FabSwingers.com forum: Two faced people

By *--Cinders--- OP Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

How do people handle two faced people?..A person i thought was a friend has been slagging me of behind my back to several people and a lot of it is to do with my weight and it is upsetting me..Do i confront the person knowing he will proberly deny it or say nothing?..

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

I would walk away from the person if they are intentionally being nasty to you or about you.

The hurt isnt worth it xx

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

Maybe ask him what HE'D do if he found out a trusted friend was, in fact, a back-stabber. If the penny drops, you'll see it in his face and he'll probably harp on about 'giving the person a second chance' etc. At which point I'd say 'well, that's something I can't do - once the trust has gone, it's gone.'

He'd then be deleted from my life. I never give a back-stabber a second chance to do the same again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

had same from a friend..as in slagging me off!

You will find its prob Jealousy more than anything..but a friend u dont need by the sound of it too.

Keep smiling and ignore xxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just ignore him, find another friend.

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By *--Cinders--- OP Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

we both attend the same swingers club, and i dont want to stop going, my weight has always been a sore point so i find it upsetting that a person i thought was a friend cud be so cruel.

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

I like to put a line under things and move on. But before I can I need to confront and find out what has happened.

Remember you have only heard from other people. I would never tell someone something nasty that another person has said. That is just plain mean in my eyes. Think about what their motives are for telling you.

I am generally happy most of the time because I don't bear grudges, however I also don't bear false friends either. If you think the friendship is worth it. Find out the truth before making a decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Friends don't slag you off behind your back. That being said, till you have spoken to the person directly, you don't really have answers.

I'd take the bull by the horns and speak to them directly, calmly and confidently. Then you can make your mind up whether you still want them around you as a mate, or not.

Put yourself in charge x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Do you know for sure that he has said what people are telling you he's said? It can be really difficult to sort the truth out in a situation like this. What a shame to lose a friend because of a misunderstanding and on the word of other people.

If you think he's being two faced show him what honest up fron behaviour is like and ask him directly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walk away from them people like that are not worth it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've recently had to deal with something similar. I will tell them to their faces but best thing I find is to just be myself. And rise above it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we both attend the same swingers club, and i dont want to stop going, my weight has always been a sore point so i find it upsetting that a person i thought was a friend cud be so cruel."

i wouldnt take any notice of that, i have had that most of my life, especialy from my sister.

maybe he said it in a jokey way, not in a nasty way.

you can like people and dislike them at the same time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Check the facts before you do anything you may regret. Is the source more reliable than the friend who is allegedly saying things or do they know this is something that would drive a wedge? If there's no doubt then I'd just cut them out of my life as I have no place for people that do that, but could you do that? I know many can't as they don't want to be seen as the bad guy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aw Cinders, I'm so sorry to hear that you're facing this dilemma. We can't all be skinny supermodels (God knows I'm not), but we are still beautiful sexual humans, with a massive amount to offer the world! And don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

As NobodysAngel says, take a deep breath, and ask your friend, calmly and confidently, whether he has been saying unpleasant things about you behind your back. He may lie or he may be truthful. He may say 'no' or 'yes'. (Even if he admits it, remember that men [sadly] will sometime say things that they don't truly mean, just to get their leg over. If he's a true friend, give him a second chance.)

The most important thing is..... YOU are in control. YOU decide whether this friendship is worth pursuing or not.

When I'm in doubt about things like this, I always think...... "when I'm 80 years old and I'm looking back on my life, what will I wish I had done?"

If he's toxic, cut him out of your life, without a second thought. If he's a muddled-up man (like many of 'em are!), keep him in your life, but make sure he knows that YOU are in control of your own life and your own body.

Good luck!

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By *enny PR9TV/TS
over a year ago

Southport

"we both attend the same swingers club, and i dont want to stop going, my weight has always been a sore point so i find it upsetting that a person i thought was a friend cud be so cruel."

Don't let it get you down Cinders. Me personalty I would tell him to keep his _iews to himself probable knowing full well he couldn't do that. Some people don't have the ability to have empathize with other peoples feelings. I just feel sorry for people like that, in some ways because It probably not just you he's being two faced with, it's everybody, and people are being too polite to say to his face that he's being a cnut.

I'm sure you will come to a decision as to how you are going to tackle him, you've got quite a forthright personality yourself and that's what I like about you. You are a wonderful person Cinders and a good friend. xxxx

If there's one thing being a TGirl has taught me it's the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

and that if he's talking about me at least he's leaving some other poor bastard alone.

Hugs and kisses sexpot, Jenny xxxx

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

Kick him in the balls.

(Courtesy of the "Simple solutions to simple problems" dept)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ignore and move on.

I don't get on with peeps that are two-faced.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

who told you and what was their motive for telling you about it...

