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To swing or not to swing?

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal

So just to start with, although I have a profile, I have never been involved in swinging. I'm just curious about it. And how maybe it could be an option for me and (maybe) my partner.

I have observed the open minded nature of this forum when people ask questions, and I know there will be a wealth of experiences to draw from here, so I'm hoping that some of you lovely people might be able to help.

Strap in because this might be long. I will do a tldr at the bottom.

I'm a guy. 30 years old. Until a year ago I'd never been in a relationship. I had only slept with one person to lose my virginity because I was 22 and quite ashamed of still being one.

Due to mental health issues, low confidence, and just generally being a shy dude, I never got out there and explored relationships, casual hookups etc... There have definitely been opportunities, missed opportunities with girls. I'm not a bad looking guy, and people seem to think I'm funny (part of why I have now found someone).

So after all that time alone, I met the girl I have been with for almost two years now, and suddenly I was kind of thrown into trying to figure out how to be a decent boyfriend and lover. What made it so hard for me as we progressed, was the fact that she has so much more experience. Two long term relationships (with older and more experienced guys) and casual hookups. She's from Spain and has a very liberal attitude towards sex.

Just to be clear, I don't have a problem with any of that. I'm not one of these "old fashioned" types who judges people for expressing and acting out natural and normal human desires and behaviours. I know damn well that if I had been living that lifestyle in those cities, I would have made the most of it too. I don't make any judgements about her past experiences, and I was actually quite excited about being with someone open minded and hopefully kinky.

The problems really started with something quite silly. When I was borrowing a condom from her bedside table. I noticed there was a box of XL wide fit ones. For some reason this hit me like a train. I made the mistake of looking up how big you need to be for those and that's a big D. My heart sank, and I think all of the years of subliminal messaging about penis size turned me into an insecure mess. I couldn't get hard any more, I couldn't stop imagining how much better that guy must have felt for her. To make it worse, there are so many mixed messages about how much it matters for pleasure. The one thing that was repeated a lot what that girth is what makes the difference, and being long enough to do fun positions. Being bang on average myself I doubt it's very stimulating.

Before this there was a time when we were having sex and she stopped and said she couldn't feel anything. I thought it was just the position, or maybe she was too wet, but the more I thought about it the more I realised it's probably because I'm quite small in comparison to what she's used to. There were other times where she moved into positions instinctively (spooning/doggy style/standing) where I just couldn't penetrate, because I'm too small where it matters.

So that really killed the mood, and I got really weird and in my head about that. Imagining all these guys who could do that for her but I couldn't.

There was no way I could hide how I was feeling. As much as I didn't want to tell her the reason and look like an insecure little man, I knew I had to open up about it.

So I told her that I wanted to be a good lover, but that I'm ashamed about my size. I had this intense feeling that I should apologise to her for my body. But I resisted that because I know there's nothing I can do to change myself physically.

She was really supportive and told me my size is good, and that we could explore using toys etc... Fine, I'm very open to that. I even got a sleeve that goes over mine to make it thicker and longer.

Around this time she was really struggling with her mental health, and the sex became very infrequent due to the depression and then the medication (SSRI) killing her libido.

The other aspects of the relationship are great. We communicate well and we love eachother. We live together so we have been through the challenges of that too. Without the physical intimacy it does sometimes feel like we are housemates, or an cold married couple, but I'm really hoping that once she feels better, finishes her treatment, I can build confidence and we could have a great sex life too.

I suggested we could see a relationship/sex therapist which she's open to.

Since all of this happened, it made me reflect a lot on my lack of experience. When I brought that up early in the relationship, she said she would be OK with me exploring a bit on my own, so I can see what's out there. With that experience I would then feel more mature and less like I have missed out. The problem is that I think she was saying that because of her own insecurities that she's not enough for me and doesn't deserve the love and care that I give her. Her previous partners have been a bit toxic and abusive (but probably crazy passionate sex).

I'm not really sure how to broach this subject with her again without her feeling like I don't love her when I do. I can really see myself with her for the rest of my life. Will this feeling of imbalance and insecurity ever go away? How do I build confidence when we're not doing it, and without any previous evidence that I'm good in bed? How do I meet my needs while she is healing?

