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Anxiety at swinger clubs

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By *ustanotherfind OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I’m a newbie to going to clubs, sometimes with or without my partner it can be a nervous event. And my ‘performance’ has struggled, how did you concur this hurdle?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Vodka and viagra

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By *ustanotherfind OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Haha now that’s a way

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Don't go too quickly. Spend enough time in the club and around the action until you're completely comfortable with it. You don't have to leap straight to 'performance'.

It was six weeks before I first asked someone to play. By then I knew the club, the staff, the regulars, I was used to being naked in the hot tub with a group of strangers having a chat, and I'd seen plenty of play. Joining in was a natural next step.

If you're there with a partner, you can start in a private room. Just knowing that the people outside can hear you without seeing anything is a thrill. Giving them a show can come later. Or it doesn't have to come at all - everyone has different comfort limits.

And while a drink can help you relax, do not overdo it. Overindulging won't help your performance, and can turn others off you.

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By *ustanotherfind OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Very useful words of advice, thank you!

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

Somehow I managed to block out the audience and concentrate on my lover - can't tell you how as I don't know myself, I suspect the deep erotic snog helped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find some guys can struggle in public so I'll always ask if they what somewhere a little more private like a lockable room.

I can struggle if too many people about, especially if there is any commentary .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As others have suggested, try going to a lockable room. You may find you're able to transition after you're more relaxed or may always prefer that. Someone you're comfortable with for starters could help.

I like being watched and so people around can be exciting. Although commentary can kill it. Unless it's positive.

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By *ucianpoundCouple
over a year ago

Cap d’Agde, France

It’s normal and usually takes time to get your confidence up.

Even guys who’ve been swinging years get erection problems, just ask any woman whose been in the lifestyle a while.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow


"Vodka and viagra "

Slightly conflicting advice there! Alcohol in general is a cause of ED and even a little bit can have that effect if already nervous. I know OP is young and more of an issue as get older but not sure it's the best idea.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow


"I’m a newbie to going to clubs, sometimes with or without my partner it can be a nervous event. And my ‘performance’ has struggled, how did you concur this hurdle? "

It is very common and don't think there is a magic formula. Just got to get comfortable over time. Private room is good advice although being in public and in little groups is half the fun And also seen it many times even in private at say foursome two couple meet. Sometimes the excitement can be a bit overwhelming - more than many realise until faced with it.

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By *apa 888Man
over a year ago

mount hawk

I live 8n Weston-super-Mare, 2 minutes walk from route 69, I'm looking to go on my own as don't have a partner, the thought of walking in feels me with anxiety being a single man, any suggestions please feel free to DM me

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow


"I live 8n Weston-super-Mare, 2 minutes walk from route 69, I'm looking to go on my own as don't have a partner, the thought of walking in feels me with anxiety being a single man, any suggestions please feel free to DM me"

Thought that said walking in heels for a brief moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First time I went I was like a rabbit in the head lights never felt so nervous and it still kicks in now but only wen I go on my own if go with partner I don’t feel as bad it must be a thought of no one gna come talk to me so get all hot n botherd

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow


"I live 8n Weston-super-Mare, 2 minutes walk from route 69, I'm looking to go on my own as don't have a partner, the thought of walking in feels me with anxiety being a single man, any suggestions please feel free to DM me"

Think you might just have to suck it up and take the plunge. Worse case you have a drink, feel awkward and leave relatively quickly but susepct it will be fine once in there and just like going into any bar. Or find another man to go with

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By *apperleymanMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Don't go too quickly. Spend enough time in the club and around the action until you're completely comfortable with it. You don't have to leap straight to 'performance'.

It was six weeks before I first asked someone to play. By then I knew the club, the staff, the regulars, I was used to being naked in the hot tub with a group of strangers having a chat, and I'd seen plenty of play. Joining in was a natural next step.

If you're there with a partner, you can start in a private room. Just knowing that the people outside can hear you without seeing anything is a thrill. Giving them a show can come later. Or it doesn't have to come at all - everyone has different comfort limits.

And while a drink can help you relax, do not overdo it. Overindulging won't help your performance, and can turn others off you."

^^ This ^^

Don’t overthink it, pretty much every man has had performance issues despite what they may say.

