FabSwingers.com forum: Unread messages

By (user no longer on site) OP
13 weeks ago

Hoping someone can advise - we have sent quite a few messages to people who seem a great match. We are finding that the majority of these remain unread and we can’t even see if the person has viewed our profile. Totally understand that some people just may not be interested or receive so many messages that ours just get lost in a plethora of requests.

We have only just got verified. Is it just beginners luck (or lack of to be precise!) or is there any other reasonable explanation for our lack of interaction?

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By *ogan234Man
13 weeks ago

Verwood

This happens alot with me. I just put it down to being a single man and not in a couple.

Another reason could be they may be receiving so many messages you just fall through the net.

Keep positive you are a sexy couple someone would be stupid not to reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

I stopped messaging first a longgggg time ago!

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
13 weeks ago

Leeds

Most women/couples browse profiles in ninja mode.

When we get a message I'll click the profile & see if it matches what we are looking for - if not I generally don't reply unless it's a specifically well written message.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
13 weeks ago

"Most women/couples browse profiles in ninja mode.

When we get a message I'll click the profile & see if it matches what we are looking for - if not I generally don't reply unless it's a specifically well written message.

Mrs "

Thanks, we figured as much but being a bit green here, we don’t want to follow up to what seem like great matches , as fab don’t recommend that and we don’t want to seem pushy. Also, we certainly aren’t desperate, just looking to introduce something extra to what we already have. I’m sure it’ll work out in good time. Thanks for the reply

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
13 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Most women live in ninja mode to escape the 'saw you looking' messages when they viewed a profile and then left without comment because it didn't appeal to them.

Bisexual women who want to play with couples are fairly rare. Then add in everyone feeling all parties are attractive, distance, general compatibility, the constant stream of messages from people who don't fit. There's a reason so many refer to them as unicorns.

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By *anted by NightMan
13 weeks ago

Shangri-la

"I stopped messaging first a longgggg time ago! "

This

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By *orl1971Couple
13 weeks ago

Glasgow

We’re not sure if there is the occasional bug on messaging. We have a friend whom we have sent messages to and they have not appeared read to us but have been. Happens very rarely though so most people are probably just deciding not to read the message.

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By *ojo2joWoman
13 weeks ago

Penclawdd

Firstly, you look like an attractive couple and have some nice arty photos.

As you’re trying to attract a single woman you are one couple of many looking for the same so just a case of polite, well worded messages.

Follow up messages can be negative if received quickly but if after a week or so not so bad if they are still focused on the person you’ve messaged.

As a single woman, I would like to see fairly equal photos of both halves of the couple because it’s an equal ‘partnership’ I would be looking for (if looking).

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By *issmorganWoman
13 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Hi op

I'm not bi so not your target market, but you're looking for the same as the majority of other couples on fab.

You don't really say what you'd offer a woman joining you & bi fems can afford to be choosy here.

Many couples say they do better meeting ladies at clubs than on here do maybe consider that too.

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By *mberKeenCouple
13 weeks ago

colchester

Looking for guys we don’t have to message first generally but we changed our settings so people can’t see we looked at their profile.

But generally we leave unread if we are looking to get back to them, life gets in way and not always in the mood for fab talk 24/7 lol sometimes get a lot of messages come through, we open and leave them on read or delete if not interested so you never know.

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By *ebaucherous_duoCouple
13 weeks ago

Bristol/ Daventry

It’s not called unicorn hunting for nothing. Clubs might be a better choice for what you’re looking for. Try nights such as torture garden or le boudoir.

Best of luck.

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By *nytime2023Couple
13 weeks ago

Gloucestershire

We aren’t your target market and we don’t look for females but we do have a lot of unicorn friends in the scene. The vast majority that we know have well over 200 unread messages in their inbox. We would recommend clubs for sure, messages to unicorns can easily get lost on Fab. V&K xx

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By *amnaughtybutniceWoman
13 weeks ago

tf1

It’s down to the sheer volume of messages I suspect.

And the lack of single women wanting to play with couples.

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By *inLemonade65Couple
13 weeks ago

Leeds/Sheffield

What’s ninja mode… ?

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By *ojo2joWoman
13 weeks ago

Penclawdd

"What’s ninja mode… ?

In account settings you can choose to view profiles in hidden mode so they can’t see you’ve looked.

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By *aomilatteCouple
13 weeks ago

Midlands

"Hoping someone can advise - we have sent quite a few messages to people who seem a great match. We are finding that the majority of these remain unread and we can’t even see if the person has viewed our profile. Totally understand that some people just may not be interested or receive so many messages that ours just get lost in a plethora of requests.

