FabSwingers.com forum: 69ers?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sex in my marriage is pretty much non existent, hence me being on here. Recently we started discussing the matter and I've just been told that 69's, blow jobs fingering etc are what teenagers do. I personally thought this was foreplay??? We are both in our mid thirties. Is this normal?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Sex in my marriage is pretty much non existent, hence me being on here. Recently we started discussing the matter and I've just been told that 69's, blow jobs fingering etc are what teenagers do. I personally thought this was foreplay??? We are both in our mid thirties. Is this normal?"

It is perfectly normal to be in your mid thirties.

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

It is perfectly normal to be in your mid thirties.

Unless of course you are actually in your twenties or forties!

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It is perfectly normal to be in your mid thirties.

Unless of course you are actually in your twenties or forties!

of course!!! OP: I emailed properly.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I am not a lover of 69 as I forget what I m meant to be doing when I am enjoying myself but....yes, all part of foreplay I would say.

Is it your wife who thinks it isn't?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I ever meet a woman that thinks that I'm going to run a mile in the opposite direction... 69 is amazing fun!

What's wrong with her?!

PS. Sorry to not be understanding...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love the 69 position

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By *ercedes62Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

I have been told this before by other men ref their wives/partners on the site.

I can only say its part of foreplay and exploring together and makes for a great sexual experience.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/03/13 10:40:33]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah it's the wife that thinks this. She did gain a few extra pounds during two pregnancies and didn't lose them so im hazarding a guess at self confidence issues. I've never made an issue of this, I think she is stunning warts and all.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"Yeah it's the wife that thinks this. She did gain a few extra pounds during two pregnancies and didn't lose them so im hazarding a guess at self confidence issues. I've never made an issue of this, I think she is stunning warts and all."

I am guessing you have told her this? It might help.

Back to the sex thing....has your wife always thought this about sex or has things changed?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah I've told her I thought it was foreplay but she just disagreed. It's as if she just wants intercourse and that's it. It wasn't always like this. She would be straight down on me then we would go from there. I questioned this too and she said she thought it was something that she had to do. I've never pressured her into anything sexual....well maybe anal but she hates that so we've never done it again, which I don't mind. I really miss my cock being sucked though. I've also tried making her squirt but she seems to hold everything back and fights the urge. I just don't know how to get her confidence back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah I've told her I thought it was foreplay but she just disagreed. It's as if she just wants intercourse and that's it. It wasn't always like this. She would be straight down on me then we would go from there. I questioned this too and she said she thought it was something that she had to do. I've never pressured her into anything sexual....well maybe anal but she hates that so we've never done it again, which I don't mind. I really miss my cock being sucked though. I've also tried making her squirt but she seems to hold everything back and fights the urge. I just don't know how to get her confidence back.

Strikes me, since she has had two kids, that she is possibly in the 'Mum's don't do that sort of thing' (eg 69's, Bj's etc) mindset, which is VERY common.

How much do you know of her upbringing and what her parents attitudes to sex were/are? Think you may find the answer actually lies there...

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Sadly no matter what people will try and say, there are some women about who think the same way and will endure sex because thats the way to have babies and the life they want and then stop once achieved.

I would say any sort of pressure for sex would put most people off, so you might have cocked up there.

The good thing is, you are communicating and I can only suggest seeing if she wants to try foreplay out again.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

" I just don't know how to get her confidence back.

It might not be a confidence thing, but if it is...woo her again....help her in the house with the kids, send her off to get her hair done etc and time on her own....give her lots of cuddles that don't lead to sex.....book a weekend away to relax....tell her what you have said on here, that she is gorgeous....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP: My ex (who was in his late 20s) used to think sex was a 3 minute thing, he hated my blow jobs, wouldn't go down on me and anything other than missionary was out of the ordinary. I think its different people and their perceptions of sex and how they see that changing over time in a relationship.

With the greatest of respect OP, it seems like you still love your wife and perhaps this site is not the right place to be to sort your relationship out.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Never thought of that. Her parents split when she was young as her father used to beat her mother which my wife witnessed. Her mother remarried a much younger bloke but they used to have sex in a joining room and made no secret of what they were up to. My wife and siblings must have heard this and she doesn't want the same for our kids. Time for my kids to start staying at their grandmothers (my mother not hers)once a week I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I just don't know how to get her confidence back.

Have to agree with Ruggers on this - I don't think it's got much to do with confidence either. When I was first with the Mum of my boys, we were shagging like rabbits day and night, never wore a stitch in bed and she would try almost anything. The first night after we brought my eldest home from the maternity unit, she came to bed in PJ's, i just got a peck on the cheek and she turned over and went to sleep - and that was the pattern for nearly five years, which was the next time I got a BJ. And then, when I did get one, it was like it was a chore and nothing like as involving as it had been pre-kids.

