FabSwingers.com forum: Clubs as a single man?

By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Anyone got any experiences / advice to share for a single man attending a club solo? Especially for the first time?

Thanks in advance!

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By *oastofReadingMan
43 weeks ago

Reading

From my point of view, go in with an open mind. Aim to chat to people and listen to them. Be friendly etc. The usual sort of thing when meeting people for the first time.

Don't expect anything to happen. What I have found is that those people in chat to and we have a common interest etc l, we don't play there and then and we chat further and either meet up at another club night or arrange to meet outside. It's really what both/all parties are happy with.

But just go in and talk to people and be you.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
43 weeks ago

Central

There are a fair few similar posts, so take a look at those too.

Research the clubs of potential interest, to get the right one for you, including events, days of suitability for single men etc.

Have no expectations other than to be out socially and potentially to get to know others. Be friendly and sensitive to how others engage with you.

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By *annabarberaCouple
43 weeks ago

Staffs

When I was single the thing I found best of all was to not continually follow couples or ladies around the club

Guys who do that are known as the "wanking dead"

If there's a bar just mingle be your self and chat with people

If there's a jacuzzi such as Chams I used to find at was always a very social place to be.

And remember this no means no and always ask first

Mr C

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Solid advice, thanks mate!

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Super helpful, thank you

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Hahaha the wanking dead. Definitely don’t want to earn that label…

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By *cottish guy 555Man
43 weeks ago

London

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By *ink vixenCouple
43 weeks ago

Medway

Be careful not to break the 99 year olds!

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By *archelCouple
43 weeks ago

A field somewhere

Don't follow couples around the playrooms asking them if you can join in whilst they're mid play. Nobody likes the wanking dead. Approach couples in the bar and be friendly

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By *JohnMan
43 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

The clubs I know are all in the north of England, and are all strong on the social side. There might be a cultural difference in the south - I wouldn't know.

But my experience has been that it's best to treat the night as a social thing first. You're there to meet new people and have a chat, just like you would in any other social space. The benefit of a club is that you don't have to find somewhere else to go if things go well.

Mingle lots - don't glue yourself to the first person you meet. Be friendly with everyone, not just the ones you fancy. Explore the club and find out where the open group conversations happen - I'm often in the smoking area at my local club even though I don't smoke, because that's where the conversation is. People talk about all sorts of things in clubs - it's not just sex.

If someone is playing in an open and you want to ask if you can join them, choose your moment. There is a right time and a very very wrong time. You're much more likely to get a 'yes' if you've been talking earlier and got along.

Take rejection with grace. And even if someone doesn't want sex with you, there's no reason you can't be friends. Don't ghost them if you've otherwise been getting on.

If a tour isn't an automatic part of the "you're new" procedure, ask if you can have one. Make sure you know any rules that apply to particular rooms. This one might be couples only even on mixed nights, you're usually asked to shower before getting in the hot tub, maybe you have to keep a certain distance from the exhibitionist bed. I find it's easier to remember if I hear these rules in the place they apply to.

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By *heitaliandreamerMan
43 weeks ago

Northampton

"From my point of view, go in with an open mind. Aim to chat to people and listen to them. Be friendly etc. The usual sort of thing when meeting people for the first time.

But just go in and talk to people and be you. "

I totally agree with you. Best tactic

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By *iss DevilWoman
43 weeks ago

Bedford

Chat to people, appear friendly, respect boundaries. And please, please, please do not stare at a lady in the hot tub (or other areas) as if you have never seen a woman before whilst wanking ferociously. It might get you off, but definitely not with her.

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By *iss DevilWoman
43 weeks ago

Bedford

Also, as some clubs are infamous for being very expensive for single men, do your research before attending and decide if you are happy to pay the price for just a night out.

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Sounds like you’ve been some shit Miss Devil haha if that’s based on personal experience I’m sorry to hear that!

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Thanks DJohn! All sounds pretty straight forward then, thankfully.

It’s a great point on taking rejection gracefully.

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

2nd mention of the “wanking dead” haha ever so slightly worrying…

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Promise to go gently!

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Will definitely try get down! Thanks

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By *iss DevilWoman
43 weeks ago

Bedford

"Sounds like you’ve been some shit Miss Devil haha if that’s based on personal experience I’m sorry to hear that! "

Yep, based on my most recent personal experience at Chams Darlaston. You do need thick skin to swing. But 99% of the time, it's all great, new experiences etc.

