FabSwingers.com forum: How do i make a prude(her) get involved

By (user no longer on site) OP
16 weeks ago

So just a little backing info, she is really shy and reserved but ive been with her for 8 years, ive tried to open her up by telling her my friend has sex on webcam etc

However the only real breakthrough i have was mentioning i had a horny dream but telling her i cant say it was "weird" to eventually telling her somebody offered a huge sum of money to have a threesome with her and that she wad squirting everywhere whilst we both took turns to get the reaction id do it at first and then you wouldnt look at me the same again to i cant believe youd disresptect me like that

I've not approached the situation again but from all you experianced people how do i get my mrs who doesnt watch porn involve herself in a 3some with another man?

Please help.

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By *etterFromThisAngleMan
16 weeks ago

Greater London

You don't 'make' someone get involved. Ever. Of course, talk to a partner about your fantasies and desires. But don't brand them a prude just cos they don't share them! And Christ alive, if you do want to talk about how you'd quite like a MFM threesome, don't introduce it as someone buying her!! No wonder she feels disrespected!

Maybe ask her why she feels that you "wouldn't look at her the same again." Listen to her legitimate concerns. Talk about it. And if she doesn't want to then actually respect that instead of trying to work out ways to manipulate her into saying yes. FFS.

"So just a little backing info, she is really shy and reserved but ive been with her for 8 years, ive tried to open her up by telling her my friend has sex on webcam etc

I've not approached the situation again but from all you experianced people how do i get my mrs who doesnt watch porn involve herself in a 3some with another man?

Please help.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
16 weeks ago

Look i'm that nieve that this type of convo is really out there and.read a post it may be great introducing it in a way it was a dream, i completely hear you. And i thank you for the honest advice.

I need to stop scared of approaching it but she shuts me down often for less often acts.

Hense why im asking how do i get the conversation flowing without being direct

"You don't 'make' someone get involved. Ever. Of course, talk to a partner about your fantasies and desires. But don't brand them a prude just cos they don't share them! And Christ alive, if you do want to talk about how you'd quite like a MFM threesome, don't introduce it as someone buying her!! No wonder she feels disrespected!

So just a little backing info, she is really shy and reserved but ive been with her for 8 years, ive tried to open her up by telling her my friend has sex on webcam etc

I've not approached the situation again but from all you experianced people how do i get my mrs who doesnt watch porn involve herself in a 3some with another man?

Please help.

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By (user no longer on site)
16 weeks ago

You don't make anyone do anything - consent cannot be coerced.

She is your partner, you should be able to discuss anything & everything with her, surely?

Make sure she is in the mood to discuss sexual things (the right time), say that you have a fantasy that you'd like to share then tell her the scenario that you'd like to occur.

Be prepared for her to say it's not for me & that be the end of it for you too while in this relationship, or for her to like it, do it & then be inundated with offers from men here. In other words, be careful what you wish for.

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By *tormchasingCouple
16 weeks ago

Gloucester

She's your life partner so if you don't know how to talk to her I doubt anyone else will know better. We can only really tell you how we do it.

From our perspective, we'd talk openly and honestly about our desires and listen to the others response. We'd discuss and decide together. We'd never judge each other for having desires, no matter how 'weird' they may seem. We would absolutely never try and push the other into something they don't want to do and we would never call them names for not wanting to do it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
16 weeks ago

East Sussex

How do you make a prude get involved?

Not by telling her your friend has sex on web cam that's for sure.

The more pressure that's applied to me the less likely I am to do anything.

Establish a good emotional connection with your partner. Talk about what you want but also about what she wants.

Also try to think of her as a woman rather than a 'prude'. Smh

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By *umagain58Man
16 weeks ago

London

As others have said it’s her decision and you can’t control others. Respect what others like or not. If she doesn’t want to do this which is not surprising from discussion that’s her decision

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
16 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

[Removed by poster at 02/06/24 08:57:39]

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
16 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

All as has previously been said. I'm also struggling to see how having a conversation that leaves her feeling very disrespected is a 'real breakthrough'.

Consider the potential effect on your relationship here. If there are any other aspects that aren't working for her, this agenda of yours could be another nail in the coffin and could be the final one. If its not working for you, end it rather than cause discord and negativity until it destroys you both. If you value the relationship, drop your coercive agenda and delete your account. Decide what you want, you clearly cannot have both.

