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"This is part of the reason that we prefer clubs and organised socials. It's too easy on here to base things on looks alone. When you meet someone in person it's a lot easier to tell if they have that certain something about them that you connect with. Years ago I (Steve) had a fwb where we used to regularly 'take one for team' and I realised that I was having really great sex with people I wouldn't have mixed with normally. It made me question if I was being too fussy. " I do agree with you The social side is so important and it’s so much easier to meet people you are attractive to both physically and mentally at a club | |||
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" … Years ago I (Steve) had a fwb where we used to regularly 'take one for team' and I realised that I was having really great sex with people I wouldn't have mixed with normally. It made me question if I was being too fussy. I do agree with you The social side is so important and it’s so much easier to meet people you are attractive to both physically and mentally at a club " Yes the social side is important and we have been to a club, big social and we’re currently in PDI so went to a couple of swingers bars. In PDI we really struggled to find a couple we both found attractive and unless people knew each other everyone was just sitting around in couples drinking. We didn’t feel there was anyone we wanted to approach enough to even find out their personality. To us it seemed like sitting in a Wetherspoons when we were hoping it would be a sexy wine bar. In the bars whilst lovely people, there was almost always one member of the couple who we’d say was seriously out of shape. As we looked around we could not see any couple where we’d both be interested in swapping. That sounds so judgemental and we’re no oil painting ourselves but if you don’t like overweight people or smokers then, in your 50s, it tough to find people unless you lower your expectations. We wonder if we are expecting too much but then we have lots of in shape vanilla friends, but not swingers , so we persist because we have found the odd diamond. Maybe this just isn’t for us either. | |||
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" … Years ago I (Steve) had a fwb where we used to regularly 'take one for team' and I realised that I was having really great sex with people I wouldn't have mixed with normally. It made me question if I was being too fussy. I do agree with you The social side is so important and it’s so much easier to meet people you are attractive to both physically and mentally at a club Yes the social side is important and we have been to a club, big social and we’re currently in PDI so went to a couple of swingers bars. In PDI we really struggled to find a couple we both found attractive and unless people knew each other everyone was just sitting around in couples drinking. We didn’t feel there was anyone we wanted to approach enough to even find out their personality. To us it seemed like sitting in a Wetherspoons when we were hoping it would be a sexy wine bar. In the bars whilst lovely people, there was almost always one member of the couple who we’d say was seriously out of shape. As we looked around we could not see any couple where we’d both be interested in swapping. That sounds so judgemental and we’re no oil painting ourselves but if you don’t like overweight people or smokers then, in your 50s, it tough to find people unless you lower your expectations. We wonder if we are expecting too much but then we have lots of in shape vanilla friends, but not swingers , so we persist because we have found the odd diamond. Maybe this just isn’t for us either. " We have similar feeling in any swingers club. To be fair the ones in GC are much better than UK but it's still quite difficult to find a couple that we are both attracted to. | |||
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" When I came to fab I was generally attracted to my 'type' but along the way I started to meet people that made me question where I got that type from. I was pleasantly surprised that as I challenged myself to question my where my bias comes from I also began to find a wider range of women attractive and for different reasons than I was accustomed to. I'm not suggesting you lower you standards. But it's no harm to question them." Yes it’s always good to question your preconceptions and we have. Unfortunately we’ve found we are attracted to similar people to ourselves. Wife has played with a few rough round the edges guys who she would not normally play with but in the end did not like the experience. Husband has played with a few girls who were a bit different than he’d go for but ultimately there was not the same level of turn on. If you have a list of things you find attractive we find it difficult to drop those. When people do tick those boxes it is brilliant but hard to find. We probably are too fussy but can’t seem to help it. It certainly limits our meets. lol | |||
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" When I came to fab I was generally attracted to my 'type' but along the way I started to meet people that made me question where I got that type from. I was pleasantly surprised that as I challenged myself to question my where my bias comes from I also began to find a wider range of women attractive and for different reasons than I was accustomed to. I'm not suggesting you lower you standards. But it's no harm to question them. Yes it’s always good to question your preconceptions and we have. Unfortunately we’ve found we are attracted to similar people to ourselves. Wife has played with a few rough round the edges guys who she would not normally play with but in the end did not like the experience. Husband has played with a few girls who were a bit different than he’d go for but ultimately there was not the same level of turn on. If you have a list of things you find attractive we find it difficult to drop those. When people do tick those boxes it is brilliant but hard to find. We probably are too fussy but can’t seem to help it. It certainly limits our meets. lol " I don't think you sound fussy at all. Knowing what you want and sticking to that is a quality. | |||
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"This is part of the reason that we prefer clubs and organised socials. It's too easy on here to base things on looks alone. When you meet someone in person it's a lot easier to tell if they have that certain something about them that you connect with. Years ago I (Steve) had a fwb where we used to regularly 'take one for team' and I realised that I was having really great sex with people I wouldn't have mixed with normally. It made me question if I was being too fussy. " agree with this | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy " Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. " I'm sure they do. But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. I'm sure they do. But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers " That’s interesting. Are you saying people like us don’t swing? You might be right. | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy " Not at all. If there’s no spark of attraction, it’s just not going to work, that’s all. It’s not about being ‘too fussy’, or having expectations of any kind, it’s all about whether two people hit it off together, simple as that, and neither party should feel upset if it doesn’t work out, nobody is everyone’s cup of tea | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. " Why not try converting your vanilla friends? | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. Why not try converting your vanilla friends?" Converting vanilla friends is a very risky and awkward thing to do. You could, and possibly would, lose friendships as well as risking a wider group of people knowing about your ‘hobby’. Whilst it could be tempting it’s something we would resist. | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. Why not try converting your vanilla friends? Converting vanilla friends is a very risky and awkward thing to do. You could, and possibly would, lose friendships as well as risking a wider group of people knowing about your ‘hobby’. Whilst it could be tempting it’s something we would resist. " My suggestion was based on the possibility of a shared sense of humour! | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. I'm sure they do. But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers That’s interesting. Are you saying people like us don’t swing? You might be right. " No, I'm saying the odds of you meeting another couple who tick all of your boxes and also swing are low | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. I'm sure they do. But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers That’s interesting. Are you saying people like us don’t swing? You might be right. No, I'm saying the odds of you meeting another couple who tick all of your boxes and also swing are low " Yes that could be true. Within our age range, reasonable shape, reasonable education, non smokers, happy to play without F/F play. It is a few boxes to tick. | |||
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"I wonder if it's more a case of having unrealistic expectations as opposed to being too fussy Is it unrealistic to want to meet people similar to ourselves or similar to vanilla friends? Surely these people exist. I'm sure they do. But I think the odds are low in terms of them also being swingers That’s interesting. Are you saying people like us don’t swing? You might be right. " The great thing about this lifestyle and life in general is we are all attracted and want different things so what happens if you meet that elusive couple that tick all your boxes but you don't tick theirs.. Finding a couple where you are equally attracted to the male and the female is hard work finding a 4 way attraction is even harder. | |||
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