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"Yay, a new season  " It'll be interesting to see if they introduce any new characters this season! | |||
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"Yay, a new season
It'll be interesting to see if they introduce any new characters this season!"To be fair, season 6 ended with a cliffhanger | |||
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It sounds like you're having a rough time John, hope you manage to find the strength to be kind to yourself and focus on self care. Here's to a speedy recovery! | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? " Not much working nowadays sorry  | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? Not much working nowadays sorry "That's a shame, do you find it hard to relax? | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? Not much working nowadays sorry
That's a shame, do you find it hard to relax? "Extremely. I’m usually very tired from work but unable to unplug and get to sleep. Also will struggle to stay asleep once I manage to fall | |||
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"Hello. It's seems I've missed a few seasons of this epic. Can i just jump straight in or should i seek a synopsis?" Hi
Jump straight in! | |||
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"Newbie on here and long term ADHD afflicted checking in. " Hi
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"Newbie on here and long term ADHD afflicted checking in. Hi
"Hi there  | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? Not much working nowadays sorry
That's a shame, do you find it hard to relax?
Extremely. I’m usually very tired from work but unable to unplug and get to sleep. Also will struggle to stay asleep once I manage to fall "Hard relate! I've spent most of my career feeling exhausted but thought that was the nature of the beast, as everyone else was saying the same thing. I wish I pulled myself out of that profession before burnout, no job or amount of money is worth it. When it comes to sleep it's not my friend at all, I get out of bed feeling just as tired as when I got in. I'm not even gonna mention the sleep walking ect   | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? Not much working nowadays sorry
That's a shame, do you find it hard to relax?
Extremely. I’m usually very tired from work but unable to unplug and get to sleep. Also will struggle to stay asleep once I manage to fall
Hard relate! I've spent most of my career feeling exhausted but thought that was the nature of the beast, as everyone else was saying the same thing. I wish I pulled myself out of that profession before burnout, no job or amount of money is worth it.
When it comes to sleep it's not my friend at all, I get out of bed feeling just as tired as when I got in. I'm not even gonna mention the sleep walking ect "I am very tempted to try weighted blankets, anyone had? | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? Not much working nowadays sorry
That's a shame, do you find it hard to relax?
Extremely. I’m usually very tired from work but unable to unplug and get to sleep. Also will struggle to stay asleep once I manage to fall
Hard relate! I've spent most of my career feeling exhausted but thought that was the nature of the beast, as everyone else was saying the same thing. I wish I pulled myself out of that profession before burnout, no job or amount of money is worth it.
When it comes to sleep it's not my friend at all, I get out of bed feeling just as tired as when I got in. I'm not even gonna mention the sleep walking ect
I am very tempted to try weighted blankets, anyone had? "Funny you mentioned that, I was just looking at some lovely looking weighted blankets on esty. I'm gonna give them a go. | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? Not much working nowadays sorry
That's a shame, do you find it hard to relax?
Extremely. I’m usually very tired from work but unable to unplug and get to sleep. Also will struggle to stay asleep once I manage to fall
Hard relate! I've spent most of my career feeling exhausted but thought that was the nature of the beast, as everyone else was saying the same thing. I wish I pulled myself out of that profession before burnout, no job or amount of money is worth it.
When it comes to sleep it's not my friend at all, I get out of bed feeling just as tired as when I got in. I'm not even gonna mention the sleep walking ect
I am very tempted to try weighted blankets, anyone had?
Funny you mentioned that, I was just looking at some lovely looking weighted blankets on esty. I'm gonna give them a go. "Great minds think alike | |||
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"Hi funandgame, thank you for your story. Glad to hear that Cupids worked for you and going every month was a good idea and you overcame difficulties. How awful it was spoilt by Covid and it's not been the same since. Is it possible that persistence might pay again, or is too difficult? Is Cupids now too different? Has people's behaviour changed in this post-Covid world? Have you changed perhaps because of getting older? Did you not keep contact with the people you did get to know before, like Fab usernames, for instance?" I don't think there have been improvements after so many visits after the pandemic and my anxiety remained the same. The club itself is fine and looks nice after a refurb it went through during lockdown. I still feel like how I was when I first went to Cupids five years ago and no longer the happy, confident person I was between then and the start of the pandemic. I do keep in contact with a few friends but I hardly see one of them anymore and the other has settled down but we do meet up for a meal in Manchester every Christmas. | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. Hello, I have a form of autism known as Asperger's Syndrome. I've known to have learning difficulties in the past where to be shown what to do in order for me to do things by myself. I can get stressed easily sometimes which would lead to me getting upset. How it affects me when it comes to Fab or going to clubs, well, I do find it hard to do social interactions with people I've never met. When I'm with people I know, I'm alright but when I'm around people I don't know, that's where I have problems. When I first went to a club called Cupids five years ago, I was quite nervous and did what I could to fit in after being introduced to a few people but then my social anxiety got bad and I ended up sitting in a corner feeling like I was invisible. At the end of the evening, I felt really down. I posted my experience on Fab and was given nothing but positive comments saying how well I did for going by myself and was encouraged to keep going. I went again and again each month and overtime, I was able to make some new friends helped me become a more confident and happier person than I've ever been in my life. Then the pandemic happened. During the lockdowns, I was worried that once everything reopened, I wouldn't see any of my friends at the club anymore and I'd be back where I started. As soon as everything reopened, I went back to Cupids and it was as I had feared, there was so many new faces and hardly anyone I recognised from before. The confidence I had gained in the past was gone and my social anxiety had returned and sadly, it's been like this ever since. There were a few times that were good but most of my visits were not good at all. At the end of the bad visits, I would feel like I was a failure and feel doubtful of myself. I even felt like I was meant to have friends. Sorry for the long post. I thought I'd get it all off my chest how my autism affects me." It's such a shame you lost your confidence after the pandemic.You were able to build effective coping mechanisms to make good connections, which you sound like you were enjoying? I wonder why it was so much more difficult this time around? I know what you mean about so many new faces though! It was the same when I went back to chams,before I started going with Rod it was strange. | |||
