FabSwingers.com forum: As one door closes....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

.... another door slams shut in my face. Just another single guy here, a very small fish in a very big pond. Just wanted to share my thoughts, although probably wrong in doing so. But.... I'm now actually beginning to realise that the world of Fab isn't as glamorous or exciting as I originally thought. Having joined quite some time ago, with no success and then taking a lengthy break and then coming back, I am now facing the facts of just how small the chances of meeting anyone actually are...

1. Verification. Most women/couples will only meet verified members. Fair enough, I can understand why. But this is a massive barrier for those (like myself) who are not verified. How can you get verified by meet if no one is open to meet in the first place?

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

3. 'gym fit' what's the big thing lately about being gym fit? Ok I'm not as in shape as I'd perhaps like to be, but I'm not exactly an ogre either. And what surprises me is that some members who expect gym fit males, well to put it politely, they aren't exactly in shape themselves.

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

7. Clubs. It's been pointed out to me before that attending certain clubs could open doors and it's a step in getting out there and meeting. But if I'm brutally honest, with all the requirements that I've come up against on Fab, I've been massively put off of attending a club. As an average, shorter than average, slightly out of shape single white male, I just feel that perhaps I would be outcasted.

Now I'm aware that reading this will more than likely ruffle some feathers and get people's backs up and I'm prepared for the blow back. This isn't aimed at anyone in particular, neither is it aimed to be nasty or rude. I'm just sharing my thoughts and frustrations. I guess I'm just left feeling disappointed and deflated. The sad fact is that if anyone took the time to let me in and get to know me, they would discover that I'm actually a friendly, cheeky, fun, easy going respectful lad. But unfortunately I feel that perhaps my time on fab is coming to a bitter end...

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By *opilotMan
over a year ago

Heathrow

Look for an organised social event in your area. These are generally well run and welcoming to newbies. It'll give you the opportunity to meet people and for them to see the real you and give you a verification.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

".... another door slams shut in my face. Just another single guy here, a very small fish in a very big pond. Just wanted to share my thoughts, although probably wrong in doing so. But.... I'm now actually beginning to realise that the world of Fab isn't as glamorous or exciting as I originally thought. Having joined quite some time ago, with no success and then taking a lengthy break and then coming back, I am now facing the facts of just how small the chances of meeting anyone actually are...

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

I seen many profiles who doesn't match what you consider popular requirements with way more verifications than I ever will get. Yes, most of them do attend clubs and meet people that way. Just go to clubs if online isn't working for you. There you can arrange private parties with others. Main attraction people desire if confidence and charisma more than being BBC or 6ft 2

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First I'd suggest a couple of pictures

We don't even read a message if profile has no pictures

Your profile doesn't say a great deal

Everyone has their own taste in what they are looking for just like in the real world

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"First I'd suggest a couple of pictures

We don't even read a message if profile has no pictures

Your profile doesn't say a great deal

Everyone has their own taste in what they are looking for just like in the real world

Good luck "

Pictures are set to private. I don't want my pictures plastered all over the internet (my preference) however, I always attach a face/body photo with every message sent.

Profile has more detail than some that I've come across and viewed. However, it's currently under construction and I shall be rewriting it shortly. Although if I'm brutally honest, I've had a few different profiles over the years, all written and constructed differently, hasn't made an ounce of difference....just being straight up and honest...

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By *ittlemisssassypantsCouple
over a year ago

South East Wales

Oh look, another man with a blank, basic profile complaining no one wants to meet.

Go to a social, club or party and put yourself out there. Make an effort and stop expecting people to flock to you.

Tbh in the time it took you to write this lengthy complaint you could’ve written an interesting profile instead

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh look, another man with a blank, basic profile complaining no one wants to meet.

Go to a social, club or party and put yourself out there. Make an effort and stop expecting people to flock to you.

Tbh in the time it took you to write this lengthy complaint you could’ve written an interesting profile instead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One thing people seek that you failed to mention, OP, is effort.

That's the first thing they see, the amount of effort put into a profile.

Do you believe yours is enough to grab anothers attention?

Clubs can be handy because what people may seek on paper (online) may well differ in person, if there's a connection.

If we want change, we have to be willing to change.

Be that changing a profile, our fitness if we feel we can do better or how we seek, maybe try that club.

Becoming disheartened that people seek what they do, whilst seemingly doing little to appeal, won't help anyone.

Good luck, OP.

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By *ittlemisssassypantsCouple
over a year ago

South East Wales

"Oh look, another man with a blank, basic profile complaining no one wants to meet.

Go to a social, club or party and put yourself out there. Make an effort and stop expecting people to flock to you.

Tbh in the time it took you to write this lengthy complaint you could’ve written an interesting profile instead

I’ve seen plenty of profiles with more information on them, usually they’re the ones that have had plenty of meets too because they’ve made an effort to really tell people about themselves.

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

As a not terribly attractive, overweight old fuck I'd reccomend a social or a club. Meets through fab are rare but socialising helps. And I say that as someone who suffers from social anxiety who has found it surprisingly easy and welcoming in the lifestyle

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By *litpleaserMan
over a year ago

Oldham

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

Thanks for saying exactly what I was about to say...I'm also 5 ft 8 in ..I never thought of myself as a shortarse until I joined FAB

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh look, another man with a blank, basic profile complaining no one wants to meet.

Go to a social, club or party and put yourself out there. Make an effort and stop expecting people to flock to you.

Tbh in the time it took you to write this lengthy complaint you could’ve written an interesting profile instead

I’ve seen plenty of profiles with more information on them, usually they’re the ones that have had plenty of meets too because they’ve made an effort to really tell people about themselves. "

Honestly I totally get what you are saying. But honestly, I've been there and done that. I've written more information before. I've made more of an effort in the past. And all the effort that I have made in the past has always gone unnoticed. Hence the basic profile I now currently have. And it's only basic at the moment because I'm currently working on how to reconstruct it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

Thanks for saying exactly what I was about to say...I'm also 5 ft 8 in ..I never thought of myself as a shortarse until I joined FAB "

Perhaps we should start our own club

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

I am also not very tall

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Recognise that you are in the majority looking for the minority, so you need to sell yourself and your profile doesn't do that. You have no photos and your profile is underdeveloped. It says very little about you, your character and your personality. You can't accommodate, which many will see as you being in a relationship and cheating. You could say, 'I can't accommodate because (insert legitimate reason) but I'm willing to book a hotel room /share cost'. If we were looking for a male, we wouldn't consider you for these reasons.

Specifics on your post:

1. Verifications start with socials and clubs. Yes, have read your thoughts on clubs, but you choose not to do that. You've been given a solution but have put your own barrier in the way, which is entirely your choice, but don't complain when you choose to disregard the solution.

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Sorry, but your post comes across as 'woe is me', blaming circumstances rather than the effort / lack of it that you've put in. You come across as a half empty, not a half full person, which isn't attractive to others. There are solutions that you choose not to take. 10 out of 10 for your honesty on expressing how you feel, but I think your perception is flawed. If you are finding being on on here too depressing, stressful, unfulfilled, etc, don't put yourself through it. If you can't take rejection you shouldn't be on here. Look after your emotional and mental health. Apologies, for being direct, but it's probably what you need to hear. All the best.

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By *museBouche31Woman
over a year ago

Reigate

OP, have you looked at or read the profiles of everyone that had commented on your thread?

