FabSwingers.com forum: Hard to get replies as a single man

By *2828 OP Man
2 weeks ago

Exton

Hi guys, I’m struggling to get replies after sending a nice little intro message.

Is it that there are so many single men on here or have I just not found anyone who is interested in me yet?

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By *ecoming_InvisibleMan
2 weeks ago

Bury

Both, plus about a hundred other reasons (probably).

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By *leaningdutiesMan
2 weeks ago

South London

Men ejaculate an average of 80 to 300 million sperm each time they cum, only one (occasionally more) gets lucky.

Take this rather exagerrated analogy and apply to the stuggles for single men on here, the competition is large as it is strong

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By *ean directMan
2 weeks ago

havant

Women and couples have so much choice so it’s expected that single guys will have to put more of an effort in there messages etc. just remember it’s not a cattle market be approachable be yourself and treat people respect.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Hi guys, I’m struggling to get replies after sending a nice little intro message.

Is it that there are so many single men on here or have I just not found anyone who is interested in me yet? "

It's likely neither.

Most people will look at a profile before opening a message. If they see nothing of interest in the photos and text, or insufficient details to make a judgement call on whether you're potentially what they seek, then they'll not read it and move on to someone else.

The biggest mistake people make is putting more effort into a message than they do their profile. 🤷‍♂️

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By *WANDTGCouple
2 weeks ago

Borough of Greenwich

We always reply even if it's a no thanks.

But our query is this, why are all the single men on here ?

Especially anyone under 30. Surely the dating apps are more successful or why aren't you chasing skirt in the pubs and clubs. Our mindset is to go with swinging couples , yes there probably is a place for a third, if and when required. But I find single men trying to hook up for sex then moaning when they get nothing weird.

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By *enk15Man
2 weeks ago

Evesham

Chin up, OP. You've only been here 6 weeks.

Forget about the ratios and numbers.

Make your profile uniquely you, it's the first thing people will look at before/after reading your message.

Get involved in the forums. Look for local socials.

Be positive, respectful and kind but most of all be patient.

This is a lifestyle, not a quick leg over.

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By *eats888Man
2 weeks ago

Warrington

Yep. A lot of messages don’t even get read. It’s because it’s a cock fest on here and then women get absolutely hammered with messages and this also allows them to be picky (understandably and rightly)

Any tips ladies

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By *2828 OP Man
2 weeks ago

Exton

Thanks guys, I’ll try to make a bit of an effort with my profile

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By *ean directMan
2 weeks ago

havant

It’s like being in a pub and if Tom hardy or someone like you know all the women etc are looking at him not you. Just because it’s an app online it’s still that’s life.

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By *heelerMan
2 weeks ago

Northants

Keep trying there are females out there despite what you may think that will reply and things may develop.

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By *entenTeaCouple
2 weeks ago

Buckley North Wales

Use fab to stay in contact with the people you meet at clubs and events. Using it as single guy to contact new people is often a lesson in futility.

We get so many messages that clearly haven't read our profile or are so appalling written that it is utterly off putting.

Even well written messages just get depressing.

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By *oiluvfunMan
2 weeks ago

Penrith

"Use fab to stay in contact with the people you meet at clubs and events. Using it as single guy to contact new people is often a lesson in futility.

I found visiting clubs as a single guy a lesson in futility, and would never recommend the club scene to a mate……

OP; there are definitely far too many men in here, chasing ridiculously too few women, but it’s not impossible to get meets. Just be realistic about who you are hoping to make connections with, and be patient!

Statistically you are more likely to meet single ladies out there in vanillaland, than you are in here, or swinger clubs, so just enjoy Fab as an extra to life. Never take this place too seriously, and never think this is the only way to meet women! Good luck my friend

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
2 weeks ago

Leeds

You've only been here 6 weeks.

The 1st thing I do when I get a message is look at the profile, if it matches what I'm looking for and there's an initial attraction I'll reply, if not I won't.

Your profile is bare I wouldn't respond.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
2 weeks ago

Coventry

I was a single guy on scene before I met Mrs Misfit. So I have a few experiences of being a single/lone guy on the scene as well as seeing it from a couples side as well as a lone woman's side (from Mrs Misfits point of veiw).