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"I absolutely love my weighted blanket. It was also quite a good price. I bought my daughter a weighted hoodie from the same company too." Oh amazing! Has it improved the quality of your sleep? | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. Hello, I have a form of autism known as Asperger's Syndrome. I've known to have learning difficulties in the past where to be shown what to do in order for me to do things by myself. I can get stressed easily sometimes which would lead to me getting upset. How it affects me when it comes to Fab or going to clubs, well, I do find it hard to do social interactions with people I've never met. When I'm with people I know, I'm alright but when I'm around people I don't know, that's where I have problems. When I first went to a club called Cupids five years ago, I was quite nervous and did what I could to fit in after being introduced to a few people but then my social anxiety got bad and I ended up sitting in a corner feeling like I was invisible. At the end of the evening, I felt really down. I posted my experience on Fab and was given nothing but positive comments saying how well I did for going by myself and was encouraged to keep going. I went again and again each month and overtime, I was able to make some new friends helped me become a more confident and happier person than I've ever been in my life. Then the pandemic happened. During the lockdowns, I was worried that once everything reopened, I wouldn't see any of my friends at the club anymore and I'd be back where I started. As soon as everything reopened, I went back to Cupids and it was as I had feared, there was so many new faces and hardly anyone I recognised from before. The confidence I had gained in the past was gone and my social anxiety had returned and sadly, it's been like this ever since. There were a few times that were good but most of my visits were not good at all. At the end of the bad visits, I would feel like I was a failure and feel doubtful of myself. I even felt like I was meant to have friends. Sorry for the long post. I thought I'd get it all off my chest how my autism affects me. It's such a shame you lost your confidence after the pandemic.You were able to build effective coping mechanisms to make good connections, which you sound like you were enjoying? I wonder why it was so much more difficult this time around? I know what you mean about so many new faces though! It was the same when I went back to chams,before I started going with Rod it was strange. " It was so much more difficult as everything I had learned is gone. Everytime I see someone talking, I'd be scared to say anything as I felt like I was butting in on the conversation. When I see someone and want to say hello and talk, I freeze and my mind goes blank. When I'm sat by myself, I would feel isolated and alone. Negative thoughts like "who am I kidding?","who would want to be friends with a freak like me?" and "I should just leave. Nobody is gonna notice I've gone anyway." would go round in my head and in the end, I would end up getting dressed and leaving feeling very down in the dumps for the rest of the day. | |||
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"Oh amazing! Has it improved the quality of your sleep? " Sleep? Nooooo. Not in the slightest. It's not a compliment that every woman who has slept with me said I was hot in bed! I sweat far too much at night to consider sleeping with it.
However, I use it during the day. Can't really explain it, but it kinda grounds me. GREAT for anxiety. | |||
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" I am very tempted to try weighted blankets, anyone had? " I own a weighted duvet.. I own the Koala 9kg u want it to be around 10% of ur body weight. Its separated into lots of little pouches with tiny glass beads in. The cover is 2 sided too ... one is fluffy the other is bamboo or something and is cooling.. only con to this it is one of the more expensive ones out there 114 quid or something but that covers a double bed Have I noticed less anxiety maybe maybe not but it's very nice to have that weight and often have found myself just being comfortable laid in bed and not being bothered about getting up or such | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. Hello, I have a form of autism known as Asperger's Syndrome. I've known to have learning difficulties in the past where to be shown what to do in order for me to do things by myself. I can get stressed easily sometimes which would lead to me getting upset. How it affects me when it comes to Fab or going to clubs, well, I do find it hard to do social interactions with people I've never met. When I'm with people I know, I'm alright but when I'm around people I don't know, that's where I have problems. When I first went to a club called Cupids five years ago, I was quite nervous and did what I could to fit in after being introduced to a few people but then my social anxiety got bad and I ended up sitting in a corner feeling like I was invisible. At the end of the evening, I felt really down. I posted my experience on Fab and was given nothing but positive comments saying how well I did for going by myself and was encouraged to keep going. I went again and again each month and overtime, I was able to make some new friends helped me become a more confident and happier person than I've ever been in my life. Then the pandemic happened. During the lockdowns, I was worried that once everything reopened, I wouldn't see any of my friends at the club anymore and I'd be back where I started. As soon as everything reopened, I went back to Cupids and it was as I had feared, there was so many new faces and hardly anyone I recognised from before. The confidence I had gained in the past was gone and my social anxiety had returned and sadly, it's been like this ever since. There were a few times that were good but most of my visits were not good at all. At the end of the bad visits, I would feel like I was a failure and feel doubtful of myself. I even felt like I was meant to have friends. Sorry for the long post. I thought I'd get it all off my chest how my autism affects me." This was my solo experience too and since that first night where I ended up in same corner being a ghost I never managed to pluck up any courage to go + 30 quid a go to sit in a corner alone ... I do that at home for free.. | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. Hello, I have a form of autism known as Asperger's Syndrome. I've known to have learning difficulties in the past where to be shown what to do in order for me to do things by myself. I can get stressed easily sometimes which would lead to me getting upset. How it affects me when it comes to Fab or going to clubs, well, I do find it hard to do social interactions with people I've never met. When I'm with people I know, I'm alright but when I'm around people I don't know, that's where I have problems. When I first went to a club called Cupids five years ago, I was quite nervous and did what I could to fit in after being introduced to a few people but then my social anxiety got bad and I ended up sitting in a corner feeling like I was invisible. At the end of the evening, I felt really down. I posted my experience on Fab and was given nothing but positive comments saying how well I did for going by myself and was encouraged to keep going. I went again and again each month and overtime, I was able to make some new friends helped me become a more confident and happier person than I've ever been in my life. Then the pandemic happened. During the lockdowns, I was worried that once everything reopened, I wouldn't see any of my friends at the club anymore and I'd be back where I started. As soon as everything reopened, I went back to Cupids and it was as I had feared, there was so many new faces and hardly anyone I recognised from before. The confidence I had gained in the past was gone and my social anxiety had returned and sadly, it's been like this ever since. There were a few times that were good but most of my visits were not good at all. At the end of the bad visits, I would feel like I was a failure and feel doubtful of myself. I even felt like I was meant to have friends. Sorry for the long post. I thought I'd get it all off my chest how my autism affects me. This was my solo experience too and since that first night where I ended up in same corner being a ghost I never managed to pluck up any courage to go + 30 quid a go to sit in a corner alone ... I do that at home for free.." Sorry to hear it hasn't gotten better since then. It's hard being alone feeling like a ghost. | |||