Because I have, and I would contemplate talking/messaging/meeting with all of them. Despite some of them being miles away, or not my body type or out of my age range. . . .

And this is because all their profiles have content.

Pics I can get excited about.

Bios that give a little glimpse into personality and sense of humour.

Likes and dislikes that set out some basic boundaries or common ground for kinks.

And I did not once look to see how many of them were verified.

If you don’t paint a picture of yourself, you won’t ever get notice.

Good luck with the re-vamp. And if you struggle to sell yourself in words/pics, then do it in person, at a social or a club.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Effort in rewards out

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

"OP, have you looked at or read the profiles of everyone that had commented on your thread?

Because I have, and I would contemplate talking/messaging/meeting with all of them. Despite some of them being miles away, or not my body type or out of my age range. . . .

And this is because all their profiles have content.

Pics I can get excited about.

Bios that give a little glimpse into personality and sense of humour.

Likes and dislikes that set out some basic boundaries or common ground for kinks.

And I did not once look to see how many of them were verified.

If you don’t paint a picture of yourself, you won’t ever get notice.

Good luck with the re-vamp. And if you struggle to sell yourself in words/pics, then do it in person, at a social or a club.

A very thoughtful response. I wonder which of the descriptions in your review of the thread profiles I fall?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey OP I’m in a similar boat, but have come to the realisation that it’s mutual. If I see a profile I like, I message them. If I see photos I’m not attracted to I don’t. There are loads more male profiles on fab so it makes sense that unless you are a perfect guy then it’s going to be a long hard slog.

That being said if I really wanted to meet someone there are so many clubs that look interesting. Most clubs seem very restrictive with single guys so best to check their websites for when you can go.

The worst thing I have encountered is when someone chats to you and asks for a photo, you send it, then they just block you. I’m on a swinging site I can take a “not really in to you”

Keep going dude you will get that first meet I’m sure, just might take time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, have you looked at or read the profiles of everyone that had commented on your thread?

Because I have, and I would contemplate talking/messaging/meeting with all of them. Despite some of them being miles away, or not my body type or out of my age range. . . .

And this is because all their profiles have content.

Pics I can get excited about.

Bios that give a little glimpse into personality and sense of humour.

Likes and dislikes that set out some basic boundaries or common ground for kinks.

And I did not once look to see how many of them were verified.

If you don’t paint a picture of yourself, you won’t ever get notice.

Good luck with the re-vamp. And if you struggle to sell yourself in words/pics, then do it in person, at a social or a club.

Thanks. I totally understand your point. And I will be working on it 10%. However, I fail to understand this... I do come across a small amount of single women profiles who have equally very little written, basic, no great detail profiles. In fact, I viewed a single female profile earlier today that literally just read 'horny' and absolutely nothing else! And you'll never guess what....she has several verified meets displayed on her profile! So excuse me but please don't preach that constructive profiles are the key!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look for the profiles that say #NoTallMen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, have you looked at or read the profiles of everyone that had commented on your thread?

Because I have, and I would contemplate talking/messaging/meeting with all of them. Despite some of them being miles away, or not my body type or out of my age range. . . .

And this is because all their profiles have content.

Pics I can get excited about.

Bios that give a little glimpse into personality and sense of humour.

Likes and dislikes that set out some basic boundaries or common ground for kinks.

And I did not once look to see how many of them were verified.

If you don’t paint a picture of yourself, you won’t ever get notice.

Good luck with the re-vamp. And if you struggle to sell yourself in words/pics, then do it in person, at a social or a club.

Hilarious OP

Women on here are the minority so have the absolute pick of everyone

Even if the profile said just Hi they would get meets over a guy

It's the reality I'm afraid

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Effort in rewards out

Ahhhh if only that were true! Believe me, I've put the effort in before. Written descriptive profiles. I've written polite, well mannered messages. But as soon as I send my photos, or they see my hight/build, then it's game over!

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

...also your profile us headed, 'Can't us guys be a accepted as a little curvey/chubby too? Or are we a'. Apart from it being incomplete it conflicts with your stated body shape of athletic. Immediately this suggests that you are being duplicitous and just saying what you think people want to hear. People will think, if you aren't being honest on this, what else aren't you being honest about.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"...also your profile us headed, 'Can't us guys be a accepted as a little curvey/chubby too? Or are we a'. Apart from it being incomplete it conflicts with your stated body shape of athletic. Immediately this suggests that you are being duplicitous and just saying what you think people want to hear. People will think, if you aren't being honest on this, what else aren't you being honest about."

Ahhh yes, well spotted. I've actually just seen this and that's my mistake, didn't realise this and it will be ammended immediately. As for the incomplete part, it was actually complete but possibly too many words and not shown correctly when posted?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If people don't want to have sex with you that's hard cheese. People absolutely should have barriers to sex and those boundaries should be respected.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If people don't want to have sex with you that's hard cheese. People absolutely should have barriers to sex and those boundaries should be respected. "

100% agree. This isn't all about sex though, right? Or at least not for me anyway. I'm equally looking for things on a friendship level too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah I think most people are looking for sex, and women know that men here are looking for sex too, and those claiming they want friendship are best swerved. If you want to find friends this probably isn't the place to look.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Nah I think most people are looking for sex, and women know that men here are looking for sex too, and those claiming they want friendship are best swerved. If you want to find friends this probably isn't the place to look."

No I'm sorry but I think you are wrong. If fab is entirely for sex, then why are there so many popular social meets and events organised? Social meets, not swinging/sex meets!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jamie.. the points you make are not the reason that you are not getting meets, its your profile.. it average at best. If you had sent a message to our couples profile, we would look at your profile first, see very little effort and delete your message.. its that simple.

Work on your profile!.. if you dont want to do that go to a club and meet

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Jamie.. the points you make are not the reason that you are not getting meets, its your profile.. it average at best. If you had sent a message to our couples profile, we would look at your profile first, see very little effort and delete your message.. its that simple.

Work on your profile!.. if you dont want to do that go to a club and meet"

Believe me, I've put the effort in before. Written descriptive profiles. I've written polite, well mannered messages. But as soon as I send my photos, or they see my hight/build, it's game over! Either I don't get a reply or I get deleted or worst still, I get blocked...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I'm sorry but I think you are wrong. If fab is entirely for sex, then why are there so many popular social meets and events organised? Social meets, not swinging/sex meets! "

Ok go to social meets then?

But I suspect that ultimately you want people to have sex with you, and the socials are a conduit to that.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

You're not ruffling any feathers, I just wonder what your point is. Did you think this was like an 3sc0rt service you didn't have to pay for?

All of the things you've said may

be true. But so what? What are you going to do about it?

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

So which is it? What is your body type?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You're not ruffling any feathers, I just wonder what your point is. Did you think this was like an 3sc0rt service you didn't have to pay for?

All of the things you've said may

be true. But so what? What are you going to do about it? "

not at all. But I assumed that I would have at the very least, had a conversation with someone and for someone to take the time to get to know me and likewise for me to get to know them. I certainly did not expect to have every message sent either ignored, deleted or blocked. And that's no exaggeration, literally every sent message is ignored and deleted by the receiver, despite me giving different approaches each time

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"Recognise that you are in the majority looking for the minority, so you need to sell yourself and your profile doesn't do that. You have no photos and your profile is underdeveloped. It says very little about you, your character and your personality. You can't accommodate, which many will see as you being in a relationship and cheating. You could say, 'I can't accommodate because (insert legitimate reason) but I'm willing to book a hotel room /share cost'. If we were looking for a male, we wouldn't consider you for these reasons.

