FabSwingers.com forum: Disability or not

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

At what point would you tell someone that you have a “disability”

I use inverted commas on that as I don’t see it as one, but I have a bag, urostomy, I had bladder cancer, everything still works!!

But truthfully at what point do you tell them, in your profile, or later?

For me I tell them if we are talking and have built to more than just a few messages and are talking of meeting them, I can’t nor won’t hide it.

It’s amazing that some say they don’t care but when they do it becomes an issue or is the bag covering up for something they don’t like and it becomes the excuse?

So in short how to people explain or deal with things that they know may put others off, but are no fault or choice of your own?

To put it in to context I had a social meet 2 weeks ago, we had great rapport before and during, I was totally upfront about my bag before the meet, to receive a message whilst driving home saying

“I really like you but it’s the thought of the bag”

I am not bemoaning choice, we all have choice, but when do you mention it and for anyone who has been “turned down” due to a disability or something that makes our bodies different to the norm do you just feel like running and hiding?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I hope you don't feel like running and hiding.

I suspect that many people will say it doesn't bother them but if they really thought about it, it would.

I think it's up to you when you tell people. Personally I'd rather know straight away.

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By *hellebelleWoman
over a year ago

ashford

I have had people change their minds when they hear I have issues .. mine are mostly hidden so could get away with it in a way…. But I prefer to be honest and up front when messaging someone.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I guess it highlights the fickle nature of casual interactions

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

I don't consider myself have one but apparently I do according to the equality act 2010. I tend to mention it to anyone I may be meeting in advance as it may have an impact on any play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dated a guy a few years back who had a colostomy bag. Medics advised him not to mention it straight away but he told me on our first date. My initial response was to feel for him in that it has to be difficult at any point but to be young and dating it must be harder. His rationale tho was to focus on the alternative and for him, the surgery was his best choice. Re my view, it genuinely didnt bother me as much as it did him. Once we'd been intimate the first time any barriers fell away. Theres always going to be squeamish people, ones who dont want to understand but that's no reflection on you, or them tbh. Cant make everyone accept everything. I'm sorry to hear you have had issues but as above, it's better than the alternative.

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By *ertslady1984Woman
over a year ago

Herts

I'm up front about mine as I have big scares from medical issues. I always give them a choice to op out by saying "no worries if it's to much"

If they lose interest because of it oh well better luck next time for me. I'm kind of used to getting ghosted on dating sites because I'm different.

Unfortunately some people are very superficial when it comes to being different. sadly also some just can't handle it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm up front about mine as I have big scares from medical issues. I always give them a choice to op out by saying "no worries if it's to much"

If they lose interest because of it oh well better luck next time for me. I'm kind of used to getting ghosted on dating sites because I'm different.

Unfortunately some people are very superficial when it comes to being different. sadly also some just can't handle it.

I too am very scarred and say it’s my road map of life.

The nhs is amazing. Honestly amazing. It has kept me alive and given me another chance in life.

I just feel there’s something lacking when it comes to help and support with intimacy after. There’s a great company called Vanilla Blush who do amazing lingerie for women but the men’s side is still lacking

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By *pen_coupleXXXCouple
over a year ago

here

I (him) had a bag for 18 months post surgery and was fortunate to have a reversal once my body had time to heal. for sure it plays in your own head a lot more than in others.

What did genuinely made me laugh at loud was in the documentation I was first given at the very start it said “do not insert a penis”. how many time must that of caused an issue for it to be one of the first documented bits of advice.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I (him) had a bag for 18 months post surgery and was fortunate to have a reversal once my body had time to heal. for sure it plays in your own head a lot more than in others.

Wow…I don’t think any insertion has ever crossed my mind!!

I know a few people who have had reversals but I lost all of my bladder.

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By *ertslady1984Woman
over a year ago

Herts

"I'm up front about mine as I have big scares from medical issues. I always give them a choice to op out by saying "no worries if it's to much"

If they lose interest because of it oh well better luck next time for me. I'm kind of used to getting ghosted on dating sites because I'm different.

Unfortunately some people are very superficial when it comes to being different. sadly also some just can't handle it.

I too am very scarred and say it’s my road map of life.

The nhs is amazing. Honestly amazing. It has kept me alive and given me another chance in life.

Oh yes I very much agree there is a lack of support after with that side of things.

If it wasn't for the awesome work of the nurses, doctor's and medics I definitely wouldn't be here myself. Also the continued support I'm still getting with my issues to this day.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm up front about mine as I have big scares from medical issues. I always give them a choice to op out by saying "no worries if it's to much"

If they lose interest because of it oh well better luck next time for me. I'm kind of used to getting ghosted on dating sites because I'm different.

Unfortunately some people are very superficial when it comes to being different. sadly also some just can't handle it.

I too am very scarred and say it’s my road map of life.