The fact is, childbirth mean a big change in all sorts of ways, for a lot of women. The only way I could get my head around it was to look at our life together as having gone through phase 1 (pre-kids), phase 2 (having kids), and then phase 3 (the little brats go to school!) and each one is different. But YOUR life is changing too... it's just the way it goes.. but it does improve... you just have to hold on in there...

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

That might be a good idea

I am not one to tell people what sites they should use....but if you are serious about sorting this ( and you sound like you are ) if she found you on this site you might blow it big time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"With the greatest of respect OP, it seems like you still love your wife and perhaps this site is not the right place to be to sort your relationship out. "

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

I think reading this thread it is one of the nicest I have read...He is trying to help her see what he sees when he looks at her

Fair play to you...

But get your ass off here because if she catches you, you can kiss goodbye to half of everything...lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ha ha, I've only met one person off here and felt too guilty afterwards. I don't come on the site when I'm at home, only at work on my phone, private browsing only. I love looking at people's pics more than anything else though I do know the risks. Plus I've had a couple of offers to talk privately with people who have been in similar positions. I've also just txt the wife to tell her my mother is having the kids tonight, we're going for something to eat, then back home so I can give her a butter cream massage then a fool around without intercourse and she jumped at the chance. Bj for me tonight......I hope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe if you don't get a bj your wife will have had a child free night out with her husband and been able to relax.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe if you don't get a bj your wife will have had a child free night out with her husband and been able to relax. "

probably something we both need

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ha ha, I've only met one person off here and felt too guilty afterwards. I don't come on the site when I'm at home, only at work on my phone, private browsing only. I love looking at people's pics more than anything else though I do know the risks. Plus I've had a couple of offers to talk privately with people who have been in similar positions. I've also just txt the wife to tell her my mother is having the kids tonight, we're going for something to eat, then back home so I can give her a butter cream massage then a fool around without intercourse and she jumped at the chance. Bj for me tonight......I hope

This is merely an observation, it certainly sounds as tho you care very much about your wife and want to be with her rather than on here meeting other women. Bit confused by your veri tho which says you have been on here before so you obviously don't feel that guilty about it if you came back?!

Asking someone to have the kids for the night and taking your wife out is a lovely idea but cant you just look on it as quality childfree time together, your message implies that whatever you do for her you have an ulterior motive rather than it being about what she needs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to throw in another perspective, I used to be that wife....not the OP's wife, obviously. just to give you a little bit of hope that things can change and I know each relationship is different but it's certainly worth persevering with and knowing you have done all you can to help.

S x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sex should be a pleasure for both partners and if one partner feels under pressure to "perform" it can be the biggest passion killer going. It just becomes one more chore to be done before going to sleep - where is the pleasure in that? "
she was the one I met with first and I left the site.. She verified me when I came back on. Spoke with her but not met her again......nice work though detective

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We have intercourse occasionally but that's it. It's basically jump on, wiggle it about a bit then jump off and she seems to be ok with that. It scratches her itch I suppose?? I'm finding it a struggle to get aroused because the same old isn't much of a turn on, I need the foreplay. I guess it's me who isn't enjoying sex with her and not the other way around. Adding to your other point, I do things for her all the time, compliment how she looks, take flowers home, cook meals, take the kids out for the day so she has me time and all without the implication that I'm trying to get in her knickers. I am starting to think this has resulted from a poor upbringing and wanting better for our boys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to throw in another perspective, I used to be that wife....not the OP's wife, obviously. just to give you a little bit of hope that things can change and I know each relationship is different but it's certainly worth persevering with and knowing you have done all you can to help.

S x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have intercourse occasionally but that's it. It's basically jump on, wiggle it about a bit then jump off and she seems to be ok with that. It scratches her itch I suppose?? I'm finding it a struggle to get aroused because the same old isn't much of a turn on, I need the foreplay. I guess it's me who isn't enjoying sex with her and not the other way around. Adding to your other point, I do things for her all the time, compliment how she looks, take flowers home, cook meals, take the kids out for the day so she has me time and all without the implication that I'm trying to get in her knickers. I am starting to think this has resulted from a poor upbringing and wanting better for our boys. "

Stick with it have been in exactly the same position and know how you feel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had the same problem. After a succession of long-term relatonships with sexually adventuresome women, I found my soul-mate in all regards except one - sexually, she was plain vanilla, and could not be persuaded otherwise. Nevertheless, we stayed together for a very long time, as the relationship was otherwise very rewarding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Advice has already been given, but my 2p worth.

If you want to sort your marriage first thing is get off this site!

Next lose the kids often! It you are lucky enough to have overnight babysitters so much the better.

Don't lock yourselves in on those nights, build a social life, go on dates just get some quality adult time of any sort.

Get away for the odd weekend Premier Inn offers are your friend!

rebuild the relationship, and hopefully the sex will follow.

Good luck to both of you.

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