FabSwingers.com forum: Shy partner

By *ornyhfd OP Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

Hi all was after thoughts on this.

Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.

We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.

My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.

When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.

I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

Gosh I'm sorry to hear this! It seems like advice on shyness/nerves/anxiety regarding swinging is pretty thin on the ground - I get so panicky if there's a potential meet on the cards, I'm so self conscious and terrified of coming across as awkward!

What makes you think the post-meet ghosting is her fault? X

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By *ornyhfd OP Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

We have had feedback of the odd person saying they felt awkward with it in turn that makes her feel worse.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"We have had feedback of the odd person saying they felt awkward with it in turn that makes her feel worse.

Perhaps it comes across that she doesn't really want to be there

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By *ornyhfd OP Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

May well do but when you advise anyone before hand that she is shy but happy to play and forewarned about it.

Would you not think that ghosting us afterward is wrong at least with the people we have had feedback from we can still chat too

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By *otbeefandonionsCouple
over a year ago

Bathgate

If it was an awkward atmosphere, regardless of the reason, I wouldn't want to play again

I know that might seem harsh but my time is precious

Could you have socials before so that there is no pressure and she is a bit less shy for the playing?

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By *ornyhfd OP Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

We have done socials before don’t get me wrong she not always like that

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"May well do but when you advise anyone before hand that she is shy but happy to play and forewarned about it.

Would you not think that ghosting us afterward is wrong at least with the people we have had feedback from we can still chat too "

We met a couple like you twice, both times it was awkward and a disaster. From a female point if view it just looks like she would rather not be involved.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Not everyone wants to meet more than once and whatever reason they give you should respect that. I understand that you've forewarned people but the decision not to meet again is ultimately theirs.

We had a meet with a couple who assured us that the woman was fully on board but you could tell she was extremely anxious and nervous. This made me in particular feel very awkward for many reasons and due to that we didn't meet them again.

It's a two way thing when you meet and if you're expecting other people to make allowances for you you must make allowances for them.

I hope you can find a way to cope with meeting

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

If people block you because *they* feel awkward, that is totally on them. Your wife needn't feel bad about that.

My guess is that they were thinking they'd meet someone shy because a shag's a shag. Then when they met they realised it wasn't going to be quite as easy as they wanted, or that they had been kidding themselves and they don't really have the patience for it.

Either way, plenty of people find shy women attractive.

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By *ornyhfd OP Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

Thank you for the kind words x

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

it a weird one but it one that often ruins a meet ... a few nerves is good keeps you on your toes but shyness not for me ...

you'll be amazed how many guys are shy to a point i had to put it on my profile that i wont meet shy anymore it totally kills the vibe for me so im only interested in assertive confident guys my play time is limited due to my solid work pattern and being on call ..

there are guys out there who think its ok to be completely silent during a meet too not a word erm no thanks

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

also to add and ive seen this a zillion time the wife often reserved / shy / not interested can be taken as a sign thast its a guy run relationship and she often is only doing it to please him

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By *ornyhfd OP Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

That’s definately not the case with us we have been together since 15 and married for 20 years.

When Lou says she is not interested we totally by pass that as I respect her desicion etc but totally get what your saying

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By *ldbutrandyMan
over a year ago

West Midlands

Your feedback says the pair of you are worth the effort of getting past the shyness. Personally , I'd find it a turn on. If some are put off by it. Its their loss.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.

Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.

Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x"

I felt the same way and to an extent still do. I'm aware that I'm far more reserved than a lot of people on here.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

"It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.

Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x

I felt the same way and to an extent still do. I'm aware that I'm far more reserved than a lot of people on here."

I did feel quite alone in feeling that way for some time, it's reassuring to hear others go through the same!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a quick read of your veri’s and would never guess from them that your wife is shy. It seems that everyone enjoyed themselves.

You’ve mentioned that you make potential meets aware of her shyness, not sure what else you can do really.

As long as you’re both on the same page with the lifestyle just stick with the people who your wife feels comfortable with.

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By *ornyhfd OP Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

"I had a quick read of your veri’s and would never guess from them that your wife is shy. It seems that everyone enjoyed themselves.

You’ve mentioned that you make potential meets aware of her shyness, not sure what else you can do really.

