FabSwingers.com forum: Adjusting to being here as a solo male

By *umandass123 OP Man
7 weeks ago

sutton

So I’m recently back here but as a single male now instead of part of a couple and it’s obviously a completely different experience!

Any advice from you guys how to approach making new connections without looking like your typical male after only one thing would be greatly appreciated!

Obviously looking to potentially work out a meet but equally keen to just get to know like minded people and chat to people who don’t look at me funnily being open about sex and exploring fantasies and desires (which is pretty much everyone I know in person haha)

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By *andadbodMan
7 weeks ago

Liverpool

you know how it rolls here for the “single male”, loads of threads about how to improve your chances as a single male here, best advice i can give is attend socials, engage in the forums, forget what’s in your sent box, and maybe, just maybe you’ll catch someone’s eye.

best of luck

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By *antasdeerideMan
7 weeks ago

winfrith

"So I’m recently back here but as a single male now instead of part of a couple and it’s obviously a completely different experience!

Any advice from you guys how to approach making new connections without looking like your typical male after only one thing would be greatly appreciated!

"
How can you avoid being a typical male? You have to just be friendly and approach most women as though they are just that a woman ,no sex at first until you've established friendship, no in your face pics and if you have what they want you'll get a meet .

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By *umandass123 OP Man
7 weeks ago

sutton

Ahh I know there’s an army of us guys most of whom just interested in the act and only that! Of course I have a similar interest but just as keen to converse and connect with like minded people as it’s not something possible with the real life people I have!

Also having been here as a couple only before now has somewhat distorted my experience here as it was obviously easier to connect with others with a hot lady being a part of it.

Thanks for the tips, done some of what you said already, guess just need to carry on with it and go from there

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By *umandass123 OP Man
7 weeks ago

sutton

In a way I’m not but I know what guys can be like and I’m aware there’s going to be a lot of solo males here so its easier to get lost amongst them.

Being here before only as a couple is completely different to being a solo male so it’s a little hard to adjust from all previous interactions through here

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By *andadbodMan
7 weeks ago

Liverpool

"Ahh I know there’s an army of us guys most of whom just interested in the act and only that! Of course I have a similar interest but just as keen to converse and connect with like minded people as it’s not something possible with the real life people I have!

Also having been here as a couple only before now has somewhat distorted my experience here as it was obviously easier to connect with others with a hot lady being a part of it.

Thanks for the tips, done some of what you said already, guess just need to carry on with it and go from there"

i can relate to your experience as when my wife was swinging we had our couples profile, and we did get lots of messages, mainly because of the mrs, all the messages were directed to her, from couples and singles, which is how it is here unfortunately, we both had our single profile too for when we arranged to meet on our own, obviously the wife was way more successful with her profile than I have been with mine, but i’ve not really changed anything about what I do to get meets, I try and keep an eye out for socials I can attend, and i’ve attended a few now, then hopefully arrange something after that, which has been for me, what works best.

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

Here is a question, not knocking you, a genuine question.

When you were here as a couple, how would you respond to a single guy profile that wanted "dirty chat now"?

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By *umandass123 OP Man
7 weeks ago

sutton

Obviously as a couple we’d get more engagement from those we’d reach out to which usually were couples, as I know myself there’s always a barrage of guys that will reach out which we didn’t mind and some turned into meets. But trying to reach out as a solo male and even write a half decent profile is a bit of a challenge I must admit

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By *umandass123 OP Man
7 weeks ago

sutton

To be honest depending on the mood that was sometimes a positive. To be honest as you said it I could see it for how it looks to others which is sorta why I’m here asking now as it’s completely new to me exploring here alone. Also never been one for dating apps or presenting myself to the world as just myself so whilst not a novice to this world in experiences but a complete one in terms of the admin and communication I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

OP if you press 'reply +quote' it is easier for people to follow who you are replying to

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

I would have thought that you would have lots of insight from your couples mailbox as to the type of profiles and messages that stood out?

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By *umandass123 OP Man
7 weeks ago

sutton

Ta - showing my inexperience as didn’t even browse here when here before

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By *andadbodMan
7 weeks ago

Liverpool

"Ta - showing my inexperience as didn’t even browse here when here before"

you’ve commented on a lot of threads pal, you can’t be a slow learner surely?

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By *umandass123 OP Man
7 weeks ago

sutton

To be honest it was mostly if they took our fancy from the pics and decisions were made after chatting and getting to know people rather than the content of their profile

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By *art1968Man
7 weeks ago

stafford

To me it’s just being relaxed about it and if anyone is interested they will contact you no matter what you put or say

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By *umandass123 OP Man
7 weeks ago

sutton

Commented yes but mostly not in response directly to others

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

"Commented yes but mostly not in response directly to others"

Press the 'reply +quote' button on the post you want to reply to

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By *umandass123 OP Man
7 weeks ago

sutton

"Commented yes but mostly not in response directly to others

Press the 'reply +quote' button on the post you want to reply to"

lol appreciate the guidance, bit of a div to need it considering it’s right there hahah

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

"To be honest depending on the mood that was sometimes a positive. To be honest as you said it I could see it for how it looks to others which is sorta why I’m here asking now as it’s completely new to me exploring here alone. Also never been one for dating apps or presenting myself to the world as just myself so whilst not a novice to this world in experiences but a complete one in terms of the admin and communication I guess"

See thats why I asked, because to us and alot of some couples we know that status is an instant turn off.

It goes without saying that this is only our experience and the people we are friends with. Many couples likely enjoy the dirty chat, but how often would it translate into meeting?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
7 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I was a single, then a couple for a decade and then a solo profile again.