The nhs is amazing. Honestly amazing. It has kept me alive and given me another chance in life.

Oh yes I very much agree there is a lack of support after with that side of things.

If it wasn't for the awesome work of the nurses, doctor's and medics I definitely wouldn't be here myself. Also the continued support I'm still getting with my issues to this day.

I have amazing nurses who you can contact at anytime

I put something the other day

One of the reasons I’m so tattooed is post surgery I went on spa break. 2 woman commented on my bag, you could only see the top but they just have known what it is and were saying they hoped I didn’t leak in the pool and shouldn’t be allowed in.

I’ve always had ink but went and got my whole torso done. A bit like a shield but to give people a different focus of me

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By *ertslady1984Woman
over a year ago

Herts

"I'm up front about mine as I have big scares from medical issues. I always give them a choice to op out by saying "no worries if it's to much"

If they lose interest because of it oh well better luck next time for me. I'm kind of used to getting ghosted on dating sites because I'm different.

Unfortunately some people are very superficial when it comes to being different. sadly also some just can't handle it.

I too am very scarred and say it’s my road map of life.

The nhs is amazing. Honestly amazing. It has kept me alive and given me another chance in life.

Oh yes I very much agree there is a lack of support after with that side of things.

If it wasn't for the awesome work of the nurses, doctor's and medics I definitely wouldn't be here myself. Also the continued support I'm still getting with my issues to this day.

I have amazing nurses who you can contact at anytime

I put something the other day

I’ve always had ink but went and got my whole torso done. A bit like a shield but to give people a different focus of me "

I've caught others looking at my scar near my coller bone when I'm out or been swimming. It's makes me very self conscious. That's why I'm having new tattoos something to distract them away from my scar.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm up front about mine as I have big scares from medical issues. I always give them a choice to op out by saying "no worries if it's to much"

If they lose interest because of it oh well better luck next time for me. I'm kind of used to getting ghosted on dating sites because I'm different.

Unfortunately some people are very superficial when it comes to being different. sadly also some just can't handle it.

I too am very scarred and say it’s my road map of life.

The nhs is amazing. Honestly amazing. It has kept me alive and given me another chance in life.

Oh yes I very much agree there is a lack of support after with that side of things.

If it wasn't for the awesome work of the nurses, doctor's and medics I definitely wouldn't be here myself. Also the continued support I'm still getting with my issues to this day.

I have amazing nurses who you can contact at anytime

I put something the other day

I’ve always had ink but went and got my whole torso done. A bit like a shield but to give people a different focus of me

Someone who gets it

That day I made a decision to put my shield up and give peoples eyes another focal point

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By *ertslady1984Woman
over a year ago

Herts

"I'm up front about mine as I have big scares from medical issues. I always give them a choice to op out by saying "no worries if it's to much"

If they lose interest because of it oh well better luck next time for me. I'm kind of used to getting ghosted on dating sites because I'm different.

Unfortunately some people are very superficial when it comes to being different. sadly also some just can't handle it.

I too am very scarred and say it’s my road map of life.

The nhs is amazing. Honestly amazing. It has kept me alive and given me another chance in life.

Oh yes I very much agree there is a lack of support after with that side of things.

If it wasn't for the awesome work of the nurses, doctor's and medics I definitely wouldn't be here myself. Also the continued support I'm still getting with my issues to this day.

I have amazing nurses who you can contact at anytime

I put something the other day

I’ve always had ink but went and got my whole torso done. A bit like a shield but to give people a different focus of me

Someone who gets it

That day I made a decision to put my shield up and give peoples eyes another focal point "

Oh god yes..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be like me mate and he straight up about it don’t hide because the people who actually message and chat to you don’t care about it and are interested in you

Sadly nobody wants me tho lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got ms doesn't effect playing too much but I'm not as agile as I used it to be low have absolutely zero hangups about people with different abilities we are all human xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell guys as soon as it looks like we might meet at some point. I have chronic diseases that cause lack of mobility, pain etc. Usually they respond with "oh we can do it doggy" .... erm no, we can't, they clearly don't understand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a chronic pain condition but I haven't felt the need to bring it up to a fab meet as of yet.

Obviously some days for me are better than others but it's not gotten in the way with regards to sex as of yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went on a date with someone and she kept telling me she was disabled and couldnt work, kept going on and on about it but didnt actually tell me what it was untill i asked, turned out she had a bad back didnt seem to bother her when she was bouncing all over a night club or when i was bending her into all sorts of shapes back at hers lol, think she was just a benefits cheat safe to say i didnt see her again.

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By *heoneandonlyEJCouple
over a year ago

Rotherham

J uses a wheelchair, our profile says he has a disability. We will chat in as much detail as anyone wants if they are interested. Yes it puts some people off, but as they say, those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter x

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By *ussyslave34Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

People are put off because I'm deaf and struggle with communication, went to a social once and everyone ignored me simply because they didn't want to make more of an effort. A lot say it doesn't bother them but in reality it does.