As long as you’re both on the same page with the lifestyle just stick with the people who your wife feels comfortable with."

Yeah not saying she always like it I think it takes more of a click before she warns x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.

Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x

I felt the same way and to an extent still do. I'm aware that I'm far more reserved than a lot of people on here.

I did feel quite alone in feeling that way for some time, it's reassuring to hear others go through the same!"

I read verifications and forum posts and know I'm not like many of the women here. I'm ok with that and none of us are wrong or bad, just different. I don't explain or excuse myself though.

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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago

Nr Leicester

You have glowing veris, which illustrates whilst maybe shy/anxious you evidently grow within an understanding/sharing situation..

We honestly would possibly struggle with the feeling we are potentially crossing your boundaries if we got a vibe of you being unsure..

Whilst I can be a force of nature and D is far from a shrinking violet, playing devil's advocate it may affect an experience for us.. Mrs

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

"It takes all sorts in any community, I must admit when we first began our journey I felt like my face wouldn't fit because I'm not immediately a rabid shag monster with perfect strangers.

Over time I've realised that it can take some trial and error to find your people! - Xeno x

I felt the same way and to an extent still do. I'm aware that I'm far more reserved than a lot of people on here.

I did feel quite alone in feeling that way for some time, it's reassuring to hear others go through the same!

I read verifications and forum posts and know I'm not like many of the women here. I'm ok with that and none of us are wrong or bad, just different. I don't explain or excuse myself though.

I love this - not wrong or bad, just different

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By *ebaucherous_duoCouple
over a year ago

Bristol/ Daventry

We’ve had meets where we have been concerned with coercion, where the woman is doing it to make him happy. Consider that she leads the profile, makes connections and has the conversation rather than the M. It may also be worth her doing the checkins and follow up. I appreciate that this is more admin for her, and potentially less meets for the male, initially.

With her taking the lead, this may lesson the concerns and she might seem more into it, and ownership of the experience?

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all was after thoughts on this.

Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.

We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.

My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.

When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.

I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated"

You need to meet socially first a few times, if I were to meet you I would want us all to be comfortable and not want it to be a one off.. trust and respect all the way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if you didn't get a bit nervous, you'd be a bit up yourself and that's not attractive. If you've been blocked after a play, then their loss but there are great meditation videos on you tube for anxiety. But I would seriously ask yourself is it all worth the angst!

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By *ornyhfd OP Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

"I think if you didn't get a bit nervous, you'd be a bit up yourself and that's not attractive. If you've been blocked after a play, then their loss but there are great meditation videos on you tube for anxiety. But I would seriously ask yourself is it all worth the angst! "

The shyness can mrs from self doubt she is always questioning if she is good enough and fears rejection more than most.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

In my head I'm an utter pornstar when it comes to swinging, but in person I'm super nervous when it comes to that transition point between socialising and fucking. Just find it so awkward to instigate things!

The shyness can mrs from self doubt she is always questioning if she is good enough and fears rejection more than most."

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

The shyness can mrs from self doubt she is always questioning if she is good enough and fears rejection more than most."

Not sure what happened to my last post!

In my head I'm a pornstar when it comes to swinging - but in reality I find the transition point between socialising and fucking SO awkward. I just can't instigate things and wish there was a guide book for it

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

My partner and I are both shy. We do a lot better in club environments where we can talk and get to know people over the course of several encounters and open up when we’re ready

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"We have had feedback of the odd person saying they felt awkward with it in turn that makes her feel worse.

I feel like being shy and things being awkward is slightly different, I'm a very shy person but can hold a conversation regardless of how I feel inside weather it be shy, or insecure, worried about how I look etc! But being awkward is not knowing how to be in certain situations so therefore making that situation awkward! I'm not sure if iv explained this so it's understandable, but I cannot stand being in someone's company that makes things feel very awkward so I can understand why you might get this reaction from people and its not through your wife being shy its possibly how she comes accross with theses situations.