Tldr: didn't have any relationships or causal sex during my 20's, got into a serious monogamous relationship, sex from the start was a bit awkward due to my inexperience. Tried to improve, but sex stopped because of her depression/medication. My D size became an issue because she's used to bigger, unable to do certain positions because of this. Without previous experiences there is no reassuring evidence that I'm a good lover. Opening the relationship to swinging was an option at the beginning of the relationship, but not, sure how to bring it up again now that we are seriously in love.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
46 weeks ago

Leeds

If I'm totally honest, this place will knock your confidence into pieces.

There's 1000's of men to every woman and the majority of inboxes will go unread.

She's already said she's happy for you to explore so just mention it again, she's already stated your size isn't an issue so maybe try to believe her.

Personally cock size isn't relative to good sex, bigger isn't better it's the person, the connection and the foreplay as well as the sex that makes it good, big cock doesn't mean good sex.

If you are looking to improve your confidence I'd run from this place as fast as you can.

If you want to spend the rest of your life with this lady then no sneaky profiles, be open and honest, how would you feel if she found this profile and left you? Is it worth it? Talk to her 1st before joining places like this.

Good luck

Mrs

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By *mpierdoleMan
46 weeks ago

Birmingham

I've been swinging for 20 years and only recently come back as a single male profile and it can be the worst of places sometimes but now and then, there is a glimmer of light.

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"If I'm totally honest, this place will knock your confidence into pieces.

There's 1000's of men to every woman and the majority of inboxes will go unread.

She's already said she's happy for you to explore so just mention it again, she's already stated your size isn't an issue so maybe try to believe her.

Personally cock size isn't relative to good sex, bigger isn't better it's the person, the connection and the foreplay as well as the sex that makes it good, big cock doesn't mean good sex.

If you are looking to improve your confidence I'd run from this place as fast as you can.

If you want to spend the rest of your life with this lady then no sneaky profiles, be open and honest, how would you feel if she found this profile and left you? Is it worth it? Talk to her 1st before joining places like this.

Good luck

Mrs "

Thanks for the reply. You're right that this place is not great for confidence. I don't say that because of messaging people. Which I don't do because that absolutely would make me a cheater, and that's not me. But more because of how hot some of the guys are on here and how hung. I have to remind myself that it's not representative of average because bugger guys are more likely to show off what they have.

I'm really trying. I think it's just the years of social/societal programming from a young age that size is a symbol of virility/fertility/masculinity etc...

The more I reflect, the more I realise that penetration isn't even the best part for me. I love all of the build up and giving pleasure in all of the other ways. I love to see my partner enjoying herself.

I'll make sure to communicate with her better. Thanks for your reply.

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"I've been swinging for 20 years and only recently come back as a single male profile and it can be the worst of places sometimes but now and then, there is a glimmer of light."

Yeah I appreciate that. I think unless you're a Greek God with insane charisma on here and on dating apps, it's a bit of a struggle for most guys. I guess that's the way it's always been.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
46 weeks ago

Leeds


"If I'm totally honest, this place will knock your confidence into pieces.

There's 1000's of men to every woman and the majority of inboxes will go unread.

She's already said she's happy for you to explore so just mention it again, she's already stated your size isn't an issue so maybe try to believe her.

Personally cock size isn't relative to good sex, bigger isn't better it's the person, the connection and the foreplay as well as the sex that makes it good, big cock doesn't mean good sex.

If you are looking to improve your confidence I'd run from this place as fast as you can.

If you want to spend the rest of your life with this lady then no sneaky profiles, be open and honest, how would you feel if she found this profile and left you? Is it worth it? Talk to her 1st before joining places like this.

Good luck

Mrs

Thanks for the reply. You're right that this place is not great for confidence. I don't say that because of messaging people. Which I don't do because that absolutely would make me a cheater, and that's not me. But more because of how hot some of the guys are on here and how hung. I have to remind myself that it's not representative of average because bugger guys are more likely to show off what they have.

I'm really trying. I think it's just the years of social/societal programming from a young age that size is a symbol of virility/fertility/masculinity etc...

The more I reflect, the more I realise that penetration isn't even the best part for me. I love all of the build up and giving pleasure in all of the other ways. I love to see my partner enjoying herself.

I'll make sure to communicate with her better. Thanks for your reply.

"

Honestly please try not to compare yourself to other men, it's nothing but stress for you.

Yes there's muscular guys with big cocks and some will look for that.

But not all will, my man is perfect for me, he's not muscular or huge, I didn't see his cock before I met him, I liked him for him and the cock was just a bonus

Not all people are looking for what you are comparing yourself too.

