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Ruining it for myself

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You look amazing and take comfort in the fact that 99.9% of club goers and fab users have hangups about their bodies, the ones with swagger have just either learnt to suppress their internal self critique or have realised that sexy is a state of mind and not a body type.

Chin up, tits pushed forward, bum pushed bag and get that swagger!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You've loads of photos so those contacting you obviously like what they see. Try not to second guess what other people like/dont like, you'll never get it right. Just accept that regardless of what you may think, they think you're hot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel the exact same way about myself OP and wonder the same when attractive people message me.

My husband does what he can to get me over my insecurities but I don't think they will ever go away.

Your not alone and you honestly look wonderful.

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

Thank you all, I take pics and put them on here it’s a confidence boost for sure, I enjoy doing that, but when it comes to meeting from here it’s at that point I struggle big time.

I think this is why I prefer clubs. People see me as I actually am and can decide to approach or not.

It’s really bloody hard. It was hard writing it and posting it, only husband knows how I truly feels about myself

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me. "

I think you are gorgeous x

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Our harshest critics are ourselves, you have to be some sort of weak narcissist to think you’re perfect. But if we are truly honest with ourselves, we can often see the truth in what we are and what is just our insecurities.

So take some comfort that you are honest enough to work on what you know you’re unhappy with, but also self aware that a lot of it is just bullshit and you’re fine.

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford


"I feel the exact same way about myself OP and wonder the same when attractive people message me.

My husband does what he can to get me over my insecurities but I don't think they will ever go away.

Your not alone and you honestly look wonderful."

You honestly look amazing, it’s so hard though when you don’t believe it yourself.

My husband says look at the compliments you get, then I’m like yeah but they haven’t seen me. Gah. It’s hard and makes me sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel the exact same way about myself OP and wonder the same when attractive people message me.

My husband does what he can to get me over my insecurities but I don't think they will ever go away.

Your not alone and you honestly look wonderful.

You honestly look amazing, it’s so hard though when you don’t believe it yourself.

My husband says look at the compliments you get, then I’m like yeah but they haven’t seen me. Gah. It’s hard and makes me sad. "

I am the same and I doubt the 2 of us are the only ones.

I look at a photo of myself and look to see what's wrong with it before I look to see what's great about it.

And when men message on here saying all the right things I automatically think they are saying it just because a hole is a hole and they don't mean a word of it they just want a meet with anything that moves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get it.it’s just not easy.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Size 16 is (or at least used to be) the UK average so it's not large by any stretch of the imagination.

Fox used to be much bigger and had similar thoughts to you, so I know where you're coming from from both sides (not that I consider myself at all gym fir or slim these days!). I haven't changed the way I feel about her since she got smaller and if she went back to how she was it wouldn't change a thing.

When I was single I met people from a size 8 to a size 22. It's the person that determines attraction, not a dress size number.

We all have lumps and bumps and bits we're not happy with. Honestly - most people couldn't care less and it's only the small minority that want gym fit, perfectly toned physiques.

Just be the best you that you can be, don't make assumptions as to what others like and find attractive and try to believe that people really do like you as you are.

Go to a club. You'll see people of all shapes and sizes having a ball.

A

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By *urplezrainWoman
over a year ago

SCUNTHORPE

I totally get u, I'm the same, but being single I have to face the guys alone. Yes I'm very very confident...dressed.

But, guys see our mum tums, cellulite, wobbly bits, stetch marks different to what we do. I've met some gorgeous guys, and think. Why me, but they have thier reasons, I'm not going to question them..

I'm always wearing something on a meet, never naked, and that suits me. The guys don't mind either. So take all the compliments. And own it xx

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

I’m a big girl. I’m really tall and plus-size. I’m definitely not everyone’s cup of tea, but lots of very sexy guys play with me again and again because they think I’m sexy. There are also guys who don’t find me the least bit attractive. But that’s ok. I don’t find everyone I see attractive either.

If it meeting people who’ve never seen you before gives you anxiety then don’t do it. Stick to clubs and enjoy yourself that way.

