FabSwingers.com forum: Advice for Profile and Messages

By *uperMD OP Man
35 weeks ago

Aberdeen

Hello fabbers!

Like a lot of guys, I'm really struggling to attract any attention, and I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong. My default assumption is that I'm just ugly, but I keep being told by women I know irl that I look fine - but somehow, I seem to get zero interest on fab (or any other dating apps). I also get that having a beard is not everyone's cup of tea - but even among people who explicitly say they like bearded men, I get no attention. Any ideas on what I'm doing wrong?

Is my facepic bad? (I can share some of the other pictures I send if you like). Is my profile too long, or does it contain red flags? Is there anything I should change? Too kinky? Too queer? Too chatty?

I can also share representative messages that I send out if people want to critique those - I try to balance being brief and to the point with being respectful and friendly - but with zero feedback from anyone, it's really tough to know whether I'm doing things wrong. Longer messages? Shorter messages? Should I try to be friendly and solicit a chat, or be blunt and tell you what I like in the bedroom?

I'm into a lot of things, but I'm also happy to -not- do things if it's a turnoff for anyone, so I'm wary about being too specific about what I'm interested in - is that a mistake?

I'm kind of aware that I have one chance with my dating pool, and already feel like I've messaged almost all the regulars - but I can see that the majority of my messages just go completely unread. I've also heard from female friends that it's a massive turnoff to get a second message ("I didn't answer the first time, what made you think I wanted to hear from you again?") Is a respectful second message worth a shot? Is there a way to do it without coming across as harassing?

I've also been told verifications matter - is it worth sending a second message now I've got one from a female user, or should I just move on?

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By *issmorganWoman
35 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Hi op

You're not ugly at all, I'm not a fan of beards though so you wouldn't be for me.

Maybe a couple more pics wouldn't harm though.

Plenty of ladies do seem to like beards though, so you may appeal to them.

Is your partner on here? it's a bit of a flag to me that you mention you're in a relationship and want to explore her being with other men /chat about it with people here.

So many men look to do this when they're partner has no idea, I'm not saying you do, but requests for men to meet a woman who can't be seen do look a bit dodgy, unless there's a way to back it up.

Fab is hard for men tbh, there's so many on here so it's a numbers game.

plus many won't meet men in relationships, even if their partner knows. I'm half a couple and my other half meets alone. We have a joint profile though and I happily speak to anyone who is interested in a meet with him.

The main thing is though, people won't respond to a message unless they want to and the profile appeals to them.

Make sure you're only messaging those who you are genuinely interested in and who you may be the right fit for, rather than all in a 20/30 mile radius . Always read a profile as they'll usually tell you who they're after etc.

If a message is left unread, don't send another within a short space of time as it looks pushy.

You've already got 2 veries which is a good start, you could try going to an organised social too, as thats a great way to get to know others.

Good luck.

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By *issmorganWoman
35 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

One more thing, don't go straight to telling any woman or couple what you'd want to do to them, that's a delete for many of us.

Read thir bio, show that you have in a message ie reference something in it and why you think you'd be a match for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

I'm not your target audience

I know it's sounds harsh but I didn't read your bio once I saw the oral fixation part and your profile pic, it's more clothing than you!

If you want to, use timer on your phone, a decent clean t-shirt or shirt with jeans or trousers and play with angles.

As for bio, my opinion is that it's a turn off when someone ticks every interest box. Same as not putting an age range

Good luck OP

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By *uperMD OP Man
35 weeks ago

Aberdeen

Thank you - especially for the tip about my girlfriend. Yes, she is on here, and knows what's going on - although I was wary of sending attention her way because she's already massively overwhelmed with messages and rarely engages. I might just remove that part entirely - not because it's not real, but like you say, proving it's not suss would be kind of complicated.

I'm trying not to complain too much here - I'm well aware that between the beard and the poly and a dozen other things, there's plenty of people who aren't interested. I'm solely looking for the red flags.

That is exactly how I've been approaching messages - I always look for something in the profile to connect with (although, frankly, some ladies' profiles are pretty sparse too!), and don't message at all if I think we'd be a bad fit. Again, it seemed like common sense to me not to lead with "I want to do X to you", and usually go for something like "get in touch if you'd like to chat more and find out if we get along!" but with zero replies from that approach I was starting to wonder if I was wrong, and should be a bit more direct about what I had to offer. I'm often told that I need to be eyecatching to stand out amongst the sea of low-effort messages, so I wasn't sure if that meant trying to be a bit more provocative.

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By *uperMD OP Man
35 weeks ago

Aberdeen

"I'm not your target audience

I know it's sounds harsh but I didn't read your bio once I saw the oral fixation part and your profile pic, it's more clothing than you!

If you want to, use timer on your phone, a decent clean t-shirt or shirt with jeans or trousers and play with angles.

As for bio, my opinion is that it's a turn off when someone ticks every interest box. Same as not putting an age range

Good luck OP"

Thank you - oral is one of those weird ones, that even among people who like it any way of describing that you're super into it/good at it is a massive turn off. Do you have any suggestions for how to express that I a) am very enthusiastic about giving oral sex and b) my partners tell me I'm really, really good at it, in a way that won't turn people off? Or do you reckon I should give it up as a lost cause?

I'm really sad, because I thought I looked cute in that picture.

You're not the first person today to tell me it's a turnoff. I do have other face pics, too, I just genuinely liked that one, it felt warm and cuddly. I hadn't twigged that if my profile was a "bad" face pic, people weren't going to ask for a better one.

Do you actually mean every interest, or just lots? There are three things I've opted out of, but it's hard to spot them if you're just glancing.

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By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

Genuinely OP we don't really see much wrong with your profile.

The pic in the hoodie and the rest you have put is fine in our opinion.

We would say though that you need to be clearer on the poly part and with the age range, would you date a 99 year old?

Everything else is tickety boo though 👍

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