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"Being a swinger doesn't necessarily mean doing whatever. We met on the scene, but don't meet separately... x The key is to communicate and be honest with each other " Totally agree with this. | |||
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"How did any couples on here become open? Its something we want to do. Full access to do what the fuck you want. But how? How did you take those first steps... and how is it now " We met on fab. So yes to some extent we started from a position of knowing we both had an intrest. However that doesn't mean we started off as full blown no holes barred swingers (and we're still not). I think you need to start from a position understanding your own desires, understanding your partners desires and having a genuine desire to see each other have the opportunity to explore all life has to offer. Sound like that's something you have. Then the next foundation is total openness and honesty. The ability to say what you want, what you desire, what your issues are and what your worries are. You need to know you will not be judged for whatever you say. For you both to be free to be heard and to hear in return. And sometimes those conversations are really hard. Sometimes those conversations are really hot or go a lot better than you expected. You need to have security in your love for each other and relationship. Personally for us we are relationship exclusive and sexually non-monogamous. And when you build/have that security in each other you feel less insecure in yourselves and more secure in your partners interactions and adventures with others. I think this security in each other partly comes from a position of individual security and self worth. So I would say both of you as individuals also need to have the right self esteem and confidence. For if you fear your worth and value its natural to fear others from outside your relationship. As to execution that is a journey of discovery for both of you to take. It's destination may be unknown right now. You may each be ready to go at different speeds. But what's important is you go at the speed of the slowest and stop at the destination of the one who travels the least unless additional travel is individually mutually and freely allowed (as is sometimes the case). The main fun of it all is travelling the road together and experiencing the freedom and variety there is to offer in the frame work of your boundaries (that may or may not move either way over time). And be patient of whatever ever is the lowest, never try and push someone to go faster for that is a guarantee to being counterproductive to your desires as well as selfish and unethical. For example we started of strickly soft swing. As we grew more confidently in each other things naturally progressed to harder swing/swap and now the occasional individual side missions too. For us we also allowed each other the freedom we were happy giving even if it was not equal the other way back. Although again as others have said everyone does it different. What we were both comfortable with at the start and now is very different and different from many other we've encountered. But over the years we have grown stronger in our security because this lifestyle tests that security and thus also reveals the strength of relationships and security (or exposes it weakness). So by respecting each others speed and direction we have got to a great place where we have individual freedom and total security in each other and our relationship. So I would say main points: Complete open and honest communication. Respecting each others pace and limitations Having a tolerance and understanding for mistakes and miscommunication. No one ever always gets things right all the time. And that security = freedom. Mr | |||
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"How did any couples on here become open? Its something we want to do. Full access to do what the fuck you want. But how? How did you take those first steps... and how is it now We met on fab. So yes to some extent we started from a position of knowing we both had an intrest. However that doesn't mean we started off as full blown no holes barred swingers (and we're still not). I think you need to start from a position understanding your own desires, understanding your partners desires and having a genuine desire to see each other have the opportunity to explore all life has to offer. Sound like that's something you have. Then the next foundation is total openness and honesty. The ability to say what you want, what you desire, what your issues are and what your worries are. You need to know you will not be judged for whatever you say. For you both to be free to be heard and to hear in return. And sometimes those conversations are really hard. Sometimes those conversations are really hot or go a lot better than you expected. You need to have security in your love for each other and relationship. Personally for us we are relationship exclusive and sexually non-monogamous. And when you build/have that security in each other you feel less insecure in yourselves and more secure in your partners interactions and adventures with others. I think this security in each other partly comes from a position of individual security and self worth. So I would say both of you as individuals also need to have the right self esteem and confidence. For if you fear your worth and value its natural to fear others from outside your relationship. As to execution that is a journey of discovery for both of you to take. It's destination may be unknown right now. You may each be ready to go at different speeds. But what's important is you go at the speed of the slowest and stop at the destination of the one who travels the least unless additional travel is individually mutually and freely allowed (as is sometimes the case). The main fun of it all is travelling the road together and experiencing the freedom and variety there is to offer in the frame work of your boundaries (that may or may not move either way over time). And be patient of whatever ever is the lowest, never try and push someone to go faster for that is a guarantee to being counterproductive to your desires as well as selfish and unethical. For example we started of strickly soft swing. As we grew more confidently in each other things naturally progressed to harder swing/swap and now the occasional individual side missions too. For us we also allowed each other the freedom we were happy giving even if it was not equal the other way back. Although again as others have said everyone does it different. What we were both comfortable with at the start and now is very different and different from many other we've encountered. But over the years we have grown stronger in our security because this lifestyle tests that security and thus also reveals the strength of relationships and security (or exposes it weakness). So by respecting each others speed and direction we have got to a great place where we have individual freedom and total security in each other and our relationship. So I would say main points: Complete open and honest communication. Respecting each others pace and limitations Having a tolerance and understanding for mistakes and miscommunication. No one ever always gets things right all the time. And that security = freedom. Mr " If posts could be tagged to the top of fab, I'd say this one should go at the top. I've been swinging for 30 years next month... but how I am with Mr is all shiny and new. The bit about talking about when things aren't always perfect or as you want... is very important and yes much harder. Cali | |||
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