FabSwingers.com forum: Travelling for Meets

By *9younggent69 OP Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Recently, I’ve messaged several ladies with detailed profiles, whose preferences for partners and/or meets align closely with my own – although they don’t live near me. The few replies I’ve received have all claimed that I live too far away.

I understand why ladies might dismiss most guys who aren’t local, even if they’re ostensibly happy to travel: arranging a rendezvous could be more difficult, and such men are perhaps likelier to be fantasists who have little intention of actually meeting.

But I have made considerable efforts to travel for previous meets, and I have the verifications to prove it. I once headed from Oxford to Bournemouth at very short notice, and had to take three severely delayed trains to get back – though it was worth it! More recently, I’ve travelled from Newcastle to Birmingham and Humberside to visit my long-term submissive, and I booked a hotel for our first get-together.

With such a track record, it seems to me that most concerns about meeting someone who doesn’t live nearby should be allayed. But evidently, many ladies are only interested in local guys on principle.

I assume that most ladies receive a wealth of brief, unremarkable messages from men who contact almost every woman/couple in their area, hoping for a reply. So wouldn't a lady be more flattered and intrigued to find a tailored message from a guy who’s examined her profile, explained how he aligns with her specific preferences, expressed a willingness to travel if they establish a mutual connection – and has detailed verifications to prove he’s made significant efforts before?

Of course, men outnumber women vastly on Fab, so maybe there’s always enough interest from suitable local guys for many ladies to dismiss those who might come from further afield. But I doubt that’s the whole story. So – am I missing something crucial?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From my own point of view I wouldn’t consider someone who has travelled a long way because like it not, I will feel a pressure to to make the journey worth your while . It will become harder for me to say “sorry, we’re not clicking” if you’ve come half way across the country than if you’ve just had a quick trip.

Is that my issue to work on? Yes absolutely it is. Is it unfair? Possibly. But for now my way of dealing with that is to set a distance marker on potential meets..

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

While distance is clearly an issue for lots of people for the reasons you mention, it is also an easy way to politely reject. Perhaps they just weren’t interested in you and given your tailored message wanted to give the courtesy of a reply.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

As already mentioned the idea that someone travelled for a considerable length of time to meet, would put a certain amount of pressure on the one being visited to make it worth their while.

More importantly for myself; I'm looking for someone that I could get together on a regular basis if we hit it off. That's more likely to be possible if they live 20 minutes away; rather than 2 hours away. It's the difficulty arranging repeat meets that is my main concern..

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By *ntrigued888Woman
over a year ago

Beds

I say local as I'm looking for a regular fwb, and bring realistic if it's too far to travel it's not going to last

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

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By *lizabethhotMan
over a year ago

Norton

We use to travel to meets . We don't now .. we don't put out self's out for no one now.. meets on our terms , reason is We travelled 100 mile to meet only for them to let us down. Bike 6 hotels room and gone to waste.. went to meet a 24 yr old female. Turned out to be a 50 yr old bloke ffs ,, no more We out out self's inb charge of our meets .

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By *ewhorizonsCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

You already know the answer. They obviously don’t want you as you’ve found out from your replies / lack of replies. Why ask the question if you already know the answer?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

I assumed "NO" is the only answer single blokes get on here . Have I missed something ? Is there a different answer ?

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Yes you are missing something crucial, you’re missing the awareness that people are free to do whatever they want to within the law, which means that women are under no obligation to engage in a conversation with you just because you read their profile and sent them a polite and considered message. Just because you’re happy to travel and not specifically looking for someone local it doesn’t mean that people who would prefer someone local are wrong to want that. You’re in the minority as the majority of people aren’t looking for something long distance but you seem to think that you’re right and everyone else is wrong.

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
over a year ago

There and Here

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

I assumed "NO" is the only answer single blokes get on here . Have I missed something ? Is there a different answer ? "

Well of course there is a different answer. Many many single fellas are meeting daily

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
over a year ago

There and Here

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

This

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

I assumed "NO" is the only answer single blokes get on here . Have I missed something ? Is there a different answer ?