First it's difficult, simple as that. Which can be demoralising and lead toa real blow to the self esteem of someone who is not in a good place within them self. However it's important not no take it as a negative reflection on you. There's plenty of decent gents who don't get no where. If the site is doing more damage to you than good then go.

A few things I would point out:

This is not the best place if you're just seeking casual no strings hook ups and not so much the wider swinger scene/group activities. For that as a single male I had far more success in the vanilla world and vanilla sites. Because this is a swinging site and a lot of the women out there looking for no strings who are not swingers or have any intrest in the scene or to come on a site like this.

Sometimes you are just at the mercy of timing. Sometimes to can make contact at just the right time to be noticed. Sometimes not. For example you may message when someone is not particularly looking and even get lost in a sea of winks and messages. On the other hand you may make contact at a time you get noticed immediately and they are actively seeking. After all a lot of the time we've busy and not actively seeking. On the point of timing it's OK to messages again a few weeks in the future. One of my successful meets was off a second try. She just didn't see me first time around. Just don't harass or keep firing messages.

Messages are important to some extent but profile is King. Golden rule with a message is what you say is isn't massively important. What's more important is you don't put the wrong things and have a good profile. We've had some really good messages but the profile not for us. We've had some of the classics fuax pas and horrible messages and thus a no regardless of profile. Then we've had a simple wink or hello message from an awesome profile and it's been a yes from us. So yes to care with your messages but your profile and photos is what sells you the most.

As to clubs that's mixed advise. First clubs are not a wonder cure. However some like myself find advantage being able to talk and flirt face to face. Both easier to sell ones self in the real world and to communicate and read others. I think if clubs work for single men that's very much down to the individual. I would say give it a try. We mainly swing in the club scene and we know a few guys who really thrive and clean up on the club scene. In our experience the guy who do well tend to do well in clubs tend to be sociable, great personality and comfortable in her own skin. Although being easy on the eye doesn't harm the guys who do well tend to be a range of average looking blokes and sizes.

Just learn to accept that people are fickle. That's something common to us all. Sometimes you can just say the wrong thing (no blame on yourself). Or their life circumstances change sort notice (life happens). Or as harsh as it sounds they find a more attractive offer (we all have limited time, want the best with that time). There is an element of competition, especially from the male experience. Unfortunately we can only control ourselves not the stuff that's out of our hands and ultimately no one owes us their body despite how much has been invested.

And of course a break through can help within the swinger scene. And this is where the club/party/organised social event scene can really help. Good verifications from established and trusted accounts always helps. There's also an element of word of mouth within the scene, especially in the club and party scene. Some single guys do get recommended to others. Leading to other opportunities and party invites.

In sort it's rough as a single male and all you can do is your best and it's not without lots of effort. But do things right and even make a breakthrough and it is possible to do ok. I had relative success as a single and there are other men that do. You may even find what you're not looking for or expecting like when my first meet with Mrs Misfit turned into something so much more.

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By *inceIlkestonMan
6 days ago

Ilkeston

"Hi guys, I’m struggling to get replies after sending a nice little intro message.

Is it that there are so many single men on here or have I just not found anyone who is interested in me yet? "

Well your profile is hidden so that won't work

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By *uzzleMan
6 days ago

Hastings

A well written profile without verifications of meets sends women running for the hills. Some women/couples won't meet without published verifcations.

As has been said, you've hid your profile, you've knowingly and willingly done this, it doesn't happen by accident.

At the moment, you've got more chance of plaiting fog then getting a meet on here. Mind you even with a fully completed profile and pictures, your chances aren't much higher!

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By *uka4UMan
6 days ago

Angus/Dundee/Perth

"We always reply even if it's a no thanks.

But our query is this, why are all the single men on here ?

23 year old here, ill have a crack at this.

Firstly, dating apps are shite. I have been on tinder for like 3 months and not got a single match. Not one. I'm also frequently seeing the same accounts.

Without matching, I'm not even allowed to message women on it. So its a boring scroll app to me, I don't even have the motivation to use it anymore. Many other conventional dating sites are the same.