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"Just to bump from the last thread, here is a link to a suggestion that we have a neurodivergent section of the forums: https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/feedback/1384302 It might (?!) help if you add your voice. *** Applogies for using the word "forums" as a plural!" Have stuck my 2c in expanded on the idea a little too | |||
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"I'm in a really weird state lately where I'm actually having the most fun I've had for a while, Having a bit older lady who is being my owned submissive and wears a collar when she comes over is amazingly hot. But at the same time I am still soo concerned that as a male and how I am comes across as creepy / freaks people our within dating. So actually being able to make something that is a relationship and much more comfortable is very hard. I personally have wanted the whole "happy family dream" where I get married and have kids but I dunno it feels soo unrealistic due to the often rejection that comes alongside the dating. And trying to find someone that i connect with in my childish weirdness and having a laugh but also someone that I can connect with on a sexual level also for me aswell the physical attraction is such a big part of this too. It's overall just a very complex situation that I generally am losing faith in a lot." Was I missed? or not on topic enough?  | |||
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"This was my solo experience too and since that first night where I ended up in same corner being a ghost I never managed to pluck up any courage to go + 30 quid a go to sit in a corner alone ... I do that at home for free.." That's the whole reason I don't do clubs. My brain is so unpredictable that it just feels like rolling a die. An expensive die. | |||
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"Welcome to the wonky-brained corner of Fab! Feel free to pull up a chair (quietly). And although this is fab, please feel free to leave your masks at the door. This is a place for all neurodivergent people to chat, get to know one another and discuss how Autism, ADHD, dyslexisa, dyspraxia and other conditions effect our lives and swinging. Friends, lovers and allies are welcome, but be aware that we fiercely protect our own here. Previous seasons are still available for replay at the links below: P6 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1379859 P5 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1378212 P4 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1375399 P3 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1374628 P2 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1369444 P1 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1346028 " Thanks for doing this list, makes lives easier. | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? Not much working nowadays sorry
That's a shame, do you find it hard to relax?
Extremely. I’m usually very tired from work but unable to unplug and get to sleep. Also will struggle to stay asleep once I manage to fall "I have now bought my second weighted blanket. I now find sleeping without them so weird. They are a lifesaver. When you get good sleep, that's one less thing to worry about. | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? " Break up big tasks into little ones. | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? Not much working nowadays sorry
That's a shame, do you find it hard to relax?
Extremely. I’m usually very tired from work but unable to unplug and get to sleep. Also will struggle to stay asleep once I manage to fall
Hard relate! I've spent most of my career feeling exhausted but thought that was the nature of the beast, as everyone else was saying the same thing. I wish I pulled myself out of that profession before burnout, no job or amount of money is worth it.
When it comes to sleep it's not my friend at all, I get out of bed feeling just as tired as when I got in. I'm not even gonna mention the sleep walking ect
I am very tempted to try weighted blankets, anyone had?
Funny you mentioned that, I was just looking at some lovely looking weighted blankets on esty. I'm gonna give them a go. "ALDI and LIDL have had them on sale. Single ones only. Not seen doubles/KS yet. Go for the ones that have a velvety side and a cooler side on the other. This way they are great in summer, without a duvet and sit nicely in the cooler months on top. They go for around £30 each. Buy them when you can. | |||
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"I'm in a really weird state lately where I'm actually having the most fun I've had for a while, Having a bit older lady who is being my owned submissive and wears a collar when she comes over is amazingly hot. But at the same time I am still soo concerned that as a male and how I am comes across as creepy / freaks people our within dating. So actually being able to make something that is a relationship and much more comfortable is very hard. I personally have wanted the whole "happy family dream" where I get married and have kids but I dunno it feels soo unrealistic due to the often rejection that comes alongside the dating. And trying to find someone that i connect with in my childish weirdness and having a laugh but also someone that I can connect with on a sexual level also for me aswell the physical attraction is such a big part of this too. It's overall just a very complex situation that I generally am losing faith in a lot. Was I missed? or not on topic enough? "I wish I could help but dating isn't easy nowadays, add in the wonky challenges and it can be a nightmare. I think sometimes when you're living in the moment, things seem to happen naturally. If you chase the dream not so much. Glad you're having fun with the submissive lady though | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. It was so much more difficult as everything I had learned is gone. Everytime I see someone talking, I'd be scared to say anything as I felt like I was butting in on the conversation. When I see someone and want to say hello and talk, I freeze and my mind goes blank. When I'm sat by myself, I would feel isolated and alone. Negative thoughts like "who am I kidding?","who would want to be friends with a freak like me?" and "I should just leave. Nobody is gonna notice I've gone anyway." would go round in my head and in the end, I would end up getting dressed and leaving feeling very down in the dumps for the rest of the day." After my two nights at Jaydees, I finally broke the ice with three women I never thought I'd had the courage to speak first to: but I did!!!! This resulted in: A silly flirty chat for about 10 minutes, left on good terms A full 1 to 1 session on the St Andrew's cross with me doing the gloves and helping her to rebuild her trust and learning how to relax, this glove/therapy session took an hour and it felt amazing, being able to be this intimate on so many levels, so quickly. (made a new friend here!) And finally I had enough confidence to speak to a woman who looked like a crush of mine, that was difficult, but I did it. (Rejection alert is a real thing.) A quick 2 minute chat, before heading off home. The nerves just didn't arrive and neither did those negative thoughts, I just did it before the self doubts appeared. | |||