Well of course there is a different answer. Many many single fellas are meeting daily "

If that's true , i need to find out what their magic formula is and please don't say "clubs and organised socials ".

I've been on here a long time ,and had zero meets ,so id love to know their secret.

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
over a year ago

There and Here

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

I assumed "NO" is the only answer single blokes get on here . Have I missed something ? Is there a different answer ?

Well of course there is a different answer. Many many single fellas are meeting daily

If that's true , i need to find out what their magic formula is and please don't say "clubs and organised socials ".

I've been on here a long time ,and had zero meets ,so id love to know their secret.

Maybe they have a more flexible and positive outlook Dave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

I assumed "NO" is the only answer single blokes get on here . Have I missed something ? Is there a different answer ? "

As pointed out below, if that were the only answer single men got, no one would be meeting single men on here ever which is certainly not the case.

I don’t believe clubs and socials are the only way of meeting. But I do believe that due to the ratio on here, many men will never get a meet. Some things can help the odds in your favour (not that you’re willing to try any of them of course) but simply put there are more men than women, that’s just simple mathematics.

Thankfully, it is the minority of those who can’t get a meet that decide to repeatedly hijack threads to bemoan their lack of success.

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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago

Leigh-on-Sea

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

Exactly.

I'm afraid, OP, that your post gives off somewhat a sense of entitlement.

You're essentially saying that, because you are willing to travel, these women that you're getting in touch with should be welcoming you with open arms (and legs) despite the fact that they are clearly only interested in those who are more local.

Perhaps, instead of moaning about those who have no desire to meet you, you should focus on those who might.

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By *ink vixenCouple
over a year ago

Medway

Distance will translate as pressure whether you believe it or not.

It also smacks a little of desperation, like you’ve messaged everyone in a steadily increasing radius.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

I assumed "NO" is the only answer single blokes get on here . Have I missed something ? Is there a different answer ?

Well of course there is a different answer. Many many single fellas are meeting daily

If that's true , i need to find out what their magic formula is and please don't say "clubs and organised socials ".

I've been on here a long time ,and had zero meets ,so id love to know their secret.

ffs stop going on about it - need the hand hitting head emoji

There is no magic formula but hijacking threads bemoaning lack of success isn't going to help.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

I assumed "NO" is the only answer single blokes get on here . Have I missed something ? Is there a different answer ?

As pointed out below, if that were the only answer single men got, no one would be meeting single men on here ever which is certainly not the case.

Thankfully, it is the minority of those who can’t get a meet that decide to repeatedly hijack threads to bemoan their lack of success.

This

. In the things you are not willing to try category I would include - stopping the negative griping, woe is me and being fun and positive. Sure this comes over in messages as it is so prevalent on Forum.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

So – am I missing something crucial?

Yes, it's their choice and preference. Don't be so arrogant to think that you are the exception, or entitled to override someone's preferences. Even if someone has misguided or illogical preferences, you should still respect and accept them. They have their reasons for only wanting to meet local people; your not one!

You identify as straight and don't want to meet men. So if a bi /gay guy wanted to meet you, saying I've met plenty of 'straight' guys, with a profile like yours, etc and we've always had a good time, would you set your preferences to one side and meet???

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

I assumed "NO" is the only answer single blokes get on here . Have I missed something ? Is there a different answer ?

As pointed out below, if that were the only answer single men got, no one would be meeting single men on here ever which is certainly not the case.

Thankfully, it is the minority of those who can’t get a meet that decide to repeatedly hijack threads to bemoan their lack of success.

Do you honestly think it's only a minority who can't get a meet ?

I've viewed hundreds of single blokes profiles ,and only a snall minority have meet verifications.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I be honest even if women outnumbered men on Fab, most men will still struggle to get a meet as 90% of the women want the 5% of the men they actually like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you honestly think it's only a minority who can't get a meet ?