I used to do to a bi event at a certain Sauna not that far from me. At times, I'd amuse myself by counting how many seconds it took for some determined followers to find me in there. Hardly ever got to more than 30 sec.

The vigorous wanking while staring at me doesn't happen too often, luckily, and I take it as part of "the game". But as I prefer my brain stimulated before my body can be, I ignore all "mutes" on purpose unless they are in the right place at the right time.

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Sadly I may, at least initially, fall under the “mutes” category in a situation like that. Call me crazy but I feel like a welcoming glance from a lady could be helpful before wading over in my birthday suit to say “Hi” haha!

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By *iss DevilWoman
43 weeks ago

Bedford

"Sadly I may, at least initially, fall under the “mutes” category in a situation like that. Call me crazy but I feel like a welcoming glance from a lady could be helpful before wading over in my birthday suit to say “Hi” haha!"

You don't have to be in your "birthday suit". Even in dress down clubs, you are allowed to wear a towel.

Maybe it is what I think is my "welcoming glance" that stops people from being able to even just say "hi" to me

. Maybe it's too much of a frown? Lol. But as I am absolutely terrible at reading signs, and I am certainly not a mind reader, I would prefer for the interested party to make the first move. However, showing me their cock or trying anything sexual with me as the way of getting my attention does not work as intended.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
43 weeks ago

Norwich

Chat to anyone, not just those you want to shag, it's all about networking.

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By *aughtyJoWoman
43 weeks ago

Caterham

As a single female who goes to a club with her single female friend, a friendly smile and "Hi, I'm xxxx" goes a long way.

Chatty, flirty and see how it goes

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

"Anyone got any experiences / advice to share for a single man attending a club solo? Especially for the first time?

Thanks in advance!"

Go with an open mind. Dont expect anything

Chat to as many people as you can

Be respectful

Tell people you are new and can they give you advice

Things not to do

Roll on a condom in a public area whilst a couple are playing expecting something

Follow every single fem or couple when they move around the club

Wanking furiously when people are playing publicly

Knock on private room doors when they are shut

Touch without asking

I could go on….

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
43 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I went to my first club as a single guy about 15 years ago.

It said 'smart casual/dress to impress' on their site so I chucked a suit on (no tie), strolled in, approached the bar and got talking to a couple there who I thought were the owners. I felt massively overdressed but it was a good talking point. Half an hour later a new couple walked in and asked if I'd been shown around. Turned out the original couple were just regulars. The new couple owned rhe place and were lovely.

Had a tour, got introduced to people, had a blast and late in the night got asked by a couple if I wanted to join them upstairs. I had a blast and was hooked. Couldn't have gone better. I ended up helping out and hosting at the club for around 18 mths til it closed.

During that time I visited a few other clubs on my own. Experiences varied from similar to my first visit, to being pretty much blanked by everyone in there. Some clubs are better run and more welcoming than others.

You can help yourself have a positive experience by asking staff/owners for a look around and by jumping in and introducing yourself to people. It's hard sometimes but if you don't try, you can end up being ignored.

The more you go the easier it gets. But even now there are times I can struggle. I went to an organised social and due to being distracted by a few work issues and having to take calls, meaning I wasn't in the right mindset, I didn't throw myself in to the event and was lucky that I got invited to join some couples for chats later, else I'd have likely given up and gone elsewhere.

You can do nothing more than be nice, respectful and expect nothing at all. And if you don't enjoy it don't write off clubs after one visit. You can't control who's there on any night and what/who they're looking for.

But don't ever believe clubs aren't welcoming of single guys. Most are, as are those that go on mixed nights.

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By *ariadx2Couple
43 weeks ago

Wrexham

Do not stand and stare with one hand on your cock!

If you're going to accidentally brush past us make sure you don't smell of body odour and if you accidentally turn up in every room we visit with your cock hanging out of your g string then you will get nowhere!

Yes, we have had bad experiences with single guys in clubs haha! Rant over!xx

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By *ario1972Man
43 weeks ago

Guildford

"Do not stand and stare with one hand on your cock!

Yes, we have had bad experiences with single guys in clubs haha! Rant over!xx"

That sounds terrible! How does someone knowingly go to something like this and not wash?