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"This was my solo experience too and since that first night where I ended up in same corner being a ghost I never managed to pluck up any courage to go + 30 quid a go to sit in a corner alone ... I do that at home for free.. That's the whole reason I don't do clubs. My brain is so unpredictable that it just feels like rolling a die. An expensive die." The school disco syndrome, stays with you for life. Go to a club that introduces newbies to their trusted mentors, ahem. Confidence is a skill, that is not taught properly at home or school. | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. It was so much more difficult as everything I had learned is gone. Everytime I see someone talking, I'd be scared to say anything as I felt like I was butting in on the conversation. When I see someone and want to say hello and talk, I freeze and my mind goes blank. When I'm sat by myself, I would feel isolated and alone. Negative thoughts like "who am I kidding?","who would want to be friends with a freak like me?" and "I should just leave. Nobody is gonna notice I've gone anyway." would go round in my head and in the end, I would end up getting dressed and leaving feeling very down in the dumps for the rest of the day. After my two nights at Jaydees, I finally broke the ice with three women I never thought I'd had the courage to speak first to: but I did!!!! This resulted in: A silly flirty chat for about 10 minutes, left on good terms A full 1 to 1 session on the St Andrew's cross with me doing the gloves and helping her to rebuild her trust and learning how to relax, this glove/therapy session took an hour and it felt amazing, being able to be this intimate on so many levels, so quickly. (made a new friend here!) And finally I had enough confidence to speak to a woman who looked like a crush of mine, that was difficult, but I did it. (Rejection alert is a real thing.) A quick 2 minute chat, before heading off home. The nerves just didn't arrive and neither did those negative thoughts, I just did it before the self doubts appeared." Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. It was so much more difficult as everything I had learned is gone. Everytime I see someone talking, I'd be scared to say anything as I felt like I was butting in on the conversation. When I see someone and want to say hello and talk, I freeze and my mind goes blank. When I'm sat by myself, I would feel isolated and alone. Negative thoughts like "who am I kidding?","who would want to be friends with a freak like me?" and "I should just leave. Nobody is gonna notice I've gone anyway." would go round in my head and in the end, I would end up getting dressed and leaving feeling very down in the dumps for the rest of the day. After my two nights at Jaydees, I finally broke the ice with three women I never thought I'd had the courage to speak first to: but I did!!!! This resulted in: A silly flirty chat for about 10 minutes, left on good terms A full 1 to 1 session on the St Andrew's cross with me doing the gloves and helping her to rebuild her trust and learning how to relax, this glove/therapy session took an hour and it felt amazing, being able to be this intimate on so many levels, so quickly. (made a new friend here!) And finally I had enough confidence to speak to a woman who looked like a crush of mine, that was difficult, but I did it. (Rejection alert is a real thing.) A quick 2 minute chat, before heading off home. The nerves just didn't arrive and neither did those negative thoughts, I just did it before the self doubts appeared. Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. "Have you ever messaged people with meets up for the day you're visiting? | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. It was so much more difficult as everything I had learned is gone. Everytime I see someone talking, I'd be scared to say anything as I felt like I was butting in on the conversation. When I see someone and want to say hello and talk, I freeze and my mind goes blank. When I'm sat by myself, I would feel isolated and alone. Negative thoughts like "who am I kidding?","who would want to be friends with a freak like me?" and "I should just leave. Nobody is gonna notice I've gone anyway." would go round in my head and in the end, I would end up getting dressed and leaving feeling very down in the dumps for the rest of the day. After my two nights at Jaydees, I finally broke the ice with three women I never thought I'd had the courage to speak first to: but I did!!!! This resulted in: A silly flirty chat for about 10 minutes, left on good terms A full 1 to 1 session on the St Andrew's cross with me doing the gloves and helping her to rebuild her trust and learning how to relax, this glove/therapy session took an hour and it felt amazing, being able to be this intimate on so many levels, so quickly. (made a new friend here!) And finally I had enough confidence to speak to a woman who looked like a crush of mine, that was difficult, but I did it. (Rejection alert is a real thing.) A quick 2 minute chat, before heading off home. The nerves just didn't arrive and neither did those negative thoughts, I just did it before the self doubts appeared. Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes.
Have you ever messaged people with meets up for the day you're visiting? "I haven't, no. | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. It was so much more difficult as everything I had learned is gone. Everytime I see someone talking, I'd be scared to say anything as I felt like I was butting in on the conversation. When I see someone and want to say hello and talk, I freeze and my mind goes blank. When I'm sat by myself, I would feel isolated and alone. Negative thoughts like "who am I kidding?","who would want to be friends with a freak like me?" and "I should just leave. Nobody is gonna notice I've gone anyway." would go round in my head and in the end, I would end up getting dressed and leaving feeling very down in the dumps for the rest of the day. After my two nights at Jaydees, I finally broke the ice with three women I never thought I'd had the courage to speak first to: but I did!!!! This resulted in: A silly flirty chat for about 10 minutes, left on good terms A full 1 to 1 session on the St Andrew's cross with me doing the gloves and helping her to rebuild her trust and learning how to relax, this glove/therapy session took an hour and it felt amazing, being able to be this intimate on so many levels, so quickly. (made a new friend here!) And finally I had enough confidence to speak to a woman who looked like a crush of mine, that was difficult, but I did it. (Rejection alert is a real thing.) A quick 2 minute chat, before heading off home. The nerves just didn't arrive and neither did those negative thoughts, I just did it before the self doubts appeared. Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes.
Have you ever messaged people with meets up for the day you're visiting?
I haven't, no."Could you give that a go? I used to do that when I was using my single profile, I'd also message people on the club reviews if I thought we were a match. | |||
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"Wish I had found this sooner. It was so much more difficult as everything I had learned is gone. Everytime I see someone talking, I'd be scared to say anything as I felt like I was butting in on the conversation. When I see someone and want to say hello and talk, I freeze and my mind goes blank. When I'm sat by myself, I would feel isolated and alone. Negative thoughts like "who am I kidding?","who would want to be friends with a freak like me?" and "I should just leave. Nobody is gonna notice I've gone anyway." would go round in my head and in the end, I would end up getting dressed and leaving feeling very down in the dumps for the rest of the day. After my two nights at Jaydees, I finally broke the ice with three women I never thought I'd had the courage to speak first to: but I did!!!! This resulted in: A silly flirty chat for about 10 minutes, left on good terms A full 1 to 1 session on the St Andrew's cross with me doing the gloves and helping her to rebuild her trust and learning how to relax, this glove/therapy session took an hour and it felt amazing, being able to be this intimate on so many levels, so quickly. (made a new friend here!) And finally I had enough confidence to speak to a woman who looked like a crush of mine, that was difficult, but I did it. (Rejection alert is a real thing.) A quick 2 minute chat, before heading off home. The nerves just didn't arrive and neither did those negative thoughts, I just did it before the self doubts appeared. Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes.