On this kind of site where people are after just sex some do look for more specifics as in size etc but many don't care.

Get chatting with your women about how you feel I know she's already tried to reassure you, just think she's with you because of you, you must be doing ok, she likes you and that's what matters.

If you want to explore more maybe do it together?

Mrs

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"If I'm totally honest, this place will knock your confidence into pieces.

There's 1000's of men to every woman and the majority of inboxes will go unread.

She's already said she's happy for you to explore so just mention it again, she's already stated your size isn't an issue so maybe try to believe her.

Personally cock size isn't relative to good sex, bigger isn't better it's the person, the connection and the foreplay as well as the sex that makes it good, big cock doesn't mean good sex.

If you are looking to improve your confidence I'd run from this place as fast as you can.

If you want to spend the rest of your life with this lady then no sneaky profiles, be open and honest, how would you feel if she found this profile and left you? Is it worth it? Talk to her 1st before joining places like this.

Good luck

Mrs

Thanks for the reply. You're right that this place is not great for confidence. I don't say that because of messaging people. Which I don't do because that absolutely would make me a cheater, and that's not me. But more because of how hot some of the guys are on here and how hung. I have to remind myself that it's not representative of average because bugger guys are more likely to show off what they have.

I'm really trying. I think it's just the years of social/societal programming from a young age that size is a symbol of virility/fertility/masculinity etc...

The more I reflect, the more I realise that penetration isn't even the best part for me. I love all of the build up and giving pleasure in all of the other ways. I love to see my partner enjoying herself.

I'll make sure to communicate with her better. Thanks for your reply.

Honestly please try not to compare yourself to other men, it's nothing but stress for you.

Yes there's muscular guys with big cocks and some will look for that.

But not all will, my man is perfect for me, he's not muscular or huge, I didn't see his cock before I met him, I liked him for him and the cock was just a bonus

Not all people are looking for what you are comparing yourself too.

On this kind of site where people are after just sex some do look for more specifics as in size etc but many don't care.

Get chatting with your women about how you feel I know she's already tried to reassure you, just think she's with you because of you, you must be doing ok, she likes you and that's what matters.

If you want to explore more maybe do it together?

Mrs "

You're right, it's not really fair or logical to be comparing it myself to other guys. I guess it's just easy to pick a body part and blame everything on that because it's something I can't change. I understand that it's far more complicated than that.

It's hard when the person you love doesn't want to make love. But I have to understand that while I some of it might be because of things I have done (or haven't done) a lot of it is probably because she has previous traumas regarding sex and she needs to heal those before she's able to explore anything with me, let alone involving other people.

I think I'm doing everything as well as I can. She seems happy with me.

Maybe one day I will pitch the idea of a threesome just to see how she reacts. But until she's feeling much better and secure with the sexual side of our relationship, I'm probably best just leaving it be for now.

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By *restonCouple555Couple
46 weeks ago

preston

As others have said above, the goldilocks emotional and psychological profile for swinging is someone who is stable and confident enough to manage "swinger rejection" without it hurting their self-image, to get involved sexually with people without needing additional validation or in any way making your problems their problems, and to easily maintain a healthy barrier between their swinging activities and their "normal" life.

If that's not you, you should stay well away for everybody's sake.

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By *ellinever70Woman
46 weeks ago

Ayrshire

Sam...I don't think it would work out well for either of you

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By *issmorganWoman
46 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

I think you should shelve the idea of swinging for the time being.

If she has her own struggles, you bringing up swinging may make her feel inadequate too and make her feel even worse.

As already said this place can knock anyone's confidence, but especially some men as it's hard due to the number of men on here.

With low self confidence already it won't help you op.

You're you & that's what makes you unique & why your gf is with you.

Be supportive to her, try and come to terms with who you are too and remember in r.l most women are attracted to the man, rather than his bits.

Experiment by all means and don't stop discussing your fantasies.

You can always come back to the idea in future, but I'd delete this account, in case your gf sees it and assumed you're looking to meet others.

Good luck..

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By *he Silver FuxMan
46 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

Oooooff… right in the feels. First off - this is absolutely not the place for you - if you and your partner are not having sex together (and the drugs will do that to libido) a swinging site will utterly destroy your relationship. If you are not experienced and lack the necessary fortitude - it will destroy your mental wellbeing. Porn and Social media is already damaging you, it’s obvious from your post. First off - you are her partner and LOVER - you are not just having sex. Your sexual bonding doesn’t even compare to what goes on in the Lifestyle.

