FabSwingers.com forum: WWYD sexual needs greater than partner's

By *anmjmoses OP Man
over a year ago

Northampton

Having been active on the scene prior to current relationship. Current partner is vanilla and very much unaware of the scene nor unlikely to have an interest in the scene.

Party of enjoyment of the scene was meeting and engaging with like minded people with high sexual desires and needs.

Current predicament is whilst wanting to stay with partner, it is very clear my sexual drive is much higher than hers. Although we have sex a couple of times a month, always at my instigation,lights off, spoon position. More so her catering to my sexual needs but get the sense she would be happy either way if I didn't request. And yes, I've brought up in convo of sexual drive, to see what she wants or would like to focus on her sexual needs. But if its not there, what can I do. Only so much porn that I can watch. And feeling like I've subdued my own sexual desires and needs for a very long time now.

Floor is open to your thoughts advice feedback or questions

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By *amnaughtybutniceWoman
over a year ago

tf1

End it now. It’s never going to satisfy you.

You might manage for couple months even couple of years but this will eat away at you and destroy the relationship

Walk away and find someone that shares your desires.

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By *anmjmoses OP Man
over a year ago

Northampton

"End it now. It’s never going to satisfy you.

You might manage for couple months even couple of years but this will eat away at you and destroy the relationship

Walk away and find someone that shares your desires. "

Should have also added. Children involved so complicates things. If there wasn't then yes, I agree that ending is a step to consider and it is something I would've done in the past.

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

The only time my sex drive has disappeared when with someone I love is when something they do/say has caused me to lose some kind of trust in them... I don't necessarily mean cheating but if the cap fits n all that... If it has always been that way from the start though, you chose to stay, don't be a dick, either leave her or put up/shut up

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think you either continue as you are or have an open, frank conversation. There are many ways to remain in a relationship and not everyone has the luxury of the ideal.

Good luck

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By *anmjmoses OP Man
over a year ago

Northampton

"The only time my sex drive has disappeared when with someone I love is when something they do/say has caused me to lose some kind of trust in them... I don't necessarily mean cheating but if the cap fits n all that... If it has always been that way from the start though, you chose to stay, don't be a dick, either leave her or put up/shut up"

No not always been like that from the start. Post baby sex drive dwindled for her. I understand and appreciate this can happen. Went about 7 months of no sex. And no did not cheat. Have not cheated. Understanding her internal difficulties or dislike of and lack of confidence of her post baby body and to remain understanding I know is required. 2 year on, confidence better than immediately after, not doing anything that has lost her trust. Just almost a matter of sex not important any more for her. Whereas still is for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"End it now. It’s never going to satisfy you.

You might manage for couple months even couple of years but this will eat away at you and destroy the relationship

Walk away and find someone that shares your desires.

Should have also added. Children involved so complicates things. If there wasn't then yes, I agree that ending is a step to consider and it is something I would've done in the past."

Children plural.

You're already on here so clearly you have no option but to cheat if she won't fuck you.

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By *orthwestbikerxxMan
over a year ago

lancs

I've been with wife 40 years last 10 sex life been going off boil Suppose everyone has different needs I know look outside marriage for sexual fun Some won't agree and others will I'm not asking for permission or peoples permission

I will never leave my wife But we all have sexual desires n needs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry OP, not judging but something doesn’t add up. Have no idea how old your kids are but you have Verifications dating back over a decade. Does she know you were on here before? Does she know you’re on here having this conversation right now? Did you discuss your sexual compatibility before committing to having and raising kids together?

The majority of people (not all) don’t just suddenly stop being interested completely in sex with a long-term partner, unless following a seismic shift in trust or emotional fulfilment.

Sounds more like you’re hoping for some kind of validation or confirmation.

Talk to your partner instead of strangers on a sex site otherwise sadly you’ll both end up being miserable in the long run.

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Looks like you have always been on fab so not a new thing because you can’t get sex. Most can’t get sex on fab either so what happens then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am genuinely sorry about the situation you find yourself in and equally sorry if this sounds harsh but ethically, there’s only one way to deal with this.

Time to suck it up and be an adult.

What I mean by this is that you have hard choices ahead of you, either discuss it and your needs with your partner explaining that this is something fundamental and non negotiable for you and let the chips fall where they may or decide that she and your children are more important to you than your desires.

Reading between the lines, I think you probably already know what the outcome of your activities would be if she found out and that’s not fair on anyone involved.

I know lots of people do keep secrets and have the best of both worlds and maybe it’s not right to judge them for the position they’re in but I think it’s fair to say that the discovery of this by the partner will only ever cause heartbreak for all concerned.

I’m afraid it’s now over to you to decide what’s more important. Talk about it, leave it or hide it

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Sorry OP, not judging but something doesn’t add up. Have no idea how old your kids are but you have Verifications dating back over a decade. Does she know you were on here before? Does she know you’re on here having this conversation right now? Did you discuss your sexual compatibility before committing to having and raising kids together?