Have you ever messaged people with meets up for the day you're visiting?
I haven't, no.
Could you give that a go? I used to do that when I was using my single profile, I'd also message people on the club reviews if I thought we were a match. "I'll give it a try. | |||
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"Confidence is like body heat, we need it to thrive, it's just that some people can control their temperature better than others, the rest struggle with being too cold or too hot. Being ND/depressed is a bit like that The correct clothing and heating/air con makes for an easier life. " Yes, this. And it is possible to move to a more confident way of being. I am way more confident now than I was a few years ago. That said, there are some places that as a ND person I would not go. Places that trigger me, or that I find overwhelming for a variety of reasons (sensory overload, triggers, social anxiety etc). If you find clubs make you feel less confident, it may be better to stay away from them until you are more settled in yourself. Its not a good idea to end up in a downward spiral. | |||
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"Confidence is like body heat, we need it to thrive, it's just that some people can control their temperature better than others, the rest struggle with being too cold or too hot. Being ND/depressed is a bit like that The correct clothing and heating/air con makes for an easier life. Yes, this. And it is possible to move to a more confident way of being. I am way more confident now than I was a few years ago. That said, there are some places that as a ND person I would not go. Places that trigger me, or that I find overwhelming for a variety of reasons (sensory overload, triggers, social anxiety etc). If you find clubs make you feel less confident, it may be better to stay away from them until you are more settled in yourself. Its not a good idea to end up in a downward spiral." Ask for a mentor to sit next to you when you've had your club tour. If a club is worth it's salt, they will happily do this for you. We've done it twice and it's a massive ego boost all round. I still have my own fears, but the volume is no longer set to 11. | |||
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Updated my username last night (previously curvaceousgusher). Had that name for years but didn't realise how much I didn't connect with it anymore until having to say it out loud to people at the club on Friday New name was a suggestion on a forum post and I absolutely love it It's got multiple connotations for me. I'm a bubbly character, fizzy brained, love prosecco and I definitely am a rascal  | |||
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"Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. You are not a failure: you haven't found the right tools. Successful people have had this confidence issue sussed out in primary school and have the ability to socialise with great ease. People like us, have struggled ever since. This gets left uncorrected and the problems grow and grow. As for messaging, speak to the club hosts and ask for an introduction, tell them you're ND and they should be able to help out. Maybe ND wrist bands would help, as lanyards are a bit awkward in the hot tub." I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful. | |||
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"Hello. It's seems I've missed a few seasons of this epic. Can i just jump straight in or should i seek a synopsis?" I'm not sure there could be a succinct synopsis at this point. What I've been part of so far has bounced all over, which is totally to be expected lol. "Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? " I have loads of different tools and tricks I utilise. Built up over years of different therapies or just my own research/practise. Weighted blankets are great, can definitely add a further recommendation on that. It creates a similar effect to being hugged and is very calming. I don't tend to use mine in the summer though as I get way too hot and it becomes counterintuitive. Absolute bliss in the winter though as it holds in the heat. Loop earplugs are amazing. I have a couple of sets. They come in little pods you can attach to your keys or bag. Help to soften noise when it's overwhelming and also cut down background noise which helps me focus on conversations (especially in a busy place). Main issue is they increase internal noises so your own voice sounds louder and chewing is awful. But you can choose what's worse at the time lol. Checking in with your senses regularly is important. If I'm feeling overwhelmed I literally go to each sense ... What can I taste? What can I hear? What can I smell? What can I feel? What can I see? Actually focusing on each one. That's when I'll realise there is something scratchy on my clothing or a clock ticking somewhere, just bugging me but not obviously. I can then counteract with ... My emotional first aid kit which is a lifesaver. It's a little tactile pouch I can swap between bags. Inside I have mint breath spray to help take away any weird/bad tastes, a Vicks menthol stick which helps when I have a pressure headache, two essential oil rollerballs from Tisserand (Happy Vibes for energy boost and Lavender for calming) and a pair of tweezers because I have beard hairs that's bug me as soon as they pop up again haha. These all engage taste, smell and touch to help me ground. Then I also have specific pictures and music saved easily on my phone for sight and sound. Box breathing can help slow breathing and calm our nervous systems. It's breathing in for four counts, hold for four, out for four, hold for four, then repeat. I find focusing on the count very soothing. Random fact, apparently Navy Seals do it in training. Sometimes I will slow the breath out so that it's over both of the second two sets of four, then go straight to breath in again. On the subject of breathing, just taking a huge breath can help. I literally forget to breath sometimes or hold my breath without realising Apparently it's quite common for ND folks, especially when we are focused on other things or totally overwhelmed. So just taking a huge lungful of air and get some oxygen back can help.
I could keep going with a few other things but this is probably super long already  My final tip though is be kind to yourself. Try to let go of those thoughts that YOU are broken or "the problem". Easier said than done, that's for sure. When I catch myself with that kind of thinking, I try to remind myself that a lot of my struggles happen because I live in a broken society that isn't designed to support and nurture differences. I also try to focus on things that are my strengths because of everything I've gone through (like being compassionate and understanding).
