FabSwingers.com forum: Advice on how to get a girl to open up about her kinks/fantasies

By *attedirish OP Man
2 weeks ago

dublin

So I’m seeing this girl and she’s fully aware that I’m into watching and sharing but she says that’s not for her. She is very vanilla and I’m trying to open her mind to new things but she always says. “I don’t know” when I ask her what thoughts turn her on. I can tell she’s attracted to other guys because I’ve caught her the odd time looking at a guy then she’ll pretend she’s not when she notices me looking. Just need some advice on what things I could suggest to her or how I can get her to open up about her fantasies

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By *offiaCoolWoman
2 weeks ago

Kidsgrove

Your post yesterday about accidental anal didn't sound vanilla ?

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By *orny PTMan
2 weeks ago

Peterborough

What are the odds her best friend knows?

This is a time for reading body language.

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By *attedirish OP Man
2 weeks ago

dublin

Haha different girl

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
2 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

She said it's not for her.

Do you think trying to push her in that direction anyway will build anything other than resentment?

Let it go. If she thinks she's in a monogamous relationship either set her straight or go do monogamy.

Maybe one day she'll consider it. But it'll be because she wants to and is willing to admit it, and every time you bring it up after she's already said no you're only going to make her want it even less 💜

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By *offiaCoolWoman
2 weeks ago

Kidsgrove

"Haha different girl "

Two girlfriends ?

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By *ack688Man
2 weeks ago

abruzzo Italy (and UK)

There are online questionnaires that you can each take that asks each of you separately about your likes, dislikes, kinks etc and the website compares the results and lets you know the things you have in common so you can use that as a basis for a conversation of exploration. But it may be she doesn’t like anything you like!

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By *ohn.Wick.Man
2 weeks ago

The Continental

She said “not for her”

Respect that and don’t “try to….” Do anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

Initially it read that you want it more than her and you're falling into the trap of trying to convince her. You've told her that's your thing and she'll either be interested or not (sounds like not).

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Central

Firstly, it would be fair for people to only open up about their most intimate desires and fantasies, with those they trust. Thus building and being worthy of trust is important.

Secondly, there's no guarantee that people will share the same fantasies and interests. If someone feels under pressure, they may back off and rescind the trust that they have for you, perhaps sensing ulterior motives that you may have.

We find out over time and increasing intimacy and established trust, how compatible we might be with others. How open minded you are, may influence how much she warms to you. How much do you unconditionally accept others?

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By *attedirish OP Man
2 weeks ago

dublin

What’s this website?

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By *attedirish OP Man
2 weeks ago

dublin

No im completely ok with not trying it maybe I didn’t word it right but im curious if people have any ideas on other things we could try to make sex that bit more crazy

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By *lowercandyWoman
2 weeks ago

Lancashire

"No im completely ok with not trying it maybe I didn’t word it right but im curious if people have any ideas on other things we could try to make sex that bit more crazy"

You want to be a bit more crazy

But she may feel whatever you do is crazy (for her)

Just like your other post about kink .. what she thinks of as kink may be your vanilla

You can't make her if she's an introvert and doesn't vocalise things that's her

Perhaps you should look at

How much you like her

Are you really compatible

Because clearly you are playing the field ... Are you being fair/is she going to get hurt emotionally by you...

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By *allySlinkyWoman
2 weeks ago

Leeds

"Haha different girl "

Could you ask the woman in your previous Forum post who enjoys having wild sex, anal and cleaning up afterwards maybe have a chat with your vanilla girlfriend and tell her what she's missing out on ?

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By *orny PTMan
2 weeks ago

Peterborough

"There are online questionnaires that you can each take that asks each of you separately about your likes, dislikes, kinks etc and the website compares the results and lets you know the things you have in common so you can use that as a basis for a conversation of exploration. But it may be she doesn’t like anything you like! "

What's that site called?

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By *orny PTMan
2 weeks ago

Peterborough

"She said “not for her”

Respect that and don’t “try to….” Do anything.

Yes to that, but have you ever been won over, once you've been brave enough to try something new? This could be food, drink, holidays or even a comedy/comedian?

Explanation and exploration yes!

Extortion: no!

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By *allySlinkyWoman
2 weeks ago

Leeds

"She said “not for her”

Respect that and don’t “try to….” Do anything.