I'm not willing to pay their egregious monthly prices (granted tinder is not the worst one)

For additional feature that from what I've read in reviews, don't make much of a difference to the overall experience anyway.

Fab is great in the sense that I can at the very least message people I'm interested without facing a paywall. And when I do decide pay to support the site, the price is a very reasonable 5 quid a month

Other sites can ask for over 15 or even 20 quid a month just to be able to use their app or message people. They are all just crap.

Chasing skirt in the pub? The current tension between men and women relating to harassment and accusations, I don't want to approach a local girl I know and she doesn't take kindly to my approach because she is just there to have fun and proceeds to create drama with her friends about me.

Also, in my mind people generally go to clubs to spend time with friends, dance, etc. I feel like id more often than not be an annoyance if I tried to chat girls up. I'd make lots of friends if I went at it from that angle, but I already have a lot of friends, I'm not looking for more platonic friends.

I also kind of dislike the club environment for the most part with the loud music and all that, would much prefer a relaxed scene where I could have a nice chat with someone.

Its also harder to be discrete and for me that's pretty important, even as a single male. The place I'm at has a relatively small population and Its very likely that someone I know could be at the club and that would create some awkward moments. I'd really not want to be someone who gets attention that way and have people I know approach me asking, was it really you who approached 'x' at the club a few days ago? She's been telling x, y, z about you.

No just no.

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By *ilverfox for youMan
6 days ago

Hull

Waiting game I’m afraid !

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By *uka4UMan
6 days ago

Angus/Dundee/Perth

I'm still on the vanilla dating sites, but have got no issue with using swinger sites as well. So long as they welcome single males, then there is no harm in using em too.

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By *eahxocallumCouple
6 days ago

studley

Don't just have a penis pic, don't be sleazy, and try to be somewhat normal.

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By *ust Ms LovinWoman
6 days ago

birmingham

1. Ref the profile shows you read it

2. Change your age limit would you really fuck a 99 year

3. Don’t say you can accom if you don’t

4. Get yourself to clubs - this is a lifestyle

5. Profile pic

6. Don’t copy and paste it’s obvious and we will know

7. Expect a social first - I would never say I’d fuck someone off pictures

A simple hi will never get you a reply not Exactly a conversation starter

Disclaimer - just my personal opinion

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By *uzzleMan
6 days ago

Hastings

Some people just lack confidence and are extremely shy, I am one of these people, in short I am one of lifes loners and a recluse.

I would never dream of going to a Fab social or a club, even if i were accompanied.

In the old days of Craigslist, I could reply to a personal add, go round and f**K a blokes Mrs while he watched and go home without giving it a second thought. Ask me to have a social first though, f**k that no way!

I don't drink, date, dance or smoke so Fab is my only hope.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
6 days ago

Flagrante

"We always reply even if it's a no thanks.

But our query is this, why are all the single men on here ?

With you on this

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By *oxy jWoman
6 days ago

somerset

your a guy so simple maths will tell you why its going to be very very hard or impossible the percentages of guys ver couples/women is massive..

add in lots of couples/women profiles are fake aka men pretending

add in many couples just meet couples and women

add in many women are seeking just couples or women

add in many couples /women acually dont meet at all or very rarely

add in many couples/women are clubs only

and all that is way before we get to sexual attraction which will rule 99% of men out str8 away and then the communication / messaging that will let most guys down ...

so as you can see its very hard for guys and impossible for many ... its a select/reject scene

you will get guys pop up saying things like theres someone for everyone but the truth is theres not as said simple maths will tell you that ...

however it seems that some guys are getting success when they go to clubs for some its feet on the ladder not all but some .... i would not want to be a guy on todays scene ..its alway been hard for guys but now well i feel sorry for guys well some as alot will shit there own bed ...

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By *uka4UMan
6 days ago

Angus/Dundee/Perth

"We always reply even if it's a no thanks.

But our query is this, why are all the single men on here ?

With you on this

If you're curious as well, read my response to her earlier in the thread.

A short answer is that conventional dating sites are not all they are cracked up to be, they are worse than they were in the past. Poor matching algorithms, too many restrictions, too expensive, low potential for those in less populated areas or all of the above.