Hope some of these things are a help for others. Sending love! | |||
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I've wanted a SAD lamp for years. Why has it taken this long to order one when it literally took sixty seconds to press 'buy it now' on Amazon?! I believe we as a group are very susceptible to SAD because of our fucky neurotransmitters. | |||
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" I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful." Looks back at the horrendous bullying I faced from right way through primary (including by teachers) and then most of secondary school think it finally dulled down mid year 10... After a "popular kid" told someone who was giving me shit to fuck off and that I was decent... things changed but by sounds of this damage had allready been done | |||
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"Whirling in and saying hi!  "Hi | |||
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" I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful. Looks back at the horrendous bullying I faced from right way through primary (including by teachers) and then most of secondary school think it finally dulled down mid year 10... After a "popular kid" told someone who was giving me shit to fuck off and that I was decent... things changed but by sounds of this damage had allready been done" That's awful. The bullying for me wasn't the only thing that bothered me at school. When I was at secondary school and first year of college, I went through moments where I felt like I was ugly and was never gonna be alone forever. | |||
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"Hi guys. Mind if I join you? ADHD assessment next week…. Just wanted to jump on the weighted blanket bandwagon. Mines in the post. Also worth looking at SAD lamps. Fireplace TV on YTube. Fairy lights everywhere. I’m here for any other recommendations "Hi
Hope all goes well with your assessment. Thanks for the suggestions, there's definitely a few I would use. | |||
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" That's awful. The bullying for me wasn't the only thing that bothered me at school. When I was at secondary school and first year of college, I went through moments where I felt like I was ugly and was never gonna be alone forever." Those feelings don't seem to disappear, I still often get them Bullying + depression + anxiety Tends to strip you of your self worth and confidence. I have said to a few friends thank fuck I have never had access to a firearm as honestly don't think I'd be here If I did have that easy access | |||
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"What dies the "SAD" lamp do ... Think we should try n cheer it up also " Tells you things aren't really that bad, there are people with real problems, just snap out of it, that kind of thing
No, really, I think it's just a really bright light that tries to replicate the natural light we're missing at this time of year to stimulate serotonin production. I'm sure there's more to it than that. They have really good reviews though. Meant to help with low energy and depressive symptoms, make it easier to wake up in the morning etc. | |||
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"Hello. It's seems I've missed a few seasons of this epic. Can i just jump straight in or should i seek a synopsis? I'm not sure there could be a succinct synopsis at this point. What I've been part of so far has bounced all over, which is totally to be expected lol. Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? I have loads of different tools and tricks I utilise. Built up over years of different therapies or just my own research/practise. Weighted blankets are great, can definitely add a further recommendation on that. It creates a similar effect to being hugged and is very calming. I don't tend to use mine in the summer though as I get way too hot and it becomes counterintuitive. Absolute bliss in the winter though as it holds in the heat. Loop earplugs are amazing. I have a couple of sets. They come in little pods you can attach to your keys or bag. Help to soften noise when it's overwhelming and also cut down background noise which helps me focus on conversations (especially in a busy place). Main issue is they increase internal noises so your own voice sounds louder and chewing is awful. But you can choose what's worse at the time lol. Checking in with your senses regularly is important. If I'm feeling overwhelmed I literally go to each sense ... What can I taste? What can I hear? What can I smell? What can I feel? What can I see? Actually focusing on each one. That's when I'll realise there is something scratchy on my clothing or a clock ticking somewhere, just bugging me but not obviously. I can then counteract with ... My emotional first aid kit which is a lifesaver. It's a little tactile pouch I can swap between bags. Inside I have mint breath spray to help take away any weird/bad tastes, a Vicks menthol stick which helps when I have a pressure headache, two essential oil rollerballs from Tisserand (Happy Vibes for energy boost and Lavender for calming) and a pair of tweezers because I have beard hairs that's bug me as soon as they pop up again haha. These all engage taste, smell and touch to help me ground. Then I also have specific pictures and music saved easily on my phone for sight and sound. Box breathing can help slow breathing and calm our nervous systems. It's breathing in for four counts, hold for four, out for four, hold for four, then repeat. I find focusing on the count very soothing. Random fact, apparently Navy Seals do it in training. Sometimes I will slow the breath out so that it's over both of the second two sets of four, then go straight to breath in again. On the subject of breathing, just taking a huge breath can help. I literally forget to breath sometimes or hold my breath without realising Apparently it's quite common for ND folks, especially when we are focused on other things or totally overwhelmed. So just taking a huge lungful of air and get some oxygen back can help.
I could keep going with a few other things but this is probably super long already My final tip though is be kind to yourself. Try to let go of those thoughts that YOU are broken or "the problem". Easier said than done, that's for sure. When I catch myself with that kind of thinking, I try to remind myself that a lot of my struggles happen because I live in a broken society that isn't designed to support and nurture differences. I also try to focus on things that are my strengths because of everything I've gone through (like being compassionate and understanding).
Hope some of these things are a help for others. Sending love!"Thanks for that! I wouldn't mind if you continued to list your hacks it could really help someone else. | |||
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" That's awful. The bullying for me wasn't the only thing that bothered me at school. When I was at secondary school and first year of college, I went through moments where I felt like I was ugly and was never gonna be alone forever. Those feelings don't seem to disappear, I still often get them Bullying + depression + anxiety Tends to strip you of your self worth and confidence. I have said to a few friends thank fuck I have never had access to a firearm as honestly don't think I'd be here If I did have that easy access" There was a time during my first year of college that I felt so low, I nearly jumped off a bridge. I've learnt since then that nothing is worth losing my life over. I did have a girlfriend for the first time in the second year of college which lasted four or five years even though she was blind and diabetic. She broke my heart in 2006 when she cheated on me and dumped me for a guy twice her age. We did end up back together sometime later but it didn't last long so we both agreed to end it. | |||
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"Ordered a weighted blanket and a SAD lamp to be delivered tomorrow. Fully expecting them to turn me into a new woman capable of All The Things and will inevitably be crushed when my dreams don't materialise
I've wanted a SAD lamp for years. Why has it taken this long to order one when it literally took sixty seconds to press 'buy it now' on Amazon?! I believe we as a group are very susceptible to SAD because of our fucky neurotransmitters. "My weighted blanket has been sitting in my shopping cart for months, probably because I’ve tried to ascertain if it was the best choice between the possible 100k choices | |||
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And as I sit here in the dark trying to decompress I must admit I cam see the funny side, it's fucking ridiculous isn't it!
I'm also feeling quite proud of myself one for ringing in sick and being honest that it's because my wonky brain is being a bit of a shit! But mainly because yesterday I'm a 10km race I was really struggling with the sensory issue of other runners near me and I had the sense to ease up, stop racing and just enjoy the scenery instead. Both of those are considerable growth! | |||
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"I love my weighted blanket, not sure it helps me sleep better but I love the sensation of it! I am at my happiest naked under a quilt or blanket though so a heavy one is sensory heaven. Though not quite as good as my 4 season sleeping bag!" Very much sounds like you would enjoy anything that provides compression Think you can get sensory cacoons / swings apparently very good for those who enjoy compression | |||
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"Fuckin hell this season is filling up quick! So after a couple of fairly rough weeks with my Autism today I rang in sick fundamentally because on Saturday afternoon I stumbled in to a funfair and the sensory overload has destroyed me! And as I sit here in the dark trying to decompress I must admit I cam see the funny side, it's fucking ridiculous isn't it!
