FabSwingers.com forum: Ever feel threatened?

By *orridgeCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Torridge

This one is more for the women here than the men but also interested in your thoughts too.

We are here to find bi guys but every now and then we get approached by a couple, asking maybe have a coffee and some same room fun (but no swapping).

We always turn this down because the wife has said that she would feel threatened simply by having another woman in the room.

Were you ever like this in the beginning or maybe you still are?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I used to feel threatened by other women when I was a teenager.

These days I'm secure in my value and what I mean to the people that matter to me. The most beautiful woman in the world could be sucking my partner's dick and I know full well that it won't affect the way he feels about me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

If you have a strong relationship there's no need to feel threatened

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was told by a lady of couple, on a meet once, that she didn't feel threatened by me now she’d met me. I thought i was a strange thing to say and i felt mildly belittled. I get it though but she truly had nothing to worry about. Some women have that comparison/competition thing in their heads.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't and never have felt threatened. At first I wasn't sure how I'd feel about seeing Mr N with another woman but that was because it was all new to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I don't feel threatened by other women and I would hate for them to feel threatened by me.

That isn't the point at all, it's not a competition.

Some might maybe feel the need to make it one but they are not people that I would meet anyway.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orridgeCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Torridge

Ok maybe I’ve got it wrong as she’s just put me straight about it… It more the case of she doesn’t want another woman doing what she can to me… She wants a guy to join us she can peg me but it’s not the real thing and she can’t give me that and she wants me to have all that I want and not from another woman….

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ossannCouple
over a year ago

London

She's also straight so there isn't much gratification she can get from another woman unless she is gratified by watching.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustylouWoman
over a year ago

Aylesbury

I wouldn't say threatened but I've felt intimidated by other women before.

Are they slimmer, younger, better in anyway than me. Because I can take a long time before my first orgasm and then I'm fairly quiet I feel uncomfortable. It sounds like the other women is having a better time than me.

This also effects me in bi play as I worry that the other woman will get bored with me or I think im not good at turning them on. Yet in a club I can happily play with 5 or 6 guys at a time with confidence but the moment a women starts to watch I feel judged.

I know its in my own head and the only person judging me is me but I can't help myself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't say threatened but I've felt intimidated by other women before.

I know its in my own head and the only person judging me is me but I can't help myself. "

Can relate to some of this. For me as I get older sometimes I do feel threatened (not sure that’s the right word) with the younger slimmer woman but when it turns out they can’t or don’t give head very well I relax haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

Never felt threatened.

Felt excited and a little anxious when entering a party or club but that's part of the buzz.

I feel more anxious when entering a pub for a swingers social as we may see a vanilla friend in there. That's why we hang around the bar for 10 minutes hoping if someone recognises us they would have approached us in that time.

I'm not too sure how you actually feel threatened?

Anxious, butterflies in tummy etc maybe, but not threatened.

My only advice is take your time and always articulate your feelings after a swingers meet, don't bottle stuff up hoping it may be better next time.

Good luck and have fun.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ope_kisses22Couple
over a year ago

Hyde

I think this journey is a really personal one .... and everyone is different and it's absolutely ok to state what you're not comfy with. It may change in the future or it may not- and again that's ok.

For me .... Mrs.... im not at ease with me. I don't love what I look like. However - I know Mr does. I know he loves me completely and fancies me.

When it comes to playing with other women - I bloody LOVE seeing him with others. (And vice versa) I love seeing his pleasure but also knowing how great of a lover he is so the woman is getting pleasure. I guess I also love that I know he's mine and coming home with me.

I try did take a little while for us to develop this 2 way trust in swinging but I'm glad we got there

Good luck to you on your journey and remember that what we're doing is about enhancing your life and anything that's a negative isn't worth it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"This one is more for the women here than the men but also interested in your thoughts too.

We are here to find bi guys but every now and then we get approached by a couple, asking maybe have a coffee and some same room fun (but no swapping).

We always turn this down because the wife has said that she would feel threatened simply by having another woman in the room.