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

if a person undermines someone else they are NO friend .

only you know how reliable the source is .are you 110% sure the guy has said anything about you ? is there a chance the person telling you all this is doing this for their own reasons/gain?

id frount the guy in person and tell him exactly what youve been told and youll know your self by reaction if theres any truth to it . IF he has been talking behind your back then id be then searching for a much higher class of friend and no give him a second though x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To quote one of my friends ( I may be fat but I am a cracking shag, what's your best point ummmmm give me a second oh yes your a arsehole )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am new to the forums.....but this would have upset me too....but I would say its thier own insecurities that are making them say these things.....esp if at the clubs you are getting more attention..... i would ignore and smile next time you see him......confuse the bugger and not let it get to you hun.....we all have issues....some of us have learnt to accept them, others will point out our faults to divert attention from thier own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/03/13 16:39:41]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

only you know how reliable the source is .are you 110% sure the guy has said anything about you ? is there a chance the person telling you all this is doing this for their own reasons/gain?

I would be thinking the same... If you have become closer to someone and someone is feeling left out, all sorts of stuff can come out to try and undermine your meets with others.

this old malarky drives the most bizarre behaviours and clingyness

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By *--Cinders--- OP Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

"if a person undermines someone else they are NO friend .

only you know how reliable the source is .are you 110% sure the guy has said anything about you ? is there a chance the person telling you all this is doing this for their own reasons/gain?

the guy wud of said it, he doesnt have a nice word for anyone, i had to have words with him a few weeks ago over something else that he had said about me..it is just getting me down that is having a go about my weight and yet being so nice to my face..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just remove them from your life and know you dont deserve negative people in it. will be hard but worth it, how dare they.

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By *--Cinders--- OP Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

just remove them from your life and know you dont deserve negative people in it. will be hard but worth it, how dare they. "

that is the problem, we both attend the same swingers club and i dont see why i shud find somewhere else which is more expensive.

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By *harliesteveCouple
over a year ago

selly oak

A friend like that ur better off alone, as for the club thing ur replace him alot quicker then he'll replace you. Move on find ur self another lol

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

you won't know the person said anything unless you ask..

I would hate to have a 'friend' who found me guilty on the say so of others, mind ya.. I might be better off without the person.

hope it works out

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

"if a person undermines someone else they are NO friend .

only you know how reliable the source is .are you 110% sure the guy has said anything about you ? is there a chance the person telling you all this is doing this for their own reasons/gain?

then as i say hun they are NO friend . if hes done it before why are you still friends with him? it may sound harsh but id keep the old saying "fool me once shame on you .fool me twice ...shame on me ! " . people who talk about others only get what power YOU give them . cut them out cold and have zero to do with them . who needs that sort of negativity in their life ! if he goes to a club in your area then doesnt mean you have to even look in his direction ! im sure you have plenty of other posative people who will go with you and have a wondeful time ! if youre there shagging someone senless im sure hell be last thing to even be on your radar lol!

rise above and above all keep your dignity ,safe in knowledge hes showen his true colurs to all those folks he was bitching to .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What has made you jump to the assumption that whichever one of the 'several people' who told you, is actually telling the truth??

Like View said, who told you, and what are their motives for doing so...??

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By *awty_MissDynomiteNo1Woman
over a year ago

No idea, I'm lost. Damn Sat nav!

Walk away ive had so much said about me on here too over the years ..yes its hurtful but the people who know me best know its not true .

If people are willing to listen to the he said she said brigade then do you really want to know them anyway?

Do what i do and post on your profile for people to meet you and make up their own minds about you rathr than listening to low lifes with no lifes ....good luck Op xxx

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By *--Cinders--- OP Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

What has made you jump to the assumption that whichever one of the 'several people' who told you, is actually telling the truth??

Like View said, who told you, and what are their motives for doing so...??

am not going to name names and guess the people telling me is thinking i have a right to know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What has made you jump to the assumption that whichever one of the 'several people' who told you, is actually telling the truth??

Like View said, who told you, and what are their motives for doing so...??

am not going to name names and guess the people telling me is thinking i have a right to know"

Hmmmm.... or disguise their jealousy about something...?? Friends who 'think you ought to know' something very often have an agenda of their own...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"just ignore him, find another friend.

Ditto..just treat it as one of lifes lessons.

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By *paindyCouple
over a year ago

Bath

"we both attend the same swingers club, and i dont want to stop going, my weight has always been a sore point so i find it upsetting that a person i thought was a friend cud be so cruel."

Not worth of a friend when they slag you off behind you. Just ignore and show confidence as back stabbers often lack self confidence. It's their loss certainly not yours. However it may be upsetting quite rightly so, rise from it by ignoring it with confidence. No matter the size of your body, it is your body, your pleasure and certainly it's your pleasure seeking body and mind. Just ignore those back stabbers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"......the guy wud of said it, he doesnt have a nice word for anyone, i had to have words with him a few weeks ago over something else that he had said about me..it is just getting me down that is having a go about my weight and yet being so nice to my face.."

Aw Cinders, that's really sad, if this is the SECOND time that you have had cause to doubt his friendship. Cut him out of your life!

