FabSwingers.com forum: First Club Experience

By *ddi1 OP Man
over a year ago

Bangor/Liverpool/Cardiff

I wonder what people can tell me about their first club experiences and expectations. I have been keen on the idea of going to a club now for a long time, but the club virgin in me is somewhat nervous. I am considering going to either Townhouse or Cupids, but this is solely based on geography. Part of me wishes to socialize, but another part of me wants to play, but would rather the option of watching others if the jitters gets the most of me.

As for someone who has never attended a swingers club, what should I expect to find, see or do? Are people keen to get involved or are they more reserved? Is it a case of people having sex everywhere or is it more segregated than this? Also as a single male, what sort of welcome should I expect? What was your first visit like?

Thank you in advance!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey so I love clubs and I remember my first visit extremely fondly.

I never ever go to a club with any expectation of playing ever.

I go because I'm obviously in a particular mood yes but you never know who is going to be there etc.

I love to watch anyway so I adore the sexy atmosphere regardless of playing.

Everyone is different and every club is different. I do not know the tap you have mentioned personally so cannot comment on those.

I like chams as it is my local one. I would go and be personable, respectful and approachable and just see what happens. You cannot plan these things really, just let it unfold and you will know if it is for you or not.

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By *winging Sally SeanCouple
over a year ago

Warks / Northants Border

We can only give you our thoughts from a couples perspective. However, we were both nervous as a French Connection logo when we attended. Actually, it was our third attempt. The first attempt was Townhouse, but we diverted before arriving, then went hiking in Wales instead. The second attempt was The Attic. We bottled it and went to watch live music instead, then returned to our hotel.

The third attempt was again The Attic. We sat in the car park for about ten minutes, building up the courage. So definitely don't be concerned about being nervous. It's normal!

Once inside, you'll likely be wondering what you were concerned. But if at any stage of the night, you're not enjoying it, just leave. Return on a different night. We've done that a couple of times now. It's better to truly enjoy yourself on the nights you feel it's right, rather than trying to force yourself to enjoy something.

There is a term called 'The Wanking Dead' which is sometimes applied to select single guys. It could be easy to be initiated into this group, especially if you are would prefer to watch. The key is to speak to people. You'll soon know which people are worthwhile chatting to and which aren't. Most clubs have social areas, if you're not objectional to cigarettes, visit the smoking area too.

We've never returned to Townhouse, nor have we visited Cupid's, so we cannot comment on those particular venues. However, we have visited several other clubs, and can confirm what Beautifully-Twisted has written above. Each club is different, with it's own vibe. Much like a normal pub or club. Also the same club can have a different vibe on different nights, depending on who's in.

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I've been to Townhouse a few times, but never Cupids. And while I am not single now, my first club experience was as a single man.

What should you expect to find? For all the clubs I've been to (including Townhouse), once you're past reception and whatever signing-in or membership process they might have, you can expect a bar full of lovely people having a social evening. They're mostly dressed in going-out clothes - making a good impression. Some clubs are dress-down on arrival. I don't have any experience of them, but they'll obviously be different.

Some people might be off in the play rooms having sex early in the evening, but at the clubs I know at least, that mostly happens later. People change into much sexier outfits, and the bar will seem emptier than it did.

There is generally a mix of open and private play rooms. Anyone playing in an open room is expecting to be watched, so as long as you're not being intrusive, don't worry about whether they mind. Private play rooms are obviously private. Leave them alone.

Single men come in different types, and they're not all judged the same. If you're friendly, sociable, and generally not a dick, you will be welcome.

I deliberately chose a quieter night for my first time, and I went with the intention of seeing what it was about. Definitely no expectation of play! It actually took me six weeks to work up the courage to ask someone - but I was very insecure and had little confidence then. If I was doing it all again it would not take me so long.

Make the most of the social time. It's your chance to let people see what kind of person you are. I find the hot tub and smoking areas (you don't have to smoke) are the best for finding open group conversations, and these are the best way to get involved.