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Exactly our thoughts to. Never ends well bleating on the forums. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take the advice given by others. Clubs are cold sometimes even to cpls as we have experienced being ignored at clubs. Most of our meets came off the backs of socials.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes OP, dead right, but don’t expect any sympathy. It’s a brutal jungle here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes OP, dead right, but don’t expect any sympathy. It’s a brutal jungle here. "

I expect it to be brutal. Just interested as to what others views and opinions are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"not at all. But I assumed that I would have at the very least, had a conversation with someone and for someone to take the time to get to know me and likewise for me to get to know them. I certainly did not expect to have every message sent either ignored, deleted or blocked. And that's no exaggeration, literally every sent message is ignored and deleted by the receiver, despite me giving different approaches each time"

Why do people owe you that? Why should they spend time replying t your messages if you are not of interest to them?

People are here for the euphoria, not to make men they aren't attracted to feel good about themselves through pointless conversation. For that kind of connection I'd go to Reddit or Twitter, not a site that is primarily to find people to have sex with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why do people owe you that? Why should they spend time replying t your messages if you are not of interest to them?

Hey hold on a secy, I'm not suggesting that anybody owes me anything! I'm just trying to figure fab out! And fyi, I see many a female profile who actually state that they are not just here for sex but also a connection/social relationship outside of the bedroom!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your posts suggest an expectation that women should want to spend their time getting to know you. They don't, because what you are displaying to them is not desirable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will be brutally honest here and say that I won’t even read messages if they are sent from someone with a silhouette as a profile pic.

It suggests lack of effort to me.

I have read some of your replies where you have stated you’ve made more effort in the past, sorry but it’s the present that counts and I would be unaware of previous profiles, just your current one.

There’s no denying it’s tough on Fab for some guys but you will be judged on the quality of your profile and pictures. That’s the truth of it.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

it is clearly not easy here for single men but nowhere near as hard as you make out. Lots of good advice already but seems you are stuck in a negative mindset and seeing problems that aren't even there. FFS how can being 36 a problem for example? There are loads of a ladies and couples out there meeting men around your age who aren gym fit, aren't bbc, aren't 6ft tall etc. I have a partner on here and she most definitely is not interested in 6' 2'', big cock black guys who are gym fit.

I get your concerns about going to a club. Can't say it is my natural environment but if all else is failing give it a go! Or as others have said try organised socials which are a bit more low key and less sexual. This game is all about networking. You never know who is out there but if you sit behind your keyboard wallowing in self-pity you are unlikely to find them.

You talk about trying lots of thing in your profile before but I wonder how are your messages? Are they fun, upbeat, positive? The one thing that is the biggest turn off, even more than looks, is a negative attitude. This applies online or meeting in person. If my partner and I meet somebody at an event who is negative we don't hang around long. Most people have enough crap in their lives without negative energy entering their swinging world.

Finally you talk about being chubby etc. and feel this is holding you back and your looks more generally. Perhaps you could do something about that? Lose a little weight? Get a good haircut? Some new clothes? Anything to make you feel better about yourself and potentially more attractive to others.

Oh yes also is there anything in particular you like that you could explore and become an expert in? Massage? Rope? Anything really to set yourself apart and make you seem worth meeting.

Wish you luck but in the end if this place is making you feel bad perhaps should leave. It is brutal at times and will never change.

Yours sincerely,

Bald, not particularly attractive, middle-aged ginger man (but I make the best of what I have and have lots and lots of Fab fun

)

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

Not everyone wishes, or wants to go to clubs or large social events to meet people. Myself personally, I'm more than happy to arrange a social meet with someone who may be interested in me, say for a coffee, or a pint for a chat to see if there is a connection and attraction. But I have absolutely no interest or desire to go to a club or large social gathering. I've been on Fab for a year and have not met anyone, and have no meet verifications, despite having plenty of face and body photos on my profile, and also being able to accommodate. I agree with what the OP says. Having looked at hundreds of single make profile in the last year, it's seems only certain types of guys get meets.

So despite being able to accommodate, having plenty of face and body pics, and a lot of info on my profile, it seems I have zero chance of a meet purely because I'm not interested in going to clubs or large socials.

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

Work on your profile!.. if you dont want to do that go to a club and meet"

With respect,it comes across as you are saying the "club", "social" scenario is the ONLY way to meet people on here.

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

OP, there's a single common denominator.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Work on your profile!.. if you dont want to do that go to a club and meet

With respect,it comes across as you are saying the "club", "social" scenario is the ONLY way to meet people on here. "

Not at all.. i'm saying that if the OP works on his profile, it may improve his chances of meeting someone outside the club or social scenario.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're not ruffling any feathers, I just wonder what your point is. Did you think this was like an 3sc0rt service you didn't have to pay for?

All of the things you've said may

be true. But so what? What are you going to do about it?

It's fair to expect to be treated like a human being. It will feel really shit to get no replies. If the tables were turned, women would be irate/ sobbing about getting no attention so it's weird they have zero empathy for men in that situation!

Try not to take it personally. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First I'd suggest a couple of pictures

We don't even read a message if profile has no pictures

Your profile doesn't say a great deal

Everyone has their own taste in what they are looking for just like in the real world

Good luck

Pictures are set to private. I don't want my pictures plastered all over the internet (my preference) however, I always attach a face/body photo with every message sent.

Your preference is not to have your pictures plastered all over the internet but we’re wrong for having a preference for verified guys with public pictures?

Slam!

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

In the time that you have had your profile on here, it looks like there have been about 15 organised socials about 45 mins drive from you (Surrey, London and Kent). Keep an eye open for them in the Forums (Fora, if you're posh

) and get yourself along.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"First I'd suggest a couple of pictures

We don't even read a message if profile has no pictures

Your profile doesn't say a great deal

Everyone has their own taste in what they are looking for just like in the real world

Good luck

Pictures are set to private. I don't want my pictures plastered all over the internet (my preference) however, I always attach a face/body photo with every message sent.

Your preference is not to have your pictures plastered all over the internet but we’re wrong for having a preference for verified guys with public pictures?

Slam!"

Although I don't have profile pictures, I ALWAYS send one or two face/body photos in ALL messages! SLAM right back at you!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You're not ruffling any feathers, I just wonder what your point is. Did you think this was like an 3sc0rt service you didn't have to pay for?

All of the things you've said may

be true. But so what? What are you going to do about it?

Try not to take it personally. X"

Thank you. Exactly that, we are all only human and all have our flaws

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

has anyone paid attention to this gents response? Another single guy in the same boat as myself and he has photos and more information/construction on his profile than myself! And he can accommodate! And he is equally just as unsuccessful as myself! So to the ones who have suggested lack of effort is my failing, I think this perhaps proves you wrong!

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

You get out of fab what you put in, I'd never reply to a blank profile.

Always the ones with nothing on the profile moaning they can't get meets.

Verification is easy, pop on cam, local social or local club.

As for the gym fit etc that's very few profiles.

