FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swinging Support and Advice

Need some helpful advise

Jump to newest
 

By *ccasional75 OP   Man
over a year ago

dudley

I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.

That and I am just sick pervert and so on.

Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.

Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.

However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.

We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.

We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum

So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

My personal advice swinging takes a lot of trust and communication, I'm guessing she doesn't know your on here by reading your profile.

Personally I'd leave it and her.

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I had many reservations. We talked them through together. I suggest you two take time to really talk, ask her what her fears are, really listen and then answer her truthfully. Keep talking and listening.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I have to ask you this, not in a judgemental way but don't you think that some of her fears are actually based in fact given that you're here alone? Women have an uncanny knack of identifying something isn't quite right even if they can't articulate what it is.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ccasional75 OP   Man
over a year ago

dudley

A valid point.

I came here in the hope of scratching an itch along time ago when believed that was never likely to happen.

Ended up staying as addicted to the stories and living out my fantasies vicariously.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"A valid point.

I came here in the hope of scratching an itch along time ago when believed that was never likely to happen.

Ended up staying as addicted to the stories and living out my fantasies vicariously."

All I can say is communicate.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *udley hotwife86Couple
over a year ago

DUDLEY


"I have to ask you this, not in a judgemental way but don't you think that some of her fears are actually based in fact given that you're here alone? Women have an uncanny knack of identifying something isn't quite right even if they can't articulate what it is."

Exactly this you've got veris from meets so kind of proving her point

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ccasional75 OP   Man
over a year ago

dudley

Thank you we are which is why we are at the point we are now. I just don't want to go to fast or far and ruin it all.

After admitting feelings I felt like wieght was lifted off me.

I love my wife and think she is wonderful. Really just want the best of experiences for her. Definitely want it to be about her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Thank you we are which is why we are at the point we are now. I just don't want to go to fast or far and ruin it all.

After admitting feelings I felt like wieght was lifted off me.

I love my wife and think she is wonderful. Really just want the best of experiences for her. Definitely want it to be about her. "

Well good luck to you both.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

Obviously you need to discuss this with her, but have you considered attending a club together?

You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, but maybe just attending a club and seeing a few naughty things plus maybe just playing with each other would be a good compromise?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ccasional75 OP   Man
over a year ago

dudley

Have thought about it. But don't you have to be a member etc.

Think might be a sensory overload.for first experience but will see how suggestion goes down

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *awg-mo-thoinWoman
over a year ago

Belfast

To be blunt about it I’d say given the fact you’ve been betraying her on here for over a year means your dream fantasy was dead in the water long ago. Maybe rather than continuing to prioritise your sexual desires over her (and push them onto her) you should pursue them as a single man.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester


"Have thought about it. But don't you have to be a member etc.

Think might be a sensory overload.for first experience but will see how suggestion goes down "

Some clubs don't need membership, like the Attic

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth


"To be blunt about it I’d say given the fact you’ve been betraying her on here for over a year means your dream fantasy was dead in the water long ago. Maybe rather than continuing to prioritise your sexual desires over her (and push them onto her) you should pursue them as a single man.

"

This. Swinging is based on trust, and without it things will all end in tears.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We did it step by step, intially as a dare, if you want more and serious i getting your oh into the swing, pm me - it worked for me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago

Baughurst


"Obviously you need to discuss this with her, but have you considered attending a club together?

You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, but maybe just attending a club and seeing a few naughty things plus maybe just playing with each other would be a good compromise?"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff


"Obviously you need to discuss this with her, but have you considered attending a club together?

You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, but maybe just attending a club and seeing a few naughty things plus maybe just playing with each other would be a good compromise?"

Good advice

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *xford DuoCouple
over a year ago

oxford

My initial thought on this was to suggest a club and go there with solid ground rules. ie play together only but whilst there have a look around and a chat with others if you can bring yourselves to do it.

Second thought is to listen to podcasts - preferably together. Sexless swingers and Bedhoppers are great at dissecting how to approach the whole scene.

As others have said- you need to communicate. Hiding away on here and wishing it might happen is not going to end well. Good Luck.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201007/why-would-any-man-want-watch-his-wife-another-man

That maybe help give her some more ‘expert’ info behind it. You could then perhaps discuss which is your motivation behind it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston


"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.

That and I am just sick pervert and so on.

Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.

Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.

However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.

We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.

We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum

So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?"

You're on here to meet people without her knowledge or consent, based on your profile wording.

You want her to do something YOU fantasise about, which she has been clear she doesn't feel comfortable with. You later say you want it to be about her. How exactly do you think that works?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As far as dealing with your wife is concerned, I think we can get lost during sex, and what feels like a hot idea at the time, feels very different in the cold light of day!