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By *ddi1 OP Man
over a year ago

Bangor/Liverpool/Cardiff

Thank you for all your replies so far. As you refer to “the wankong dead” - this is the sort of thing that concerns me. Whereas I admit I’m not sure what I would be comfortable or not comfortable with on my first club visit, I feel I woukd atelast want to dip my feet in the water, and watching could be the compromise to this. Is it really the case that all in the play rooms will want to be watched? Will they expect or even want people to join them? Os it expected that all go towards the play rooms towards the end of the evening? Are you pulled in to play or can one be left to their own devices. As fun as it does sound just to watch to begin with, I certainly dont want to be accused of being wierd, say if I got excited for instance!

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By *pforfun12Man
over a year ago

Norwich

How’s you tonight I’ve never been to a club myself yet so want to do it just don’t think I could go on my own the first time I’m just not sure mmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never been to a club myself, so I look out for these kinds of forum posts often. I have asked similar myself, but from what I can tell, it's a lot like going to a normal night club, you can have a mix of experiences.

From my experience at a night club, as a single guy, it can be good on some days and bad on others, as there are usually a lot of single guys. But personally, my best experience at a normal club is usually when I go with another lady, even if we're not involved, it eases the atmosphere knowing you always have someone to talk to and you could also easily approach others for open conversations or to dance without being creepy

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By *winging Sally SeanCouple
over a year ago

Warks / Northants Border

I can almost feel your anxiety within your comment, so I'll give condensed replies to make then easier to absorb...

"As you refer to “the wankong dead” - this is the sort of thing that concerns me.

There's another forum post about this, saying how unfair the term is. That would be worthwhile reading.

"Whereas I admit I’m not sure what I would be comfortable or not comfortable with on my first club visit, I feel I woukd atelast want to dip my feet in the water, and watching could be the compromise to this. Is it really the case that all in the play rooms will want to be watched?

Usually, if you can see them, you can watch them.

"Will they expect or even want people to join them? "

If you're watching, and want to join in, ask if you can. The worst they can do is say 'No'...

"Os it expected that all go towards the play rooms towards the end of the evening?"

No. There are no expectations like this.

"Are you pulled in to play"

Absolutely not!

"or can one be left to their own devices. "

Most certainly

"As fun as it does sound just to watch to begin with, I certainly dont want to be accused of being wierd, say if I got excited for instance!

If people want to be watched, they'll likely enjoy you watching in an excited state.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every club is different.i personally prefer a sauna type club like Northwich sauna where everyone just wears a towel and there's a sauna ,steam room jacuzzi and have bi events that are open to everyone.seems more of a friendly atmosphere and more broadminded fun.some clubs that are more like a nightclub atmosphere I've sometimes found more clique and harder for nervous newbies.pennant hall in North Wales was first club/sauna I attended and everyone was so friendly and used to be a great atmosphere,but sadly it closed.

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By *enleywoodsCouple
over a year ago

Stourbridge / Oxford

I posted about our first experience in the Clubs forum a couple of weeks ago. Chams Darleston.

We relaxed into it very quickly. People were very welcoming and very accepting. We enjoyed it and will be back.

To say again, just don't be one of the "wanking dead". Be respectful at all times. Talk to people. Always ask before touching. Take no as meaning no and move on. Don't get to close when watching. Even in somewhere like Chams orgy room just because a woman is showing her arse doesn't mean she wants to be fucked by a complete stranger. T likes to watch.

Sorry, for the rant

Be respectful and it will be fine. Have a great time

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By *SCouple81Couple
over a year ago

Between Edinburgh and Scottish Borders

Our first club experience was quite stressful especially for Mrs, who initially felt overwhelmed, but said that we have met lovely couple there and had a lovely time. UK clubs still aren't our favourite activity, but really enjoyed the atmosphere in Gran Canaria.

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By *enleywoodsCouple
over a year ago

Stourbridge / Oxford

"I certainly dont want to be accused of being wierd, say if I got excited for instance!

