FabSwingers.com forum: Why do we not attact other couples?

By *sinbathwilt1 OP Couple
over a year ago

Bath

We have been on FAB for a few years now and have met a few single guys through here and a couple of socials with other couples. We do browse the forums but rarely post, but we don’t know what has happened but where are all the couples that are just looking to meet for a drink, see if they click and then maybe take it further? We are clear on our profile that we are pretty ‘vanilla’ meaning we are not into bdsm or rope or other types of activity but do like to have good sex with other couples where we all like each other. We appreciate that Mr is not on the photos of our profile but we will change that. What else do we need to change on our profile to start chatting to other couples with similar profiles?

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By *ueerKinkyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge (She/They And They/Them)

You’re right that having photos of only one of you is a huge drawback.

You list quite a lot of preferences (and it’s great that you know what you want) but I suppose each requirement narrows the pool of prospective partners.

Also I was a little unclear whether the part about photography being non-negotiable meant you always require photography. I might have misread it.

I think it’s always worth trying clubs. Meeting face to face with lots of people.

All the best in your search.

Dee

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

I will be very honest with you. Your profile includes a big list of what you want and your rules. It doesn't say at all why people would want to meet you. Nothing about what you offer.

You might be viewed as quite selfish as it reads currently

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

My penny worth: the lady is listed as bisexual yet in the profile text it says she is "bi-playful", whatever that means to you. And about 90% of your profile text is directed at single men rather than couples or single ladies.

After that, I did not go any further.

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

[Removed by poster at 20/08/23 19:58:45]

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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago

leeds

Firstly, can we say you have some exceptional photos on your profile. Secondly, unlike some of the posts above, we don't think your preferences are particularly demanding. Thirdly, I think that you're finding a common problem with Fab: in reality not a lot of people are willing to follow through with a meet. Our suggestion would be to try a club or two to meet potential couples in person. It's a lot easier, and generally more successful than hoping you click with someone on Fab. Good luck

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think you've identified one of the key problems which you've said you'll address.

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By *ebootCouple
over a year ago

Telford

You’re profile states that you’re not looking for single men, yet your only verifications are from single men, that are hidden, so give no context (I.e could be from social events or clubs chats) and are hidden.

It’s a big red flag for us.

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By *eturn of curiouscpleCouple
over a year ago

Guildford

All above comments helpful..

(Don't give up...there's something for everyone at some time, just not necessarily all the time)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never reply to couples if there are only pics of 1 half as to not waste anyone's time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My penny worth: the lady is listed as bisexual yet in the profile text it says she is "bi-playful", whatever that means to you. And about 90% of your profile text is directed at single men rather than couples or single ladies.

After that, I did not go any further. "

Also thus

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By *eturn of curiouscpleCouple
over a year ago

Guildford

We ask very early on,if they're together at the time

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By *awg-mo-thoinWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I mean, you’ve asked where you’re going wrong while in the same breath highlighting probably the number one reason you’re going wrong. Couples implies two people, not pics of just one.

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By *andd_bicoupleCouple
over a year ago

wilmslow

Same for us its like yeah i get people have a perfences but if a kind couple like us get no where its a shame for others to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the above points are valid.

If I were viewing your profile from our couples one they are the things that would stop me messaging, especially the bi playful aspect and zero photos of the male half.

There is nothing wrong with being choosy but I would bypass your profile for one that came across as a little more relaxed. Sorry.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

"Same for us its like yeah i get people have a perfences but if a kind couple like us get no where its a shame for others to "

it has zero to do with being kind ??? you could be the kindest nicest funniest people ever but if theres no 4 way attraction theres no play ... sexual attraction is everything on this scene you see with your eyes first and then hear/ message next its never a simple process ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have been on FAB for a few years now and have met a few single guys through here and a couple of socials with other couples. We do browse the forums but rarely post, but we don’t know what has happened but where are all the couples that are just looking to meet for a drink, see if they click and then maybe take it further? We are clear on our profile that we are pretty ‘vanilla’ meaning we are not into bdsm or rope or other types of activity but do like to have good sex with other couples where we all like each other. We appreciate that Mr is not on the photos of our profile but we will change that. What else do we need to change on our profile to start chatting to other couples with similar profiles?"

Reads like you only want to meet men. He just watches and films. Possibly she left 4 years ago and now it's just him.

Do you just sit and wait for messages or do you send messages too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your photos are stunning but your profile is overly long, too specific and hard to follow with so many likes and dislikes and random lines like this,

We do like meeting single black guys occasionally for hotel based fun as we find the chemistry works well.

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

"Same for us its like yeah i get people have a perfences but if a kind couple like us get no where its a shame for others to "

It'd get to a few clubs on bi night

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

I'm all for knowing what you want but doesn't mean it all needs to be listed out in such detail. It creates a very long, dictoral read.