I’ve never been to a club or meet, think I’d be so nervous of mucking and saying the wrong thing that my nipples would probably be bigger than my nob!

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By *ario1972Man
43 weeks ago

Guildford

"As a single female who goes to a club with her single female friend, a friendly smile and "Hi, I'm xxxx" goes a long way.

Chatty, flirty and see how it goes

This one post has filled me with more hope than you could ever know!

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By *oiluvfunMan
43 weeks ago

Penrith

Expect nothing, and you won’t be disappointed.

If you can chat with everyone and anyone, you’ll be fine.

If you’re looking to meet women, you’ll be better off in your local Weatherspoons than a swinger club.

My personal experiences of the club scene; cliques and indifference towards solo guys. I find Fab far easier to meet likeminded people, and I don’t have to pay through the nose for it either. Your experience may be different though

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By *cott14Man
43 weeks ago

Essex & SW Exeter/Taunton

As others have said .

Open mind and no expectations. It can be scary hell going on your own for the first time ( at least I know it was for me the first time ). I was lucky enough to have a lovely couple come chat and had a great evening which has led to meeting some amazing people .

Enjoy !! x

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
43 weeks ago

Reading

Chat to everyone men and women. Dont be pushy and ask before touching. Good luck. Its daunting at first but you may find someone takes you under their wing.

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By (user no longer on site)
43 weeks ago

Just been reading everything you guys have said and thanks for putting up your advice. As I am going to my first on soon so I think I will just go in with an open mind have a little drink at the bar and just let things happen and not to go looking for anything. Thanks everyone

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By *cott14Man
43 weeks ago

Essex & SW Exeter/Taunton

"Just been reading everything you guys have said and thanks for putting up your advice. As I am going to my first on soon so I think I will just go in with an open mind have a little drink at the bar and just let things happen and not to go looking for anything. Thanks everyone "

Don’t forget . Have fun !!

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By *rWonka OP Man
43 weeks ago

Gerrards Cross

Thanks everyone for the great posts!

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By *herryEatersCouple
43 weeks ago

East Cheshire

"Anyone got any experiences / advice to share for a single man attending a club solo? Especially for the first time?

Thanks in advance!"

We've met single guys in clubs many times. Just chill, move around so everyone gets to see you. If you see someone you like just smile and say hi, be ready to walk away if you don't get a positive reaction...

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By *arty84Man
43 weeks ago

Orpington

I'm taking notes as there's some good info on here, so thanks for everyone's advice so far.

Quick question if people don't mind me asking, but what's a good place in the London area for a single guy to go too? Preferably a more chill, relaxed sort of atmosphere, where you can actually have a chat with people?

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By *elkieWoman
43 weeks ago

Durham

Attitude is everything. Two blokes in this thread have both been to the same club, one loves it, one not so much. I’d agree with everything DJohn says apart from one thing he doesn’t realise he does - eye contact is powerful. If you’re watching play, look at her face, not her fanny - and it’s nice when someone tells me they enjoyed watching or playing when they’re done. If you’re where I can see you though, it’s easier for me to ask you to join us and it’s easier for you to pick a moment to ask too. Be a tasteful active part of the experience

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By *ssexBlkMaleMan
43 weeks ago

Essex

My advice for single male going to clubs would be:

1) Hygiene is king. Women are controlled more by their senses than men so smelling good and fresh will make you more memorable.

2) whilst some clubs have dress down codes where the women are half naked when you’re talking try to maintain eye contact as much as possible as again this is something that is more memorable for females than being ogled

3) don’t get too d*unk and be a pest (pretty self explanatory really)

4) work the room and talk to as many people as possible as you may find someone you click with that initially you weren’t attracted to

5) don’t go expecting anything and only play with those you want to rather than just playing for sake of it. I’ve been to clubs 4 times and played on 3 occasions but ALWAYS with people I’ve wanted to only and as a man whilst it may sound weird you can also say no to playing if you wish!