As long as you don’t need everyone to find you attractive then you won’t be disappointed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a size 20 and only attract slim/gym fit guys on here and in real life

Once you realise its what they genuinely find attractive all those insecurities soon go away

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By *M737Couple
over a year ago

Thanet


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me. "

From what we see you look stunning! And also you sound genuine and probably very kind and honest, all a perfect combination in a lady xx

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By *assy LassieWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"I feel the exact same way about myself OP and wonder the same when attractive people message me.

My husband does what he can to get me over my insecurities but I don't think they will ever go away.

Your not alone and you honestly look wonderful.

You honestly look amazing, it’s so hard though when you don’t believe it yourself.

My husband says look at the compliments you get, then I’m like yeah but they haven’t seen me. Gah. It’s hard and makes me sad.

I am the same and I doubt the 2 of us are the only ones.

I look at a photo of myself and look to see what's wrong with it before I look to see what's great about it.

And when men message on here saying all the right things I automatically think they are saying it just because a hole is a hole and they don't mean a word of it they just want a meet with anything that moves."

Most of us ladies feel the same. We are our own worst enemies. My advice. Fake it til you make it. We are all beautiful in our own way.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me. "

I'm in the curvier side of curvy myself and when we get msgs from couples that are perfect looking I automatically assume the profile is fake..because why would they want to play with me..

It's not a nice feeling and your your own worst critic, I know this and can't seem to change my mind set, I'm not confident although my pics and vids might tell you a diffrent story...but on the inside I'm asking myself why am I posting this..

I really feel for you and I wish as women we could just accept who we are but tbh media, clothing,etc doesn't help that at all..

I do hope you get the advice your looking for but you are beautiful xx

Mrs.

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

In my experience in a year of being on here,still without a meet, that single males with the "gym bods" , toned and six packs have the success and have the "meet" verifications, and us dad Bod fatties have no chance what so ever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dora suffers terribly with her body confidence too.

Surprisingly Fab and clubs have been good for her.

Nothing says you’re sexy more than being surrounded by hard cocks.

Have you considered surgery for your mum tum and thighs?

Some very good deals abroad.

Keep the faith.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

Just be you, everyone doesn't fancy everyone, so thats all you can do be you and if they find you attractive just go with that

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

The reality:

99% of the population have something about their body that they would change if they could. (As confirmed by Sydney University, Fabswingers Research Unit!)

You are honest about your size on your profile and clearly not struggling for meets, with glowing verifications, so clearly people do want to meet you and have a great time with you, so your issues are not an issue for them.

There's someone for everyone! There are many people on here who prefer the curvier / larger lady, regardless of their own particular body shape / size. A search of the forums will confirm.

Presumably, when you do meet, the guys get wood and everyone cums, so find you a turn on and hubby even more so on a regular basis.

You clearly like lingerie. Have you considered particular lingerie that might give you more confidence? (Not necessarily 'cover up lingerie' but maybe lingerie that embraces the bits you don't like).

There are people out there who might be able to help, depending on your preferred option, ranging from PT's to psychotherapists, hypn0therapists, etc.

Your approach of attending clubs seems to work for you, as your playmates can not only 'see before they buy' but get a sense of your personality too, which is very important to many (ourselves included). There are plenty of examples of 'the golden couple / person, who are quite frankly arrogant shits, who we wouldn't meet for just that reason. Attraction is not just about looks!

And finally........ your boobs are are amazing in particular!

(I'm now off to apply my own advice to myself on my hang ups!!)

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By *heonixrising500Man
over a year ago

Barnsley

You look fantastic xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m a big girl. I’m really tall and plus-size. I’m definitely not everyone’s cup of tea, but lots of very sexy guys play with me again and again because they think I’m sexy. There are also guys who don’t find me the least bit attractive. But that’s ok. I don’t find everyone I see attractive either.

If it meeting people who’ve never seen you before gives you anxiety then don’t do it. Stick to clubs and enjoy yourself that way.

As long as you don’t need everyone to find you attractive then you won’t be disappointed "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just be you, everyone doesn't fancy everyone, so thats all you can do be you and if they find you attractive just go with that "

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Be kind to yourself. It takes time to change your mindset but it starts with loving yourself. Many of us may look confident but in fact many of us have insecurities and that goes for every body shape, size, etc.