Were you ever like this in the beginning or maybe you still are?

I think this is quite common for both male and female to feel this especially at the beginning. Known people who stop swinging very early on in their journey for this reason. I think a lot of others, either conscisouly or subconciously, end up meeting people who don't make them feel threatened - eg if worried a slimmer, more attractive lady might make them feel threatened then they focus on meeting people who are similar size and attractiveness. Ditto many men - for all those men who like seeing partners with more attractive, perhaps younger men, perhaps with much bigger cocks there are a lot who feel threatened by this end and end up meeting couples with similar type men.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ebaucherous_duoCouple
over a year ago

Bristol/ Daventry

We check in with each other beforehand and after as to how we’re feeling and that we’re secure in ourselves and each other. I absolutely LOVE watching Norco with other women. He has the most gorgeous green sparkle eyes and is an amazing lay. I love seeing women getting cum-d*unk! The sex between us after is epic!!!! But, this all comes from being secure, knowing our worth and value to each other.

All that said. If she doesn’t want another woman. That is her choice. Consent is key. If it is something you would like, it is up to you to communicate your needs in I statements and expressing you positive feelings and and requests. Best of luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isstinseltoesWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

No, I've never felt threatened

But then I like seeing my partner with another woman.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xposedInTheMaleMan
over a year ago

Cap d'Agde

I think confidence, and not feeling threatened is something that can only grow when based on trust.

If you want her to change, then you have to be patient. But it sounds like you already have a pretty good sex life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a1970Man
over a year ago

East cork

Best thing I've read in the forums for ever... Well done op

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aximus74Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

Well me and my guy want to try have fun with a lady,and I've never thought about feeling "threatened) but now I'm thinking should I be?

I want to see him with another lady and he obviously loves the idea and happy to fulfil my needs too.

But I'm going to be thinking now,how should I feel?

This will be his first time 3sum with 2 ladies too (when we actually find a lovely lady).

Nervous now.. haha x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

Sounds more like she just isn’t ok with you having sex with other women?

That’s fine. Each person has their own preferences and limits.

As long as you’re both happy with each others wants.

I have been on the swinging scene for over 8 years clubbing and would not do this with a partner.

I don’t feel threatened I just don’t get anything out of it

If it is feeling “threatened” then that’s something she and you need to work on and ask why, it’s not healthy IMO

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orridgeCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Torridge

I’ve used the wrong word with threatened I think… I thinks it’s more she doesn’t want another woman to play with me at all… As I said she said another woman can’t give or do anything to or for me that she can’t do and that’s why she’s happy for a guy to join us and that’s just for me to be played with by her and another guy…

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

"I’ve used the wrong word with threatened I think… I thinks it’s more she doesn’t want another woman to play with me at all… As I said she said another woman can’t give or do anything to or for me that she can’t do and that’s why she’s happy for a guy to join us and that’s just for me to be played with by her and another guy… "

I mean, I disagree. I think everyone fucks differently because we’re all different people with different experiences we learnt from. She has the right to say she doesn’t want to play with or alongside other women, though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

Thats very different...so you're just looking for bi guys...not women, to play with. Should be easy enough to find on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ebaucherous_duoCouple
over a year ago

Bristol/ Daventry

Absolutely this!! I love meets where I learn new skills and things that turn N on and new techniques from other women. We are really open with each other after meets about what we enjoyed and show the other. It’s a real opportunity to learn. Just this weekend I was working on my oral with condoms skills with him to see what guys might or might not like. I love that we are always learning and improving with new meets and experiences.

But as you say, if she doesn’t want to play with other women around, that’s entirely her choice and consent is key. If it doesn’t work for you, it is up to you to communicate your wants and needs.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago

Baughurst

Great thread OP, one of the best in a while. Very clear now. Your words are all about what someone (her, another women, a male) can or cannot do to you. Sounds like your couples dynamic is about you being done things by others, you being the recipient of the attention. If you are ok with that then happy days.

