FabSwingers.com forum: Making the first move

By *rmrsfilthbags OP Couple
32 weeks ago

Sheffield

So as the subject says we as a couple struggling to make the first move..we get on with other couples and have a laugh n that but find it hard to to start or how to approach it we both love goin in the hot tubs so not afraid of getting us kit off and doing us but when we like a couple we just go all shy is it as easy as just asking ? looking for suggestions or bit of advice or share your experiences

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By *he Black ExperienceMan
32 weeks ago

banbury

This is very normal, " we are going to try find somewhere for a bit of fun together do you guys want to join us?" That's it.

Trust me no one is going to embarrass you or make you feel like shit. I've found the swinging world to be so friendly and accommodating. After all we've all been where you are.

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By *ucka39Man
32 weeks ago

Newcastle

Flirting breaks the ice which can gradually lead anywhere

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By *rmrsfilthbags OP Couple
32 weeks ago

Sheffield

"This is very normal, " we are going to try find somewhere for a bit of fun together do you guys want to join us?" That's it.

Trust me no one is going to embarrass you or make you feel like shit. I've found the swinging world to be so friendly and accommodating. After all we've all been where you are. "

I like the idea of that simple but affective we’re still trying to get use to reading the signals..even if you wanted to go in for a kiss like at the bar area would you ask first like ?

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By *rmrsfilthbags OP Couple
32 weeks ago

Sheffield

"Flirting breaks the ice which can gradually lead anywhere "

Still feels weird flirting with others and don’t wanna come across cringy so struggle reading the signs.. if ya know what I mean

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By *ucka39Man
32 weeks ago

Newcastle

"Flirting breaks the ice which can gradually lead anywhere

Still feels weird flirting with others and don’t wanna come across cringy so struggle reading the signs.. if ya know what I mean "

Not constantly but with some humour and see the come back which would be a sign

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
32 weeks ago

Stockport

Often we might say we are going for a wander around , check some rooms out , do you fancy joining us ?

Then as you go around it's usually , oh this room is like wherever ? and that can then spark off another conversation

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By *izandpaulCouple
32 weeks ago

merseyside

If we are getting on with a couple or a single, we generally say something like "we are going upstairs and we would love if you wanted to join us but if not that's fine too", smile and walk away.

Generally, it seems to work as we have a pretty good idea if they are interested or not before we ask.

Another way is to say you are new into swinging and ask their advice on how they approach couples who they would like to have fun with.

Good luck.

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By *herryEatersCouple
32 weeks ago

East Cheshire

"So as the subject says we as a couple struggling to make the first move..we get on with other couples and have a laugh n that but find it hard to to start or how to approach it we both love goin in the hot tubs so not afraid of getting us kit off and doing us but when we like a couple we just go all shy is it as easy as just asking ? looking for suggestions or bit of advice or share your experiences "

Affection is key, start with a smile, chat a little, move closer, subtle little touches, stroke the others arm or shoulder, use a finger to move the females hair from her eyes, compliment them and see how they react.... If all is well suggest a room so you can carry on chatting in a quieter environment and get close, oh so close

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
32 weeks ago

Stockport

"This is very normal, " we are going to try find somewhere for a bit of fun together do you guys want to join us?" That's it.

Trust me no one is going to embarrass you or make you feel like shit. I've found the swinging world to be so friendly and accommodating. After all we've all been where you are.

I like the idea of that simple but affective we’re still trying to get use to reading the signals..even if you wanted to go in for a kiss like at the bar area would you ask first like ?

The rule is to always ask before any form of intimate contact - and for some people a kiss is more intimate than a fuck.

But in the swingers club environment there is no real need to pussyfoot around the subject, everyone there is sexually aware and know that everyone else is sexually aware. It doesn't mean that everyone is instantly desperate to jump on each others bodies, but a direct question is not going to offend in the same way it could just asking a random person in an ordinary pub or club.

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By *pa-LoverMan
32 weeks ago

Coventry

[Removed by poster at 25/05/24 11:06:44]

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By *pa-LoverMan
32 weeks ago

Coventry

[Removed by poster at 25/05/24 11:08:29]

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By *rmrsfilthbags OP Couple
32 weeks ago

Sheffield

This all great advice we appreciate it.. we’re off to chams in June so gunna try some of the advice out

Me personally (mr) just need to be abit more confident love giving banter out and having a laugh n seem to get on with others just need to push myself to ask for a kiss or like you say a little touch or flick of the hair obviously make sure the vibe is right tho

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By (user no longer on site)
32 weeks ago

Fancy a Donald Duck?

Maybe a little forward...

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By *t2022Couple
32 weeks ago

Edinburgh

We were very fortunate that when we finally played in a club setting the guy who approached us was very forward.

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
32 weeks ago

North West

I just ask lol.

What’s The worst that can happen

No one’s said no yet so must work ha x

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By *arriedwelshcoupleCouple
32 weeks ago

Cardiff

We find it easiest to just ask and talk what everyone likes. It goes much smoother when you're all honest

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By *awty_TwoCouple
32 weeks ago

near Ashford, kent

We are exactly the same, we are very sociable, can be the the centre of anything fun and laughter in the bar area, but never sure how to the ‘broach’ the subject.