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I’m comfortable around other people and pretty good at holding conversations unless I’m with someone who I can tell is feeling shy and uncomfortable because that automatically makes me feel uncomfortable. I have experienced this in sexually situations before and each time I’ve actually had to ask if we can stop what we were doing because it felt too uncomfortable. I didn’t do it in a rude way at all and in my experience it’s the best thing to do. I say something like ‘let’s stop and chill for a bit because this doesn’t feel right to me, let’s slow down and get comfortable with each other.’ then we’ll have a drink and a chat and take it from there, just going at a pace we’re comfortable with.

I recently discovered (although it seems pretty obvious really) that the best way to get more comfortable and relaxed with someone is to hug….I was with someone who i could tell was uncomfortable so I slowed it down and he said to me, ‘I really just want a hug’ so we hugged…we didn’t talk we just hugged and from there we started again and it was 1 million times more comfortable after the long hug.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

"I’m comfortable around other people and pretty good at holding conversations unless I’m with someone who I can tell is feeling shy and uncomfortable because that automatically makes me feel uncomfortable. I have experienced this in sexually situations before and each time I’ve actually had to ask if we can stop what we were doing because it felt too uncomfortable. I didn’t do it in a rude way at all and in my experience it’s the best thing to do. I say something like ‘let’s stop and chill for a bit because this doesn’t feel right to me, let’s slow down and get comfortable with each other.’ then we’ll have a drink and a chat and take it from there, just going at a pace we’re comfortable with.

Love this

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By *heelerMan
over a year ago

Northants

To be honest dont we all get a bit nervous on a first meet ,it certainly wouldn't bother me meeting your shy partner .Maybe your social meets should be over an alcohol drink.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

You've got glowing verifications from people who clearly enjoyed meeting you. Maybe meet up with them again, which will result in having a good time and help with confidence. Good luck.

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By *herryEatersCouple
over a year ago

East Cheshire

"Hi all was after thoughts on this.

Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.

We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.

My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.

When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.

I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated"

Strange indeed yet we find many on here who talk of lasting naughty friendships and frequent meets are actually serial monogamists so don't take it personally !

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't see how anyone can agree to repeat meets before they've even met once

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

"To be honest dont we all get a bit nervous on a first meet ,it certainly wouldn't bother me meeting your shy partner .Maybe your social meets should be over an alcohol drink."

I don’t agree with this advice.

I wouldn’t ever want to meet someone when alcohol is involved in order to “ease” the shyness or whatever, simply over consent concerns.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I get nervous for every meet whether that be a social or sexual meet, I'm definitely slightly awkward too, I always mention it upfront that I'm a little shy it's also in our profile, I can't say that it's ever bothered anyone we meet, certainly haven't been blocked because of it.

Usually the worst thing is people don't know if I'm into them or not.

Mrs

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By *ornyhfd OP Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

"I get nervous for every meet whether that be a social or sexual meet, I'm definitely slightly awkward too, I always mention it upfront that I'm a little shy it's also in our profile, I can't say that it's ever bothered anyone we meet, certainly haven't been blocked because of it.

Usually the worst thing is people don't know if I'm into them or not.

Mrs "

That’s the point I make with Lou bless her she never gives if signals x

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"Hi all was after thoughts on this.

Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.

We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.

My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.

When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.

I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated"

You maybe meeting the wrong people. Maybe they are pushing things a bit quickly to sex. Are you meeting them socially first or in the deep end and meeting to have sex? Any of them will make your mrs shyness worse and cause anxiety prior to playing with them. Joanne.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't feel comfortable playing with someone who was really shy and probably wouldn't meet again if the meet was awkward as a result of it

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By *unthum62Man
over a year ago

Benidorm

As a newcomer to this world I do get nervous and I am still unsure about initiating the physical side whereas the social side is never really a problem. That said, I have had social meets that were either flatline or mediocre and the answer for me at least, is to be polite, thank the other parties for their time and be honest and admit you are not feeling it.

It is a 50/50 deal really and if the people you meet don't understand and work with you,and you with them of course, was it a good idea.

In any field of human interaction not everyone clicks and we just have to keep looking.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"Hi all was after thoughts on this.

Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.

We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.

My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.

When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.

I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated"

Just wondering why you assume it is the shyness? Have people said that to you. Did something happen with those people? It sounds from your veris like all has been good. Perhaps another reason? It does happen that people just want to meet once. Perhaps after meeting they just felt you weren't compatible sexually or in other ways, which happens to us all, and you are assuming this is down to shyness?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi all was after thoughts on this.