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By *he couple nextdoorCouple
16 weeks ago

grangemouth

"She's your life partner so if you don't know how to talk to her I doubt anyone else will know better. We can only really tell you how we do it.

Absolutely agree

We have been in previous relationships and would never have tried this

But we have a fantastic relationship, friendship and we are very open.There is no judgement at all.

But if one is not comfortable with something it doesn't happen.x

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By *otPoshorBecksCouple
16 weeks ago

Harrow & Algarve, Portugal

Communication is key for any swinging relationship. You need to understand her needs and what she really wants.

Make it about her pleasure and her fun.

Like many have said you can’t make her or coerce her. It must be her decision.

But a word of caution, be careful what you wish for. She might be the centre of attention with multiple guys and swap numbers and have good friendships with guys that have made love to her.

Some partners cannot handle that.

Sam and Bob xx

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By *issmorganWoman
16 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Wow, nice referring to your wife as a prude!!.

You can't make her take part in anything she doesn't want to, you can only ask.

Sit and have an honest conversation with her, you know her much better than anyone else, or you should.

Ask her if she wants to spice things up & if she has anything she'd like to do/experience.

Mention swinging and see what she thinks, but be prepared that it won't be for all & she may very well say no.

What you do then is your choice, but be prepared for the consequences if she catches you trying to cheat on here.

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By *itygamesMan
16 weeks ago

She's not a prude, not every wife/female wants to share there body or be a swinger

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
16 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

You don't

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
16 weeks ago

O o O oo

You don't "make" anyone do something they don't want to do. You have planted the seed, I would wait now to see if she mentions it herself, if not the answer is still no.

She talked about you disrespecting her, this description of her is doing that too.

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By *esparate danMan
16 weeks ago

glasgow

Why not just have a wank

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By *andb69Couple
16 weeks ago

leeds

"So just a little backing info, she is really shy and reserved but ive been with her for 8 years, ive tried to open her up by telling her my friend has sex on webcam etc

I've not approached the situation again but from all you experianced people how do i get my mrs who doesnt watch porn involve herself in a 3some with another man?

Please help.

You don't.

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By *he couple nextdoorCouple
16 weeks ago

grangemouth

"So just a little backing info, she is really shy and reserved but ive been with her for 8 years, ive tried to open her up by telling her my friend has sex on webcam etc

I've not approached the situation again but from all you experianced people how do i get my mrs who doesnt watch porn involve herself in a 3some with another man?

Please help.

Could you not tell her you would like to try new things with her

Start slowly and see what she thinks x

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By *ensual 2Couple
16 weeks ago

Blackpool

Little steps … lots of talking… being open with each other … maybe introduce her to massages see how she feels to other peoples touch

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By *esYesOMGYes!Man
16 weeks ago

M20

I worry that you have no sensitivity or respect for your wife’s needs.

Declaring her a prude didn’t help.

Thinking you would get help in coercing her on this site is naive.

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By *omKsubSMan
16 weeks ago

Newton

How do you make her?

You don't. A conversation asking her how she feels about it maybe (one where you actually listen to her)... otherwise forget it unless she brings it up.

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By *imply DeeWoman
16 weeks ago

Wherever

Prude

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
16 weeks ago

Markfield

Stop calling her a prude. That’s negative and offensive.

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By (user no longer on site)
16 weeks ago

You show some patience, respect, love and care. You listened... and you don't make her do anything she doesn't want to .... and don't put pressure on her.

And in the meantime go have a wank to the photos section ...

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By *ubmissive Couple4funCouple
16 weeks ago

Edinburgh

We watched any porn that looked good but even one that has scenes, maybe a solo scene that's leads into another scene with a 3way

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
16 weeks ago

Newcastle

"I worry that you have no sensitivity or respect for your wife’s needs.

Declaring her a prude didn’t help.

Thinking you would get help in coercing her on this site is naive.

Agree

The OP’s post has really irritated me. If she isn’t into it, accept it. Don’t try and convince, persuade or ‘make her’

If you can’t accept the person you’ve been with for eight years as the person they are, then end the relationship and find someone who is. SMH

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By *londebiguyMan
16 weeks ago

Southport

"So just a little backing info, she is really shy and reserved but ive been with her for 8 years, ive tried to open her up by telling her my friend has sex on webcam etc

I've not approached the situation again but from all you experianced people how do i get my mrs who doesnt watch porn involve herself in a 3some with another man?