The majority of people (not all) don’t just suddenly stop being interested completely in sex with a long-term partner, unless following a seismic shift in trust or emotional fulfilment.

Sounds more like you’re hoping for some kind of validation or confirmation.

Talk to your partner instead of strangers on a sex site otherwise sadly you’ll both end up being miserable in the long run."

Yup pretty much said everything I wanted to say initially.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Having been active on the scene prior to current relationship. Current partner is vanilla and very much unaware of the scene nor unlikely to have an interest in the scene.

Party of enjoyment of the scene was meeting and engaging with like minded people with high sexual desires and needs.

Floor is open to your thoughts advice feedback or questions"

What do you and your partner do to spend time alone together non-sexually?

I remember my former husband ignoring me for most of the week and then wanting sex when we were in bed. It was a complete turn-off and it got worst when he started to belittle me.

I always come back to date nights weekly and overnights away monthly. And daily hour long chats not about the kids.

if you are not doing any of those things then the spark will fizzle.

I often hear people talk about what the partner is not doing but they never talk about what they are doing to support their partner.

What did you do for Valentines? Did you send her for a massage while you look after the kids? Did you plan something for just they two of you, this coming weekend or last past weekend?

Life partnership especially with kids is work. things don't magically continue happening because we are not robots. When I'm stressed, tensed and tired I don not feel in any way sexual. To get back that connection I have to re-connect with my body. But if your partner has no time to reconnect with her body, then she will never feel sexual enough for you.

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By *ottodot123Couple
over a year ago

Gillingham

"Having been active on the scene prior to current relationship. Current partner is vanilla and very much unaware of the scene nor unlikely to have an interest in the scene.

Party of enjoyment of the scene was meeting and engaging with like minded people with high sexual desires and needs.

Floor is open to your thoughts advice feedback or questions

What do you and your partner do to spend time alone together non-sexually?

I remember my former husband ignoring me for most of the week and then wanting sex when we were in bed. It was a complete turn-off and it got worst when he started to belittle me.

I always come back to date nights weekly and overnights away monthly. And daily hour long chats not about the kids.

if you are not doing any of those things then the spark will fizzle.

I often hear people talk about what the partner is not doing but they never talk about what they are doing to support their partner.

What did you do for Valentines? Did you send her for a massage while you look after the kids? Did you plan something for just they two of you, this coming weekend or last past weekend?

This is the best advice.

Stop thinking about your dick. Start thinking about your partner.

What does she need in order to feel more sexy, more fulfilled.

It sounds like you have a very young child. 2 or under. They are exhausting. You feel touched out. Like you've lost yourself. The last thing you want at the end of the day is the only bit of attention from your husband to be a sexual advance.

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By *ottodot123Couple
over a year ago

Gillingham

Although as touched upon by another poster.

I feel like you posted this on a swingers site hoping that the answer was.

You do you mate. If she can't give you the action then she's gotta accept you're gonna get it elsewhere.

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

Alot of people think cheating has to be a physical thing and engaging in sexual activities, but it's really not, you being on here is cheating, being on here means you'd not think twice about it, talking to people sexually is cheating, hears a thing, imagine you were in her shoes and you found out she was on a site like this and she tells you what youv told us...I really don't think you would just accept the fact that just because she might not have had sex with someone else but being on a site where that can potentially happen and she knows that that you would accept that and not throw the cheating card at her. Seriously have some respect for the woman that you tell every day that you love her!

You chose to be in that relationship so deal with it or be honest and tell her that you can no longer live without regular sex, yeah it might hurt her that your ending it but just imagine how she would feel knowing your likely having sex with numerous people, just put yourself where she is and think about that for a second.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Either have an honest convo with her op and tell her you're not prepared to live without sex or end it.

Its not fair on her and you're obviously not happy either.

Try asking her if she will compromise and let you get sex elsewhere.

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By *BW.EvaWoman
over a year ago

Carrington, Manchester

I have an asexual husband, who doesn't believe sex is necessary, hid it from me for 5 years of our relationship (had sex with me at beginning then made excuses) and we were 3 years married when I found out. 4 years after I found out, we came to a compromise, cos it took him that long to get his head around I needed sex (and I think he was fed up being woken up by my masterbating!)

So I now go out and have fun, he plays xbox. But we have rules in place, and we make sure we have a good relationship daily - go on date nights etc

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"End it now. It’s never going to satisfy you.

You might manage for couple months even couple of years but this will eat away at you and destroy the relationship

Walk away and find someone that shares your desires.

Should have also added. Children involved so complicates things. If there wasn't then yes, I agree that ending is a step to consider and it is something I would've done in the past."

Then this makes it more important to be open and honest, talk and if you can't reach a compromise then leave.

It's not fair on the Mrs or the kids when it comes out you have been deceitful, lied and hurt the mother of your children.

Think of them and what type of relationships you'd like them to look upto.

Mrs

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