I've viewed hundreds of single blokes profiles ,and only a snall minority have meet verifications. "

I didn’t say that - quite the opposite in fact. Men outnumber women, also taking repeat meets into account. Most men who join this site will not get a meet. Supply and demand.

What I said, if you read my comment, I’m is that the MINORITY of THOSE men come on this forum to constantly whinge and moan about it. Thankfully, as it’s incredibly tiresome and unattractive.

Let’s allow this thread to resume to the OP’s topic again, please, it’s only fair.

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By *edWitch0000Woman
over a year ago

worthing

"Every day I ask myself on this site - what will be enough for some men to accept no as answer?

I assumed "NO" is the only answer single blokes get on here . Have I missed something ? Is there a different answer ?

As pointed out below, if that were the only answer single men got, no one would be meeting single men on here ever which is certainly not the case.

Thankfully, it is the minority of those who can’t get a meet that decide to repeatedly hijack threads to bemoan their lack of success.

Do you honestly think it's only a minority who can't get a meet ?

I've viewed hundreds of single blokes profiles ,and only a snall minority have meet verifications. "

So what?

So what if most men don't get a meet?

Nobody owes anyone else sex. There's no 'fairness' criteria applied to which men get sex on fab and which don't. One man could get 100% of all sex and it still wouldn't be unfair.

Nobody wants to meet you because you're negative and entitled.

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By *oulou22Woman
over a year ago

Sutton

I'm really happy this thread exists. I often feel like I'm being unreasonable when I turn people down on the basis of distance. I just don't believe people would really travel more than an hour across London for a meet. And even if they did it feels a little desperate.

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By *edWitch0000Woman
over a year ago

worthing

"I'm really happy this thread exists. I often feel like I'm being unreasonable when I turn people down on the basis of distance. I just don't believe people would really travel more than an hour across London for a meet. And even if they did it feels a little desperate. "

Yep. I am unlikely to bail on a meet before it happens unless the guy is really offputting in his behaviour, but I would never let a man pay for a hotel or travel too far because if I decide I am done after 45 minutes or whatever I want to be able to just bail and feel no obligation!

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

Expectations, entitlement, a feeling of not being able to cancel last second if you have cold feet.

A whole host of reasons and quite frankly, as a women or couple, 99% of the time men far away are offering nothing we can't find on our doorstep.

It's unfortunate for guys but the reality is, it's just unneeded hassle and pressure.

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By *hawn ScottMan
over a year ago

london Brixton

Would travel to zone3 for the right person

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

"As already mentioned the idea that someone travelled for a considerable length of time to meet, would put a certain amount of pressure on the one being visited to make it worth their while.

Same here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are willing to travel long distances just for a shag you sound desperate.

Meeting up if you are in the area for other reasons would sound reasonable

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By *oulou22Woman
over a year ago

Sutton

"Would travel to zone3 for the right person "

Very brave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Expectations, entitlement, a feeling of not being able to cancel last second if you have cold feet.

A whole host of reasons and quite frankly, as a women or couple, 99% of the time men far away are offering nothing we can't find on our doorstep.

It's unfortunate for guys but the reality is, it's just unneeded hassle and pressure. "

This is exactly it.

There’s currently another thread taking place elsewhere about a potential rating system to penalise no shows.

No disrespect to anyone in that thread but we all know that “timewaster” is a very subjective term on Fab which means vastly different things to different people.

I totally understand the frustration of a letdown but - life happens. If someone travels x amount of miles to meet me and something comes up, do I want to be labelled as a timewaster?

Unnecessary pressure is very unsexy and as you’ve said, there are many local guys who can provide what one needs without it.

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

"Expectations, entitlement, a feeling of not being able to cancel last second if you have cold feet.

A whole host of reasons and quite frankly, as a women or couple, 99% of the time men far away are offering nothing we can't find on our doorstep.