Stop obsessing with the size of your cock - the obsession with freakish large cocks is driven by porn and fantasy/ kink. I’ve never seen yours but I’m pretty certain it will be perfectly fine at providing the sensation she needs - that’s 5% tops of making love to your partner- the rest is emotional bonding, desire, communication, tongues, fingers and getting to know her body and her mind. One of my best friends has a massive dick - he hasn’t been able to maintain a long term sexual relationship because it fucking hurts most women. He’s treated like a freak, one night stands where they can’t walk for a week afterwards and bleed. He hates it and I feel sorry for him.

So forget swinging and porn and worrying about the size of your cock. Focus on your relationship, use her sexual experience to improve yours, top tip- if you’re horny and she isn’t, pick a good time and ask if you can masturbate to her, she may not physically want to have sex but will probably be more than pleased to get naked, provide inspiration, watch you, see the desire in your eyes…

There’s lots of great self help books on repairing sexual relationships, get a couple, talk to a doctor about the drugs and effects on libido.

Now scoot, get out of here, delete your account and good luck and best wishes

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"As others have said above, the goldilocks emotional and psychological profile for swinging is someone who is stable and confident enough to manage "swinger rejection" without it hurting their self-image, to get involved sexually with people without needing additional validation or in any way making your problems their problems, and to easily maintain a healthy barrier between their swinging activities and their "normal" life.

If that's not you, you should stay well away for everybody's sake."

Yeah that's definitely not us yet. At least definitely not me. It must take a lot of maturity to remain objective and level headed.

Thanks.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
46 weeks ago

East Sussex

I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help.

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"I think you should shelve the idea of swinging for the time being.

If she has her own struggles, you bringing up swinging may make her feel inadequate too and make her feel even worse.

As already said this place can knock anyone's confidence, but especially some men as it's hard due to the number of men on here.

With low self confidence already it won't help you op.

You're you & that's what makes you unique & why your gf is with you.

Be supportive to her, try and come to terms with who you are too and remember in r.l most women are attracted to the man, rather than his bits.

Experiment by all means and don't stop discussing your fantasies.

You can always come back to the idea in future, but I'd delete this account, in case your gf sees it and assumed you're looking to meet others.

Good luck.. "

You're right. I want her to focus on her recovery and her own health, because that's what I really care about. As much as it's killing me that we don't make love any more, I have to make sure that expressing my own desires and needs doesn't make her feel pressured or inadequate like you say.

Thank you for that. I have to accept that this is the way I am and I had no say over how my body turned out. I'm happy that she finds me attractive and enjoys being with me for lots of reasons.

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help. "

Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
46 weeks ago

East Sussex


"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help.

Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother.

"

Sexually you mean or personality wise?

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help.

Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother.

Sexually you mean or personality wise?"

Sexually. Our personalities are good together. We get along great 95% of the time. But in the bedroom I feel like we don't know eachother yet.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
46 weeks ago

East Sussex


"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help.

Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother.

Sexually you mean or personality wise?

Sexually. Our personalities are good together. We get along great 95% of the time. But in the bedroom I feel like we don't know eachother yet. "

Ok. I hope you work it out together

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"I suggest you both attend couples counselling. That's a lot for you to deal with alone and swinging won't help.

Thank you. Yes I have suggested seeing a sex therapist as the rest of our relationship is really good. We just need help figuring eachother out and understanding eachother.

Sexually you mean or personality wise?

Sexually. Our personalities are good together. We get along great 95% of the time. But in the bedroom I feel like we don't know eachother yet.

Ok. I hope you work it out together "

Thank you!

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By *oxy jWoman
46 weeks ago

somerset

you never get a real answer on these forums because people watch what they say because no one wants to offend and they just want to give you hope and some of that can build to false hope tho not intentionally

before i start 99% of men will find this scene extremely hard for many many reasons...

i going to be blunt .... concentrate on your relationship you are not ready in anyway for this scene .... men are the overwhelmLy the biggest chunk of fab by huge numbers 95% of them will get nowhere due to no fault of their own its just the %'s ....

women and couples seeking men want mostly sexual attraction ..personality ... confidents ... men who know how to please and have fun have great social skills swingers mostly jont want quiet shy reservred guys (a few may) swingers want fun with no drama now there are a few non swingers whom maybe seek different and so even seek dates ... so sorry for being blunt to you but honestly try and fix your relationship get your mental health sorted stop worring about you cock listen to her learn have a giggle ...

men with small cocks can do well on this scene my hubs is small as cocks go he never let it get to him and we've had 1000s of meets even now hes totally limp and 2 inches we still have a very active sex life ...yes i fuck others but hes mine hes my hubs ... work it out with your girl listen to her ... talk and talk more be open ..and best of luck op hope it all works out for you x

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By *iaandjamesCouple
46 weeks ago

UK

I'd avoid anything that involves other people for a very long time mate.

