood might be a cultural shock. When I first joined Fab Swingers, I listed I could not accommodate - partially, because I was concerned that upon arriving, they would turn around and stand me up. Then I realized the wrong message I was sending by listing I could not accommodate. It would be better to just advise them in advance. So in answer to your question: There are a multitude of reasons why one can't host (tidying up the house is another one!); but yes, I suspect most would naturally think it's because you are not single.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a young daughter who lives with me, she is paramount, I have this on my profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing to remember really is that you don't owe anyone anything and that includes an explanation on why you dont accommodate. But accept that it works both ways and you shouldn't expect others to accommodate you either. We don't accommodate, I don't give my home address out.

I sometimes think the explanations make it worse ie if you wrote 'can't accommodate I live with my sister', you will get people thinking 'oh yeah his sister!' and will still think you're attached.

Just stick to your own rules, you don't accommodate and you don't bend the rules for anyone, they don't like it they don't have to meet you.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I can accommodate but I now choose not to.

and I will never justify my decision if asked.

* once someone has your address, you can't wipe it from their memory and not everyone is as discreet as one would expect *

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I never assume a man is married. For example, if my ex-husband was on here he wouldn't have been able to accommodate as he'd moved into his mums one bed flat to be her carer. Sadly she died last week and I know he wouldn't dream of "violating" her home, and he's 100% single.

I don't meet men that can't accommodate after one man, whilst in my bed said he'd never invite someone off here into his house as it wasn't a knocking shop, implying mine was?!! Told the rude bastard to get the fuck out of my house.

If I can't come to yours, sure as hell not coming to mine!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say you can accommodate but then state in your profile your situation and that you'd be happy to pay for a hotel should a meet arise

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By *risbs OP Man
over a year ago

Cardiff

Thanks for the replies, very helpful and just what I needed to know. Also it goes to show there are some really decent people on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't assume, and will always ask the gent the reason(s) why he cannot accommodate, along with other questions so as to establish if he is genuinely single.

This way, I can make an informed choice whether to meet and play with him or not.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Thanks for the replies, very helpful and just what I needed to know. Also it goes to show there are some really decent people on here!

Are you implying if you don't meet those that can't accommodate you're not decent?!!

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By *risbs OP Man
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Thanks for the replies, very helpful and just what I needed to know. Also it goes to show there are some really decent people on here!

Are you implying if you don't meet those that can't accommodate you're not decent?!!"

Hopefully just saying that I appreciate the honest replies and that I've been impressed with the site and the people on it since I've been here, roofs aside. But in fairness there's not a great deal that's very decent about me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" and can't currently live on my own because I have epilepsy and don't want to be found dead on the floor in the (thankfully extremely unlikely) event that I have a huge seizure. I just can't take that risk"

I really don't understand why you cant live on your own because you have epilepsy, I also have epilepsy which is why I cant drive and tho I know it can limit some thing's you do, being afraid of being found dead on the floor is something that's never crossed my mind lol it actually shocked me when I read that

back to the question tho, I don't accommodate, I don't even tell people why as its nothing to do with them, if they want to assume its because im married, let them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't get hung up on it. If people are interested, they will ask the question. People should never assume - it makes an ass out of u and me! Take each profile on its own merits! Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/05/13 23:09:18]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is totally unfair that it is assumed that, when men can't accommodate, they must be married. As has been said on another post here, that's rarely the case with women.

However, in my experience, nine times out of ten it means they are married. "

I have to say that DOES restore my faith in human compassion as i do genuinely rent out part of my property, hence accommodating isn't ideal for me which i tried to make clear on my profile which may or may not help depending on who's reading....i'd say try and not see it as a barrier as some obviously understand!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a young daughter who lives with me, she is paramount, I have this on my profile"

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"It is totally unfair that it is assumed that, when men can't accommodate, they must be married. As has been said on another post here, that's rarely the case with women.

However, in my experience, nine times out of ten it means they are married. "

Why is it unfair though? Surely it is only unfair to the one in ten?

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