I'm also feeling quite proud of myself one for ringing in sick and being honest that it's because my wonky brain is being a bit of a shit! But mainly because yesterday I'm a 10km race I was really struggling with the sensory issue of other runners near me and I had the sense to ease up, stop racing and just enjoy the scenery instead. Both of those are considerable growth!"Very proud of you! We often struggle to recognise we need to stop masking, don't we? | |||
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"Ordered a weighted blanket and a SAD lamp to be delivered tomorrow. Fully expecting them to turn me into a new woman capable of All The Things and will inevitably be crushed when my dreams don't materialise
I've wanted a SAD lamp for years. Why has it taken this long to order one when it literally took sixty seconds to press 'buy it now' on Amazon?! I believe we as a group are very susceptible to SAD because of our fucky neurotransmitters.
My weighted blanket has been sitting in my shopping cart for months, probably because I’ve tried to ascertain if it was the best choice between the possible 100k choices "I wish I could link, I read a review of the top 10 November 2022 and I’ve order the number one. It’s cotton. Worth a Google. The SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) lamp is exactly what the other person has said. We don’t get enough sunlight in the winter months. The light I have is super bright, it’s recommended to use for up to 2 hours a day for 7 days, to start with. I haven’t done that need to get it out box again!! | |||
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"Hi guys. Mind if I join you? ADHD assessment next week…. Just wanted to jump on the weighted blanket bandwagon. Mines in the post. Also worth looking at SAD lamps. Fireplace TV on YTube. Fairy lights everywhere. I’m here for any other recommendations
Hi
Hope all goes well with your assessment. Thanks for the suggestions, there's definitely a few I would use. "Aw thanks! You’re welcome! Also cannot recommend sports massage or deep tissue massages, enough!! It’s the only time I can switch off! | |||
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"Checking in
Updated my username last night (previously curvaceousgusher). Had that name for years but didn't realise how much I didn't connect with it anymore until having to say it out loud to people at the club on Friday New name was a suggestion on a forum post and I absolutely love it It's got multiple connotations for me. I'm a bubbly character, fizzy brained, love prosecco and I definitely am a rascal "What a great name choice! | |||
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"Also worth looking at SAD lamps. Fireplace TV on YTube. Fairy lights everywhere. I’m here for any other recommendations "Why fairy lights? The others make sense to me, but I don't get that one. | |||
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"Also worth looking at SAD lamps. Fireplace TV on YTube. Fairy lights everywhere. I’m here for any other recommendations
Why fairy lights? The others make sense to me, but I don't get that one."Fairy lights make everything a little bit magical. It's certified fact. | |||
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"Also worth looking at SAD lamps. Fireplace TV on YTube. Fairy lights everywhere. I’m here for any other recommendations
Why fairy lights? The others make sense to me, but I don't get that one.
Fairy lights make everything a little bit magical. It's certified fact."Oh yes! I love fairy lights, I find them so relaxing. | |||
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"Fairy lights make everything a little bit magical. It's certified fact. Oh yes! I love fairy lights, I find them so relaxing." I love fairy lights too! And anything sparkly or colourful. They make me happy and relaxed. But like can't be flashy flashy. Just still if it's a warm white light or veeeeerry slowly colour changing. Otherwise it has the opposite effect. | |||
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Keep going to browse outfits and lingerie for future events, so many items in so many baskets, that I definitely can't really afford to buy haha. Also keep checking out other clubs and their nearby hotels.
Think I just need to get laid again to take the edge off  | |||
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"Gang I am SO distracted today. Really can't seem to get anything done with work. I'm hyperfocusing on how great I felt on Friday and all I want to do is be back in that moment of feeling like a total goddess lol. Literally craving the dopamine boost
Keep going to browse outfits and lingerie for future events, so many items in so many baskets, that I definitely can't really afford to buy haha. Also keep checking out other clubs and their nearby hotels.
Think I just need to get laid again to take the edge off "Haha I love this! What a pain in the arse but so relatable haha. What clubs are you looking at? | |||
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"Also worth looking at SAD lamps. Fireplace TV on YTube. Fairy lights everywhere. I’m here for any other recommendations
Why fairy lights? The others make sense to me, but I don't get that one."I find them relaxing when they’re not flashing. Mood lighting. Check out “Twinklys” curtain lights. Customisable and slow colour changing. They’re next in my list. For now I’ve got Primarni USB LED plain white curtain lights! | |||
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I posted in the first three pages of this thread, but I deleted my account in a moment of madness (this place does that to me).
Anyway: Aspergers, ADHD, Dyspraxia -- almost got the complete set.  | |||
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"Also worth looking at SAD lamps. Fireplace TV on YTube. Fairy lights everywhere. I’m here for any other recommendations
Why fairy lights? The others make sense to me, but I don't get that one.
I find them relaxing when they’re not flashing. Mood lighting.
Check out “Twinklys” curtain lights. Customisable and slow colour changing. They’re next in my list.
For now I’ve got Primarni USB LED plain white curtain lights! "How weird is this, just ordered some white voiles with glittery stars to make a headboard with some fairy lights | |||
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"Also worth looking at SAD lamps. Fireplace TV on YTube. Fairy lights everywhere. I’m here for any other recommendations
Why fairy lights? The others make sense to me, but I don't get that one.
I find them relaxing when they’re not flashing. Mood lighting.
Check out “Twinklys” curtain lights. Customisable and slow colour changing. They’re next in my list.
For now I’ve got Primarni USB LED plain white curtain lights!