Feeling comfortable and enjoying it are paramount..

Failing that speak to GP as Viagra can make a difference - no shame in it..

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By *ustanotherfind OP   Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Totally get that. I did the single man one night and i felt out of place!

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By *andy CanesWoman
over a year ago

candy cane lane


"Vodka and viagra "

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By *ornyOAPMan
over a year ago

Fethiye


"Vodka and viagra

Slightly conflicting advice there! Alcohol in general is a cause of ED and even a little bit can have that effect if already nervous. I know OP is young and more of an issue as get older but not sure it's the best idea. "

Think it was a tongue in cheek statement

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford


"I find some guys can struggle in public so I'll always ask if they what somewhere a little more private like a lockable room.

I can struggle if too many people about, especially if there is any commentary ."

The commentary is very off-putting for me, too. Or very loud sex noises that you can tell are just for the audience.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Just be normal, not pushy and treat the women with respect whether you fancy them or not. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We get this before and on arrival at a club. We almost left on one occasion but went into the glory hole room instead which was a lot of fun.

Anxiety is pretty much why arranged things don't work for us and everything we have done is spontaneous.

The downside is that we don't get to play very often.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find some guys can struggle in public so I'll always ask if they what somewhere a little more private like a lockable room.

I can struggle if too many people about, especially if there is any commentary .

The commentary is very off-putting for me, too. Or very loud sex noises that you can tell are just for the audience. "

It's why I'll only play in certain areas now, I just hate it.

Is she any good, no obviously I'm shit mate ffs .

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

im not one for people watching unless i know most of them but if im in a club away from home then the only people with me are those who play so its private rooms for me .. alway allow for guys to have some probs in that department after all it can happen to us women to wehen you start then you realize hes doing nothing for you you have to say stop and sorry its not working ...

not only only that but im finding more and more women in clubs who likes to be watched are so fake and over the top some dont sound like having sex they sound like a dairy cows shed on a frosty morning mooooooooo mmoooooooo so fake and oh look at me

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By *rozac_fairyCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Viagra.

Complete game changer. I never really rhought my myself as having performance anxiety but found that the Ms quite likes group rooms, exhibition rooms etc and I was struggling sometimes to keep up.

I went to the GP first and had a chat about, he ran my blood work which showed higher than average testosterone levels (just higher by a smidge) so that 100% ruled out any medical problem at all whether sexually or other. I then bought Viagra Connect just over the counter at Asda Pharmacy.

Don't always use it as we don't always play but for moments when I feel like I need a boost, it's been amazing. Also helps me last longer when I want to. Couldn't recommend it enough however, I now buy the generic brand of Viagra after it was recommended by the pharmasists, half the price, works exactly the same if not a little better as instead of working for 6-8 hours this one pushes closer to 12 hours

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By *en_Dover79Man
over a year ago

Oswaldtwistle

people talking at a normal level about random things in or around a play room kills it for me. if its quiet and an erotic atmosphere then all go

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By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley

Anxiety comes from expectation. Expect nothing and expect to give nothing. Go and enjoy yourself.

Our first time in clubs was nerve wrecking, because we over, thought it, but over time we just attend clubs to enjoy ourselves. Sex is an extra, we go for fun, dancing, drinking, socialising, smiling. We have a great night out without any nerves because we are only there to have fun without expectation

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By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley


"Viagra.

Complete game changer. I never really rhought my myself as having performance anxiety but found that the Ms quite likes group rooms, exhibition rooms etc and I was struggling sometimes to keep up.

I went to the GP first and had a chat about, he ran my blood work which showed higher than average testosterone levels (just higher by a smidge) so that 100% ruled out any medical problem at all whether sexually or other. I then bought Viagra Connect just over the counter at Asda Pharmacy.

Don't always use it as we don't always play but for moments when I feel like I need a boost, it's been amazing. Also helps me last longer when I want to. Couldn't recommend it enough however, I now buy the generic brand of Viagra after it was recommended by the pharmasists, half the price, works exactly the same if not a little better as instead of working for 6-8 hours this one pushes closer to 12 hours "

You should try Cialis, it lasts for about 2 days. Some call it the weekend pill and is amazing.

I have no issues in the bedroom but do take one on club nights for the same reasons you describe, it’s amazing.

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