Moreover, some of us want to be discrete in a manner that actively going to clubs wont allow, many single men also value discreetness.

For many single men, we don't use fab as a replacement for those other common sites but in addition to them. Not all women use tinder, nor bumble, nor 3fun, nor fab. Logically speaking it makes sense to get involved in as many communities as possible to maximise chances, so long as they are welcoming. Which Fab seems to be for the most part though there is a LOT of tension and dissatisfaction with single men

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By *oomerangBangMan
6 days ago

[Removed by poster at 06/11/24 17:58:56]

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By *uka4UMan
6 days ago

Angus/Dundee/Perth

"We always reply even if it's a no thanks.

But our query is this, why are all the single men on here ?

With you on this

I should add that I don't agree with the complaining. It doesn't improve a mans chances nor would it change anything.

Its a venting exercise which some men do out of frustration or confusion, but its more helpful to ask for advice than just moan. But hey some people just want to vent at times lol

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By *WANDTGCouple
6 days ago

Borough of Greenwich

"We always reply even if it's a no thanks.

But our query is this, why are all the single men on here ?

23 year old here, ill have a crack at this.

Firstly, dating apps are shite. I have been on tinder for like 3 months and not got a single match. Not one. I'm also frequently seeing the same accounts.

Without matching, I'm not even allowed to message women on it. So its a boring scroll app to me, I don't even have the motivation to use it anymore. Many other conventional dating sites are the same.

I'm not willing to pay their egregious monthly prices (granted tinder is not the worst one)

For additional feature that from what I've read in reviews, don't make much of a difference to the overall experience anyway.

Other sites can ask for over 15 or even 20 quid a month just to be able to use their app or message people. They are all just crap.

I also kind of dislike the club environment for the most part with the loud music and all that, would much prefer a relaxed scene where I could have a nice chat with someone.

No just no.

Fair comments, but even as a 50 something I've chatted to and been hit on in a dance venue, so it is a possibility. As for apps I've also had success, so again, options are there. It's just bewildering to us as to why so many youngsters want to meet people who could be their parents or even grandparents.

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By *itygamesMan
6 days ago

your just one of 35,000

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
6 days ago

Central

It's important to make realistic expectations if a single man.

Most people are not mutually compatible with most other people, irrespective of gender etc

This most messages won't reach someone who is compatible. You can only make your profile as accurate as it can be and to give people what they want from seeing you, to make a good decision on your suitability

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By *neeyedwillieMan
6 days ago

Darlington

Fabs a waste of time. The sites 75% single guys.

It's the metaphorical equivalent of 1000 fisherment converging on a pond with 100 fish in it hoping they'll all catch a fish.

Ain't worth the time or effort.

Go outside and talk to real women. Go to clubs or socials.

Anything but waste time and effort here.

I'm not bashing fab either. It's just a tool to.meet people at the end of the day but if what youre doing isn't working, change what you're doing.

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By *oiluvfunMan
4 days ago

Penrith

"Fabs a waste of time. The sites 75% single guys.

It's the metaphorical equivalent of 1000 fisherment converging on a pond with 100 fish in it hoping they'll all catch a fish.

Ain't worth the time or effort.

Go outside and talk to real women. Go to clubs or socials.

Anything but waste time and effort here.

I'm not bashing fab either. It's just a tool to.meet people at the end of the day but if what youre doing isn't working, change what you're doing. "

Pmsl! The difference of experiences in this wonderful side to our lives is incredible!

I have 3 new solo female meets (through Fab only) lined up, from the last two weeks, and an offer from a new couple dropped in my inbox just this morning. These on top of my regular play friends, so time to align diaries, it’s looking like a very busy run up to Xmas……

And all from just using Fab, which I can do from the comfort of my home, and all totally free of charge to use this site (if I didn’t decide to be a site supporter)

Compare that to, let’s say; the 6 times I made the effort to drive over to Club f. Best part of 4 hours driving, there and back, an average of £30 entry fee, and not a single connection made with any of the so-called friendly locals……

I’ll stick with Fab thank you very much, but do agree with the point you made above; if something isn’t working for you, change it. Worked for me

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By *uka4UMan
4 days ago

Angus/Dundee/Perth

"Fabs a waste of time. The sites 75% single guys.