Please help.

Leave her alone.

It is NOT what she wants or is interested in.

It's your fantasy and not hers.

Just because you want it does not mean it is going to happen.

Have some respect.

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By *naswingdressWoman
16 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Why is she a prude for having boundaries and preferences?

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By *essTTWoman
16 weeks ago

Birmingham

"So just a little backing info, she is really shy and reserved but ive been with her for 8 years, ive tried to open her up by telling her my friend has sex on webcam etc

I've not approached the situation again but from all you experianced people how do i get my mrs who doesnt watch porn involve herself in a 3some with another man?

Please help.

Maybe don't bully your partner into doing something she doesn't want to? That's always an option

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By *udie NudieMan
16 weeks ago

Newcastle / Gosforth

For what it's worth, if you love her, please, please, please do not label her. Instead accept her for who she is.

Put yourself in her shoes for a moment.

A very good friend of yours, who is gay, suggests you join him and a mate for some fun one night. Totally normal to him to have some cock sucking, rimming, fucking, kissing and everything in-between.

Are you up for that?... Looking at your profile, I thought not.

This is probably how she feels. Just not interested in sharing her body with another.

It may be hard for you to accept but you probably need to learn to live with that being the situation.

Fabswingers may not be the place for you while you intend to remain loyal to her.

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By *ope_kisses22Couple
16 weeks ago

Hyde

Why don't you talk to her about what she likes ... tell her that you want to please her in every way she could possibly dream of.

Worship her

Respect her

Honour her

And except the boundaries she puts in (or leave if you don't wish to live within them)

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By *lice AgainTV/TS
16 weeks ago

Bristol

If she knows this kind of activity is available and she hasn't shown an interest then... she doesn't want it.

Don't pressure her.

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By *erlins5Man
16 weeks ago

South Fife

My ex wife and I chatted about swinging .... She liked the fantasy but said it would never be a reality....so that was it.....respect her wishes and forget about it.

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By *cissor-Me-TimbersCouple
16 weeks ago

Liverpool

It’s not for everyone. You need to respect her boundaries

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By (user no longer on site)
16 weeks ago

Hubby here, I was more direct. I just said I would love try partner swapping and wondered what the wife thought about being fucked by me and another bloke. I hoped throwing that second part in would at the same time alleviate the notion that I just wanted other women.

It certainly got the conversation going. After far too much procrastination trying to find a meet on Fab we just went to a swing club and full swapped on our first visit.

You know your partner more than others. So your approach may differ. That said, before you do you need to be sure you'd be happy enough with them fucking another bloke too.

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By *CBoyTV/TS
16 weeks ago

Penygraig

Rather upsetting that a guy would want to coerce his wife into doing things she clearly has no interest in. Not everyone is interested in swinging that should be respected. I have no interest in football. Rugby . Cricket. Golf .. but I know a lot of people who are but they don't try to force me into going to games with them.

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By *udie NudieMan
15 weeks ago

Newcastle / Gosforth

Gone

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

OP is gone now but:

I noticed that many replies alleged that he wanted to coerce, force, manipulate his wife...

I disagree. He was merely asking how his wife could be warmed up to consider the possibility of swinging.

Besides, "prude" isn't by definition a negative term, though as everything else, can be used negatively.

Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. Simple and effective.

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By *ellinever70Woman
14 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"OP is gone now but:

I noticed that many replies alleged that he wanted to coerce, force, manipulate his wife...

I disagree. He was merely asking how his wife could be warmed up to consider the possibility of swinging.

Besides, "prude" isn't by definition a negative term, though as everything else, can be used negatively.

Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. Simple and effective. "

But what if she doesn't want a massage? Especially one who might get just a bit too handsy

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By *eadingCouple1963Couple
14 weeks ago

Reading

"OP is gone now but:

I noticed that many replies alleged that he wanted to coerce, force, manipulate his wife...

I disagree. He was merely asking how his wife could be warmed up to consider the possibility of swinging.

Besides, "prude" isn't by definition a negative term, though as everything else, can be used negatively.

Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. Simple and effective.