Mrs

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
over a year ago

Chester

[Removed by poster at 30/06/23 06:21:33]

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
over a year ago

Chester

"First I'd suggest a couple of pictures

We don't even read a message if profile has no pictures

Your profile doesn't say a great deal

Everyone has their own taste in what they are looking for just like in the real world

Good luck

Pictures are set to private. I don't want my pictures plastered all over the internet (my preference) however, I always attach a face/body photo with every message sent.

Your preference is not to have your pictures plastered all over the internet but we’re wrong for having a preference for verified guys with public pictures?

Slam!

Although I don't have profile pictures, I ALWAYS send one or two face/body photos in ALL messages! SLAM right back at you!!!"

The thing with that is that a lot of people will read the profile BEFORE opening the message. If the profile has no profile picture and non-inspiring text, it’s pretty likely the message will remain unread. (And regarding pictures on your profile, it’s really easy to have non-identifying ones.)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"First I'd suggest a couple of pictures

We don't even read a message if profile has no pictures

Your profile doesn't say a great deal

Everyone has their own taste in what they are looking for just like in the real world

Good luck

Pictures are set to private. I don't want my pictures plastered all over the internet (my preference) however, I always attach a face/body photo with every message sent.

Your preference is not to have your pictures plastered all over the internet but we’re wrong for having a preference for verified guys with public pictures?

Slam!

Although I don't have profile pictures, I ALWAYS send one or two face/body photos in ALL messages! SLAM right back at you!!!

???? how can I have non identifying photos? What, do you mean show a finger or a bit of toe? Don't be ridiculous, it's quite obvious people want to see your face/body!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

Has anyone actually picked up on this yet???

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

.................

So is there a conspiracy against you and the other poster?

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
over a year ago

Chester

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

Often people also read status updates and past forum activity before replying to messages. And, I’d also say that comparing yourself to anyone else on here is a hiding to nothing.

I’m not sure what the point of this thread is, unless it’s just to get a ‘same, same’ from other guys. You’ve been given some decent advice here if you do want to change your fortunes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

.................

So is there a conspiracy against you and the other poster?"

No conspiracy. Just pointing out that lack of success isn't always related to what you have written in your profile, like some people here are claiming!

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
over a year ago

Chester

???? how can I have non identifying photos? What, do you mean show a finger or a bit of toe? Don't be ridiculous, it's quite obvious people want to see your face/body! "

I’m the ridiculous one? Wow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First I'd suggest a couple of pictures

We don't even read a message if profile has no pictures

Your profile doesn't say a great deal

Everyone has their own taste in what they are looking for just like in the real world

Good luck

Pictures are set to private. I don't want my pictures plastered all over the internet (my preference) however, I always attach a face/body photo with every message sent.

Your preference is not to have your pictures plastered all over the internet but we’re wrong for having a preference for verified guys with public pictures?

Slam!

Although I don't have profile pictures, I ALWAYS send one or two face/body photos in ALL messages! SLAM right back at you!!!"

Messages from shadow avatars aren’t even opened by lots of people and certainly not by us but yeah we’re all conspiring against you mate.

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

.................

So is there a conspiracy against you and the other poster?

No conspiracy. Just pointing out that lack of success isn't always related to what you have written in your profile, like some people here are claiming! "

..........................

I think they're trying to help you by speculating on the reasons for your lack of success.

Only you can be you or change you.

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By *untimes wantedMan
over a year ago

Huddersfield

???? how can I have non identifying photos? What, do you mean show a finger or a bit of toe? Don't be ridiculous, it's quite obvious people want to see your face/body! "

A body pic fully clothed against a neutral background.

if you don't want to use your own clothes go to a shop try some on in changing cubicle and take a photo.

I don't have a profile pic for the very reason i want it to prevent my profile looking attractive to anyone as i am not looking to meet anyone.

yes there is couple of public pic's at times but most would not even bother looking at a profile with a blank avatar and if any do it cleary states in my Bio not meeting anyone

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By *eductiveEyesKillerThighsWoman
over a year ago

Nowhere & Everywhere

I know plenty of short white males on the circuit who do exceedingly well on here.

Yes they are exceptional creatures... Hilarious, compassionate, adaptable, and very open minded to all situations.

The one thing in common they all do???

Go to socials!

Get your arse to a social. You never know who you're going to meet!

I've found my life partner by going to a social, when I wasn't even looking for love

Just try and put yourself out of your comfort zone for a few hours

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First I'd suggest a couple of pictures

We don't even read a message if profile has no pictures

Your profile doesn't say a great deal

Everyone has their own taste in what they are looking for just like in the real world

Good luck

Pictures are set to private. I don't want my pictures plastered all over the internet (my preference) however, I always attach a face/body photo with every message sent.

Hey op. You don’t need you’re pics to be of your face or any part that would identify you.

But most people will check you’re profile and pics before they even read you’re message.

If someone sends us a message with a blank p

e pic we wouldn’t not reply and I think a lot of others are the same.

Just a wee bit of advise and good luck

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Every time I see these threads there's usually a few constants.

Citing verifications as a hurdle when absolutely every person who ever joined the site starts with none - even single men - and yet plenty manage to get them.

Blaming peoples preferences for being excluded, as if people should meet people they're not attracted to.

Saying they can't post photos when there are thousands of pics on the site where you wouldn't have a clue who's in them.

And of course the one thing that is often the case. Not understanding that it's your responsibility to make sure your profile attracts the interest you seek rather than putting the onus on others to ask questions or request photos, when it's far easier for people to be able to browse at the leisure the thousands of well created profiles with clear images and detailed descriptions in them.

No point complaining about a lack of interest if there's little to interest people when they click on your profile.

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By *inkyfilthymindMan
over a year ago

Heathrow / Berks

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

Fab isn’t a friendly or welcoming place and I understand your frustration OP.

A couple of things that will make your profile more appealing - profile pic, something that shows you. You aren’t able to accommodate, which I am sure you have your reasons for. However, it’s very rare for someone to invite an unverified single guy to their own place. There is just too much options for female/couples profile to get a look in.

Have fun and it never gets ‘easy’ and it shouldn’t ever be.

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

Work on your profile!.. if you dont want to do that go to a club and meet

OP, getting blocked is not the worst, it's the best that can happen, out of the 3 (deleted/no reply/blocked). It saves you (and them) any ambiguity as well as time, as their profile won't come up in your searches.

I get it why you don't want to go to clubs, they are not easy for single men, particularly ones who, like you, OP, judging by your post and replies, lack confidence. Though "fake it until you make it", regarding confidence, is a good start.

Another thing- I don't remember your age (wasn't specifically looking at that) but you set your age range to the most popular one on here. Maybe if you extend it a little, you may get better results? But to be honest, what I'd do is just start fresh, with a new profile, WITH some public photos (doesn't have to be anything that you can be identify by) and a bio that shows a little bit of personality.

And, as someone already said, women can afford to have very little info on their profiles as they'd get messages regardless. I have on my profile that I'm not meeting and not interested in any new chats yet still get messages from chancers who did not bother to read my very short and to the point bio. The upshot is, men tend to concentrate on photos before deciding whether to message or not. Women (and couples, I guess) tend to read bio first, then look at photos, before deciding to message.

Good luck, OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has anyone actually picked up on this yet???

