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One for the ladies, how would you view a guy who can't orgasm?

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By *apt80 OP   Man
over a year ago

St Helens

Medical question, but don't think there is an appropriate forum. It is as much a relationship issue as it is a swinging question, but as this place is s*x orientated maybe this is a good place to ask.

About 4 years ago, I started having problems reaching orgasm (I'm male). Initially thought this might be hormonal (had something similar as a side effect of antidepressants years ago), but eventually tracked the issue down to fairly substantial loss of genital sensation. The cause of this is a separate and ongoing question as the NHS, in my opinion, have so far failed to adequately diagnose what is wrong (there are a couple of medical conditions which could be relevant).

The whole medical saga about the diagnosis is an ongoing mess that I'm not going to go into for now (you could make a whole thread about it in its own right).

The question really I wanted to ask was about how ladies would/do view this sort of thing? I'm in the unfortunate situation of being single and in my early 40s. Prior to this starting, I was looking for a relationship, but must confess that this messed my head (and libido) up. That pretty much put me out of the dating game. I have been with an ex once since this started and can still gain an erection (with blue pill), but of course can't orgasm. She seemed to like the sex (it was a lot slower), but there was no orgasm on my part. Unfortunately she wasn't interested in having another relationship.

I do wonder how any new potential partner would respond to this? Based on how the medical profession have dealt with the situation (haven't a clue and don't care), It is looking like I am stuck like this for the rest of my life. It's already become pretty depressing, and its pretty much put me out of the dating game.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would depend a lot on if you found joy in other aspects of sexual play. The libido thing would be a much bigger deal for me personally than the O. Cum play is glorious. But not necessary.

I can't imagine wanting to do anything that required a chap to be medicated or disinterested. So, for me, he'd have to be really into whatever was possible without the pills.

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By *apt80 OP   Man
over a year ago

St Helens

Hi, thanks for your answer. I use the reference to "blue pill" to refer to viagra/tadalafil which helps someone to gain an erection. Things like that don't make you "want" to have sex though. They just make that part of it easier (improves the blood flow to that part of the body).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, that was understood. I was referring to if *I* would want to play with a medicated person.

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By *ice_couple2012Couple
over a year ago

Leicester

I suppose you could look at role reversal. Most men wouldn’t decline a woman who can’t orgasm so for me that wouldn’t be an issue if the man was ok with it.

I also don’t see an issue with taking Viagra or similar if that’s what’s needed for an erection.

I hope you can get closer to finding out what the underlying cause is for you & getting any appropriate help

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By *BW.EvaWoman
over a year ago

Carrington, Manchester

You are still able to play, give enjoyment, and give penetrative sex. I have had several play partners like this, and it has got them down. But as long as you have fun and satisfy your play partner, there should be no issues in my book!

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

I too have this problem and the lady above knows what she is saying take her advice I did and it’s helping as long as the female is enjoying it then it shouldn’t be a problem

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By *orphia2003Woman
over a year ago

Tonypandy.

I don't think I'd have any issues with this, as long as I was aware of the situation, and was happy that both parties were still getting enjoyment.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

I wouldn’t have an issue. A man that basically never comes too soon. Quelle horreur!!

Obviously this is somewhat tongue-in-cheek. I am not quite that shallow

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By *ope_kisses22Couple
over a year ago

Hyde

For me (mrs here) I wouldn't have an issue so long as there was a conversation about it so I knew. (If it was a relationship... for casual sex that's maybe not needed)

So long as you had a sexual appetite and desire still as personally I like sex and want sex often... so if your lack of O made you less horny then it wouldn't be great.

But ofc..... that's just me

But I think most things can be resolved with communication and honesty

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By *apt80 OP   Man
over a year ago

St Helens

Thanks for the responses everyone (on and off list). The thing that pre occupies me (aside of not being able to complete in itself) is that you meet someone new, it goes well, you think you want to take it to that stage, and there's then that conversation. It is that awkward "oh........." moment. Feels like it would turn someone off. Maybe I'm wrong. Don't know. That is just what it feels like it would do.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

As a woman who rarely orgasms with a new partner it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

The big O isn't the be all and end all, as long as your still enjoying yourself and having fun then it doesn't matter.