It would be weird if you were watching a couple having sex and didn't get excited!

Personally we like to be watched and we want you to get excited, it excites us.

There is a fine line between the "wanking dead" and respectfully watching those putting on show. Ask, "Is is OK if I watch you?"

Most clubs have private rooms for those that don't want to be watched. Any room with the door shut is out of bounds.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first club experience was Dare2 in Bristol, and it was horrid.

I was one of only a handful of women in the building, which was already a bad start. Men were even wanking outside the ladies loo when we went for a wee. I was touched twice without consent. Never again

Every club I've been too since? Mixture of good and great nights. Even if the first experience is bad, don't let it dishearten you!

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

Our first time was initially terrifying

We'd talked about going for ages before finally deciding to go on the spur of the moment.

We sat in the carpark for a while trying to see if we recognised any of the cars. We then got the nerve to go to the door. We stood there for ten minutes, debating if we wanted to go in or not. We finally rang the doorbell and were welcomed in by the staff who'd been watching us on the cctv

Once inside, we were shown around and introduced to some regulars. We'd only planned on getting in, looking around and having a quick drink. After ten minutes, we were both naked and in the huge hot tub with 20 people having a great time!

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By *pforfun12Man
over a year ago

Norwich

I’ve got plenty of experience in the club scene but not the swing club lol we had plenty fun mmf ffm many times but we never done the club be honest I’m glad I never took my missus to be honest after hearing how all the guys like flys round shit lol and I bet that then puts the lady of then

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By *ddi1 OP Man
over a year ago

Bangor/Liverpool/Cardiff

Thank you all for your replies, this is all very helpful.

Ofcourse I understand that there are boundaries in place, and it is a given that these should always be respected. How oten do people find that members are cliquey, or dont feel that ready to welcome single males? Do you experiences suggest differently? Also, is it acceptable for those watching others in play rooms to pleasure themselves as some form of relief, say that they couldn’t themselves get involved in the fun? Sorry - asking as a complete newbie to this!

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

Townhouse imo is the best for newbies. Even has a newbies night.

Get in touch with them via their website and tell them what you’re looking for and they will recommend the best event for you.

They’ll be sure to welcome you and give you a tour and show you round. Explain everything and ensure you have people to talk too.

Definitely the best club for that

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

"I’ve got plenty of experience in the club scene but not the swing club lol we had plenty fun mmf ffm many times but we never done the club be honest I’m glad I never took my missus to be honest after hearing how all the guys like flys round shit lol and I bet that then puts the lady of then "

8 years of clubbing and this doesn’t at happen at decent events with decent hosts.

Any good host has a balanced guest list and doesn’t allow this.

Research before attending and you’ll be fine

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Our first experience was great.

We dressed as we would for any normal night out, classy but sexy. We were shown around the club and told that it was not unusual for people to spend the whole night in the bar for their first few visits.

We got chatting to a lovely couple who took us to the couples only public room and we had a fantastic time.

The couples only room meant we avoid the "wanking dead" as we call them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i used to go to clubs in the midlands MANY yrs ago with my exhusband ..Xtasia was great .. now i feel like a total newbie thou as after 20yrs i’m planning to go to CJs in glasgow (possibly on my own) i’m kinda terrified but looking forward to making new friends x

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By *ope_kisses22Couple
over a year ago

Hyde

Sooooooo much great advice on this thread and to the Op I love how you're asking questions.

Try Townhouse first... they have a newbies night... but they also have an open evening where you can just go and get familiar with the building. They also have buddies whom will give you a guided tour as you go in and give you a low down of the rules.

We both joined as singles so both know what it's like as a single. It can feel daunting but with some effort you can have a great night and experience. Try your best to be socialable.... but not in the overly weird way!!

As for watching - we love being in an open play are for watching and being watched. We expect people to be masturbating or pleasing their partner as they watch - as also this is something we do. A few hints- put your locker key on your non Dominant wrist or even upper arm so you don't jingle and don't stand too close, give a little distance. As for if you'll be invited in. You just never know. Look out for eye contact, someone beckoning you over. Clear consent. Or ask if they would like company. So long as you're ok in hearing a 'no thanks'.

