FabSwingers.com forum: Newbie play

By *tayweird04 OP Woman
38 weeks ago

durham

Hi. Just looking for bit of advice really. Me and my partner have just started the swinging scene and taking baby steps . Recently we did some private play with our own partners with another couple and although I was fine with it all I felt somewhat distracted and couldn't quite relax into it and was very aware . Is this because it's the first time ? I really want to continue with this lifestyle though . Thanks in advance

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By *issmorganWoman
38 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Hi op

Did you get straight down to fun with them, or have a social first.

I'm bald a couple and we always meet people socially before anything else happens.

That seems to work for us.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
38 weeks ago

Leeds

What was you aware of? Being watched? That there's just others there?

Tbh our 1st meet was a little awkward and I didn't know where to put myself it does ease but it'll depend what it was that was distracting you.

Just go at your own pace and chat to each other.

Mrs

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By *aomilatteCouple
38 weeks ago

Midlands

"Hi. Just looking for bit of advice really. Me and my partner have just started the swinging scene and taking baby steps . Recently we did some private play with our own partners with another couple and although I was fine with it all I felt somewhat distracted and couldn't quite relax into it and was very aware . Is this because it's the first time ? I really want to continue with this lifestyle though . Thanks in advance "

Most club's have lockable rooms, they're definitely more relaxing.

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By *JohnMan
38 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

It might be just that it's a new experience. You're opening up something that until now had been very private and personal.

A club might work for you. Not necessarily to play yourselves, but just getting used to being around others who are. It helps being in an environment where this is a completely normal thing.

Clubs also often have lockable rooms with windows or one-way mirrors, which might help you get used to playing together knowing that others are watching, but without having them in the room.

There isn't one single 'right' way to do this. We were all new once, and it's always OK to take things at your own pace

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By *ickD80Man
38 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

You’ve been way too vague here for anyone to be able to give you any advice. You say you were fine with it all but you felt distracted, couldn’t relax and was very aware (of who knows what?). If i was feeling distracted and unable to relax (im ignoring the very much aware element as i don’t know what it means) then I would feel far from fine. I don’t see how it’s possible to be fine with a situation but feel distracted and unable to relax at the same time, its a complete contradiction.

Are you normally a relaxed person or do you find it hard to relax in a lot of situations? Was it something to do with the other couple that made it difficult for you to relax? Did you feel comfortable and safe with them? Were you nervous about knowing what to do and doing it well so unable to relax because of that?

What were you distracted by? Was the telly on? Was one of the others distracting you in some way? Is there something laying heavy on your mind that is nothing to do with the situation? Stress at work, money troubles, family issues etc?

To be honest it doesn’t sound like you enjoyed it much, i can’t see how you can enjoy something if you’re feeling distracted and unable to relax during it….and saying you were fine with it is a bit understated for what could have been a highly intense and exciting experience, saying you’re fine with going for a walk or you’re fine with watching a certain film is normal, saying you’re fine with sharing partners with another couple sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself that you want to do it. It’s something you’re well up for or not interested in, it’s not something you’re fine with….fine with is normally followed by either way meaning you’re not bothered whether it happens or not.

If i said to you ‘i went swimming for the first time yesterday, it was ok but i felt disinterested, lost and questioning’ would you be able to give me any advice about why i felt that way with the information i’d given you?

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