So he happens to use the same club as you? Absolutley NO REASON why you should stop going there. (And if you ask the club owners, they will tell you the same thing - there is absolutely NO REASON why a single lady should be driven away from a club by the action of a male)!

Stride in there, with your head held high! If he happens to be there, tell him to stay the heck away from you. And some wise person once said that the best revenge is to live life well. You can (subtlely, but very smugly) let him know that he needed you FAR MORE than you need him.

Celebrate your womanly curves! And remember, you will always be more popular than he is!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

people who say nasty things about other people will usually do the same to you, so they say.

my much older sister was always very critical of other people including me.

she was not very happy with herself and didnt have much confidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do people handle two faced people?..A person i thought was a friend has been slagging me of behind my back to several people and a lot of it is to do with my weight and it is upsetting me..Do i confront the person knowing he will proberly deny it or say nothing?.."
Im a size 18, men like curves, had a look at your pics wouldnt say you were a 20/22 tbh, anyway its irrelevant. For me whether man or woman, friendship and compatibility is what matters. Im not too happy with my size but Ive done it to myself nobody else has. Do what the others said, walk into the club head held high and if he is there just ignore him with dignity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very hurtful when those we call friends act like morons.. If it was me and I had all the facts and not just idol gossip then I'd cut him out of my life.. Be friends with people who make you feel good not people who try to tear you down..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The majority of people are two faced these days, the main reason you are getting attention in this way is because you do not accept/follow or worship this poor creature and not part of their scene. Keep your distance it maybe a mental health issue and you have no idea to what extent this poor creature may go. Do not get involved in any way, do not react its what they want

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I have overheard people make nasty comments, often about size, at swinging clubs - sometimes at bbw nights!!!

The interesting thing is that regulars may appear to be listening and bday complicit but will make up their own minds.

Many of my playmates are gym bunnies who prefer curvy ladies but find that they can explore that in the more open environment of clubs. Some people think that because he/they are very toned and muscular that they are with bigger ladies on the 'any holes a goal principle' and i have walked into awkward conversations on returning from the loo!

Trust people to make their own minds up and distance yourself from this guy. Have a chat with club staff and some of the regulars - if he's doing it to you he'll probably have a reputation for being two faced so will probably be disregarded by many anyway. As a result of that he probably doesn't get much play/repeat play so its likely to be sour grapes.

Chin up honey bunny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

YES !confront them ! you know it will come out anyway x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

THERE ! are a few nasty people here ! especially when they dont get what hey want ! AND sneaky !easier to be upfront and honest with people , saves all the trauma !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confrontation is not always the best policy it may just escalate the issue and who knows where it may lead. the same applies with neighbours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly being two faced is part of life no one does not talk about others behind their backs. The issue is what is being said and if someone says to me about another person which i believe to be untrue or plain offensive i will tell the person who told me what i think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have a toxic friend.Cut her out of your life and dont look back!

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

Some people are friends and others not. Time always tells. If they are real friends you can discuss what the problem is and move forward. If they are not behaving like true friends and not there for you then cut them from your life. But dont get upset. Head high and walk on. Leave them to their atrocious behaviour. Good luck hunny xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we both attend the same swingers club, and i dont want to stop going, my weight has always been a sore point so i find it upsetting that a person i thought was a friend cud be so cruel."

depends what hes been saying

Sometimes people can comment on things in a concerned way rather than in a cruel way

My daughter was quite over weight and I suggested she should watch what she ate, I did express my concerns with a very close friend of mine but it wasn't in a nasty way and I wasn't slagging her off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

CONFRONTATION ! is always the best way forward ! so much better to get things out in the open ! THAN to let them fester and escalate !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"CONFRONTATION ! is always the best way forward ! so much better to get things out in the open ! THAN to let them fester and escalate !!"

Lots and lots of them on here. Hate 2 faced people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ME TOO ! rather be honest and upfront !

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By *--Cinders--- OP Couple
over a year ago

a place near Blackpool

thankyou to everyone for all ur lovely messages..i went out last night, held my head up high and had a great evening, the person was there and this time he was slagging of another large person..it made me realise how sad and pathetic the person is, so much for equality..

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"thankyou to everyone for all ur lovely messages..i went out last night, held my head up high and had a great evening, the person was there and this time he was slagging of another large person..it made me realise how sad and pathetic the person is, so much for equality.."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kick him in the balls.

(Courtesy of the "Simple solutions to simple problems" dept)

"
Lol.simple solutions pmsl.i think people who do this if they make things up are jealous people.we have had experience of it .we just decided to block them and move on.thing is karma has a funny way of rewarding people like that and they usually he a taste of their own medicine or people find out what they are doing.poppyxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you have just sorted this out yourself, you saw the person as they really are, sadly and pathetically 'slagging someone else off'.

Well, it is there loss, they probably have lost the friendship of a very lovely lady

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you have just sorted this out yourself, you saw the person as they really are, sadly and pathetically 'slagging someone else off'.

Well, it is there loss, they probably have lost the friendship of a very lovely lady

yes, you live and learn.

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