But what if she doesn't want a massage? Especially one who might get just a bit too handsy "

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
14 weeks ago

O o O oo

"OP is gone now but:

I noticed that many replies alleged that he wanted to coerce, force, manipulate his wife...

I disagree. He was merely asking how his wife could be warmed up to consider the possibility of swinging.

She had said no

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By *londebiguyMan
14 weeks ago

Southport

"OP is gone now but:

I noticed that many replies alleged that he wanted to coerce, force, manipulate his wife...

I disagree. He was merely asking how his wife could be warmed up to consider the possibility of swinging.

Besides, "prude" isn't by definition a negative term, though as everything else, can be used negatively.

Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. Simple and effective.

But what if she doesn't want a massage? Especially one who might get just a bit too handsy "

Any good or respectably trained masseur would not do anything like that if it's not wanted or previously discussed.

That is not how massage should be at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

No one should be forced into anything or convinced.

Of course having open conversations about things with no judgment would in turn allow topics like this to come up. At that point you can obviously if it’s something you are enthusiastic about talk passionately.

But it is up to the partner to decide if it is something they are willing to try.

It’s also something that shouldn’t really be thought about in a new relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

"OP is gone now but:

I noticed that many replies alleged that he wanted to coerce, force, manipulate his wife...

I disagree. He was merely asking how his wife could be warmed up to consider the possibility of swinging.

She had said no"

exactly

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

"OP is gone now but:

I noticed that many replies alleged that he wanted to coerce, force, manipulate his wife...

I disagree. He was merely asking how his wife could be warmed up to consider the possibility of swinging.

Besides, "prude" isn't by definition a negative term, though as everything else, can be used negatively.

Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. Simple and effective.

But what if she doesn't want a massage? Especially one who might get just a bit too handsy

Any good or respectably trained masseur would not do anything like that if it's not wanted or previously discussed.

That is not how massage should be at all.

Correct. Well said, _londebiguy!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
14 weeks ago

East Sussex

"OP is gone now but:

I noticed that many replies alleged that he wanted to coerce, force, manipulate his wife...

I disagree. He was merely asking how his wife could be warmed up to consider the possibility of swinging.

Besides, "prude" isn't by definition a negative term, though as everything else, can be used negatively.

Get a masseur who knows what he is doing. This may lead to conversations about involving others in your sex life. This is a no risk approach. Simple and effective.

But what if she doesn't want a massage? Especially one who might get just a bit too handsy

Any good or respectably trained masseur would not do anything like that if it's not wanted or previously discussed.

That is not how massage should be at all.

Correct. Well said, _londebiguy!"

In that case how would a massage lead to a conversation about involving others in your sex life

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
14 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Book me in and you'll find out

I'm confused now. How would a massage open up a conversation for the op and his partner unless they had all three discussed it first? If that was the case the massage would be part of something they'd already agreed on.

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By *cnugatugMan
14 weeks ago

Chatham

By not forcing her into it if she's not interested then just leave it

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

"Book me in and you'll find out

If you were genuinely interested , I would've suggested to send me DM. Seeing that you are already swingers, you won't need it anyway.

Look, I don't want to argue with anyone. The approach I mentioned has been successful for thousands of years. Nothing new under the sun.

Let's get back to the main topic now. This thread is coming to it's end.

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
14 weeks ago

SouthEast

My bad...got confused with another discussion with nearly 170 comments .

This one is 50 only.

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By *ilnotbite13Man
14 weeks ago

Middlesbrough

Ffs show her some respect

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By *eadingCouple1963Couple
14 weeks ago

Reading

Gotta say, anyone getting a "Massage" for their non swinging partner (male or female) in the hope it'll get them interested sounds creepy. The massage giver is either professional or needs to take a close look at themselves.

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By *heonixrising500Man
14 weeks ago

Barnsley

You dont make anyone do it only encourage them

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
14 weeks ago

O o O oo

"Book me in and you'll find out

If you were genuinely interested , I would've suggested to send me DM. Seeing that you are already swingers, you won't need it anyway.

Look, I don't want to argue with anyone. The approach I mentioned has been successful for thousands of years. Nothing new under the sun.

Let's get back to the main topic now. This thread is coming to it's end.

She is staying on topic and discussing your suggestion. She was asking you a question because your post was confusing.

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