If you don't have a fully secure seual relationship between the two of you now, then you won't fix it by further complicating things.

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"I'd avoid anything that involves other people for a very long time mate.

If you don't have a fully secure seual relationship between the two of you now, then you won't fix it by further complicating things."

Yeah you're right. I'm realising it's definitely not a great idea the more I learn about swinging.

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"Oooooff… right in the feels. First off - this is absolutely not the place for you - if you and your partner are not having sex together (and the drugs will do that to libido) a swinging site will utterly destroy your relationship. If you are not experienced and lack the necessary fortitude - it will destroy your mental wellbeing. Porn and Social media is already damaging you, it’s obvious from your post. First off - you are her partner and LOVER - you are not just having sex. Your sexual bonding doesn’t even compare to what goes on in the Lifestyle.

Stop obsessing with the size of your cock - the obsession with freakish large cocks is driven by porn and fantasy/ kink. I’ve never seen yours but I’m pretty certain it will be perfectly fine at providing the sensation she needs - that’s 5% tops of making love to your partner- the rest is emotional bonding, desire, communication, tongues, fingers and getting to know her body and her mind. One of my best friends has a massive dick - he hasn’t been able to maintain a long term sexual relationship because it fucking hurts most women. He’s treated like a freak, one night stands where they can’t walk for a week afterwards and bleed. He hates it and I feel sorry for him.

So forget swinging and porn and worrying about the size of your cock. Focus on your relationship, use her sexual experience to improve yours, top tip- if you’re horny and she isn’t, pick a good time and ask if you can masturbate to her, she may not physically want to have sex but will probably be more than pleased to get naked, provide inspiration, watch you, see the desire in your eyes…

There’s lots of great self help books on repairing sexual relationships, get a couple, talk to a doctor about the drugs and effects on libido.

Now scoot, get out of here, delete your account and good luck and best wishes

"

Thank you for this reply, it actually made me feel a lot better.

I can appreciate that at the other end of the scale it's probably not easy to deal with either, as you said about your friend. I'm grateful that I can be fully inside without causing any pain or discomfort.

Thanks again. I will take your advice and do the best I can can with the cards I have.

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By *ickD80Man
46 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

Up until a year ago you’d never been in a relationship and you’ve been in your current relationship for almost 2 years? So when did your relationship actually start?

You borrowed a condom out of her bedside cabinet but you live together? Firstly, how do you borrow a condom and secondly why do you have a separate supply of condoms when you’re in a monogamous relationship and living together?

You said that you worry about your cock being too small because she’s had big in the past and you’re bang average….so you’re about 6”? Yet you say that 6” is too small to be able to do doggy style? I’m smaller than 6” and I have never struggled to reach in doggy position.

So she’s insecure about not being good enough for you and you’re considering asking her whether you can sleep with other women, but you also give her lots of love and care. Telling your already insecure girlfriend that you want to sleep with other women doesn’t seem very loving and caring to me.

For your whole life you’ve been too insecure and generally shy to meet up with women for casual sex but now you’re saying that you want to start meeting up with women for casual sex because being in a relationship with a more experienced woman has made you feel more insecure and inadequate….so now that you feel more insecure than you did before, you feel ready to start meeting women for casual sex?

There was one occasion when your partner stopped during sex and said she couldn’t feel anything? And you’re saying that happened because she’s used to bigger dicks than yours? I’m no expert as I don’t have a pussy but I’m pretty sure that after having sex with a man who has a big dick a woman is still able to feel an average sized dick. And if it was the case that she can’t feel yours because she’s used to bigger then she wouldn’t be able to feel you any of the other times you had sex, not just on that one occasion. What was so different about that one occasion that meant she was too used to bigger dicks to be able to feel you?