6) Just have fun and be respectful in general and you’ll be all good

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By *oiluvfunMan
43 weeks ago

Penrith

"Attitude is everything. Two blokes in this thread have both been to the same club, one loves it, one not so much. I’d agree with everything DJohn says apart from one thing he doesn’t realise he does - eye contact is powerful. If you’re watching play, look at her face, not her fanny - and it’s nice when someone tells me they enjoyed watching or playing when they’re done. If you’re where I can see you though, it’s easier for me to ask you to join us and it’s easier for you to pick a moment to ask too. Be a tasteful active part of the experience

I’ll assume this was aimed at me, and take it in a friendly tone

Yes, I’ve been to Club f 6 times in total, with mixed results. Some good points, some not so good. It’s no different to most of the clubs I’ve been to, in so much as the staff go through the motions when faced with a guy on his own, then focus their attention on the couples and single ladies in. I’ve never met any of the regular attendees whilst actually been in Club f, yet attract attention from some of them whenever I post a less than positive comment about the place in the forum. My last visit to the place, for one of their ‘newbie’ nights, I lasted a total of 90 minutes before leaving. It wasn’t a busy night, and all I managed was some chats with other single guys, which I can do in my local, without a drive of almost 2 hours, and with free entry for all (in the pub). Compare this to my first time visit to Club Shhh in Newcastle, just before Xmas…..again, not the busiest of nights for attendees, but I literally spoke to everyone in the place, and it was such a happy, friendly vibe throughout. No prizes for guessing which club I’ll be visiting next time I fancy a drive out for the evening….

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By *leasureseekers123Couple
43 weeks ago

Heathrow

"My advice for single male going to clubs would be:

1) Hygiene is king. Women are controlled more by their senses than men so smelling good and fresh will make you more memorable.

3) don’t get too d*unk and be a pest (pretty self explanatory really)

4) work the room and talk to as many people as possible as you may find someone you click with that initially you weren’t attracted to

6) Just have fun and be respectful in general and you’ll be all good"

We would add that as well as hygiene be well presented. A crappy pair of trainers and an old creased t shirt isn’t that inviting. It’s amazing how many people don’t make the effort. Why should we invite someone to have sex with us who can’t be bothered to present themselves well

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By *bflirtyCouple
43 weeks ago

Milton Keynes

Just to add to all the other comments, be brave and chat to people. As they say on Only Fools & Horses "He who dares Rodney", and it's true - as a couple we probably wouldn't approach a single guy in a club, but those who come and chat definitely stand a better chance.

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By *otlovefun42Couple
43 weeks ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

Well over 500 visits to more than 50 clubs in 5 different country's over a period of around 35 years. Both as a couple and a single.

So that's my CV out of the way.

In the very early days as a single I'll admit to briefly being one of the "wanking dead". But I'm a quick learner and soon figured out that I did much better by chatting to people and letting things develop, or not.

There is a lot of good advice above so there is no point me repeating it. But I will add one thing.

If you go to a club once and it's not a very good night, don't give up. Stick with it and if you take the advice above, eventually it will click for you.

I used to drive over an hour to clubs in the UK. And after some nights I could have quite easily chucked the towel in. But I didn't. Then the next visit had the time of my life.

From a couples point of view, while Mrs used to go for the odd gangbang and get stuck in with a few guys. She always preferred it when a guy chatted her up and any half decent guy that did nearly always got his reward.

Quite often I would leave her alone at the bar to give the guys a better chance. A good few of her gangbangs started with one guy chatting her up.

Perseverance is the key.

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By *ssexBlkMaleMan
43 weeks ago

Essex

[Removed by poster at 24/02/24 17:20:55]

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By *ssexBlkMaleMan
43 weeks ago

Essex

"My advice for single male going to clubs would be:

1) Hygiene is king. Women are controlled more by their senses than men so smelling good and fresh will make you more memorable.

3) don’t get too d*unk and be a pest (pretty self explanatory really)

4) work the room and talk to as many people as possible as you may find someone you click with that initially you weren’t attracted to

6) Just have fun and be respectful in general and you’ll be all good

Yes the clothing choice should be a factor too even if the club is dress down policy.

Clean yeah looking undies rather than off white pairs that have been washed 200 times with darks colours!!!

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By *hilloutMan
42 weeks ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Don't expect anything to happen, as odds are good it won't. Take a positive, open attitude. Engage with people, be talkative but not pushy. Do some research before hand for an idea on what the club is like and the crowd that attends. Choose a party night to attend if possible. Many clubs will advertise events on the forums. It's a good way of seeing who's going. If you post on it, you might attract someone's eye or interact with an attendee or two before the event.

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