Head up high and be proud.

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman
over a year ago

Cambs

Being kind to yourself is the starting point.. if you wouldn't say it about another person then why does that negative niggle say it about yourself? (I do it too)

I truly believe it's the way we've all been raised with the idiotic statements ("nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" being the one that sticks in mind)

But the more I embraced how I actually am (my body type is short and curvy) the happier I've been.. best trick to distract myself if I'm having a wobble of confidence is to focus on the look in your partner's eyes, if the lust is there I just don't doubt the attraction anymore. Xxxx

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'd probably step away from all this until I was more comfortable in myself

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By *ayo81966Man
over a year ago

barnstaple

As a guy who fluctuates around 18 stone i was nervous as fuck to b a nudist but as i have explored that and not had all the comments i was expecting just compliments on life choices i have grown more confident stripping off

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me.

I'm in the curvier side of curvy myself and when we get msgs from couples that are perfect looking I automatically assume the profile is fake..because why would they want to play with me..

It's not a nice feeling and your your own worst critic, I know this and can't seem to change my mind set, I'm not confident although my pics and vids might tell you a diffrent story...but on the inside I'm asking myself why am I posting this..

I really feel for you and I wish as women we could just accept who we are but tbh media, clothing,etc doesn't help that at all..

I do hope you get the advice your looking for but you are beautiful xx

Mrs."

Holy shit you look amazing I’ve had both men and women reach out to me and it’s an eye opener for sure.

This was my worry with the thread as my pics and videos portray someone completely different and equally the compliments they receive are for the girl in the pics not me.

Some really good advice on here so hopefully il just be able to undo a lifetime of negative thoughts.

Thanks babe x

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford


"Being kind to yourself is the starting point.. if you wouldn't say it about another person then why does that negative niggle say it about yourself? (I do it too)

I truly believe it's the way we've all been raised with the idiotic statements ("nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" being the one that sticks in mind)

But the more I embraced how I actually am (my body type is short and curvy) the happier I've been.. best trick to distract myself if I'm having a wobble of confidence is to focus on the look in your partner's eyes, if the lust is there I just don't doubt the attraction anymore. Xxxx

"

Thanks babe. You are right and look amazing btw.

You are right about the statements and a lot of how I feel stems from things my mum said to me from a very young age. Silly really but I still say those things to myself, and believe them.

Being on here and in this lifestyle has actually helped me be much more confident than I ever was before.

Thank you x

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

I can’t reply to all but thank you so much for the messages and comments. great ideas.

Regarding leaving this lifestyle until I feel more confident , I understand this, but at the same time, It’s this community that has helped me feel better than I ever have before. Plus I love shagging

The surgery option I would definitely go down if I could afford it.

Both men and women have commented and reached out privately, I’ve received amazing and helpful advice. Need to start undoing a lifetime of negative thoughts and be kinder to myself.

Completely agree there is more to attraction than someone’s body, personality wins for me also!

A heartfelt thank you to all, you are beautiful people

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

You'd be helped by accepting yourself and being able to accept the appreciation from others. Perhaps work through those.

People often like others who are very different to themselves. Being with others who are different can be as exhilarating for them, as it could be for you.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

You look absolutely amazing, I'd we were closer I'd definitely send you a wink.

I wanted to say yes I'm slim ish(mum tum and tiger stripes) but I also doubt myself a lot, I never understand why people want to meet me.

I do wish I could see myself through others eyes sometimes.

We are our own worst critics and having that self doubt and anxiety can be such a huge obstacle to overcome.

On sites like this it seems everyone is confident however the reality isn't that, people would look at my pics and assume I'm confident in my own skin when the reality is far from it.

I wish you all the best and you do look absolutely amazing.

Mrs

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By *ustus555Couple
over a year ago

close

Being the hubby of a body conscious wife I'd say listen to your hubby. He loves and respects you for who you are. Always do what makes you happy & comfortable in life.

Oh and by the way, your stunning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

"

Ah, H

There's a song that goes:

"Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,

What might be right for you, may not be right for some.