Then the answer is they don't want to get to know you or meet with you. That's life. It's not a great injustice, it just means no one wants whatever it is you are offering. If I make what I consider to be the most beautiful meal in the world, and no one wants to eat it, I'd be disappointed but it's not a reflection on them for not being hungry for that meal.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

Work on your profile!.. if you dont want to do that go to a club and meet

With respect,it comes across as you are saying the "club", "social" scenario is the ONLY way to meet people on here. "

It's not the only way - I've met lots over the years without clubs/socials - but if it's not working for you on here on then that is an option. At the very least good chance of a veri and one thing leads to another. People can moan on here all they like which will get them nowhere or instead try to do something positive.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

Have you picked up on my lengthy response? Guess not as it doesn't fit your woe is me narrative that is getting you nowhere. You are focusing on what you want to hear.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

Cannot understand why you can't get meets dave as you have a nice selection of pics up with not many cock pics which is where many guys over do it. You seem a very nice chap to with the right approach and etiquette. Sorry to hear you have not been successful up to now.

Mrs.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"You're not ruffling any feathers, I just wonder what your point is. Did you think this was like an 3sc0rt service you didn't have to pay for?

All of the things you've said may

be true. But so what? What are you going to do about it?

Try not to take it personally. X

Thank you. Exactly that, we are all only human and all have our flaws

Everyone has flaws and body issues/insecurities. You are not alone in feeling down about them.

Mrs

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By *rincess-PeachWoman
over a year ago

irrelevant

It is very different for men and women on here. That's never going to change. We have different issues. Men's issues , it's harder to get attention. Womens issues , they get too much attention. Both are hard to deal with. I turned messages OFF completely as It was ruining my fab experience.

I don't have face pics either but something does need to be on there , anything. Sending them with a message is not the same. Many people look at a profile first, if there's nothing on there they don't even opener message.

You sound like you are not really looking for just sex, you would be better suited to a dating site OP honestly or socials where you get to know people instead of looking for sex. Try that too ?

You could do better in clubs because you can get your personality across there. I don't meet people on here I only meet in clubs. You can get verifications from socials. If you don't want to do that then probably nothing will change

You are getting really good advice here. Something really good about seeing posts on here whrn the OP says thanks everybody for taking the time and effort to give me the opinions and advice I asked for. 2 options , waste time arguing about it and meeping OR try the advice!

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Have you picked up on my lengthy response? Guess not as it doesn't fit your woe is me narrative that is getting you nowhere. You are focusing on what you want to hear."

Well said. Being negative will attract nobody. Positive attracts positive in regards to everything in life.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

In all honesty, Fab isn't for everybody and if it's not working for you and making you feel down maybe it is time to take a break.

Maybe join some non-swinging groups to meet people that maybe more suited to what you're looking for.

Walking groups, sports activities, dance classes or a choir etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pretty much everyone who you message will look at your profile before even thinking about looking at what you've sent them.

You've written much more in your forum post than you have on your profile, and you have no pictures.

As many have said, on looking at your profile, and seeinghow little effort has been put into it, the majority wouldn't bother reading your message.

We're not allowed to give you profile advice since you haven't specifically asked for it, but your lack of verifications is not the reason why you aren't getting meets.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"Pretty much everyone who you message will look at your profile before even thinking about looking at what you've sent them.

You've written much more in your forum post than you have on your profile, and you have no pictures.

As many have said, on looking at your profile, and seeinghow little effort has been put into it, the majority wouldn't bother reading your message.

We're not allowed to give you profile advice since you haven't specifically asked for it, but your lack of verifications is not the reason why you aren't getting meets.

Trouble is people will read this post and it might put some off who might have been willing to meet up with him. He has ben given some good advice here by others who did not really need to reply at all. But he just snapped back at them as a thank you.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"You're not ruffling any feathers, I just wonder what your point is. Did you think this was like an 3sc0rt service you didn't have to pay for?

All of the things you've said may

be true. But so what? What are you going to do about it?

We don't respond to messages - no matter how good they may be - without checking out the profile.

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

Your profiles completely blank so I don’t know anyone who’s going to pay attention to it. Why would they?

You’ve mentioned clubs but your put off by them? Yet haven’t been… go yourself and find out. What’s the worst that can happen?

Clubs aren’t full of the super hot people, so not as much of that matters as you think. Just normal people having a good time.

Most single guys issue on here in my opinion is how much effort they put into being negative rather than into doing their profile and being positive lol

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By *aldboroMan
over a year ago

Leicestershire/Warwickshire Border

In all of the interactions on here you come across as argumentative, stubborn, closed and inflexible. It seems that despite lots of excellent advice all you want to do is disprove the advice and confirm you are right all along.

The result is very simple, you will be right, but will still not be getting answered.

Try being humble, accepting constructive criticism, taking good advice and make some positive changes.

You are already getting zero replies, it literally can't get any worse.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"In all of the interactions on here you come across as argumentative, stubborn, closed and inflexible. It seems that despite lots of excellent advice all you want to do is disprove the advice and confirm you are right all along.

The result is very simple, you will be right, but will still not be getting answered.

Try being humble, accepting constructive criticism, taking good advice and make some positive changes.

You are already getting zero replies, it literally can't get any worse."

Now here is a man who really understands

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Harry, does Meghan know you're on here?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OP here. Not ignoring anyone, just busy with work. But decided that I will step back and take a break from Fab momentarily. It's not working for me and quite obviously I need to work on certain issues. Just wanted to say, sorry I've I offended anyone and snapped back, this was not my intentions. However I will stand my ground and say that I really do not agree with some people's views...I received a message from a guy this morning, basically saying that I should perhaps change who I am in order to 'fit in'!

My reply was that no one should ever feel like they have to change who they are in order to 'fit in' with others!

So that's all from me folks. Again, apologies for kicking up a fuss. All the best but fab just isn't for me

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

Mrs. "

Thank you for that reply. I have made sure I have an informative profile with plenty of info about myself and likes and dislikes. I regularly post new face pics that are available for all to see, so people can see what I look like at the present time. I regularly update my status, and post in the forums daily.

I have no idea why I'm hitting a brick wall on Fab. Any messages I send are polite, respectful and have a face photo attached.

I can only put my lack of success on here down to the fact I'm not one for attending clubs or large socials. (Or I'm just Ugly :D)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve never replied in a forum but have to on this one, as so many guys seem to message me asking a similar Q!

As a single lady on here I can say I get LOTS of messages. 10 fly in when you log on, 100 if you post a nice pic. I try and reply with a thank you to complements when I have a handful of messages, but most of the time I open 1-5 that catches my eye or is top of the inbox and give up. So firstly, don’t take someone deleting or not reading a message personally they might just not have time.

If I do reply, it’s usually to a message where someone has taken the time to write something short but nice - not just ‘hi’ but not an essay either or cut and paste crap. It’s nice to get a personal message of 2-3 lines that gives you an idea of who the person it. A good / funny message subject helps as does a decent profile pic.

I’d you send a headshot from the get go you are also more likely to get a reply - it’s nice to see a smiley face not just a dick or black icon.

Next, have a decent profile - a few public pics (again, not just dicks!), say something about yourself and why you are here, what you are looking for and what you like. I’m more likely to message you back if there is something that makes me think we will click or that is funny / interesting.

As someone else said - if you can’t accommodate say why, because I just assume you are married and will avoid you.

And lastly, if you are after some warm and fussy chatting, maybe try POF, Tinder or somewhere else. While I’ve genuinely made nice friends here I catch up with, this is first and foremost a hookup site - i want a bit of light banter and flirting, which is as much part of the fun as a meet.