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By *heelz69Man
over a year ago

Manchester

I'm disabled and it says so on my profile I like to be upfront, but I'm sure that it puts people off, just because I'm disabled doesn't mean that I can't have sexual fun, or pleasure women or couples but people don't bother asking me about it, and if they did I'm sure they would be more likely to see/meet or just chat with me. And to be honest unlike some guys I'm not a 2 pumps and a squirt guy, I don't cum and stay hard for as long as required! Surely this has to be appealing.

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By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago

shropshire

"At what point would you tell someone that you have a “disability”

I use inverted commas on that as I don’t see it as one, but I have a bag, urostomy, I had bladder cancer, everything still works!!

But truthfully at what point do you tell them, in your profile, or later?

For me I tell them if we are talking and have built to more than just a few messages and are talking of meeting them, I can’t nor won’t hide it.

It’s amazing that some say they don’t care but when they do it becomes an issue or is the bag covering up for something they don’t like and it becomes the excuse?

So in short how to people explain or deal with things that they know may put others off, but are no fault or choice of your own?

To put it in to context I had a social meet 2 weeks ago, we had great rapport before and during, I was totally upfront about my bag before the meet, to receive a message whilst driving home saying

“I really like you but it’s the thought of the bag”

((Hugs)) you're a person who still wants to enjoy life there's nothing wrong with having a bag (my dad had one) it doesn't define you,if people don't like you for it .there problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm disabled and it says so on my profile I like to be upfront, but I'm sure that it puts people off, just because I'm disabled doesn't mean that I can't have sexual fun, or pleasure women or couples but people don't bother asking me about it, and if they did I'm sure they would be more likely to see/meet or just chat with me. And to be honest unlike some guys I'm not a 2 pumps and a squirt guy, I don't cum and stay hard for as long as required! Surely this has to be appealing. "

I'm sorry this is your experience however, to be fair it's about more that a working cock yes? I've a friend on here who also uses a chair and hes very popular. He has great pics, goes to socials and meets lots of folks. Get yourself out and get to know people n let them know you. Best of luck

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By *heelz69Man
over a year ago

Manchester

Thanks but due to having to have care staff having to be with me it could be a bit awkward, but not impossible so I will try and give it ago

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By *rixie_BlondeWoman
over a year ago

London (She/Her)

I don’t have a bag but I have medical kit on my tummy. I try to make sure it’s visible in my photos and when I properly get talking to someone I ask if they noticed it, so we gave a chance to talk about it. If it puts them off I’d much rather they said no earlier rather than later!

It’s not fair, but it’s life. In the same way some people are and done people aren’t born conventionally attractive, or with great figures or huge cocks. You just have to make the most of enjoying what you have

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By *abyblues2023Woman
over a year ago

Everywhere and Nowhere baby thats where im at

If I was honest about my issues people wouldn't want to know me, it's a tough call as my issues are hidden but if I'm serious about meeting I will tell them.

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By *melie LALWoman
over a year ago

Peterborough

As my disability is hidden it doesn't affect having sex. It does, however, affect my availability.

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By *OXO2018Couple
over a year ago

Norfolk

I don’t mention it before a meet because I only meet at clubs and it’s very obvious that my legs don’t work right lol. I do explain my legs don’t open very wide, but I’m fine bent over

But I don’t appreciate us being known as “limpy Lou” though as it makes me feel shit that people remember because of my limp and not having a nice time meeting me.

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By *kivi Bi MaleMan
over a year ago

North Shields

Yes, it's on my profile! If not there it's definitely on my FabGuys profile and when I start communicating with anyone, I definitely mention it so their's no surprises.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Yeah we disclose my wheelchair use, because we need to establish access etc. It puts people off, for sure, but meh. I don't want to fuck people who haven't got 5mins to hear that my disability doesn't impact my sex life, with the minor exception of not being able to do anything in a standing position.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think some things can scare others who have no experience of them. I think it’s the unknown for a lot of people.

Personally, nothing bothers me as I’ve worked in health and social care for decades so there’s not much I haven’t seen.

Tell them whenever you’re comfortable telling them, it’s their loss if they decide against meeting with you

Mrs

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By *ootballFlowerCouple
over a year ago

Ollerton

We are totally upfront about Football's disability. As its physical can it cant be hidden we get it out there - We have to be selective in where we meet people as so many places arent wheelchair friendly and we also wouldnt want to spring it on any one. There is nothing missing or additional (apart from his terror chariot) but cant walk more than a few steps safely.

His disability doesnt stop him having fun or being a full participant, just some positions cant be done. Like we say on our profile - its his hips that dont work not his cock!!

We are certain we have missed out on meets because of it but c'est la vie.

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