I'd suggest, new photos of both of you.

Get out to actual social events and clubs.

Decide what you want as a priority and perhaps aim the profile at that for a while (switch it up if/when you want to organise the out of town stuff) because at the moment most of the blurb seems aimed at single men.

As an ex couple we wouldn't message you due to lack of photos. That was always the start point,seeing exactly who it was to not waste anyone's time.

As a single fem (besides not being your size type) I would have no idea what you were even looking for.

There's lots of words but you seem to have missed that anything is a two way street.

What do you offer?!

Also photos while you may not want them to take any it's also open they might not want you to either..just because that's directed at single guys they're allowed an opinion. You talk about discretion. Respect them as well.

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford

Single man here. For what it is worth, you've got some lovely photos there, but the whole profile seems geared towards Mrs. Mr is barely mentioned or seen. You suggest that you are looking for some kind of longer term relationship but seem to want to rule out any of the usual 'negotiations' that take place as you get to know other people. Oh, and any relationship that has at it's base a non-negotiable photography clause is bound to fail. Kissing is non-negotiable, but photography is something you like doing and would be nice if they did to.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

The pics of you (Mrs) are great, we wouldn't respond personally because I can't see the man half I know you've already said about that.

Your preferences are great to the point but it will also put some off, that's not necessarily a bad thing just they don't feel they meet your requirements.

You say you don't meet single men but then have a paragraph about meeting black men & veris from men so that's slightly confusing but otherwise your profile looks good.

4 way attraction is hard and even harder when you can only see 3 of the people.

Mrs

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By *sinbathwilt1 OP Couple
over a year ago

Bath

Thank you all for the feedback. It is interesting to see the perception of our profile from a different angle. We will have a re think and update our profile based on your comments.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It might be worth changing your size preference from what it is to "we prefer women around a size xx" or " we prefer women between size xx and size yy"

Instead of "if you are beyond 'ahem' curvy we probably won't have an attraction"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only had a quick look. That's a massive list of what YOU want

Mrs C

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By *iss SinWoman
over a year ago

portchester

It’s quite offputting and doesn’t read as very friendly

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"I will be very honest with you. Your profile includes a big list of what you want and your rules. It doesn't say at all why people would want to meet you. Nothing about what you offer.

You might be viewed as quite selfish as it reads currently "

Agree totally! X

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By *heHookyMonsterMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Firstly, can we say you have some exceptional photos on your profile. Secondly, unlike some of the posts above, we don't think your preferences are particularly demanding. Thirdly, I think that you're finding a common problem with Fab: in reality not a lot of people are willing to follow through with a meet. Our suggestion would be to try a club or two to meet potential couples in person. It's a lot easier, and generally more successful than hoping you click with someone on Fab. Good luck"

This is also true. The amount of time I've spent on the forums banging my head on the wall about telling single guys to go to clubs and stop wasting their time with Fab in terms of trying to connect with people is beyond a joke.

"If you do what you've always done......." will always apply.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

Wearing my couples hat yep no pics of the man a big red flag for us especially with such stunning pics as you have. Even if you send later it makes us feel like it's all about the lady and meeting in real life might be similar. Obviously not true in all cases but had some experiences where it is and the lady in question thinks she is rather special.

I would be clearer on the video/photography element as that would scare off many/if not most people.

Also would make clear if you've actually played with couples before and what you've done/what you are potentially looking for (soft swap? full swap?). Not really sure from your profile but assuming you haven't. Some might be happy with that and expioring with other relative newbies and some might not.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

PS profile content aside in general there are loads of couples out there that you would be compatible with. The big thing you can do is just be proactive in searching for them and messaging them and then suggesting dates to meet if you click after a few messages. Do come across lots of couples who aren't very proactive and sit there waiting for messages from other couples and invites and then wonder why they are struggling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"PS profile content aside in general there are loads of couples out there that you would be compatible with. The big thing you can do is just be proactive in searching for them and messaging them and then suggesting dates to meet if you click after a few messages. Do come across lots of couples who aren't very proactive and sit there waiting for messages from other couples and invites and then wonder why they are struggling. "

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Your pic’s are lovely and your profile is pretty clear. Other half pic’s would really help as it is quite easy to fancy the lady, but most couples want to at least have some idea of what the guy is like.

Visible veri’s can help and maybe going to Club nights would assist in meeting other couples. Happy swinging

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

You are not alone. It took us a long time to find a couple we really clicked with.

One massive frustration I have with Fab is that the vast majority of couples only show the lady in their gallery. It's not even a lot of couples do this - it really is the norm.

Attraction to the guy is very relevant and it is treated as if it doesn't matter at all. I have complained about this often.