What I definitely don’t want is to chat to someone who is moaning, rude, desperate, whining etc

And lastly, no one owes anyone anything - some people you are attracted to and some not! I know it’s frustrating if someone you fancy isn’t interested, but that’s life!

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

At the end of the day only a small minority of men will get the meets on. Probably the top 1 or 5%.

For the majority of men trying to sell yourself on here is a complete waste of time. You won't get anywhere no matter how much effort you put or how good your pics are.

Lots of people like to pretend otherwise though, and offer nice pleasant wishful thinking of better pics, better description will help etc. Won't matter one jot for a very large proportion of men onas here. The cold hard truth is you're probably wasting your time no matter what you do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"At the end of the day only a small minority of men will get the meets on. Probably the top 1 or 5%.

For the majority of men trying to sell yourself on here is a complete waste of time. You won't get anywhere no matter how much effort you put or how good your pics are.

Thank you! You've 100% nailed this topic on the head! Ladies and gentlemen, I think my point has been made and proven by this last statement!

That's me (OP) over and out

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By *otbeefandonionsCouple
over a year ago

Bathgate

"At the end of the day only a small minority of men will get the meets on. Probably the top 1 or 5%.

For the majority of men trying to sell yourself on here is a complete waste of time. You won't get anywhere no matter how much effort you put or how good your pics are.

Thank you! You've 100% nailed this topic on the head! Ladies and gentlemen, I think my point has been made and proven by this last statement!

That's me (OP) over and out

Yes, and like many have said, go to clubs. We have single men blocked from messaging but we've played with lots of single men we've met at clubs

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By *weetest thingWoman
over a year ago

East Midlands

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

To address the things you’ve raised

1)I have often met unverified guys after all we’ve all got to start somewhere right

2) I don’t expect to meet exceptional guys I’m not perfect myself or gym fit bit I do try to stay fit & healthy

3) you don’t have to be gym fit bit I will only meet guys that take good care of themselves & their bodies

4) my preference is Caucasian only , recently got called a racist , vein c**t for this !

5) my age range goes up to 65 or 99 I think but certainly not a cougar

6) I’m only 5’4 height bears no relevance to me

7) never been to a club not sure I ever will but not ruling it out

All that said attraction is a very personal thing we can’t all be everyone’s cup of tea so don’t take it personally I’ve not looked at your profile I’ll do that next and if I feel you need any advice on how I improve I’ll pop you a message , I think a lot of guys think they can just join and get to it but you do need to put the effort in as do we ladies

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Specifics on your post:

2. Exceptional for us is about character, personality, respectful, not pushy etc, not about the size of the dick.

3. Not all want the gym fit alpha male, as some will find that too threatening. Do a search of the forum subjects for 'Dad bod' 'gym fit' etc to be reassured.

4. Do the same for BBC etc. There are plenty who say 'no black or Asian men'. If you haven't got a BBC, don't worry and message those who don't have that preference.

5. Age - you are probably in the age range for most. Try being our age!!Some will be looking for men outside your age, but the majority probably won't. That's your perception.

6. Ditto for height.

7. Clubs, see above.

Just want to pick up on your point 1.

Mrs.

I have no idea why I'm hitting a brick wall on Fab. Any messages I send are polite, respectful and have a face photo attached.

I can only put my lack of success on here down to the fact I'm not one for attending clubs or large socials. (Or I'm just Ugly :D) "

You are not ugly dave.

Mrs

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"At the end of the day only a small minority of men will get the meets on. Probably the top 1 or 5%.

For the majority of men trying to sell yourself on here is a complete waste of time. You won't get anywhere no matter how much effort you put or how good your pics are.

Wow why not ask the guy to spread his leg to kick his balls harder. I was a single on here and did extremely well. Attitude and not being negative helps loads on here. Even when i struck out messaging id still be nice. The odd time ladies came back to chat and i ended up playing with them. Even if you are a good looking male on here if your attitude sucks after being rejected you can fail as remember ladies on here do chat to each other and will bounce your name around. Your attitude will depend on them talking positive about you or saying to stay clear. We are trying to advice the OP not make him feel like its a no hope situatiion on here. John

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

"At the end of the day only a small minority of men will get the meets on. Probably the top 1 or 5%.

For the majority of men trying to sell yourself on here is a complete waste of time. You won't get anywhere no matter how much effort you put or how good your pics are.

I'm not kicking anyone. It's an unescapable fact the majority of men on here will never get a meet and not for want of trying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"At the end of the day only a small minority of men will get the meets on. Probably the top 1 or 5%.

For the majority of men trying to sell yourself on here is a complete waste of time. You won't get anywhere no matter how much effort you put or how good your pics are.

I'm not kicking anyone. It's an unescapable fact the majority of men on here will never get a meet and not for want of trying."

Yep, and the data from dating studies confirms this; Fab is just the same but dialled to 11. This summarises it quite nicely: "The dating economy for women is akin to a society with a few poor, some middle class, and a handful of millionaires, the dating economy for men is closer to a society with a handful of multi-billionaires and masses without anything."

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"At the end of the day only a small minority of men will get the meets on. Probably the top 1 or 5%.

For the majority of men trying to sell yourself on here is a complete waste of time. You won't get anywhere no matter how much effort you put or how good your pics are.

I'm not kicking anyone. It's an unescapable fact the majority of men on here will never get a meet and not for want of trying."

Majority of men won't get a meet but that is perhaps because they are trying the wrong thing or trying in the wrong way. You say top only the top 1 - 5% will get meets. How are you defining top? It is certainty not the top 5% of best looking or biggest cock. It may be the top 5% of people with the best attitude, top 5% of people who put the most effort in, top 5% of people who listen and do the best things to meet people, etc. Quite frankly it is not that hard to be in the top 5% as so many people here are completely useless at this (and I speak from 10+ years on here as single and also as couple so see the other side the dross messages we receive)

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"At the end of the day only a small minority of men will get the meets on. Probably the top 1 or 5%.

For the majority of men trying to sell yourself on here is a complete waste of time. You won't get anywhere no matter how much effort you put or how good your pics are.

I'm not kicking anyone. It's an unescapable fact the majority of men on here will never get a meet and not for want of trying.

Exactly what i was trying to say.

. Attitude is key. Also looking positive as nobody wants to meet mr or mrs grumpy chops.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

Or miss grumpy chops to lol

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By *iittaaTV/TS
over a year ago

panties

"At the end of the day only a small minority of men will get the meets on. Probably the top 1 or 5%.

For the majority of men trying to sell yourself on here is a complete waste of time. You won't get anywhere no matter how much effort you put or how good your pics are.

This seems a bit pessimistic too! I’ve been contacted and had a few great meets on both this profile and my ordinary guy one. I also, on this one, get a *lot* of contacts and requests but am very choosy, so I think I see both sides, to some extent. (Actual attractive women I’m sure are totally inundated though).

Your profile, OP? I wouldn’t bother opening the “hi” message. No pics, can’t accommodate, what’s the point. Sorry!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all. OP here. Before I leave Fab, I thought I should log on, check the forum and explain myself fully, as I've made all the fuss. So....