It's unfortunate for guys but the reality is, it's just unneeded hassle and pressure.

This is exactly it.

There’s currently another thread taking place elsewhere about a potential rating system to penalise no shows.

No disrespect to anyone in that thread but we all know that “timewaster” is a very subjective term on Fab which means vastly different things to different people.

I totally understand the frustration of a letdown but - life happens. If someone travels x amount of miles to meet me and something comes up, do I want to be labelled as a timewaster?

Unnecessary pressure is very unsexy and as you’ve said, there are many local guys who can provide what one needs without it. "

Absolutely agree. Cancelling last minute isn't being a time waster. Just like jumping into bed with someone and then saying no doesn't give them a right to still fuck you. Consent must be freely given and taken.

We almost only meet at our home but I won't give people the door number until they are very near by, as I want to have the last second option of backing out.

Ultimately, cancelling a meet isn't time wasting.

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By *ir SupremacyMan
over a year ago

Bolton

JamieD has answered this perfectly.

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By *hawn ScottMan
over a year ago

london Brixton

"Would travel to zone3 for the right person

Very brave "

Oh sarcasm!

not brave just so lazy I once rented a film from amazon prime rather than hunt down a box for the DVD

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By *hawn ScottMan
over a year ago

london Brixton

I only consider it London if the postcode is SE,SW,N,NW,NE,E etc. TW, BR etc isn't London and as for CR well I'd rather beat myself to death with my own shoes than go there

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

There's always good reason for people not pursuing getting to know someone and it may likely be different for each contact. We can try to analyse it but we should instead use our energy to move on. It's natural to want to understand things we've done but the most important thing is to know when to put something behind us.

Increasing distance makes things more complicated and most people would be better off not having that.

If you're going to be meeting a lot in a different place, it could be better to fix it to just one, rather than anywhere within a hundred miles or more. You might then establish your profile there and come to be perceived as a more reasonable prospective meet. Remember too that the posted location of others may not be their actual home and that they may have no interest in people from there.

Going to clubs in your desired locations is s great way to get to know people

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

Actually, tailored messages aren’t that uncommon. The vast majority of men on here are decent human beings who give a fuck.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I wouldn't want to meet someone too far,even if they want to travel.

I only do a social meet first anyway and it's not practical for someone to drive miles for a drink and chat.

In the past I've had men say they'd drive over 3 hours and get a hotel. That always makes me feel they're expecting more, when when I've said it's a social only first meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
52 weeks ago

"Actually, tailored messages aren’t that uncommon. The vast majority of men on here are decent human beings who give a fuck.

Yes I have to say I agree there and it does sorta rub me up the wrong way when guys begin a message with a jibe about the other guys on here, like “oh how you coping with all the weirdos on here”, “congrats this must be your first ever normal message with no dick pic!” etc etc it’s arrogant and unnecessary, why are you concerned about how other people do or don’t act?

Like the OP saying in his post he PRESUMES women get a wealth of shit messages basically. It’s all subjective and to be quite honest most of the “I’m not like the other guys” I get in my inbox send some of the worst messages. They just don’t see it that way

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By *JohnMan
52 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Others have provided good answers to the question of why "too far away" is a good reasn to say no.

But looking back at my own experience, a lot of the people I've had ongoing "very good friends" relationships with have been too far away. So how did that work?

I think the answer is "community". I didn't approach these people in isolation with the purpose of a one-on-one meet. Most came out of finding a community that I clicked with, and becoming part of it.

These communities were small enough that they were personal - we all had a chance to get to know everyone as individuals. But also large enough to be stable as people came and went.

Being part of a community means people got to know me, without having to meet in person. Being part of a community meant I could develop a reputation - being trusted by people that others trust means a lot. Being part of a community meant we had occasional social get-togethers where nothing was expected but people could see how they got on in person.

None of this happened on fab. I don't think fab is set up for this kind of community building. We either fit into the structure they've provided, or we are lost.

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