The only way we could know if we are attracted to most couples here would be to ask for photos. We're simply not going to go through a list of potential couples and request photos over and over again on the off-chance they reply and Hannah finds him attractive. It's a total faff we don't think we should have to bother with.

Unfortunately your profile has exactly that issue and I'm sure a lot of couples pass you by because can't see the man, and there are various conclusions people can draw from that. Luke

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

"You’re profile states that you’re not looking for single men, yet your only verifications are from single men, that are hidden, so give no context (I.e could be from social events or clubs chats) and are hidden.

It’s a big red flag for us. "
They contradict that further down the write up by saying they don't meet single men from the SW, i think no pics of the male partner puts couples off

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By *ottodot123Couple
over a year ago

Gillingham

"It might be worth changing your size preference from what it is to "we prefer women around a size xx" or " we prefer women between size xx and size yy"

Instead of "if you are beyond 'ahem' curvy we probably won't have an attraction"

The ahem is totally unnecessary.

Plus what even is curvy. I've seen size 8 women that are curvy. Likewise. A woman could be a size 20 but if she's nearly 6 foot tall and it's all proportioned nicely (subjective) then she's curvy too.

If you don't like fatties that's fine. But your wording leaves something to be desired.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"You are not alone. It took us a long time to find a couple we really clicked with.

One massive frustration I have with Fab is that the vast majority of couples only show the lady in their gallery. It's not even a lot of couples do this - it really is the norm.

Attraction to the guy is very relevant and it is treated as if it doesn't matter at all. I have complained about this often.

Unfortunately your profile has exactly that issue and I'm sure a lot of couples pass you by because can't see the man, and there are various conclusions people can draw from that. Luke"

Yep and then even if you ask get a pic of his cock or some minor body part that shows fuck all or him fucking the lady

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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago

Baughurst

4 meets of men, last one 4 years ago. We would not invest time, we would assume the chances you would meet a couple for real in 2023 are slim.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"ahem curvy" that would be me out straight away.

Mrs

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

As the woman in a couple, the profile comes across very poorly.

I'm probably repeating what others have said but...

It reads like a list of what you want, with elements that are borderline rude, not simply negative.

The man is barely visible in the photos, and it reads as more aimed at single men.

Non-negotiable photo taking by you, the third party not being allowed to take photos, would just be the final thing that would put me off.

Having said all that, even with the best possible profile, 4 way attraction is hard to find on Fab. Clubs are well worth trying if you genuinely want to meet other couples.

Nita

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By *he LsCouple
over a year ago

East Midlands

Sorry would definitely agree with the other comments. No pics of the guy, girls pics latest 2020 and last veri 4 years ago and not shown. To us it would ring alarm bells that's it's just a single guys account now.

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By *orl1971Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Everyone has an opinion and no profile appeals to everyone. Meeting couples is extremely difficult on Fab. We struggle to get any meets . It’s especially difficult if you have specific types of people you prefer to meet.

You may also find age restricts your interest group and if you smoke then there a lot of people who don’t meet smokers. As others have said maybe try clubs. It seems to filter out timewasters and dreamers plus we’re not sure if people who go to clubs bother with new meets on Fab.

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By *moothGrooveWoman
over a year ago

Durham

I am sure you're both lovely people, but from reading your profile you sound like hard work

Couples meets are hard as there's the needs and wants of 4 people to consider, but given your lists of requirements/likes and dislikes I would think it's going to be a whole lot more difficult.

I am not suggesting that you should settle for anything, but when you have so many boxes that need ticked I think you need to accept that it's going to be especially difficult.

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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago

Baughurst

"Everyone has an opinion and no profile appeals to everyone. Meeting couples is extremely difficult on Fab. We struggle to get any meets . It’s especially difficult if you have specific types of people you prefer to meet.

We have never had any problem to meet couples on Fab other than enough time available due to vanilla commitments. We feel that by having an open and short profile without a list of likes and dislikes is easier to filter quickly after a few message exchanges, or set up a social to discover if the other couple ticks all our boxes.

We regularly go to clubs, parties and still meet people on Fab, plus repeat with couples with whom we have formed a friendship.

Our advice to the OP is to consider that meeting couples implies 4 people having likes and dislikes and the need to feel mutual attraction, so it's not a one way system.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe because you're profile is hidden doesn't help

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By *lueDressWoman
over a year ago

Bath

My profile attracts the wrong sorts...I am only seeking socials and eventually if suited Fetish activity with a sub couple/single sub female.

Maybe I need to rewrite mine too.

I offer friendship and advice within the fetish scene

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was curious to see you guys and maybe chat, but you've now hidden your profile. Shame

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

"Your photos are stunning but your profile is overly long, too specific and hard to follow with so many likes and dislikes and random lines like this,

We do like meeting single black guys occasionally for hotel based fun as we find the chemistry works well."

I find profiles really hard to follow when every point is all mixed in together

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