"Evening Fabbers,
We have a dilemma.
We are both neuro-spicy and struggle with some of the social aspects of making new friends in clubs etc. Yeah, I know the irony of being on here talking to unknown masses is deep!
Once we get talking we have great conversations and have made some great friends at clubs, but we really struggle making that first approach.
Any tips or tricks are welcome and appreciated. Thanks  "
When I (f) first started in the scene at 21, I was undiagnosed, high masking and still struggled, it's hard to start conversations with strangers for me, when you don't know anything about the person without asking questions which to some can seem too personal to some people.
What I found worked for me over the years was to start with a compliment, shoes, hairstyle, clothing choice, the way they dance etc. and then if the other person(s) seems awkward at all to then offer information about myself (or us).
I.e.
"Hey, I really love those shoes, where did you get them?!"
“oh, thank you, I got them from the shoe shop!"
“well they suit you very well, I'm Cake by the way and this is my partner, Pumpkin. This is our first time at this club, have you been before?"
There are also some great conversation starter guides on some ENM and poly reddits that I have seen which range from soft to spicy and everything between.
Most important thing I realised is probably 90% of the people there do or have felt awkward or "shy" as they used to say, when at a club especially those first few times when you know absolutely nobody and haven't quite fully sussed out the general vibe of the place/crowd.
I also found it's much easier if you arrange to meet another person/couple there, because for some reason it's always seemed easier for people to approach people in a group at these things than one/one as it were. I used to get approached alot more as part of a group than as a Solo F or couple. |
