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Feelings

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hey

Louis here. I don’t know why but I love seeing and knowing my wife is having fun with another person, woman or man but the thing that I’m craving now is to know she and the other have feelings for one another. Deep intimate connection but also still love and respect me.

Why do I get these feelings?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Why do I get these feelings was a bad phrase to use but I’m asking myself why I want my wife to have feelings for someone else. Why do I have these thoughts?

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

Sit quietly and ask your feelings what they are trying to tell you.

I don’t think anyone else can tell you why you are feeling a certain way. Feelings are internal messages. We generally don’t pay them enough attention.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you.

I think I’m trying to work out why I want my wife to have feelings for another person and vice verca. I’m also aware that I probably feel a bit weird about it because society didn’t teach us to be like this so it’s not the norm but I like being different lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Probably because you know that love doesn't mean ownership and you want your wife to experience her best life

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Yes I do. I want her to be loved and to love other. I am of the belief that a person can love multiple people but only marry one. I believe you can have that deep down intimate feeling for more than one person but still respect the husband and wife barrier

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Yes I do. I want her to be loved and to love other. I am of the belief that a person can love multiple people but only marry one. I believe you can have that deep down intimate feeling for more than one person but still respect the husband and wife barrier "

How does she feel about this? That's the most important consideration in my opinion

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

She is open to it but originally scared in case the feelings she caught were too strong and ended up in us splitting up

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"She is open to it but originally scared in case the feelings she caught were too strong and ended up in us splitting up"

That would also be my concern but I'm well aware that I'm not cut out for polyamory

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Which I understand.

What I’m explaining isn’t for everyone. I’m not the jealous type and would have no problem with her and him/her going out on a date or movies or something. Just the togetherness. We’ve been together 21 years. No idea why I want this though

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire


"Which I understand.

What I’m explaining isn’t for everyone. I’m not the jealous type and would have no problem with her and him/her going out on a date or movies or something. Just the togetherness. We’ve been together 21 years. No idea why I want this though "

It certainly sounds as if you want it more than your wife does

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

She was brought up in a very strict family. Had to stay in line and only live within your box kind of thing. I wasn’t.

We joined fab because I asked if she would mind. Then she played with a girl and it blew her mind. She doesn’t know what she doesn’t know

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Which I understand.

What I’m explaining isn’t for everyone. I’m not the jealous type and would have no problem with her and him/her going out on a date or movies or something. Just the togetherness. We’ve been together 21 years. No idea why I want this though "

Neither have I .

Maybe you feel you're not able to provide all she wants emotionally from a romantic partner, maybe you don't want to provide all she wants, maybe you're just wired that way. I don't know how useful it is to analyse why we feel how we do. Sometimes it might be best to say it to the person and accept that's how it is.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"She was brought up in a very strict family. Had to stay in line and only live within your box kind of thing. I wasn’t.

We joined fab because I asked if she would mind. Then she played with a girl and it blew her mind. She doesn’t know what she doesn’t know "

None of us do but when it comes to things like this I don't think it's a good idea to use that line of reasoning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you have 'compersion'

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Omg yes you are right. I didn’t know what the word was but that’s exactly it. Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Omg yes you are right. I didn’t know what the word was but that’s exactly it. Thank you"

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By *heaspieswingerMan
over a year ago

Peak District


"Hey

Louis here. I don’t know why but I love seeing and knowing my wife is having fun with another person, woman or man but the thing that I’m craving now is to know she and the other have feelings for one another. Deep intimate connection but also still love and respect me.

Why do I get these feelings? "

It’s called ‘compersion’. Joy at seeing your partner experiencing joy, basically. There’s a FB group you might find useful called Relationships Outside The Box: Polyamory And Open Relationships. Go check it out and ask your question there too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey

Louis here. I don’t know why but I love seeing and knowing my wife is having fun with another person, woman or man but the thing that I’m craving now is to know she and the other have feelings for one another. Deep intimate connection but also still love and respect me.

Why do I get these feelings?

It’s called ‘compersion’. Joy at seeing your partner experiencing joy, basically. There’s a FB group you might find useful called Relationships Outside The Box: Polyamory And Open Relationships. Go check it out and ask your question there too "

Already established this...

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By *esmdMan
over a year ago

Woodhall Spa

I’ve often thought this way for my wife too

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray


"Hey

Louis here. I don’t know why but I love seeing and knowing my wife is having fun with another person, woman or man but the thing that I’m craving now is to know she and the other have feelings for one another. Deep intimate connection but also still love and respect me.

Why do I get these feelings? "

Are you truly still in love with her? Could this be that your not bring true to yourself therfore you want her to be in love with someone else and for that person to be in love with her to ease your guilt of how your feeling? Just a suggestion mind you, might be way off the mark. But sometimes we do pay attention to our feelings but we don't like the outcome of them, so maybe you want this to compensate for your lack of feelings towards her, you still love her but not the way you maybe did and you believe she is deserving of that kind of love. This is the best way I could put this.

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