You told her that you’re ashamed of your size but you told us that you’re bang average, why are you trying to claim that being average size is inadequate and something to be ashamed of? You’re talking as though you have a tiny, micro dick that is too short to be able to penetrate her and too skinny for her to even feel but you have an average sized dick. 6” is plenty to be able to penetrate her in the positions you’ve mentioned.

Your partner has depression and is taking medication to help with it, you hope that when her treatment finishes and she’s feeling better then your sex life will improve. You don’t seem to have a very good understanding of depression and medicating depression if you think that your partner just has to follow a treatment program and will feel better afterwards, depression is something that some people have all their lives and they have to take medication all their lives, it’s not like a virus that can be killed off with the right medication. I’d have thought someone who’s in a relationship and living with someone who has depression would know that and not be counting down the days until she feels better so that you can start having sex again.

Other than that, it seems like a completely plausible situation that you’re in….

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
46 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

You both have insecurities. Swinging will magnify them, not resolve them. If you want to resolve your insecurities, you need to talk to each other (and maybe get the professional help that you've already discussed). Good luck.

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"You both have insecurities. Swinging will magnify them, not resolve them. If you want to resolve your insecurities, you need to talk to each other (and maybe get the professional help that you've already discussed). Good luck."

Yes you're right. I think I just want to understand her better and figure out how I can give her what she wants. But I'm not sure how to navigate or communicate about it because I'm worried about saying the wrong thing and upsetting her.

Thanks.

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By *ewCoupleHXCouple
46 weeks ago

Halifax

Do not fall in to that trap of exploring by yourself and thinking she will be ok with it. She almost certainly won't and it will be the begining of the end for your relationship. If you are serious about her, make it very clear that you are in it for the good times and bad and that you have some ideas to spice things up but only when she is ready.

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By *entleman JayMan
46 weeks ago

Wakefield

I ain’t no Greek god. I haven’t got insane charisma. I meet people here.

You need the skin of a rhinoceros here. If you are not confident about who you are, this place will eat you up and spit you out.

Be careful what you wish for.

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By *DW1983Man
46 weeks ago

Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield

Some really great advice already. This probably isn't the place for you. As someone already said above though, if you're genuinely averagely sized, then there's not that much to worry about.

As much for the benefit of others reading who might be insecure as for the OP, you really do need a thick skin. If you're insecure about your body, could you really go to a club where you might end up around guys you perceove to be more attractive? It can be a huge knock.

On the other hand, it can also prove that you don't need to look a certain way to end up playing with someone. I'm not exactly the hottest guy here or abnormally well endowed, yet I've enjoyed some fantastic nights at swingers clubs with some incredibly attractive women. So it can go the other way and be a huge ego boost - but I say that IN GENERAL - I *don't* think swinging is the right way forward for the OP, it doesn't sound like either him or his relationship is in the right place, even if his partner is the type who might be able to cooe with the lifestyle.

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By *nSearchOf12Couple
46 weeks ago

London

OP, you sound like a thoughtful and caring partner, as does your girlfriend.

You are both in not-great places psychologically, so it doesn't seem surprising that your relationship isn't where you'd both like it to be.

As many have said above, non-monogamous play, like swinging, really does need a stable basis to succeed. We've been doing this for a while, and have only ever seen swinging as a fix for relationship troubles end in disaster.

However, if you are indeed both as thoughtful and caring as you seem, that puts you in an outstandingly good position to work on your relationship.

Good luck!

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"OP, you sound like a thoughtful and caring partner, as does your girlfriend.

You are both in not-great places psychologically, so it doesn't seem surprising that your relationship isn't where you'd both like it to be.

As many have said above, non-monogamous play, like swinging, really does need a stable basis to succeed. We've been doing this for a while, and have only ever seen swinging as a fix for relationship troubles end in disaster.

However, if you are indeed both as thoughtful and caring as you seem, that puts you in an outstandingly good position to work on your relationship.

Good luck!"

Thank you. I'm very optimistic about us. I just want her to feel fulfilled and understand what she wants.

Thanks for the reply.

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By *amzasix2138 OP   Man
46 weeks ago

Shifnal


"Do not fall in to that trap of exploring by yourself and thinking she will be ok with it. She almost certainly won't and it will be the begining of the end for your relationship. If you are serious about her, make it very clear that you are in it for the good times and bad and that you have some ideas to spice things up but only when she is ready. "

You're right. I don't think the suggestion cane from good place. More that she thought I would find someone else and her insecurities about not being good enough would be proved right (even though that's not true)

Thanks.

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