Good luck!! And update us if you go! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One thing I would say to any newbies to the club/swinging lifestyle is maybe book a hotel and visit a club a bit away from where you live if you are worried you might see someone you know there.also any good clubs will always show you around and introduce you to some of the regulars and check up on you during your visit to make sure you are ok.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"Thank you all for your replies, this is all very helpful.

Sooooo…… I’ve visited 8 clubs as a single guy, with varying degrees of ‘success’, and my best piece of advice to you, or any guy thinking of visiting a swinger club is; go with a female friend

Every club has its cliques, although they prefer to call them ‘established groups of friends’, and to break in to these, you need to visit several times to become accepted.

There have already been several references above to the ‘wanking dead’, and although there will be trains of guys wandering around who fall in to this branding, unfortunately all single males in clubs are tarred with the same brush, which makes it difficult (but not impossible) to get yourself known.

Plenty of guys will be wanking as they watch, some people like that, others don’t, as ever in a club, just ask first

All clubs have review sections in here. Look for reviews left by other single guys, to give you an idea of which events single guys are actually welcome at.

The first rule of swinger clubs is; clubs are for couples, so like I said initially, go with a friend.

Hope this helps

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By *ddi1 OP Man
over a year ago

Bangor/Liverpool/Cardiff

This is excellent and varied advice! So basically, singles masturbating on the group play areas is acceptable? Is this somethig that others want and enjoy?

Another concern on my part has been that I bump into someone I know there (for bette ror for worse perhaps!) I always gathered that whatever happens in swinging clubs stays in swinging clubs, so why should I worry? Has anyone here bumped into anyone you’ve known or anyone unexpected?

The age range is also something on my mind. Personally, although naturally orientated for women or couples closer to my age, I have on many an occassion played with older women or couples with fond memories. How do clubs cater for these age groups? Do they mix or do they play seperate?

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"So basically, singles masturbating on the group play areas is acceptable? Is this somethig that others want and enjoy?"

It's certainly something that happens, and some enjoy knowing the effect they're having on their audience. As long as you're not being a creep (don't go sticking your dick in someone's face), it's easy enough to ignore. I rarely even notice that people are watching. And for those who are bothered by it, there will be private or semi-private places to play.

"The age range is also something on my mind ... How do clubs cater for these age groups? Do they mix or do they play seperate? "

Mostly they don't. There will be the occasional event to cater for particular ages (Cubs and Cougars being a popular one), but generally people are left to engage with the people they want to engage with.

I have to comment on one of the remarks made above: the suggestion that all single men are "tarred with the same brush" is, honestly, insulting to the women and couples who attend clubs. Single men are not one monolithic lump, and people take each individual as an individual.

OK, some people are not interested in single men at all, not even socially, and they might ignore them all without discrimination. But mostly you'll be treated according to how you're perceived, and that is largely down to how you behave.

I've seen many times, if a new and decent-seeming man is sitting near the group and looking too shy to join in conversation, someone will make an effort and give them an opening. It's not always taken up, and might not be repeated, so pay attention.

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

"This is excellent and varied advice! So basically, singles masturbating on the group play areas is acceptable? Is this somethig that others want and enjoy? "

Yes, this is something that gets some people off. I love a quietly appreciative audience. I just don’t like it when they start commentating or worse, try to tell my partner how to fuck me.

" Another concern on my part has been that I bump into someone I know there (for bette ror for worse perhaps!) I always gathered that whatever happens in swinging clubs stays in swinging clubs, so why should I worry? Has anyone here bumped into anyone you’ve known or anyone unexpected?

If you like the look of someone and they like the look of you, crack on with it. I’m not trying to be all “it’s just sex”… but it kinda is, and it’s ok to swing with people you wouldn’t date. Swinging is a kind of

escapism, it’s about accepting people at face value.

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