We have only just got verified. Is it just beginners luck (or lack of to be precise!) or is there any other reasonable explanation for our lack of interaction? "

When you send messages it's best to forget about them and not check if they've been read. If someone wants to reply they will. Many won't reply to profiles without meet verifications. If you go to a club or a social event you'll be able to get some verifications and make you're profile more attractive. From reading other threads many like yourselves don't have much joy in finding a single Lady on Fab, personally our experiences have come in clubs.

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By *HE ONLY PLAN IS NO PLANMan
13 weeks ago

Westmidlands

Go to clubs you will meet lots of great people ,Messaging is tough .

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By *ickD80Man
13 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

We have only just got verified. Is it just beginners luck (or lack of to be precise!) or is there any other reasonable explanation for our lack of interaction? "

You’re not verified

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By (user no longer on site) OP
13 weeks ago

Thanks for the info! Cheers all...

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

It doesn't show your verified as above said.

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By *adCherriesCouple
13 weeks ago

Cheshire/Northwest

You're not verified (green flag isn't a verification). We dont reply to messages from couples unless they have at least one recent verification from another couple with good verifications. So many fakes on here with a green flag only, so many couples/single females are wary of that.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
13 weeks ago

Leeds

The first line of a message is visible without opening it, so if it looks boring I just ignore it.

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By *oupleus30Couple
13 weeks ago

Minster

We have only just got verified. Is it just beginners luck (or lack of to be precise!) or is there any other reasonable explanation for our lack of interaction? "

We found some profiles some couples also take longer to reply as they only will read messages together which may take them longer to get to then as 1 may be at work nights (mr) then other (mrs) works days so it could take them 2weeks b4 they are together to read and reply.

So don't give up hope yet.

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By *lassy_MMF_CoupleCouple
13 weeks ago

Glasgow

" We found some profiles some couples also take longer to reply as they only will read messages together which may take them longer to get to then as 1 may be at work nights (mr) then other (mrs) works days so it could take them 2weeks b4 they are together to read and reply.

So don't give up hope yet."

Yep, we do this.

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By *inky_ragnarCouple
13 weeks ago

Peterborough

1. Some accounts get a lot of mail and your may have been missed

2. People can peek at your profile before reading the message, and may decide to not read your message after checking you out.

3. Some accounts are fake and don't read any messages

4. Don't worry about it

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By *rozac_fairyCouple
13 weeks ago

Tamworth

It's probably just that the ladies in question have looked at your profile and just aren't interested.

That's not a slight at all. There are so few women compared to everyone looking for them and the amount of messages they receive are ridiculous so they can be as picky as they like to get the perfect fit for them.

I'm sure you'll have some luck at some point. In the mean time, I'd consider your profile, make sure you've got a good variety of pics of both of you, consider if you've written a bio that doesn't make you seem like unicorn hunters, consider the age of the women you're looking for and whether some of said ages would realistically be interested in you etc. Carefully crafted profiles really do help. You can also consider your messages, do they stand out? Have tou given information about you but also included what you'd like to know about them? It's very much a case of "what do you offer a meet?"

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By *ouples_EroticaXXXCouple
13 weeks ago

manchester

We have only just got verified. Is it just beginners luck (or lack of to be precise!) or is there any other reasonable explanation for our lack of interaction? "

It’s just the way of fab.

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By *aughty_builder87Man
13 weeks ago

Keston

As 7 year vet of fab as couple then as a single male, messages being unread goes with the teritory. If your messaging single ladies then your chances are lo, couples get about 5% of mail that single ladies do and single guys get like 5% of what couples do. The best option is to get yourselves to a club or social

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By *mimrgreyMan
13 weeks ago

lancaster

Well thats exactly what i get no reply to any messages despite how polite they are

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By *errie-joWoman
13 weeks ago

Ipswich

"The first line of a message is visible without opening it, so if it looks boring I just ignore it. "
haha same

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By *damxxMan
13 weeks ago

London

Get yourself in the chat. Made friends with lots of people i very much doubt i would have through cold messaging

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By *essiesgirlWoman
13 weeks ago

gloucester

I'm out of your age range but as a single fem I won't meet couples who aren't meet verified. Verifications let me know that you've played well and that you're safe to meet. Perhaps get yourself to a social to meet fems in a social setting without any pressure, the Gloucester one is coming up on the 23rd. It's a great way to get verified in person xx

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By * little bit naughtyCouple
13 weeks ago

Bedford

"We found some profiles some couples also take longer to reply as they only will read messages together which may take them longer to get to then as 1 may be at work nights (mr) then other (mrs) works days so it could take them 2weeks b4 they are together to read and reply."

This is us exactly. We often leave messages unread until we both have a chance to read and answer them together. If we’re both busy it can be a while!

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
13 weeks ago

Chester

As several people have said, most people will check the profile before reading a message. If there’s anything even slightly off putting in the profile, such as implied kinkshaming for example, I’d not bother reading the message.

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By *eterandJaneadventuresCouple
13 weeks ago

Sutton

It may be a combination of they are not interested but do not wish to appear rude by deleting , they may simply have a plethora of message , or simply would prefer you to cancel the message , there can be many reasons. We would advocate attending clubs , networking with fellow Fabbers at the club ..

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By *heCockChefWoman
13 weeks ago

Nearby

Totally agree

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By *he_13th_ghostWoman
13 weeks ago

Swindon

Often I read a message and mark as unread while I think over what to say so I don't leave them on read.

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By *inkForLifeCouple
13 weeks ago

North Shields

You're opening line on your bio would put most off I believe. Comes across as what I describe as Instagram swingers.

Sorry if that's harsh but it's the impression your bio and photos give (me).

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By *ouples_EroticaXXXCouple
13 weeks ago

manchester

"You're opening line on your bio would put most off I believe. Comes across as what I describe as Instagram swingers.

Sorry if that's harsh but it's the impression your bio and photos give (me).

Instagram swingers, thats a new one. We like that.

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By *ickD80Man
13 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

"You're opening line on your bio would put most off I believe. Comes across as what I describe as Instagram swingers.

Sorry if that's harsh but it's the impression your bio and photos give (me).

Aren’t attractive people who go to the gym welcome in the swinging community then?

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By *inkForLifeCouple
13 weeks ago

North Shields

"You're opening line on your bio would put most off I believe. Comes across as what I describe as Instagram swingers.

Sorry if that's harsh but it's the impression your bio and photos give (me).

Aren’t attractive people who go to the gym welcome in the swinging community then?"

Absolutely, but if that's your opening line then it sets a tone of what you want and expect so you have to be messaging similar.

For example if they messaged a woman who was size 12/14 that womean is likely to feel judged and intimated, if the desire of the OP is gym fit. I have no issues with that but if they are hoping to attract a range of people, then that opening line is not going help their cause.

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By *ickD80Man
13 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

"You're opening line on your bio would put most off I believe. Comes across as what I describe as Instagram swingers.

Sorry if that's harsh but it's the impression your bio and photos give (me).

Aren’t attractive people who go to the gym welcome in the swinging community then?

Absolutely, but if that's your opening line then it sets a tone of what you want and expect so you have to be messaging similar.

They describe themselves as gym fit, they don’t say they’re looking for gym fit.

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By *aizyWoman
13 weeks ago

west midlands

Sometimes I go days without even looking at my msgs on here I just log in for the forums. You could delete your sent msgs once you have sent them, stops you looking to see if you have been read or not.

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By *inkForLifeCouple
13 weeks ago

North Shields

"You're opening line on your bio would put most off I believe. Comes across as what I describe as Instagram swingers.

Sorry if that's harsh but it's the impression your bio and photos give (me).

Aren’t attractive people who go to the gym welcome in the swinging community then?

Absolutely, but if that's your opening line then it sets a tone of what you want and expect so you have to be messaging similar.

They describe themselves as gym fit, they don’t say they’re looking for gym fit. "

It's an unnecessary statement.

Calling yourself attractive is a very self assured position. I don't find anything about them attractive, for example.

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By *ickD80Man
13 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

"You're opening line on your bio would put most off I believe. Comes across as what I describe as Instagram swingers.

Sorry if that's harsh but it's the impression your bio and photos give (me).

Aren’t attractive people who go to the gym welcome in the swinging community then?

Absolutely, but if that's your opening line then it sets a tone of what you want and expect so you have to be messaging similar.

They describe themselves as gym fit, they don’t say they’re looking for gym fit.

It's an unnecessary statement.

Calling yourself attractive is a very self assured position. I don't find anything about them attractive, for example. "

I agree that it’s self assured but there’s nothing wrong with being self assured, some people like to see self confidence in others and find that a very attractive trait so I’m guessing it wouldn’t put them off. If someone doesn’t like gym fit, self assured people then they’ll know from that first line that they’re not a good match, similarly people who do like that will know straight away that they’re a match in that regard at least. So for that reason it can be necessary.