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By *andPextraCouple
32 weeks ago

North West

Asking about previous club experiences is a good one, as most couples have good, bad and indifferent to share

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By *ourtney CocksWoman
32 weeks ago

Cardiff

I think it’s easier for the woman of the couple to ask the person/couple your chatting with if they would want to join you in going to a private room sometimes you just got to bit the bullet & go for it.. it does get easier after asking someone for the first time good luck hope you have a good club night in June

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By *ourtney CocksWoman
32 weeks ago

Cardiff

•Bite•

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By *rmrsfilthbags OP Couple
32 weeks ago

Sheffield

"I think it’s easier for the woman of the couple to ask the person/couple your chatting with if they would want to join you in going to a private room sometimes you just got to bit the bullet & go for it.. it does get easier after asking someone for the first time good luck hope you have a good club night in June

I agree with this probably is easier for the wife to say but be nice for me to my big boy pants on n ask myself..like some say what’s the worst that can happen n yeah chams in June should be a good night we’re goin down with a few couples were friends with but will have this thread in mind when we do go down

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By *achelnMarkCouple
32 weeks ago

Mid Wiltshire

"Flirting breaks the ice which can gradually lead anywhere

Still feels weird flirting with others and don’t wanna come across cringy so struggle reading the signs.. if ya know what I mean "

Ha. We've been playing for well over 15y and are just as bad as you. Neither of us can flirt well or read the signs and some take that as "not interested" when we are. We're not likely to ask anyone to play, but very likely to join in a group.

Being asked is (still) daunting - for us, best approach is to make it blindly obvious and just say "we're going to find a room feel free to watch or join us" - then we'll stand there sweating and in full panic, mode, may crawl from the corner to the door and look in - then close eyes and jump in

So you are far from alone.

We have a good friend (primarily) we've spent fun time with many times but even we didn't like initiating it as didn't want play to be the primary purpose of meet, she was the same, only for always regret not as we left lol.

Many lost opportunities

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By *ourtney CocksWoman
32 weeks ago

Cardiff

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By *nc31Man
32 weeks ago

uxbridge

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By *razytimesinloveCouple
31 weeks ago

SW Scotland

We usually explain when chatting that we’ll say something along the lines of

“Going for a walk round the rooms, would you like to join us ?”

That way when we actually say it, it doesn’t sound like we’re walking off and leaving them

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By *adyluck..Woman
31 weeks ago

West Yorkshire

I ask if okay to test a kiss then shows if like

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By *eterandJaneadventuresCouple
31 weeks ago

Sutton

For us , it’s starting a conversation to another couple that we both like and accepting a conversation from a couple that join us, if a mutual connection is discovered, mentioning that we are going for a play and would they like to joins us often works, and for us, we let the ladies take the lead.

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By *eeLikesLotsMan
31 weeks ago

Atherton

This thread is a godsend! My partner and I have felt like wallflowers more than once,and it's so refreshing to know we're not alone. Everyone says "Just come and say Hi", but when nobody does it can take a bit of a toll.

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
31 weeks ago

North West

"This thread is a godsend! My partner and I have felt like wallflowers more than once,and it's so refreshing to know we're not alone. Everyone says "Just come and say Hi", but when nobody does it can take a bit of a toll. "

Sounds like you might need to pick different events….

Every event I’ve been to everyone is always super friendly and welcoming (and there’s been a lot of events ha!).

The hosts always make an effort to speak to everyone and make them feel included.

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By *rand Central CoupleCouple
31 weeks ago

Glasgow

eh?

You talking about Fab couples?

If so, just ask.

Politely and 100% accept their answer as a final word.

“It’s been nice chatting. Partner name and I would be interested in taking this further… how would you both feel with that?”

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By *harAndBryCouple
31 weeks ago

Peterborough / Stamford

We feel your pain. We've decided to give up on clubs, especially night time ones, as although everyone is generally friendly, we find that it's all about the dancing and the outfits. The noise gets a bit much and we might take a half out in the hottub and when we get out, everyone has paired off into closed rooms or gone home!

We've worked out that we're anxious of asking couples because in four years of doing this, we've only actually been approached in clubs by one couple so figured we're either not to anyone's taste or something makes us unapproachable.

Daytimes are easier as it's very much more relaxed. And the hottub at VA is good as you're allowed to play so wandering hands tend to start things off.

But no, we don't know how to ask, either

(Bry)

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By *urvyorkneylassWoman
31 weeks ago

kirkwall

for me to .. but as a single female i find it really hard .. i can’t flirt and when some one asks i get all tongue tied …

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By *eacefulWizardMan
29 weeks ago

Valais, Switzerland

As a single guy, super introvert, and not into small talk, with adhd, that part is a nightmare

I use eye gazing, I tend to find saunas easier as the tub allows for a laugh or a silly thing to be said with Humour.

Dancing and loud music can be intense, so I tend to see if couples or solo women approach me, yet stats wise with men ratio to couples or women...

Not built like an olympic athlete it does impact the first looks for some.

And even with 6 years in the scene, it's not always easy.

Usually a women knows what she wants, we know what we want too, so it's a question of getting our energies straight.

Let's start a post on a few basic conversation starters,, easy ice breakers, for clubs, saunas, for singles, men, women and couples what do you say?

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By *eacefulWizardMan
29 weeks ago

Valais, Switzerland

Following this post I'm adding one on icebreakers

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1611307

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By *lex.and.SexCouple
28 weeks ago

Bedale

"This is very normal, " we are going to try find somewhere for a bit of fun together do you guys want to join us?" That's it.

Trust me no one is going to embarrass you or make you feel like shit. I've found the swinging world to be so friendly and accommodating. After all we've all been where you are.

I like the idea of that simple but affective we’re still trying to get use to reading the signals..even if you wanted to go in for a kiss like at the bar area would you ask first like ?

The rule is to always ask before any form of intimate contact - and for some people a kiss is more intimate than a fuck.

This.

By the time you're at this stage, having had a good long time getting to know them and chatting, it's time to ask a direct question if they haven't already.

Some examples of what to ask, how veiled to be can be found above. But ultimately don't be afraid to be quite direct (but not crude). At that point they will either accept or politely decline. And if they do anything other then they are the asshole in the situation, not you.

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