It takes Diff'rent Strokes,

It takes Diff'rent Strokes to move the world."

Folk are just attracted to different aspects of a person and it most definitely is all in the eye of the beholder. I can honestly say that you are a perfect example of a '10' for me. In every aspect. Everything that you list above are the exact things that get my juices going.

You might not see it, but your Mr B does, I certainly do, and I suspect many, many others do too. We can't help it, it just 'is'. If you don't see it then perhaps you could work on trust and have a go at believing folk if they say that they love what they see in you, despite your nagging doubts. Go along with the flow with a 'fuck it' attitude and enjoy the attention. All as best you can, of course, and keep on practising. "If you want to 'make it', then 'fake it'."

Those bits you hate? Some of us lust over them

Keep strong, you're worth it xx

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

Ahh thank you so much, everyone looks incredible and it’s sad to see so many feeling the same or similar.

Yes, I should believe him but also I feel he has to say those things

I’m determined to have a better mindset and be kinder to myself, it’ll just take time x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ahh thank you so much, everyone looks incredible and it’s sad to see so many feeling the same or similar.

Yes, I should believe him but also I feel he has to say those things

I’m determined to have a better mindset and be kinder to myself, it’ll just take time x

"

Yes you should believe him most men love real ladies

Real ladies might have curves stretch marks or opp scars or whatever but it what makes you real. Magazines with perfect shape females etc do more harm than good famous people have babies back In shape in weeks rubbish!!!! There do not do house work look after family or anything then have airbrush pictures taken. Real ladies don't

All ladies should know real men love them in ever size and shape.

I know it's easy to say love your self just how you are as you are great.

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By *ezebel100Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham


"In my experience in a year of being on here,still without a meet, that single males with the "gym bods" , toned and six packs have the success and have the "meet" verifications, and us dad Bod fatties have no chance what so ever "

I much prefer a dad bod to a gym bod. And someone who takes the trouble to get to know me rather than seeing me as a way to get a verification or as a hole to score.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey - Jay here

Sadly over the last how many years magazines have published air brushed pictures of women - Be that your daily mags or even pornographic ones... They have created a false image of what women/men should look like.. This has damaged both men and women in different ways.

Sadly as the internet took the world it got worse - Social media platforms like that of Twitter/Instagram etc etc has masses of people with edited photos trying to compete with each other.

The knock on effect is that of the normal person thinking their bodies are abnormal when in reality it is the edited imaging that are not.

Real men look for real women - We know what you look like in life - You look real and unedited just the way we want you!

If we all looked like these air brushed people we would all look the same - It's our "flaws" that make us all different - It's what makes us beautiful!

I expect most women over a certain age to bear the marks of motherhood - That is natural and expected and what beautiful marks they are too! I'd actually think it odd if people over a certain age didn't!!

I used to hate my body/looks and had no confidence when I was younger because of this BS... Yet I am a normal average guy.. I met S and was shocked she ever even looked at me - She is gorgeous!! Guess what she thought? - Yeah - The same thing about me! Point is you have no idea what the other person thinks and just because it does not match your own thoughts doesn't mean its not true.

I learnt to stop worrying what people may be thinking because I don't know what they are thinking! So why waste my time and stress about it!

Yes we are still very shy around others and we still get that worry - I think most people do TBH no matter who you are really.

Relax and don't over think things!

You are hotter than a size 10 gym fit woman will ever be as far as I am concerned! I bet a lot of real men will echo that too!

All the best

x

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By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley

You hit the nail on the head when you said you would say things about others you would say to yourself. Because most of the times it’s just not true.

In my experience women can be more judgmental than men, if I’m brutally honest for a lot of men your looks don’t really matter, it’s all about the sex.

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me. "

It’s hard reading this and thinking that’s me….. I get over it most of the time by thinking if people didn’t mean it they wouldn’t say it so take all the compliments your hubby says, look in the mirror and think he’s right I’m gorgeous and remember you have nothing to prove to anybody. We are our worst critics but we can learn to ignore our innermost thoughts.. you look great by the way.

