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"I think - having been the extra male a few times - it’s normally about good communication beforehand and a definite spark !" 100 % | |||
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"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s. What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue. Is this a reaction that’s common? Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party? Any advice of experience welcome. Thanks. " Talk to the person you are going to meet about your worries. Explain that if any one if you including them, decides that they don't want things to continue it stops. If they aren't happy with that they needn't meet you. How someone will react in that situation isn't predictable really, the most reasonable of people can become a little miffed if asked to stop mid flow but I think most will understand even if reluctantly. How do you think you'll react if they ask to stop? | |||
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"We had discussed this prior to our first occasion and we also told the guy we chose that it was our first and we may have to stop. He was fine with that but frankly it wouldn’t have mattered if he wasn’t. It was going to be our decision based upon our feelings. It all worked out beautifully because we’d chosen the right guy and we all had a blast. " Yep. This pretty much sums up our first MFM (and some others since). A few things to remember or consider are; * You will have communicated with the guy beforehand, and got a vibe from him. If that vibe isn't right, XX don't progress. * It is far more rare to find an inconsiderate guy, than one who will respect you both. Most guys are considerate, so once the chemistry between you all is correct, there's very little chance he won't respect you if you change your mind. * Finally, remember it's a nerve wracking event for single guys too. If you feel you need to stop, just say so, but be decent about it. Explain it's not him, but you're simply not as ready as you thought. | |||
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"The issue is, choosing a third who understands this and knows he’s not promised anything. " Which is the difference between a single swinger and a guy that just wants to get his dick wet! | |||
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"The issue is, choosing a third who understands this and knows he’s not promised anything. " I think the real issue is in all three understanding that they have an equal say in whether things go ahead or not and nobody is promised anything. In my opinion it isn't about a man fitting with what a couple wants that's an unequal set up, it's about respect for all involved. So many couples assume that it's up to them how far a meet progresses and their boundaries are the most important. The responsibility for protecting their relationship is theirs alone after that they need to respect the third partner as much as the reverse applies. I read a lot about single men feeling entitled as if it's a bad thing. When it comes to how they're viewed in this type of situation I think they should feel just as entitled to consideration as the couple. | |||
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"I think - having been the extra male a few times - it’s normally about good communication beforehand and a definite spark !" And... "The issue is, choosing a third who understands this and knows he’s not promised anything. " Hear hear to both of you. As another bloke who's been the third member of the threesome on numerous occasions it's definitely about communication ahead of getting naked together. Getting a feel for each other as others have said too, so having an inkling if anyone's not happy. I think most people are nervous before a meet, the guy and the couple, even more so if it's anyone's first time. Find a good guy, who gives you a good impression well before you meet, respect each other and have lots of fun xx | |||
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"The issue is, choosing a third who understands this and knows he’s not promised anything. I think the real issue is in all three understanding that they have an equal say in whether things go ahead or not and nobody is promised anything. In my opinion it isn't about a man fitting with what a couple wants that's an unequal set up, it's about respect for all involved. So many couples assume that it's up to them how far a meet progresses and their boundaries are the most important. The responsibility for protecting their relationship is theirs alone after that they need to respect the third partner as much as the reverse applies. I read a lot about single men feeling entitled as if it's a bad thing. When it comes to how they're viewed in this type of situation I think they should feel just as entitled to consideration as the couple. " I had so much respect and love for this post - thank you! | |||
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"We do the above and have a discreet safe word or phrase. If either of use it which we haven't yet we would simply calm thi gs down and just tell the third party it won't happen. " We agree after a particularly awkward experience to just say "I'd like a time out". It hasn't happened since but it does make it clear to all that things need to stop. Whether they continue depends on the reason for the time out | |||
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"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s. What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue. Is this a reaction that’s common? Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party? Any advice of experience welcome. Thanks. " Hiya OP, it's complety natural to feel this way, as others have said, communication is key, they way we worked it the last couple of times (had never done anything f like this before) we promised each other that if one wasn't happy then we just say stop, and the 3rd party is kindly asked to leave, our relationship is more important than anything, we discussed this with the men and they were all fine with that, but to be honest it doesn't help when uou ahe a guy who is very underconfident so for this reason we haven't found the right guy for us so I imagine that's big factor to. Talk about what you both want out of this and tell the truth to not just yourself but to each other, discuss what your boundaries/dos and don't first amd make these clear to your chosen 3rd party.good luck and we hope you find the right person for you. | |||
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"I think - having been the extra male a few times - it’s normally about good communication beforehand and a definite spark !" Absolutely this. Communication & being able to intuite wisely are key | |||