Myself and my wife have now been playing on and off for a few years.

We have tried various things mf ff mff and so forth.

My wife bless her does suffer with shyness although is a naughty minx.

When we plan meets etc we do highlight this to whom ever we will be meeting and all seems to be ok but the majority of the time after that initial meet and play we get blocked.

I totally get that it may cause a bit of awkwardness but feel when we have highlighted it and people say it’s ok it should be expected and accepted.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated

He said earlier that a few people have mentioned they don't want to meet because of the awkwardness, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's because the wife is shy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't feel comfortable playing with someone who was really shy and probably wouldn't meet again if the meet was awkward as a result of it "

Totally this. I meet for uninhibited, hedonistic fun. It might sound selfish but I need the same in return from whoever I’m meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have had feedback of the odd person saying they felt awkward with it in turn that makes her feel worse.

Perhaps it comes across that she doesn't really want to be there "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"May well do but when you advise anyone before hand that she is shy but happy to play and forewarned about it.

Would you not think that ghosting us afterward is wrong at least with the people we have had feedback from we can still chat too "

If you are the person they chat to, of course they will ghost you if they are concerned she was coerced. They won't want any part of that situation, especially if they feel that way after meeting.

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By *acyCariadWoman
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think it's a real shame this happens. I've very shy myself, and I have PTSD on top of that. I've still had some great experiences, and when I meet someone I click with it's fantastic. But I do very much feel like I'm expected to totally change my personality to be acceptable in this community. I've even had someone pressure me into kissing them to "prove" I'm really bi. It made me so angry, that just because I'm not loud and bubbly I'm somehow inferior in the eyes of someone.

Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways.

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Is it dangerous to swing with ptsd

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By *acyCariadWoman
over a year ago

East Sussex

I suppose it depends what your triggers are and how it manifests. For me I mainly get nightmares that wouldn't affect my time in a club or with a couple. I consider myself responsible for managing that, knowing my limits etc. It does make me wary of certain types of people (no fault of their own) so I may miss out on opportunitities due to my emotional state, but better that than going too far or accidentally upsetting someone.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think it's a real shame this happens. I've very shy myself, and I have PTSD on top of that. I've still had some great experiences, and when I meet someone I click with it's fantastic. But I do very much feel like I'm expected to totally change my personality to be acceptable in this community. I've even had someone pressure me into kissing them to "prove" I'm really bi. It made me so angry, that just because I'm not loud and bubbly I'm somehow inferior in the eyes of someone.

Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways. "

I think its easy to think that all women who swing are outgoing, bubbly and the life and soul of the party. I'm quite reserved and remember a private party we went to where we all picked dares out of a hat and when I put mine back because I wasn't comfortable with it I heard other women talking about me despite having been told it was a no pressure game. If people do expect me to change my personality they're in for a disappointment but I realised that the type of party we went to was wrong for me. Now we stick to private meets and occasional organised socials

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways. "

This. In normal life I'm extremely outgoing and bubbly, but am chronically anxious when it comes to swinging. I often hear "is it worth all the grief?!" but I live in hope of one day spontaneously becoming an uninhibited sex goddess lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways.

There are many ways to be a sexual woman and uninhibited sex goddess is only one of them

There's room for all of us

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways.

There are many ways to be a sexual woman and uninhibited sex goddess is only one of them

There's room for all of us "

You're quite right, I do tend to limit myself with the way I think

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Equally, if someone doesn't want a second meet afterwards I don't want to force them. Consent goes both ways.

There are many ways to be a sexual woman and uninhibited sex goddess is only one of them

There's room for all of us

You're quite right, I do tend to limit myself with the way I think

Me too. We're alright though, still waters and all

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By *acyCariadWoman
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also I'm quite submissive so I like it if other people take the lead, doesn't mean I'm not enjoying myself

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By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

We have had our share our nervous people including first timers popping their cherry. We have never, ever ghosted or blocked people because of it. Doing that just makes things worse. Find an opportunity to meet up and we'll put you totally at ease x

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