I didn't find it hard to readjust. I'd built up a network of friends already. I went to socials and carried on visiting clubs. I now have a partner and a regular FWB, as well as other friends I meet for both social activities and sex.

Being a single guy is no different to being a couple really. You're just one person instead of two and will appeal to a different set of people.

You still need to present yourself well, communicate well and have the same realistic expectations as when there's two of you. 🤷‍♂️

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

I'm a newbie here myself but I regard this as just a (more liberal) extension of the real world and what works there will work here.

If you go around shoving your dick in people's inbox then it'll be a very lonely experience I shouldn't wonder.

For me it's about meeting people of a like-mind and I'm much more likely to do that at a club or social event where the order of the day will be "being respectful".

And ironically, despite the fact it's a swingers site, it's not all about the sex.

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By *enSiskoMan
7 weeks ago

Cestus 3

"So I’m recently back here but as a single male now instead of part of a couple and it’s obviously a completely different experience!

Any advice from you guys how to approach making new connections without looking like your typical male after only one thing would be greatly appreciated!

Popular advice I expect will be attend socials, go to a club.

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By *ayHaychMan
7 weeks ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

Not saying this is a bashing type of way, but I can’t help feel this thread is just an advertisement that you’re now single

You have veris which show you attend socials and parties. You have a clear portrait pic in your profile. I’m sure you know how to approach people lol.

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By *uzzleMan
7 weeks ago

Hastings

You know the score, you've been on here as a couple so must have talked to the Mrs and read/filtered the 100's of messages from single guys!

Welcome to the 100:1 cock to pussy ratio or whatever it is. I really would like to know what the ratio is, probably worse than than I think!

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By *ecky and justCouple
7 weeks ago

Godalming

Was here as a single guy couple of times.

Simple advice really.

Have a considered and interesting profile.

Have good pics, don’t need to be Adonis but try to use well taken pics that are interesting. Toilet selfies are out.!

Socialise, without the entitlement to sex.

Humility..

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
7 weeks ago

Coventry

From someone who's done you in reverse (single guy on Fab to someone in a relationship). The difference in experience between single guy and couple is night and day.

First a great profile and pictures is your priority on fab. I won't give to much thoughts on profiles because they are subjective. However on photos great main photo. Smart with and warm smile (so many men underestimate the value of a good smile). However out of two photos your second one is a close up of your cock. Not saying cocks are bad as such, it's not blind date. But you only have two photos and I think prioritising a picture of your cock over other great photo opportunities is a mistake. First cock pics are a risky business (even on here). Secondly all your messaging indicates a desire to prioritise connection and getting to know people first but 50% of your pictures is here's my hard cock (which kind of confuses the messaging). I think if you were to only have two photos keep the profile picture one and replace your cock with maybe a good overall body profile one (dresses or dressed down).

An important point is to really get you head around it genuinely hard out here for a male, even decent ones. So protect your mental health and do take things personally.

I'm not going to go into what makes a good single gent on the scene. All I'll say is its a lot to do with character, being comfortable in your own skin and an all-around decent human. These are the guys who do well in my experience. Hopefully your experience in a couple will have helped you see guys from another angle to help you realise what makes a great single guy.

I would say get out there in the real life swingers scene rather than just online (especially if you want to swing not just hook up). Getting your face about and known can really help. You may already be known a bit on the scene? Any freinds from before who can hook you up with parties or recommend you to people? Sometimes you best sell yourself to others when others see how you interact with other people at a club or party. So always treat everyone with charm, warmth and respect even if you dont have a sexual intrest in them. We know some single guys who absolutely thrive in the club/party environment and who other women and couples all speak highly of.

So just be awesome, have a great profile and understand even then its difficult out there as a single guy.

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By *ymClassDropoutMan
7 weeks ago

Berkshire

I have been been on here as a single . I have been on here as a couple.

Definitely more mails/interest was harboured as a couple. I put that down to having a female by my side.

But the interesting part is having actual meets that may or may not have lead to more has been far easier as a single guy. It’s just less complicated. The whole dynamic thing when more people were involved was proving to be a major sticking point in converting initial interest to actual real life meets.

So all in all I actually prefer doing this as a single male despite the obvious well documented struggles so many tend to face.

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By *he Silver FuxMan
7 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

Having had a couples profile already you ought to have an appreciation of what makes a good single male profile - as a couple, what made single guy messages and profiles stand out and engage you (even if you didn’t meet single guys, you must have seen a few). There’s also no end of advice being given / available on thousands of forum posts over the years about the same single male profile advice.

However without your wife / female partner being ‘bait’ I know a few freshly single guys who were quite disillusioned by their single experience and admitted it messed with their heads - they started to question whether any of the meets as a couple were actually interested in them, the male half at all… ego and self esteem took a hard knock, a fair few have gone UNLOS.

Stay positive though, reach out to friends of your former couple profile (if possible) and always try parties and socials to build your single profile cachet.

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By *he Silver FuxMan
7 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

"I have been been on here as a single . I have been on here as a couple.

Definitely more mails/interest was harboured as a couple. I put that down to having a female by my side.

So all in all I actually prefer doing this as a single male despite the obvious well documented struggles so many tend to face. "

Gym class raising a solid point here - threeway attraction is easier than holding out for 4 way as a couple..

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By *oxy jWoman
7 weeks ago

taunton somerset

one thing you learn very quickly on here is guys that are ex couples or even guys who are still part of a couple that it will not help you at all you will be viewed just as a single guy and thats now going to be very very tuff ... untill some one wants to meet you then thats it selection / rejection is the name of the game and for guys it seems rejection is what most get...

i do think so many expect to much and very unrealistic views and hopes knowing just how many guys there are i honestly thing the guys that do well are the guys who have no expectations or entitlement

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