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By *ister-mischiefMan
over a year ago

Trafford

You have done the hardest thing which was for mrs mischief stepping through them club doors because how she felt she looked.

She feels exactly the same as you and I feel exactly the same your partner.I love every bit of her as I am sure he does about you.

It helped us by going to club nights with like minded ladies and this made her a lot more comfortable. She has so far lost 3st and she still isn't happy but are we ever happy with how our bodies look?

You can be the most athletic person going and there will be something you don't like.

You really have nothing to worry with how you look, you look absolutely lovely .We are all different and that is the spice of life and the swinging community from what I have found over the years is the most open and welcoming society to how we all look certainly in the club environment.

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By *londebiguyMan
over a year ago

Southport


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me. "

I think that we all look at ourselves differently to the way others see us.

Unless it's the social media influences who seem very confident in themselves we all have our body issues and insecurities.

If they want to meet then they've seen your pics and like what they see so try to focus on that.

Do what makes you feel good re the diet and fitness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it but I found CBT helped me enormously and am now working through some other stuff with a h*pnotherapist and psychotherapy...I also had PT sessions and work out regularly now mire for the way it mskes me feel stronger and fitter...but i wouldnt have had the courage to make those changes without the therapy.

changing how you look can take time and doesn't always change your mindset. Changing how you think about yourself has huge benefits to how you feel about yourself. Its not easy, but it can be done if you're willing to put the work in...I never imagined it would make such a difference

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By *ertslady1984Woman
over a year ago

Herts


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me. "

Hey hun. You are definitely not alone hun.

I fully understand how your feeling as my body has changed since last year after a big op I need and have been left with a really long scar. I've completely lost body confidence since then and don't feel very brave on the site anymore.

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By *igharryMan
over a year ago

Manchester

As someone who some people would describe as athletic/slim i must admit i have my insecurities. Sometimes i hate the way my legs and arms are so slim. And to top it off, my type is someone like yourself OP. I love me a size 14-16 woman but it seems the type of women i love so much don’t really like slim guys that often so a lot of times im out of luck.

And this also reminds me of the kinds of conversations i have with petite women who go to the gym. They always say they go to the gym because they want their asses, legs etc to be bigger. Seems they don’t enjoy being petite either and theyre actually trying to achieve what you’ve already got lol

I guess its that classic “we want what we don’t have” issue.

Hope this opens your eyes up to how insecure some of the ‘fit’ people messaging you might actually be. And theres always the chance they're messaging you because your body type (with the tum etc) is exactly what they find attractive. So please, don’t let it hold you back! If you see a dick/pussy that you want, go get it girl!

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By *igharryMan
over a year ago

Manchester


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me.

It’s hard reading this and thinking that’s me….. I get over it most of the time by thinking if people didn’t mean it they wouldn’t say it so take all the compliments your hubby says, look in the mirror and think he’s right I’m gorgeous and remember you have nothing to prove to anybody. We are our worst critics but we can learn to ignore our innermost thoughts.. you look great by the way."

Tbh really great advise! Literally spend a few kinutes everyday looking in the mirror and telling yourself you’re beautiful. First few times it will feel like BS but soon enough you’ll find you start believing it yourself. This was how i got over my insecurities.

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford

I think if I replied to everyone I would be here forever hahaha I really do appreciate the comments/messages and ideas you have all given me. I’m feeling brighter, we have since had a meet and it was amazing.

Determined to have a healthy body & mind!

I’m pleased this thread has also helped others that were/are feeling the same as I am, it sometimes feels like you are the only one.

I will look into the CBT also as I feel this would be beneficial.

People with partners who lift them up and make them feel amazing keep doing so. That’s so lovely to hear because these thoughts really can have a negative impact and as in my case ruin the experiences on offer.

Thank you for being such a wonderful community xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think if I replied to everyone I would be here forever hahaha I really do appreciate the comments/messages and ideas you have all given me. I’m feeling brighter, we have since had a meet and it was amazing.

Determined to have a healthy body & mind!

I’m pleased this thread has also helped others that were/are feeling the same as I am, it sometimes feels like you are the only one.