It's the metaphorical equivalent of 1000 fisherment converging on a pond with 100 fish in it hoping they'll all catch a fish.

Ain't worth the time or effort.

Go outside and talk to real women. Go to clubs or socials.

Anything but waste time and effort here.

I'm not bashing fab either. It's just a tool to.meet people at the end of the day but if what youre doing isn't working, change what you're doing.

Pmsl! The difference of experiences in this wonderful side to our lives is incredible!

And all from just using Fab, which I can do from the comfort of my home, and all totally free of charge to use this site (if I didn’t decide to be a site supporter)

I’ll stick with Fab thank you very much, but do agree with the point you made above; if something isn’t working for you, change it. Worked for me

You are a veteran on this site Sir, well played.

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By *outhlondondudeMan
4 days ago

london

"Hi guys, I’m struggling to get replies after sending a nice little intro message.

Is it that there are so many single men on here or have I just not found anyone who is interested in me yet? "

Please consider going to sex clubs and swinging social events. Maybe consider why you are on here. There has to be easier ways of getting sex, for example on dating sites. This isn’t easy. You have to really want it, to work at it. Unless you are clearly what the majority of couples want, then it will take take more time to be a success on here. Good luck.

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By *neeyedwillieMan
4 days ago

Darlington

"Fabs a waste of time. The sites 75% single guys.

It's the metaphorical equivalent of 1000 fisherment converging on a pond with 100 fish in it hoping they'll all catch a fish.

Ain't worth the time or effort.

Go outside and talk to real women. Go to clubs or socials.

Anything but waste time and effort here.

I'm not bashing fab either. It's just a tool to.meet people at the end of the day but if what youre doing isn't working, change what you're doing.

Pmsl! The difference of experiences in this wonderful side to our lives is incredible!

And all from just using Fab, which I can do from the comfort of my home, and all totally free of charge to use this site (if I didn’t decide to be a site supporter)

I’ll stick with Fab thank you very much, but do agree with the point you made above; if something isn’t working for you, change it. Worked for me

See Club F is my club. I'm there on average 3 Saturdays out of 4. Sometimes with my wife, sometimes with one if my single lady freinds or even on my own. I have a lot of freinds there and I'm never alone. Even if I don't bother dressing down I have a good night with good company. Better than going to a pub imo.

But on Fab...most messages I sent where ignored (and that's polite thought out messages, no dick.pics either I'll add) and no one ever messages me so...what works for.you dosnt work for.me and vice versa.

But to be fair...where I live is a bit of a dead zone (and thats a complaint i hear off freinds in my area as well) so if I have to travel 30 plus miles it might as well be to the club.

Teesside, Durham and Cleveland to be fair, a bit quiet for Fab accounts when compared to other areas.

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By *tockingsstephTV/TS
4 days ago

northampton

I always reply to single men

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By *oiluvfunMan
4 days ago

Penrith

"Fabs a waste of time. The sites 75% single guys.

It's the metaphorical equivalent of 1000 fisherment converging on a pond with 100 fish in it hoping they'll all catch a fish.

Ain't worth the time or effort.

Go outside and talk to real women. Go to clubs or socials.

Anything but waste time and effort here.

I'm not bashing fab either. It's just a tool to.meet people at the end of the day but if what youre doing isn't working, change what you're doing.

Pmsl! The difference of experiences in this wonderful side to our lives is incredible!

And all from just using Fab, which I can do from the comfort of my home, and all totally free of charge to use this site (if I didn’t decide to be a site supporter)

I’ll stick with Fab thank you very much, but do agree with the point you made above; if something isn’t working for you, change it. Worked for me

See Club F is my club. I'm there on average 3 Saturdays out of 4. Sometimes with my wife, sometimes with one if my single lady friends or even on my own. I have a lot of friends there and I'm never alone. Even if I don't bother dressing down I have a good night with good company. Better than going to a pub imo.

But on Fab...most messages I sent where ignored (and that's polite thought out messages, no dick.pics either I'll add) and no one ever messages me so...what works for.you doesn't work for.me and vice versa.

