FabSwingers.com forum: Advice for a Shy Guy?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi everyone

I'm new here. Made this account about 6 months ago but I had to hide it for a while because life got in the way. Only just started being active recently. Just wondering if I could get some advice

I'm a very shy and submissive guy. Struggle a lot with social anxiety and such but I enjoy meeting new people. I would rather just be social first without any pressures or expectations at all

I'm aware of organised social meets. They are definitely my sort of thing. There's a local one at a venue coming up soon so I'm planning to go

I guess I'm just unsure how else to approach this. I'm not great at breaking the ice with people, sending out first messages, and such. It can be a lot of pressure on me

I'm just wondering how much of a chance shy guys stand here? I should really upload some regular photos as better talking points. I'm short on ideas there but I'll get around to that sometime soon

I do have regular face pics but I don't want to share them publicly

I suppose I need to work on being a bit more proactive but the shyness really holds me back

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By *lueDressWoman
over a year ago

Bath

Both My first and second partners were shy guys. But then learnt to open up. You don't have to sexually open up to strangers, just to the people you're with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's fair. I do open up a lot once I get comfortable with someone but it's just those first steps and getting to know someone new which just causes me a lot of anxiety. Quite a few roadblocks there

Thanks

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

No magic easy pill I'm afraid. I started on the scene as a single guy. I likewise suffer social anxiety. For numerous reasons including ones that make it hard for me read people's intents and social cues. I decided there was no fix, just improvement and exposure. So I challenged myself to go to clubs. I was nervous as hell and right out of my depth but I pushed myself through the door. It's incredibly hard for me to strike up conversation. Yet also frustrating because you know if you can break the ice with someone and feel more comfortable you're actually great company. Anyway the night was a mixed bag to start. Some good, warm interactions, some negative and some real cringe too (although objectively looking I suspect the level of cringe was far higher in my head than it was seen by others). However a great success as a learning curve and turned out to be a great success with another female. From there onwards it was just a bit easier every time. Practice makes perfect. Clubs and social situations are still hard for me (although I try and mask it well). And if I get overwhelmed socially I just remove myself from the situation, find a queit spot, regroup myself and return.

I always found one on one meets easier. You go with the knowledge that the person your meeting is intrested in you specifically. This removes some of the uncertain factors and thus (some) anxiety. So it's easier to break the ice, be at ease with them and push away some of the social demons in your way. And that's mainly what I wanted them to be able to see past my social anxiety and awkwardness to the guy I actually am.

Long story short is its really hard but if you want to get somewhere you really need to push yourself past your comfort zone and be OK with the risk that things may not alway go so well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is all great advice. Thanks :D

I am aware there's no easy fix. I did actually start going to socials and clubs on a different site last year. I remember that I was intensely nervous back then but I powered through it and really started coming out of my shell. Met a lot of people and made new friends. But then a bad experience really knocked me back and put me at square one again

Different site. Different people. But it would be nice to make a repeat of that if possible

I agree that one-to-one is better. Just as long as it's being social without any pressures at all. But even that can be quite difficult for me

Glad to hear your journey worked out very well, though. I will take that as inspiration to push myself! Just take it one step at a time, stay positive, and focus on improving myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Both My first and second partners were shy guys. But then learnt to open up. You don't have to sexually open up to strangers, just to the people you're with."

Thanks for the advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No magic easy pill I'm afraid. I started on the scene as a single guy. I likewise suffer social anxiety. For numerous reasons including ones that make it hard for me read people's intents and social cues. I decided there was no fix, just improvement and exposure. So I challenged myself to go to clubs. I was nervous as hell and right out of my depth but I pushed myself through the door. It's incredibly hard for me to strike up conversation. Yet also frustrating because you know if you can break the ice with someone and feel more comfortable you're actually great company. Anyway the night was a mixed bag to start. Some good, warm interactions, some negative and some real cringe too (although objectively looking I suspect the level of cringe was far higher in my head than it was seen by others). However a great success as a learning curve and turned out to be a great success with another female. From there onwards it was just a bit easier every time. Practice makes perfect. Clubs and social situations are still hard for me (although I try and mask it well). And if I get overwhelmed socially I just remove myself from the situation, find a queit spot, regroup myself and return.

Long story short is its really hard but if you want to get somewhere you really need to push yourself past your comfort zone and be OK with the risk that things may not alway go so well."

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

if your shy then the truth is its not going to work people swing to have fun with other confident likeminded people being shy in a sexual and social lifestyle is just not going to work ..

there will be others who will say encouraging things to you but blunt truth is you will struggle badly

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By *heYorkshireGuyMan
over a year ago

Hull

"if your shy then the truth is its not going to work people swing to have fun with other confident likeminded people being shy in a sexual and social lifestyle is just not going to work ..

there will be others who will say encouraging things to you but blunt truth is you will struggle badly "

Definitely don’t agree I’m very shy at first been in the scene over ten years never had an issue. Know plenty of others who are the same including couples and singles

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

its just my opinion and you have yours ive been on this scene 30+ years can only go by what i/we know...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a shame that this OP is no longer on this site

I’m also a bit shy myself. Still haven’t been to a club but just waiting for the right time for sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm super shy but I still have success, you just have to be a manly man like me and success will come eventually!

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