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"We are in a similar position- we have role played it many times and probably would have done mfm by now but for things (life!) Getting on the way! Our view is we think we will love it but we will go for it and then talk about it afterwards. In the event one of us didn't like it then when we would just not do it again. So no big issues either way x" Isn't it frustrating when life stops us all having fun! Grrr. As you say, either don't do it again, or of anyone's that uncomfortable just stop. If you've found a respectful playmate, which hopefully the vast majority are, they'll understand. Happy swinging xxx | |||
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"Communication and bluntness is the key that we found. Our rule is to say EXACTLY what we're thinking and feeling about any situation were in as swingers. We never want one half to say what they think the other wants to hear or to take one for the team. That way, you can take whatever they say or feel at face value and act on it. We've also agreed that there's never a point of no return for backing out of a situation. Even if it loses us potential friends. Even if it's half way through one of our deepest fantasies. If one of us isn't happy then we say so, take a breather and go from there No judgement or anger " Spot on | |||
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"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s. What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue. Is this a reaction that’s common? Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party? Any advice of experience welcome. Thanks. " You discuss this possibility with the third party. If indicates that he'd have a problem with it, he's the wrong guy to try it with. If he completely understands, is happy that it might stop part way and result in having a cuppa / he has a tug while watching you finish, he's the guy to trying with! | |||
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"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s. What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue. Is this a reaction that’s common? Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party? Any advice of experience welcome. Thanks. " The moment either of you feel uncomfortable or went to stop, communicate it to your partner. If it's your partner that wants to stop then please, please, please stop immediately and let any other parties know. Seen it on more than one occasion where the partner has not stopped, effectively dismissing their partners feelings just to get themselves off or misjudging how serious it is. Everyone in the lifestyle that are here for the right reasons will stop and be understanding. Likewise, even if they don't say it, read body language, no one knows your partner more than you. Check in with them, even if it's a look and a nod or a smile. | |||
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"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s. What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue. Is this a reaction that’s common? Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party? Any advice of experience welcome. Thanks. " Honesty is the best policy. When you you finally meet the 3rd party, tell him in advance that its your 1st time and explain your fears. If he is a decent person, he should and would understand if you get cold feet. and good luck finding the right person for you guys | |||
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"Have your boundaries set beforehand and discuss this with the person your meeting, if one says no you stop and that's that. It's totally normal to be nervous and think of the what ifs just try relax and enjoy yourselves. Mrs " When someone says "set boundaries" for some reason I think the garden fence ... | |||
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"Talk and communicate well. Choose someone to be your 3rd with good verifications from couples, as they’ll be used to following or taking the lead and keeping everyone happy. It’s supposed to be exciting and fun and quite naughty and should leave couples involved feeling exhilarated and horny. Anything else and the brakes should rightly go on. " As a single it's just getting that initial meet with a couple | |||
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"Talk and communicate well. Choose someone to be your 3rd with good verifications from couples, as they’ll be used to following or taking the lead and keeping everyone happy. It’s supposed to be exciting and fun and quite naughty and should leave couples involved feeling exhilarated and horny. Anything else and the brakes should rightly go on. As a single it's just getting that initial meet with a couple" Try a club and chatting to couples, read couple profiles and address what they are looking for in any messages to them and remember it’s more about them and their fantasies than you and your fantasies at least to begin with. | |||
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"What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue. " Then you stop. It might be worth having little phrases/signals that you use as a couple. That way you can check-in and decide to call it quits. However, over time, you'll probably get to the point where you want to be more open and upfront about it "Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party? " No idea. | |||
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"What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue. Then you stop. It might be worth having little phrases/signals that you use as a couple. That way you can check-in and decide to call it quits. However, over time, you'll probably get to the point where you want to be more open and upfront about it Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party? No idea. " The same rules for 2 singles apply as for a 3some, if anyone including the invitee decide to stop then that's all that needs to be said. Consent is sexy. | |||
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"We have found it is way easier in a Club to invite someone to join you and have some fun. It is probably the environment and the lack of any pressure. However, when we have met in a hotel it gets quite intimate and feels more pressured. It is also more planned and we prefer the spontaneity of a Club. " This x Our last club visit, Mr getting a HJ in the cinema surrounded by men, we had chatted to most during the night and when we went to a room we had a quick nod and invited one of them to join. The atmosphere is electric, but if we were not in the mood we wouldn't have wasted anyone's time. Next time, hopefully a bi woman or couple. | |||
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"We want to have a MFM threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s. What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue. Is this a reaction that’s common? Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party? Any advice of experience welcome. Thanks. " | |||
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