I think you may need to let her raise the subject, as frustrating as that is for you! You risk turning her off, and also your marriage by pushing her.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

She may ultimately have very different needs and fantasies to you OP but I see an insistence towards only 1 goal, which is yours.

It may be that you aren't especially compatible, should you have inflexibility on how your life must progress, where you don't have mutual consent for this. I'm uncertain that your relationship is your priority.

If it is, you probably need to put your actions into alignment with your values, as I'm missing that they are today.

Get that straight and you could both then plan and enjoy the rest of your lives

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.

That and I am just sick pervert and so on.

Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.

Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.

However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.

We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.

We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum

So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?"

Next time you're balls deep in her, tell her all about the men you fucked. And how you discussed her private feelings on a sex site. She'll be hurling herself at cock before you can suck it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth


"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.

That and I am just sick pervert and so on.

Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.

Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.

However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.

We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.

We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum

So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?

Next time you're balls deep in her, tell her all about the men you fucked. And how you discussed her private feelings on a sex site. She'll be hurling herself at cock before you can suck it. "

I've just grown a six pack

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *awg-mo-thoinWoman
over a year ago

Belfast


"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.

That and I am just sick pervert and so on.

Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.

Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.

However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.

We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.

We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum

So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?

Next time you're balls deep in her, tell her all about the men you fucked. And how you discussed her private feelings on a sex site. She'll be hurling herself at cock before you can suck it. "

the best advice for sure!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adja_lazloCouple
over a year ago

Solihull


"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.

That and I am just sick pervert and so on.

Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.

Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.

However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.

We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.

We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum

So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?"

we are amazed at how many single profile post begin with 'my wife.....' its no wonder why we dont really accommodate the thought of a single, we dont want the mess and hassle that COULD happen if.when people get caught out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *onningtonplumberMan
over a year ago

Donnington


"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.

That and I am just sick pervert and so on.

Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.

Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.

However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.

We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.

We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum

So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?

we are amazed at how many single profile post begin with 'my wife.....' its no wonder why we dont really accommodate the thought of a single, we dont want the mess and hassle that COULD happen if.when people get caught out"

The morality of married men is off subject.

Ss others have said communication. You cannot push, in the end it will have to be her choice.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone who doesn’t play with men, my choice completely, my advice is don’t! Don’t try to encourage her, don’t mention it. If she’s happy to have role play and speak about it like that, leave it as that.

I have my reasons for not playing with men, and I don’t need to justify them to my husband.

If she doesn’t know you’re on here, id recommend a really open, honest conversation.

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ccasional75 OP   Man
over a year ago

dudley

Thank you all. Notes taken

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

So she’s said she doesn’t want to have sex with other men, and from what you’ve said about her reaction when you first mentioned it to her she’s really, really against it and the idea of it makes her think that you don’t really love her and that you’re a pervert….but she role plays with you about it and pretends that she’s had sex with other men and I’m guessing she describes the things she does with these imaginary other men? So she talks to you in a sexual situation about something that she is strongly against and the thought of it makes her think that her husband’s a pervert who doesn’t love her….she role plays a situation with you that gives her really negative thoughts about you….

I don’t know if I’ve been doing it wrong then because I’ve always used role play as a fun way to experience something that turns me on and I would love to do for real but I’m either a bit scared to do or it’s not really possible to do….I’ve never role played a scenario that I’d absolutely hate to do and thinking about it fills my head with negative thoughts about my partner. I’ve also never asked someone to role play a scenario with me that I know the other person is very much against doing for real.

I know there’s a difference between role play and doing it for real but to enjoy role play you’ve got to be turned on by the scenario and have some desires to do it for real.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

You're pushing her to do something that she doesn't want to do. It's your agenda, not hers. You've got to the role play stage, so stick with that and enjoy.

Swinging is about mutual fun not coercive behaviour.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From my own personal perspective, being part of this lifestyle means we have a deep level of trust and open communication that neither of us have previously experienced with anyone else. One of our rules is that a no from either of us is a no for both of us. We spend a lot of time talking openly and asking each other how we feel about certain fantasies and scenarios, and we don't kink shame each other. Unless you and your wife are on the same page, it's not going to work for you. You're already going behind her back from looking at your profile and that's not a good sign. I'd be hurt if Mr was going behind my back as there is zero reason for him to do that - the experience of being with another woman can be shared for both of us, it turns me on the thought of him being with someone else then coming home to me, or me being there watching. As others have said, open communication is key here but you've already broken her trust which is an issue, especially if she finds out about you being on here

Mrs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ichaelsmyMan
over a year ago

douglas

let her work things out for herself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top