What I failed to explain in the beginning is that this isn't just my first time here. I actually first joined back in 2019, faced the same issues even though I was always friendly, respectful and polite to people, was never abrupt or pushy. This got me absolutely no where. So then I reconstructed my profile, made it to be more in-depth and exciting, better photos. This did not work either, I still had zero success. Not only was I not getting meets, I wasn't even getting replies to my messages sent out, neither was I getting any interest in the form of recieving messages from others. So in the end I closed my account.

After a good few months, still in 2019 I decided not to give up. I returned to Fab with a fresh attitude, a fresh profile and a different but still friendly, respectful approach when messaging others. But yet I was still having the exact same miserable outcome, absolutely zero response or interest! And I won't lie to you, by this time I seriously thought that perhaps there was something wrong with me. Surely it wasn't normal for a young man to be facing 100% rejection? Surely it wasn't normal for a young man to not even receive a few words from at least one other person? So as you could imagine, this massively knocked my confidence. So again, I closed down my profile and walked away with my tail between my legs and my confidence in tatters.

And that leads us to where we are now, present day. Still the same old me and still the same old miserable outcome. As I've tried to explain to others in the forum who have suggested reconstructing my profile and trying different approaches, well I've been there and done that and none of it has made an ounce of difference.

I joined Fab because I thought it would be fun and exciting and a way of meeting new people, not just on a sexual level but on a social level too. But my experience has been neither fun, pleasurable or exciting. It has been brutal and actually quite soul destroying. So I will be quitting for good this time. I've only logged on today to check the forum and read everyone's response and advice. But I'm actually done with it if I'm honest.

Thank you to all those who have given genuine, sound help and advice. All the best

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"Hi all. OP here. Before I leave Fab, I thought I should log on, check the forum and explain myself fully, as I've made all the fuss. So....

Thank you to all those who have given genuine, sound help and advice. All the best

You say you've done what people are suggesting but you haven't. You may have done part of it but just part. Also you say you want to meet new people on a social level but you don't want to go to organised socials. You can lead a horse to water......

Best of luck in your endeavours elsewhere.

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Hi all. OP here. Before I leave Fab, I thought I should log on, check the forum and explain myself fully, as I've made all the fuss. So....

Thank you to all those who have given genuine, sound help and advice. All the best

Best of luck in your endeavours elsewhere. "

I suppose not everyone is interested in large socials or going to clubs. I know that holds no interest to me either. I'm all in favour, and very happy to meet for a small, private social for a coffee, or a pint to see if there is any chemistry and spark there. I would prefer to meet a possibly interested party in a one to one, public social setting. I just don't get this about clubs and large socials being the "Holy Grail" to meeting people who share the same interests in swinging.

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"Hi all. OP here. Before I leave Fab, I thought I should log on, check the forum and explain myself fully, as I've made all the fuss. So....

Thank you to all those who have given genuine, sound help and advice. All the best

Best of luck in your endeavours elsewhere.

It’s not the holy grail and not the only way BUT if the direct route isn’t working it is an option. And some of the organised socials, house parties are not that large - maybe 20-30 people. Not for everyone of course but worth it if you can pluck up the courage. If you just want the odd one on one shag perhaps other sites are better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP here. Not ignoring anyone, just busy with work. But decided that I will step back and take a break from Fab momentarily. It's not working for me and quite obviously I need to work on certain issues. Just wanted to say, sorry I've I offended anyone and snapped back, this was not my intentions. However I will stand my ground and say that I really do not agree with some people's views...I received a message from a guy this morning, basically saying that I should perhaps change who I am in order to 'fit in'!

**My reply was that no one should ever feel like they have to change who they are in order to 'fit in' with others!**

So that's all from me folks. Again, apologies for kicking up a fuss. All the best but fab just isn't for me

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

"Hi all. OP here. Before I leave Fab, I thought I should log on, check the forum and explain myself fully, as I've made all the fuss. So....

Thank you to all those who have given genuine, sound help and advice. All the best

Op, you were never interested in anyone's advice anyway, you just said no you are wrong, to it all.

Hope you have better luck elsewhere. See you back here in a few weeks no doubt

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By *onglegs888Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Your words….As an average, shorter than average, slightly out of shape single white male…… add to that a poor profile, no pics and the fact that you come across as a ‘woe is me’ type of guy….

Why on earth do you think we should use our rare free time on you when there are plenty of great folk who have interesting profiles and portray themselves in a positive light…

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

Wah wah wah wah. Dude your profile is practically blank with no photos, what do you expect?!! Put some effort into your profile and pick some photos that give a good glimpse of you and then see what responses you get before writing another woe is me thread.

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

Expectations.

Have none and you won't be disappointed.

I've been on here several times. The first I was very successful, had my first meet after a few weeks. Then many over several years, couples and single females. All without going to socials or clubs. Then I left, returned, left again, returned but remained inactive exploring other avenues. This time around it is more difficult meeting. But it is what it is. I don't expect to get a reply to a message, I have a reasonable profile with photos. I know I'm not going to be for many if any. Again no expectations. Going to clubs or social events won't necessarily get you sex, but it may get you noticed. Possibly that illusive verification you seek.

For many fab is about is about fantasy, so they will be looking for the fantasy guy, the gym fit, the tall guy with the big cock, they don't want average.

The best advice I can give you, is to have no expectations. If you do, you will be disappointed.

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By *elix85Man
over a year ago

Kings Lynn

"Expectations.

For many fab is about is about fantasy, so they will be looking for the fantasy guy, the gym fit, the tall guy with the big cock, they don't want average."

I guess this is at least partly true. But then again, it’s up to the guy to maybe try and overcome and improve on those things they can improve upon, if they want to be successful?

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By *otbeefandonionsCouple
over a year ago

Bathgate

"Expectations.

For many fab is about is about fantasy, so they will be looking for the fantasy guy, the gym fit, the tall guy with the big cock, they don't want average.

I guess this is at least partly true. But then again, it’s up to the guy to maybe try and overcome and improve on those things they can improve upon, if they want to be successful?"

Gym fit/ fantasy guy does nothing for me. A single guy messaging would get nowhere with us.

A single guy in a club who was friendly, respectful, cheeky, funny etc would be invited in for fun.

Doesn't matter if they're 6ft 2 gym fit or 5ft 8 dad bod

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

2. Women/couples only wanting to meet 'exceptional' males! I see this quite often and it really gets my back up, what on earth do you class as 'exceptional'???

4. BBC. more often than not whilst I'm browsing through profiles, all I read is BBC only. No white males. Ok, I get that's a preference but yet another barrier.

5. Age. Some are looking to meet older gents, others are looking to meet younger lads. Again, preference...but again another barrier.

6. Hight. Most members seem to only be interested in tall males. Unfortunately I'm not blessed in the hight department, standing in at 5ft8. Another barrier.

@Harry Hornbill

Are you actually serious?

1. I've just checked out your profile and it's not exactly an exciting read, nothing really on there, no details/descriptions! So how can you possibly bite back at me about lack of effort in profile?!!!

2. You are in decent shape, better than myself. Proves my point about appearances!

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By *asygoingcouple1000Couple
over a year ago

all over

Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Expectations.

For many fab is about is about fantasy, so they will be looking for the fantasy guy, the gym fit, the tall guy with the big cock, they don't want average.

I guess this is at least partly true. But then again, it’s up to the guy to maybe try and overcome and improve on those things they can improve upon, if they want to be successful?"