Mrs

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By *haron StonerTV/TS
over a year ago

Haywards Heath

Depends if you stay stiff til I've had enough.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

im going to be honest here im not sure if it bothers me or not i sit here thinking about it and for me one of the exciting things about meeting guys on there own is them cumming i love watching a guy cum i like feeling him cum i like to tell cuck hes cum so my honest answer is im really not sure ...

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

Do you mean orgasm or ejaculate as they are two very separate things? I take a pill which can effect ejaculation but not orgasm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lady we knew who we had MFF and on occasion MFMF with her and her partner really struggled to orgasm and 9 times out of 10 didn't. It didn't stop us having incredible meets. You use to say "it's not about the destination when the journey itself is so exciting".

My question would be to what extent is your libido effected? As we know 2 people rarely have a similar sex drive and for many of us it has peaks and troughs depending on a range of factors. So many relationships fail or lead to cheating etc due to one partner have a much stronger sex drive. If that's the case it's better to be honest, put your cards on the table and look for solutions.

What's can really help is finding somebody whom your libido matches thier sex drive, so it's important to know where yours is it. Sometimes the right partner can often increase a person's sex drive as well.

You mention Viagra etc can you get an erection and perform without them? Like many medications the law of diminishing returns can apply so if you can get erect and perform without them, then my advice is to use them sparingly.

Wish you all the best OP

KJ

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

The other consideration is that you are thinking about it constantly, and therefore, you may be unintentionally hindering it further psychologically

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire


"You are still able to play, give enjoyment, and give penetrative sex. I have had several play partners like this, and it has got them down. But as long as you have fun and satisfy your play partner, there should be no issues in my book! "

agreed

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By *apt80 OP   Man
over a year ago

St Helens


"Do you mean orgasm or ejaculate as they are two very separate things? I take a pill which can effect ejaculation but not orgasm "

It is a problem with orgasm not ejaculation. Loss of sensation. Very difficult to get there by hand (sorry to be crude) and impossible with a partner. There is a very obvious loss of sensation, and possibly other problems internally. Think I know what you are referring to (alpha blockers) and it is not that, although they have intermittently had me on them.

The whole medical background of this is a saga in its own right, and is still ongoing. Their current "guess" (not diagnosis, "guess" - there's a difference) is that it is a prostate issue, - possibly bph, although at the age I'm at, I'm quite young for it (early 40s). The medical background to it is wearing incredibly thin with me at this stage. The initial GPs appointment was in Autumn 2019 and still in winter/spring 2023 I don't feel there is even a reliable diagnosis. Throughout the whole process, they have been trying to find ways to discharge me without doing anything. Its probably better not to get started on the medical side of it, as it is really annoying. Suffice to say, something like this makes you loose faith in that profession. It preys on your mind. From a lot of reading, I'm fully aware this could be an indicator of far more serious things, although the doctors seem to think no (again based on guessing rather than actual diagnosis). We can but wait and see. Wish I was rich enough to afford private.

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By *apt80 OP   Man
over a year ago

St Helens


"

A lady we knew who we had MFF and on occasion MFMF with her and her partner really struggled to orgasm and 9 times out of 10 didn't. It didn't stop us having incredible meets. You use to say "it's not about the destination when the journey itself is so exciting".

My question would be to what extent is your libido effected? As we know 2 people rarely have a similar sex drive and for many of us it has peaks and troughs depending on a range of factors. So many relationships fail or lead to cheating etc due to one partner have a much stronger sex drive. If that's the case it's better to be honest, put your cards on the table and look for solutions.

What's can really help is finding somebody whom your libido matches thier sex drive, so it's important to know where yours is it. Sometimes the right partner can often increase a person's sex drive as well.

You mention Viagra etc can you get an erection and perform without them? Like many medications the law of diminishing returns can apply so if you can get erect and perform without them, then my advice is to use them sparingly.

Wish you all the best OP

KJ"

The libido has been quite variable. Before this, it was always fairly high. Since it started, it has varied a lot between virtually zero, and something "closer" to normal. Did think at one stage this might be a hormonal issue, but am inclined to think it is something physical at this stage.

Found that vitamin D helps a bit with libido (just a regular dose, not the daft doses some people talk about), but it still doesn't solve the orgasm issue.

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