Yes to that, but have you ever been won over, once you've been brave enough to try something new? This could be food, drink, holidays or even a comedy/comedian?

Explanation and exploration yes!

Extortion: no!"

I always thought I would hate a cruise holiday but I decided to give it a go and found I really enjoy it and now have been on lots

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By *orny PTMan
2 weeks ago

Peterborough

"She said “not for her”

Respect that and don’t “try to….” Do anything.

Yes to that, but have you ever been won over, once you've been brave enough to try something new? This could be food, drink, holidays or even a comedy/comedian?

Explanation and exploration yes!

Extortion: no!

I always thought I would hate a cruise holiday but I decided to give it a go and found I really enjoy it and now have been on lots"

Exactly that.

Who or what caused the mindset change?

I tried flogging, 2 sessions in a week and sounding session too.

Great job done by the dommes, fully recommend them, but like tea: it ain't for me.

This I hope speaks volumes.

I thought I wouldn't like Lyon, but I love that city, much better than Paris.

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By *essTTWoman
2 weeks ago

Birmingham

"So I’m seeing this girl and she’s fully aware that I’m into watching and sharing but she says that’s not for her. She is very vanilla and I’m trying to open her mind to new things but she always says. “I don’t know” when I ask her what thoughts turn her on. I can tell she’s attracted to other guys because I’ve caught her the odd time looking at a guy then she’ll pretend she’s not when she notices me looking. Just need some advice on what things I could suggest to her or how I can get her to open up about her fantasies "

If she was comfortable with you she would open up and tell you what she wants/likes

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By *essTTWoman
2 weeks ago

Birmingham

"Your post yesterday about accidental anal didn't sound vanilla ?"

Was in the fantasy section wasn't it? Lol

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By *lueLotusWoman
2 weeks ago

the wilderness

If you google kink bdsm teat you'll get the website, it's a bit of fun you might be able to have a laugh together over it.

You could ask her if she likes wearing sexy lingerie, would ever be interested in helping you try a cock ring, would she like a little clit tease vibrator... Things which are fairly benign but might make her feel good, and don't put any pressure at all on her. Keep it light and sweet

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By *lueLotusWoman
2 weeks ago

the wilderness

*test

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By *assy LassieWoman
2 weeks ago

Lanarkshire

But she has allowed you to share her pics on a swinging site. Can't be that vanilla. Or does she not know👀🤷‍♀️

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By *attedirish OP Man
2 weeks ago

dublin

She’s not in any photo on my profile

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By *tar25Man
2 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Get her results from "the test"

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==

97% Degrader

97% Dominant

95% Brat tamer

94% Rigger

94% Master/Mistress

93% Primal (Hunter)

93% Non-monogamist

90% Experimentalist

90% Daddy/Mommy

90% Sadist

89% Exhibitionist

89% Owner

64% Voyeur

63% Ageplayer

43% Degradee

37% Switch

37% Masochist

24% Vanilla

19% Rope bunny

14% Pet

13% Girl/Boy

12% Primal (Prey)

12% Submissive

12% Brat

10% Sl*ve

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By *assy LassieWoman
2 weeks ago

Lanarkshire

"She’s not in any photo on my profile"

So your exes have given consent for you to use their pics on your profile... ahhhh right. Sorry for the confusion👀🤔

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By *itygamesMan
2 weeks ago

Just because she looks at other guys doesn't mean shes attracted...thats just ridiculous to assume that.

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By *ueerKinkyCoupleCouple
2 weeks ago

Cambridge (She/They And They/Them)

It’s important to understand two things; the line between fantasy and reality, and what “no” means.

Fantasies:

One of the biggest things that helped me to expand my range of sexual activity was partners who understood that I had fantasies I wanted to talk about, but not do. We had a wonderful time talking about those fantasies without me feeling that I was being pushed to do them.

If your partner were to say she sometimes thinks about sex with other men, can you enjoy her fantasy for its own sake, or would you be thinking “Great! We’re well on the way to a gang bang now”?

“No”

The other thing that makes someone a safe enough partner to explore with, is them having a really good understanding of “no”. It doesn’t mean “as me again”. It doesn’t mean “ask me differently”. It means no. You need to understand “no” and her right to say it.

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