Why should anyone change/improve themselves in order to fit in and be accepted by others? Because that's basically what you are suggesting! I'm actually happy with myself! So why should I spend half my life at the gym just to please others and get noticed? Not happening!!!

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

"Expectations.

For many fab is about is about fantasy, so they will be looking for the fantasy guy, the gym fit, the tall guy with the big cock, they don't want average.

I guess this is at least partly true. But then again, it’s up to the guy to maybe try and overcome and improve on those things they can improve upon, if they want to be successful?

Gym fit/ fantasy guy does nothing for me. A single guy messaging would get nowhere with us.

A single guy in a club who was friendly, respectful, cheeky, funny etc would be invited in for fun.

Doesn't matter if they're 6ft 2 gym fit or 5ft 8 dad bod"

Obviously you aren't part of the many!

I've not looked but if you're not looking for single males and they still message then they deserve to be ignored.

Having been to clubs as part of a couple and experienced the single male, not all as I'm generalising I'm apprehensive to be lumped in with them. That's not to say I wouldn't go. I just prefer the intimacy of more personal meets. Yes I am aware of private rooms.

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By *elix85Man
over a year ago

Kings Lynn

"Expectations.

For many fab is about is about fantasy, so they will be looking for the fantasy guy, the gym fit, the tall guy with the big cock, they don't want average.

I guess this is at least partly true. But then again, it’s up to the guy to maybe try and overcome and improve on those things they can improve upon, if they want to be successful?

Gym fit/ fantasy guy does nothing for me. A single guy messaging would get nowhere with us.

A single guy in a club who was friendly, respectful, cheeky, funny etc would be invited in for fun.

Doesn't matter if they're 6ft 2 gym fit or 5ft 8 dad bod"

I ought to have clarified what I meant: personality, and the way you carry yourself in social situations, matters as well! It can be deemed as something else to “improve upon”, perhaps. Dutch courage!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

People can quite easily judge my personality by talking to me via message/phone/webcam? If given the chance. Clubs are the be all and end all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

To add, I have also heard from single guys before that clubs can be very cliquey! I've been told that most will stick in their own little groups and the single guys (especially the newbies) are on the sideline. These words are from the mouths of several single guys who I've spoken to regarding clubs and socials and have attended them before!

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"Expectations.

For many fab is about is about fantasy, so they will be looking for the fantasy guy, the gym fit, the tall guy with the big cock, they don't want average.

I guess this is at least partly true. But then again, it’s up to the guy to maybe try and overcome and improve on those things they can improve upon, if they want to be successful?

Gym fit/ fantasy guy does nothing for me. A single guy messaging would get nowhere with us.

A single guy in a club who was friendly, respectful, cheeky, funny etc would be invited in for fun.

Doesn't matter if they're 6ft 2 gym fit or 5ft 8 dad bod"

I do not actively seek gym guys either although we have met one or two who were very polite and very nice and respectful in the sac

. But we presently only seek cpls or ladies now due to a massive amount of abuse off guys who we did not fancy meeting.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

People can quite easily judge my personality by talking to me via message/phone/webcam? If given the chance. Clubs are the be all and end all. "

Why should they bother giving you the chance? I don't go to clubs or parties, not my thing, I only meet single men and only 1 on 1 meets, I also live VERY close to you but I would not reply to a message from you because negative vibes are all over the place and there is nothing enticing. As someone said above, why would someone spend their precious free time on that?

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By *entle_lover_xMan
over a year ago

Great Dunmow

"Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

Negative again. You’ve not been but ruling out. You’re are just listening to what you want to hear. I suggested organised socials too as a great way to meet people (you say you are social) and get the veri you crave. You really don’t want any advice it seems. You don’t want to do anything different but just keep doing the same and moan why not working. Anyway thought you were leaving?

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By *asygoingcouple1000Couple
over a year ago

all over

"Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

Completely not true. New men walking into a club is a welcome treat.

I don't see the point of your post when every single comment you knock back with negative comebacks. If nothing will ever work for you, why stick around

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

People can quite easily judge my personality by talking to me via message/phone/webcam? If given the chance. Clubs are the be all and end all.

I've only been throwing negative vibes here on the forum. Before I wrote this forum topic, all messages that I sent where giving friendly positive vibes. Didn't get me anywhere though!!!

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

"Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

People can quite easily judge my personality by talking to me via message/phone/webcam? If given the chance. Clubs are the be all and end all. "

OP, it's very obvious from your replies on here you actually DON'T want any help, you just want to rant about how Fab is not for you because, in your own opinion, you don't fit what everyone else is looking for. It's true, Fab is not for everybody, and yes, I guess some people are unable to put themselves in good light- it doesn't mean you having to change who you are, only to change your overall outlook and how you present yourself. A very simple example- my partner lives in a very small flat, only can fit a single bed in his bedroom. To many (including himself), it means he cannot accommodate. However, instead of presenting it in negative light as "flat/bed too small, can't accommodate", we put on his single profile "can accommodate if you are happy with extreme cosiness of a single bed". So we turned something that many people see as negative (can't accommodate) in something positive or at least showing some humour and personality.

How it could be applied to you? "Dad bods" are much more cuddly, for example. But I think you first need to change your overall outlook on what hinders you on here and turn negativity into something more positive. It's not a magic formula, it's not going to get you laid in the next 30 seconds, but may just about get people to look at you slightly differently than yet another "woe is me" single guy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've only been throwing negative vibes here on the forum. Before I wrote this forum topic, all messages that I sent where giving friendly positive vibes. Didn't get me anywhere though!!!"

Crack on then. There is one thing that's present in all of this. No one is obliged to get to know you.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

People can quite easily judge my personality by talking to me via message/phone/webcam? If given the chance. Clubs are the be all and end all.

I've only been throwing negative vibes here on the forum. Before I wrote this forum topic, all messages that I sent where giving friendly positive vibes. Didn't get me anywhere though!!!"

But you are not doing yourself any favours by biting back at every bit of advice you have been given on this post. You have been given good advice by single guys, cpls and. Single ladies and you have not been prepared to listen at all. Stop biting back, we don't have to give you advice or waste our precious time giving it to you as you seem hell bent on pissing off everyone who gives you helpful replies to your post. Just read back on the good advice and act on it. Joanne.

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

I wouldn't agree with any of those... Majority of women are just looking for a decent, genuine guy who won't let them down. I've met lots of guys who weren't verified (always for a social first) we all have to start somewhere.

The only issue I would have is the smoking.

Organised social is probably your best bet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP.. i've given you advice and others have given advice.. if you are not going to take the advice especially from the women (seeing ultimately thats what you are looking for!) I see no way of helping you.. best of luck, as it looks as it looks as you will need it

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By *otbeefandonionsCouple
over a year ago

Bathgate

"Woe is me....

A club is an opportunity for someone to judge you based off your personality rather than physical appearance. Which is what you want isn't it?

I've heard this and I've heard that. Eye roll. Get out an experience things for yourself

However if you don't want to do clubs or socials that's fine, but you also have to be fine with the fact that that's really limiting your options

Can't have it all ways

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"OP.. i've given you advice and others have given advice.. if you are not going to take the advice especially from the women (seeing ultimately thats what you are looking for!) I see no way of helping you.. best of luck, as it looks as it looks as you will need it"

Thats what i was hinting at. You are getting good advice off your target audience. If you are not willing to listen to us ladies then nobody can help you.

Mrs

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