FabSwingers.com forum: Approaching

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi, I am socially awkward and wanted some tips on how to approach people in clubs or socials without coming across as weird. Thank you

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By *red010171Man
over a year ago

South West ish

Talk to people as if you was in a pub, no magical formula, just be yourself, polite and normal.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

"Talk to people as if you was in a pub, no magical formula, just be yourself, polite and normal. "

this ...there is no magic way ...people will like you or not just as in real life

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have in couple of occasions, have said “Hi, how are you, I’m “…..” and they look at me like, So what you want from us, it feels like your presence is not appreciated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do what you normally do. No point trying to be something you aren't

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

I started chatting to a couple today at a club by commenting on the kilt he was wearing. We then chatted for about an hour

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By *ootprints1629Couple
over a year ago

somewhere in moray

No disrespect but your bio and verifications tell a totally different story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have in couple of occasions, have said “Hi, how are you, I’m “…..” and they look at me like, So what you want from us, it feels like your presence is not appreciated"

Perhaps they just didn't want to chat to you. Some men assume that if people chat to them it means they will fuck them. So they may prefer not to chat at all.

If you're not that type of man don't feel bad at their reaction. Just find someone else to chat to.

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By *ewisbi76Man
over a year ago

west edinburgh

OP a lot of the advice you've been given is ,just behave as if you're in any other social situation.....but.... if you're genuinely socially awkward then you'll have the same problem all the time, in the pub, at work etc so that advice doesn't really help

Some people going to clubs post on their local area forum with "were going to x club, who else is going" or sometimes "want to go to club x but am nervous who wants to go with me for my first time". chatting online to a few profiles like that and finding someone you can walk through the door with who will speak to you a bit seems like the best answer.

Even if they hook up with somone else and leave you, you've been "warmed up" and other people have seen you being sociable and you'll look more approachable"

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By *ister_ee_1981Man
over a year ago

Sunniest Exeter...

"I have in couple of occasions, have said “Hi, how are you, I’m “…..” and they look at me like, So what you want from us, it feels like your presence is not appreciated"

My advice is to have a "line 2" ready. Doing the "hi, how are you etc is great" but what you want to avoid is that awkward silence afterward as you haven't git a second line. Sometjing about how they look, the venue, something that happened to you on the way etc

I find it helps break the ice. Also remember open ended questions. They start "How, Who, What, Why, Where, When" questions that can't be answered "yes" or "no" (usually)

For example - "is this your first time" can be answered yes or no and, alternatively "How often do you come here?" is the same question, but opens up the convo, and then gives them a chance to add one back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just act like you would approaching strangers in a pub. Be polite and non threatening in your approach. Easy enough to do.

As a couple its easer for us as we approach as a couple or L will go across first on her own. Although even she's been turned down once by a couple just wanted to watch others. (A little frustrating but peacocks are hard to spot).

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By *redy81Man
over a year ago

London

Honestly, however, the best is to approach someone naturally, saying hello, just as you would do in a pub, the situation is still different a bit, as they will know that you probably have a "plan" with them, way more than pure socializing... So, it's different from a pub.

Ideally, everyone would feel the right and polite way how to express quickly that they are not interested in anything further than chatting, so none of you "waste their time", but sometimes it's not the case.

Actually, if following your polite approach, they give you some sort of bad look, or rude rejection then they are the ones who are socially awkward not you.

Sometimes I visit clubs with a female friend and as we are looking for couples only, poor single dudes who approach us have zero chances even tho they talk to us in a perfect manner. As (be honest!) none of us are there to spend that 4-5 hours talking about sports or simply socializing, usually I find a polite way to let them know what is the score. Rather make a joke out of myself, so they don't need to feel embarrassed. For example, if a single dude asks if he can join our table for a chat, I will tell him "certainly, you can, but I need to warn you that I'm a selfish twat, so unless you have a beautiful girlfriend who is about to join us once she is back from the bar, we are up for a chat only, as for anything else we are looking for couples"

I don't want him to feel "ashamed", so I make clear that the rejection is not for personal reasons just because we are not into single guys. But I also can't see any point in having a long chat with someone at a swinger's party if we have zero interest to move forward. That's wasted time for everybody.

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

"No disrespect but your bio and verifications tell a totally different story."

Verifications seem to imply OP is over any issues

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By *alleyDaveMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"No disrespect but your bio and verifications tell a totally different story.

Verifications seem to imply OP is over any issues

Yep, he has bagged himself an list of verifications, lucky sod.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

Op. You know I know you well and you have come a long way

As others have said. If someone gives you a weird or rude reply to a polite introduction then the issue lies with then not you.. however I know that when this happens it knocks you.

As someone else has suggestions..have a follow up to the hi , how are you?

To those saying his verifications suggest he is over this

. I am well verified yet sometimes feel a bit lost even though clubs are the only place I meet..

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By *edgirlWoman
over a year ago

Berkhamsted

"Ideally, everyone would feel the right and polite way how to express quickly that they are not interested in anything further than chatting, so none of you "waste their time", but sometimes it's not the case."

This reminds me of the time some friends I'd known for years asked my advice on their first visit to a swingers club. I told them this but somehow they got stuck talking to a couple they weren't interested in at all. Like, for most of the night lol!

I know they did it cause they didn't feel confident in saying no but I reminded them that they'd essentially wasted that couple's night too by giving them false hope

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By *tarkersandcrutchCouple
over a year ago

TELFORD

Just be yourself. Be polite and respectful, just relax and enjoy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have in couple of occasions, have said “Hi, how are you, I’m “…..” and they look at me like, So what you want from us, it feels like your presence is not appreciated"

You have projected your own belief of their thoughts onto them.

That’s on you not them.

Give yourself a chance.

Couples are often wary when first approached by a single guy in clubs but if you’re just chatty and polite then they’ll usually warm to you.

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