But to be fair...where I live is a bit of a dead zone (and that's a complaint I hear off friends in my area as well) so if I have to travel 30 plus miles it might as well be to the club.

Teesside, Durham and Cleveland to be fair, a bit quiet for Fab accounts when compared to other areas. "

That's quite amusing to hear, when I think of the day rate hotel fun I've shared in Middlesbrough, with a local lady I met through the Forum, along with a regular friend who travels from Darlington to meet me, and I have a new lady from Stockton primed lol......

In all honesty, if there was a club within 30 miles of where I live, I probably would visit more often, but therein lies a great benefit in my eyes; because there's no club locally, I genuinely believe people put more effort in to using Fab 'properly'. I don't live in a heavily populated area, but I've done very well through Fab over the years

Potentially, if I'd chosen 'better' events at clubs, I may have felt more welcome, wanted to visit more often, and made some genuine connections in that scene. But my experiences could generally be described as lacklustre, unwelcoming, and a waste of an evening. Henceforth, I would never recommend the club scene as a solo male to a mate...

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By *ig busty boobs300Couple
4 days ago

Stratford upon avon

What we find is single men either dismiss the man in the relationship yes granted you want the wife but he is the one letting you so he is part of it or go too quick which can be off putting. we love mmf but trying to find a bloke close who can accommodate and doesn't go wierd is hard but I'm sure they are out there.

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By *ute M41Woman
8 hours ago

Manchester

Some of the messages I receive are ridiculous why would I bother

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By *ee69Man
7 hours ago

glasgow

You can only say hi and be you , most girls won’t bother but it’s there choice and you wouldn’t chat to someone you no like the look off it’s better to be normal and chat too a few folk if you can than be a perv or dick

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By *enelope2UWoman
7 hours ago

Fife

Read the profile

Only message if compatible..

the end..

most single men don't listen or care to do those 2 simple things so of course they then moan.

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By *enelope2UWoman
7 hours ago

Fife

"Some of the messages I receive are ridiculous why would I bother "

I think they are unaware of the preview of ALL messages. You can generally see if it's worth a response.

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By *r SensualMan
6 hours ago

London

"Hi guys, I’m struggling to get replies after sending a nice little intro message.

Is it that there are so many single men on here or have I just not found anyone who is interested in me yet? "

Easiest way to get past the metaphorical “gate keeper” that comes with messaging is to just bypass all that and go to clubs, parties and organising socials to meet people.

Don’t have to bother questioning whether there’s an attraction based on characteristics from an online profile that way. People can take you at face value and vice versa.

128 (published) verifications I have, all of which are folk I’ve met in person first and connected with on here afterwards.

Even in spite of the above, with a relatively decent well written profile & tasteful pics, I find a lot of my messages go ignored or unread.

Women and couples are just unresponsive in general on here for the most part no matter how well written your message is.

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By *izandpaulCouple
6 hours ago

merseyside

"Hi guys, I’m struggling to get replies after sending a nice little intro message.

Is it that there are so many single men on here or have I just not found anyone who is interested in me yet? "

About 75% of people on here are timewasters when it comes to real life meets, so best to put yourself in the arena of non timewasters.

You need to go to a place where people actually meet in real life, not online.

BTW, its not just couples and single women who are timewasters, loads of single men are too, so why put yourself in the timewaster group.

Look for a social in your area or a club and get yourself along.

Be yourself, smile and don't be a limpet.

Use the first meet as a trial, you will always live to fight another day and don't get pissed.

We know a group of great guys who are often at parties and most of them had invites because they put themselves around not just hid behind a keyboard.

Give it a whirl, its great fun.

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By *ondonlad_88Man
5 hours ago

Just stay polite, patient and classy and eventually the lovely ladies will notice.

They are a good bunch

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By *londebiguyMan
5 hours ago

Southport

"Hi guys, I’m struggling to get replies after sending a nice little intro message.

Is it that there are so many single men on here or have I just not found anyone who is interested in me yet? "

I let interested people message me.

I am very relaxed about it all.

Anyone who wants to will message and chat with you if you are friendly and approachable I think.

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