I will look into the CBT also as I feel this would be beneficial.

People with partners who lift them up and make them feel amazing keep doing so. That’s so lovely to hear because these thoughts really can have a negative impact and as in my case ruin the experiences on offer.

Thank you for being such a wonderful community xxxx

"

So glad to hear this!

Just be you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You look good to us, OP.

I mean, I'd happily blow raspberries on your boobies.

Just saying. (Shrugs)

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford


"You look good to us, OP.

I mean, I'd happily blow raspberries on your boobies.

Just saying. (Shrugs)"

Hahaha that tickled me. Thank you

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By *tmostakiss1Man
over a year ago

DC


"You look good to us, OP.

I mean, I'd happily blow raspberries on your boobies.

Just saying. (Shrugs)"

Lol she does have great tits doesn’t she!

Op you’re looking great!

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By *MrMrsX OP   Couple
over a year ago

Hereford


"You look good to us, OP.

I mean, I'd happily blow raspberries on your boobies.

Just saying. (Shrugs)

Lol she does have great tits doesn’t she!

Op you’re looking great!"

Oh you are both naughty. Do it.

Hehe

Thank you xxx

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

I am exactly the same. Our partners spent a lot of time and effort building us up but we still doubt ourselves. You are not alone lovely your really aren't. Self doubt denies us of confidence and happiness and not just in the swinging lifestyle either! I think most of us are in the same boat in that respect. Joanne. X

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
over a year ago

North West

Life’s too short to not do what you want to do.

If someone didn’t find you attractive, they’d not play with you. And there will be those people. That’s fine. We can’t all like everyone.

Id recommend going to clubs. You see people of all shapes and sizes enjoying their night. It’s a good reminder there’s someone for everyone

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By *urreypair1Couple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Nobody ever looks in the mirror and see what others see. Body confidence is a terrible thing brought on by what we believe is how we should be and that's influenced so much by our surroundings and the media.

Who people would like to play with and approach is so much more than pure visuals it can be a sentence in a profile , one specific pic the twinkle you spot in an eye.

The brain and attraction are hugely complex so trying to guess why someone likes you is a thankless task.

You look great , your profile is honest and great and that's why you are approached.

Only you can stop you holding back and that will be when you feel comfortable.

The other thing to say is when the hot gym fit stunning couple you need to fancy them too !

And don't forget maybe people think that about you when you approach

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By *etro1940sCouple
over a year ago

Kingston upon Thames

Be yourself, embrace your arousal powers ... know that others see you differently .. the body beautiful magazine cover look is just one of many erotic enticements ... we are "what you see is what you fuck" candid ... xx Anne & George

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be yourself and enjoy. None of us are perfect but we all enjoy in our own way. Make the most of every experience.

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Things that helped me:

Look at your body honestly. Find the things that you do like about it. Keep reminding yourself of them, and also remember that others don't see the things you see as flaws in the same way. I have never liked my body, but I do like my legs (below the top of the thighs at least). There is something to like there after all, and that has actually helped me.

Look at your body as if it was someone else. We can be horribly judgemental about our own appearance, but a lot kinder and more realistic to others. I've done this accidentally a few times, catching an unexpected glimpse of myself in a mirror. And that person actually looks good. I won't ever be gracing the cover of a fashion magazine, but this body will do.

And the one you're already doing. Go to clubs. Those people who want to play with you? They want to play with you. They've seen what you have to offer, and they like it.

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By *ardhatCharlieMan
over a year ago

Northwest


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me. "

I have just had a look through your pics, and I will say, If I lived closer, I would definitely be messaging and looking for a meet with you both. There is nothing about your figure I don't like.

Bit, like you, there is plenty about mine I don't like. I've learned to live with my body, it has taken the best part of 50 years for me to accept that my body won't change to what I would like it to be.

Personally, I try to concentrate on my best features.

I have the nicest little fingers I've ever seen on a bloke.

My advice would be, try to learn to love the skin you are in.

Ru Paul says it best.