But If you want to experience another woman, so you being the active one doing things to her, then you need to tell your partner. Your partner may be the best at sex, but there's is something that she cannot give you: to experience sex with a different person. So it's not a matter of better or worst, but different.

Another point is that you are missing two or more women paying attention to you at the very same time. Your partner can't give you that either, unless she's "The Flash" superhero.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago

Baughurst

"I wouldn't say threatened but I've felt intimidated by other women before.

I know its in my own head and the only person judging me is me but I can't help myself.

To you Baciami and Lustylou, from my male perspective, slimmer, younger, big tits, perfect arse, cute face...it does not matter an iota. If I was to make a line up of all the women I have had sex with and ask who you think I had the best sex with, I bet you'd be mostly wrong if you chose based on those physical traits.

The best sex I have had is with the women I felt they were also into me, the ones with a naughty streak, the ones with a cheeky sense of humour, and that clearly are enjoying having sex with me as much as I am with them. Being comfortable with who you are makes you sexy as hell.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think when secure in the knowledge that I am there's, no, I don't feel threatened. If it's a one off or friends with benefits, if I know at the end of the day he will always walk out of the club holding my hand, then no.

But it's when your not sure of the others affection, despite being told, because the actions don't reflect the sentiment. When you can see he spends so much time with another and their open about it, but you are like a dirty secret. The other doesn't have a clue and your dismissed as something casual, despite his assurances. When your position isn't made clear or you don't quite know where you stand in the hierarchy, but he loves you, yet again and again they go out an awful lot and are open about it, but again you dont. You get token fitting in time. Yes you've spent a night away in London, you've been out for meals, done loads of other 'vanilla' stuff, you planned for other events and nights in hotels, you've even gone through some harrowing stuff, did it bring you closer, no you do it alone. He is busy caring for the other and spending all weekends with her then 5/7 days out the county during that very very difficult time.

I'm married, yes that causes a lot of difficulty with timings, meeting etc. Does the H know, no. We don't have a marriage, but co exist and it's a horrible place to be in when you have nothing in common with who you are legally tied to, your core values don't alighn and you can see this difference being instilled into your kids and your terrified they grow into unaccepting, children with a distorted reality who think bad of everything. However, ALL my partners, fwb etc have known this right from the beginning. If I can not be honest on one thing, by god I make it up every other way as I HATE what I'm doing. Hell, one lives 100m away from me, so of course knows and always has.

So yes, I can feel threatened if your not secure on your supposed value. Especially as your walking on egg shells at home so are unsteady there and you didn't feel valued in your 'relationship'. The fact it was brought home with every picture, update, bit of banter that you weren't part of or had no clue about and it was reiterated by the other person, that yes, you were just a casual. That makes you feel worthless, inadequate and threatened.

And if you read all that, apologies for boring you!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife wouldn’t do same room for this very reason and the jealousy aspect too. She hated seeing me with another woman.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

"She's also straight so there isn't much gratification she can get from another woman unless she is gratified by watching. "

I think this is the crux of it. I assume from what I've read on the thread you BOTH enjoy playing with another man.

Only YOU would be getting any enjoyment from another woman, as she doesn't have any interest in women and no desire to play with them.

Therefore, why would she want to watch something that does nothing for her?

Unless she is a cuckqueen then its not really a stretch to see why she is not into this idea.

Just my thoughts

MrsAbz

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

"Ok maybe I’ve got it wrong as she’s just put me straight about it… It more the case of she doesn’t want another woman doing what she can to me… She wants a guy to join us she can peg me but it’s not the real thing and she can’t give me that and she wants me to have all that I want and not from another woman…. "

I think it's really common for women to measure themselves against other women and to potentially feel intimidated. Steph tended to be anxious about other women 'doing a better job' on me than her. We had one encounter in a club with an older lady who wanted to take turns sucking me with Steph whilst I had my eyes covered. She was lovely but her oral skills weren't as good as Steph's. It gave Steph a real confidence boost to see and hear me reacting way more to her touch than the other woman's. Especially when I couldn't see who it was.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread