FabSwingers.com forum: Conversation starters

By *iberatedduo OP Couple
50 weeks ago

Ashbourne

We’re posting this as this is something we have observed not in a club necessarily but in going about our day.

There are threads about how to interact be it online or in person. It’s easy for others to say go with the flow and just be yourself however there are some who genuinely struggle with this because they have a generalised anxiety disorder or a form of autism. Both of these can be a hindrance to the sufferer.

We’re interested to know what experience others have had with neurodiverse members on the scene ?

Is it a red flag or would it not be an issue?

Personally we wouldn’t disregard someone for being too quiet as we often observe their overall demeanour.

If there are tell tale signs we are open to conversation and will make people feel welcome.

Just because we talk doesn’t necessarily mean we are automatically going to play.

Some who are on the spectrum might struggle socially but are amazing when it comes to play.

Usually if it’s a case of being shy then there are ways to overcome that.

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By *rouble81Couple
50 weeks ago

Bolton

I fall into the neurodiverse category and am often unsure how to start or continue conversations. I struggle to read signals from people so I’ll be oblivious to someone wanting to play for example.

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By *electableicecreamMan
50 weeks ago

The West

I'm ND and figuring out how to make things work in this world is a constantly evolving adventure.

For example this year I've been told that I'm difficult to read and it's not at always obvious if I'm interested in someone. I've been practicing speaking a bit more directly with often hilarious results. I do warn people first that I'm probably going to say something hilariously awkward and it's usually a funny moment.

I'm often unaware that people are interested in me unless they are direct to the point of jumping on me. This has happened. I've also been asked 'are you going to kiss me?' enough times now that I try to actually make my intentions clear before that happens. Also fun.

I avoid loud and particularly noisy environments or wear Loop earplugs if I know I'm going to be in the middle of a lot of cross talk or high ambient noise. My brain basically switches off when the sensory load gets to a certain point so club's and house parties aren't where I find the most fun.

I've found a lot of upsides in my particular flavour of ND but that's a different thread.

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By *rivervaderMan
50 weeks ago

bolton

I normally just sit there not sure if folk want to gator not it’s hard to read what folk want. Sometimes when I do try I just get shut down and they move

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By *rouble81Couple
50 weeks ago

Bolton

I imagine it’s harder for a single male as in my experience couples seem to be seeking other couples or women.

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By *rouble81Couple
50 weeks ago

Bolton

Having said that, whilst single men aren’t on my ‘seeking’ list I’m happy to chat but I guess some may see that as wasting time maybe.

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By *ucka39Man
50 weeks ago

Newcastle

"Having said that, whilst single men aren’t on my ‘seeking’ list I’m happy to chat but I guess some may see that as wasting time maybe. "

Hiya

Try using the reply and quote per comment it's easier to understand who you are replying to

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By *rouble81Couple
50 weeks ago

Bolton

It was more a brain dump than anything coherent.

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By *rivervaderMan
50 weeks ago

bolton

"Having said that, whilst single men aren’t on my ‘seeking’ list I’m happy to chat but I guess some may see that as wasting time maybe. "

I would chat with you if you came over we are from the same town after all. Maybe hit it off or just chat you never know

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By *heekyDemandCouple
50 weeks ago

Leicester

Having ND kids has made a huge difference, I spot the signs in adults and it help us to communicate more easily, have more empathy.

There is no script.

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By *cnugatugMan
50 weeks ago

Chatham

I suffer with add and bi polar disorder and often takes me several attempts to write a message to someone as I write it read it back and then start thinking about it and then rewrite it I find it difficult to start a conversation with others online and In person and that has ruined several chances of meeting but I keep it to myself because I get the impression that if I mention my add or bi polar it alarms people to thinking I'm unsafe to meet it sucks but it's something I just have to get over

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
50 weeks ago

Weymouth

Mr Fox and I suffer with a few different mental illnesses between us,and we suspect he is on the spectrum - but I think we communicate and socialise well enough. The day after we went to a club, we had a verification that suggested MUCH more occured than it did, and we had a message from a couple scolding us for simply having a conversation, and not chasing them into a room.

That's just one aspect of what has put me off clubs

- Xeno

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By *ou and johnCouple
50 weeks ago

Weymouth

110% we both struggle but once comfortable are chatty great thread x

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By *rpeggioCouple
50 weeks ago

Baughurst

Have to admit that we know little about ND people and their needs, but can share how we behave in clubs and parties.

First, we have no idea who is what when at a club or party, so we try to be ourselves and be inclusive, rather than second guess or prejudge.

Conversation starters? Well, someone has to start it, right? Don't assume you have to do it, so don't get stressed about it. If you are not confident to do it, let other couples do so.

We are happy to start the conversation, but usually we require some "encouragement". Exchanging looks. If we can make eye contact and it is followed by a smile, that's is a good hint for us that if we approach a couple we are not be told straightaway to "piss off".

How to keep the conversation going?. If you are not comfy with chatting, likely the other couple will be the ones asking you questions. Once you've responded, or dodged the question, a "what about you two?" is another clue for us to keep talking.

Eventually, experienced couples will raise the question about play, or an invitation/suggestion to move elsewhere more private.

Then it's up to you what to do next.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
50 weeks ago

Coventry

I think the key is just to start a conversation, the subject doesn't really matter. If people you start a conversation with are intrested in you (chances are they'd already noticed you at some point in the night) they'll reciprocate. And hopefully if the chemistry is there it'll faily easily flow.

I/we understand (quite personally) some of the difficulties of ND traits. Unfortunately the world doesn't really bend for you so you have to bend to it (as extra difficult as it is). Sometimes if we're comfortable with people and it seems relevant Mrs will drop into the conversation about me. Sometimes (when it feel appropriate) it just helps others know where I'm coming from beyond the mask or help them understand some of my idiosyncrasies. It's never an issue. But again that just totally depends on the people in question and if it feels right/appropriate to mention it. Its not something we tell everyone. But until then you just have to fake it till you make it (which of course I say in jest, it's not about faking just about some adherence to difficult to grasp social norms).

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By *xposedInTheMaleMan
50 weeks ago

Cap d'Agde

"We are happy to start the conversation, but usually we require some "encouragement". Exchanging looks. If we can make eye contact and it is followed by a smile, that's is a good hint for us that if we approach a couple we are not be told straightaway to "piss off"."

Strange as it may sound, a lot of ND people find it next to impossible to make eye contact.

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By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

I'm on the autism spectrum and introverted (I know! The double whammy right!? Lol), so I do find socialising a little tricky and anxiety inducing, but once I get to know people it gets easier for me for sure. I think the main thing that makes it challenging is the fact there is no knowing where the conversation might lead and so I'm always on edge and trying to keep up with same speed responses to keep the flow going. It's hard work aha.

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By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

Strange as it may sound, a lot of ND people find it next to impossible to make eye contact."

... Certainly not impossible though

I managed to learn/teach myself to look people in the eyes. But all autistic people experience challenges in different ways.

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By *rpeggioCouple
50 weeks ago

Baughurst

Strange as it may sound, a lot of ND people find it next to impossible to make eye contact."

No. It does not sound strange at all.

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