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By *ojo2joWoman
13 weeks ago

Penclawdd

"You're opening line on your bio would put most off I believe. Comes across as what I describe as Instagram swingers.

Sorry if that's harsh but it's the impression your bio and photos give (me).

Aren’t attractive people who go to the gym welcome in the swinging community then?

Absolutely, but if that's your opening line then it sets a tone of what you want and expect so you have to be messaging similar.

They describe themselves as gym fit, they don’t say they’re looking for gym fit.

It's an unnecessary statement.

Calling yourself attractive is a very self assured position. I don't find anything about them attractive, for example.

It’s less about the couple being gym fit and self assured but more about how it makes a lady who has been messaged feel about themselves.

If a curvy lady received a message they may be less likely to reply as it could make them feel self conscious.

The ‘why would they be interested in me’ scenario.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
4 weeks ago

Thank you everyone.

We’ve made a few mistakes being too keen and coming across as a bit needy or naive.

Slowly finding our feet… have probably burnt a few bridges unfortunately, by following up with questions, Instead of going with the flow.

Must admit it’s hard to know if someone is uninterested or just inundated sometimes but we are getting there.

Another thing we’ve noticed horny one nighters… messaging back and forth only to wake up and the profile has disappeared LOL ….

As one of you lovely lot has said…. It’s the FAB way.

Will be posting another question soon about clubs….we’re still being needy hahaha

Thanks for all of the replies, help and guidance xx have a lovely … no, have a FAB, weekend

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
4 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Thank you everyone.

We’ve made a few mistakes being too keen and coming across as a bit needy or naive.

Slowly finding our feet… have probably burnt a few bridges unfortunately, by following up with questions, Instead of going with the flow.

Must admit it’s hard to know if someone is uninterested or just inundated sometimes but we are getting there.

Another thing we’ve noticed horny one nighters… messaging back and forth only to wake up and the profile has disappeared LOL ….

As one of you lovely lot has said…. It’s the FAB way.

Will be posting another question soon about clubs….we’re still being needy hahaha

Thanks for all of the replies, help and guidance xx have a lovely … no, have a FAB, weekend

Given your location I'd strongly recommend trying one of the organised group socials. There's a few in South Wales or across the bridge in Bristol, usually something going on every month.

Great for networking and also an opportunity to meet and get verified by other attendees in the area. A few social veris would reduce any cynicism about whether you're 'as described' in a profile and many put more faith in those than a few random play meet verifications.

You'll also tend to find people with a lot of club scene knowledge at them too, so a win/win for potentially meeting suitable future company and gaining knowledge about clubs and upcoming events.

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By *ymbunnyfitCouple
4 weeks ago

East Yorkshire

Would say it was their loss guys amazing profile pictures x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
4 weeks ago

"Thank you everyone.

We’ve made a few mistakes being too keen and coming across as a bit needy or naive.

Slowly finding our feet… have probably burnt a few bridges unfortunately, by following up with questions, Instead of going with the flow.

Must admit it’s hard to know if someone is uninterested or just inundated sometimes but we are getting there.

Another thing we’ve noticed horny one nighters… messaging back and forth only to wake up and the profile has disappeared LOL ….

As one of you lovely lot has said…. It’s the FAB way.

Will be posting another question soon about clubs….we’re still being needy hahaha

Thanks for all of the replies, help and guidance xx have a lovely … no, have a FAB, weekend

Given your location I'd strongly recommend trying one of the organised group socials. There's a few in South Wales or across the bridge in Bristol, usually something going on every month.

You'll also tend to find people with a lot of club scene knowledge at them too, so a win/win for potentially meeting suitable future company and gaining knowledge about clubs and upcoming events.

Thank you, really appreciate this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
4 weeks ago

"Would say it was their loss guys amazing profile pictures x "

Thank you xxxxx

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By *ymbunnyfitCouple
4 weeks ago

East Yorkshire

Not problem at all guys xx

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By *heelerMan
4 weeks ago

Northants

We have only just got verified. Is it just beginners luck (or lack of to be precise!) or is there any other reasonable explanation for our lack of interaction? "

Dont worry about if its meant to be then they will reply.Must admit i always reply even if deep down not interested but its being polite and a chats always good .

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By *andPextraCouple
4 weeks ago

North West

People on here are fickle, simple as.

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