"Love yourself, coz if you dont, how the hell you gonna expect anyone else to"

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By *otbeefandonionsCouple
over a year ago

Bathgate

I feel this so deeply. I've never liked the way I look but weirdly this lifestyle has helped

I put off doing it because I thought everyone would find me repulsive. And while I'm sure the majority of people do, a lot don't

I'm never gonna be for everyone, just like they won't be for me

Life is short, have fun x

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By *onlywishiMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Think this has hit a lot of peoples fears both guys and girls !!

If you look at what people want is the ability to chat , have a laugh and yes eventually fun .

No one is perfect and very few are 100% happy with there bodies ?

So just takes things slowly , don’t believe there are quick ways to lose weight and magically have that perfect body ?

Me personally would be happier with a fun loving lady with a wicked sense of humour! Naughty smile when in fun company and eyes that can tell you they are having a great time with out having to say a word !!

Most of all remember that everyone who has left you a verification has had an amazing time with you so you must take that as a compliment to the way you are

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By *thLincsCpleCouple
over a year ago

Barton upon Humber

Mr. saying, I think you look perfect, for me anyway, we each have our own views, I think size 16 is well within the norm range, your curves look beautiful. My wife hates me because I stay in shape real easy, she does triple the gym classes to me and moans about flabby bits and dangly bits, but I wouldn’t change an inch of her. Every body tells a tale. But with the right angle of the lens it can tell another; my advice (if wanted) is be happy with what or who you are and don’t try and hide it, because some men love it. xx

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By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago

shropshire


"I love this lifestyle and we have played with some truly amazing people but I find we get a lot of messages from very athletic guys and girls , I mean it’s nice and all but I feel like they maybe haven’t read my profile which states I’m a size 16

I have a mum tum which I hate and the tops of my thighs. I’m not body confident at all. I wish I didn’t care, but unfortunately I do.

I genuinely don’t understand why they would want to meet me.

I see ladies/ men all shapes and sizes on here and in clubs and they look amazing and confident, I love that and I want to be like that too.

This isn’t a post looking for compliments I genuinely am looking for advice.

Mr has spent over 12 years loving me and trying to get me to see myself as he does.

I’m losing weight by dieting and exercise I’m trying to change the things I dislike, trying to change my mindset because I would never say to anyone else the things I say to myself.

Think it’s a much deeper issue from a long long time ago, I don’t know. I’m a filthy little firecracker and I want to enjoy meeting people, the only thing holding me back is myself.

I’m dreading the comments so if you genuinely don’t or can’t understand please don’t comment anything horrible. I really would like some ideas on how I can move forward, learn to love myself while my body changes, and just accept me. "

I know exactly how you feel... it very hard to see yourself as other tell you they see you. You look in the mirror and think why?? Mum tum ,legs that aren't athletic at all I find it very hard to love myself. I had a friend who still is a Cambridge weight consultant but let's not go there ! Needless to say she knocked my confidence....

Going to chameleons club I did enjoy as all shapes and sizes and relaxed atmosphere....but then came covid!

I totally get where you're coming from

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Totally hear you and get what you are saying.

I've perfected the art of faking confidence so if you met me, youd never know how much I worry and stress about how terrible my body looks... but I hold onto something that was once said to me, a really genuine compliment and it gives me comfort and reminds me to be accepting of my body as much as possible.

It sounds silly but if you can remember a really genuine compliment and repeat it when you get nervous, it might help a little

MrsAbz

Ps gave your pics a wee fab cos i love curves on a woman

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By *rs D.Woman
over a year ago

Tyne And Wear

I'm totally the same, rock bottom confidence with my size, whenever men message that have gym fit bodies etc, I want to reply but don't as I'm prob wary of rejection

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By *unner6969Man
over a year ago

Bicester


"I love this lifestyle …. just accept me. "

Wow, you look amazing! We can all make little improvements but you don’t need to change - be confident in who you are. You certainly get my attention

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By *lipzer KnicksaffWoman
over a year ago

Up My Own Arse Apparently

I think your pics and profile bio give a very accurate and honest account of your body type. So the people messaging you obviously like what they see.

It can be hard when an absolute ride and a half messages you and you're thinking "wtf?!" but try to go with the flow and enjoy it.

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