How weird is this, just ordered some white voiles with glittery stars to make a headboard with some fairy lights "Oooo, very creative! Just had to Google voiles lol…. Seen shein has some! I’ve sent you a DM with a pic of twinkly’s | |||
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"What clubs are you looking at? " So Friday I was at AbFabs. First time at the new venue. Went to old venue quite a bit some years back and have also had single visits to Xtasia and one in Kent (can't remember it's name now). In regards to other places I'm looking at, would love to go to The Vanilla Alternative and Le Boudoir. I've just found out that I pass right by Hellfire once or twice a week going to the office, but think it's on the days they aren't open typically. Honestly I would happily try them all out if if wasn't for distance/time/money haha. | |||
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"I'm back!
I posted in the first three pages of this thread, but I deleted my account in a moment of madness (this place does that to me).
Anyway: Aspergers, ADHD, Dyspraxia -- almost got the complete set. "Welcome back! You almost qualify for the free toaster and tumbler set. | |||
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"I'm back!
I posted in the first three pages of this thread, but I deleted my account in a moment of madness (this place does that to me).
Anyway: Aspergers, ADHD, Dyspraxia -- almost got the complete set. "Oh hello Mr it's nice to see you're back, I enjoyed your contributions. | |||
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"Oh hello Mr it's nice to see you're back, I enjoyed your contributions. " Nice to be remembered, thank you | |||
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"Great that we're growing "It only makes sense that this community would be growers not showers! | |||
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"Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. You are not a failure: you haven't found the right tools. Successful people have had this confidence issue sussed out in primary school and have the ability to socialise with great ease. People like us, have struggled ever since. This gets left uncorrected and the problems grow and grow. As for messaging, speak to the club hosts and ask for an introduction, tell them you're ND and they should be able to help out. Maybe ND wrist bands would help, as lanyards are a bit awkward in the hot tub. I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful." Was Woodside a different dept or school building? I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives", as long as schools allow inter pupil assault , battery and mental cruelty, to continue, then for the silent few this will be the worst days of their lives. Colleges and Universities wouldn't allow it would they? | |||
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"I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives"" I've said this for years. If I had believed that when I was at school, I probably would have stopped being alive. | |||
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"I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives" I've said this for years. If I had believed that when I was at school, I probably would have stopped being alive." Do gooders: do more harm than good. | |||
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"Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. You are not a failure: you haven't found the right tools. Successful people have had this confidence issue sussed out in primary school and have the ability to socialise with great ease. People like us, have struggled ever since. This gets left uncorrected and the problems grow and grow. As for messaging, speak to the club hosts and ask for an introduction, tell them you're ND and they should be able to help out. Maybe ND wrist bands would help, as lanyards are a bit awkward in the hot tub. I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful. Was Woodside a different dept or school building? I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives", as long as schools allow inter pupil assault , battery and mental cruelty, to continue, then for the silent few this will be the worst days of their lives. Colleges and Universities wouldn't allow it would they?" I think Woodside is a school for kids with special needs. The best day of my life was when I finished school. | |||
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"Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. You are not a failure: you haven't found the right tools. Successful people have had this confidence issue sussed out in primary school and have the ability to socialise with great ease. People like us, have struggled ever since. This gets left uncorrected and the problems grow and grow. As for messaging, speak to the club hosts and ask for an introduction, tell them you're ND and they should be able to help out. Maybe ND wrist bands would help, as lanyards are a bit awkward in the hot tub. I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful. Was Woodside a different dept or school building? I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives", as long as schools allow inter pupil assault , battery and mental cruelty, to continue, then for the silent few this will be the worst days of their lives. Colleges and Universities wouldn't allow it would they? I think Woodside is a school for kids with special needs. The best day of my life was when I finished school." I went into YTS in the following Autumn and got paid for it! | |||
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"Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. You are not a failure: you haven't found the right tools. Successful people have had this confidence issue sussed out in primary school and have the ability to socialise with great ease. People like us, have struggled ever since. This gets left uncorrected and the problems grow and grow. As for messaging, speak to the club hosts and ask for an introduction, tell them you're ND and they should be able to help out. Maybe ND wrist bands would help, as lanyards are a bit awkward in the hot tub. I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful. Was Woodside a different dept or school building? I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives", as long as schools allow inter pupil assault , battery and mental cruelty, to continue, then for the silent few this will be the worst days of their lives. Colleges and Universities wouldn't allow it would they? I think Woodside is a school for kids with special needs. The best day of my life was when I finished school. I went into YTS in the following Autumn and got paid for it!" I bet that was good getting paid. | |||
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"Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. You are not a failure: you haven't found the right tools. Successful people have had this confidence issue sussed out in primary school and have the ability to socialise with great ease. People like us, have struggled ever since. This gets left uncorrected and the problems grow and grow. As for messaging, speak to the club hosts and ask for an introduction, tell them you're ND and they should be able to help out. Maybe ND wrist bands would help, as lanyards are a bit awkward in the hot tub. I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful. Was Woodside a different dept or school building? I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives", as long as schools allow inter pupil assault , battery and mental cruelty, to continue, then for the silent few this will be the worst days of their lives. Colleges and Universities wouldn't allow it would they? I think Woodside is a school for kids with special needs. The best day of my life was when I finished school. I went into YTS in the following Autumn and got paid for it! I bet that was good getting paid." Better than school, but I had mates who had proper paid jobs that was not £25 a week, more like £125 | |||
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"Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. You are not a failure: you haven't found the right tools. Successful people have had this confidence issue sussed out in primary school and have the ability to socialise with great ease. People like us, have struggled ever since. This gets left uncorrected and the problems grow and grow. As for messaging, speak to the club hosts and ask for an introduction, tell them you're ND and they should be able to help out. Maybe ND wrist bands would help, as lanyards are a bit awkward in the hot tub. I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful. Was Woodside a different dept or school building? I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives", as long as schools allow inter pupil assault , battery and mental cruelty, to continue, then for the silent few this will be the worst days of their lives. Colleges and Universities wouldn't allow it would they? I think Woodside is a school for kids with special needs. The best day of my life was when I finished school. I went into YTS in the following Autumn and got paid for it! I bet that was good getting paid. Better than school, but I had mates who had proper paid jobs that was not £25 a week, more like £125" Blimey. That is a lot | |||
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"Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. You are not a failure: you haven't found the right tools. Successful people have had this confidence issue sussed out in primary school and have the ability to socialise with great ease. People like us, have struggled ever since. This gets left uncorrected and the problems grow and grow. As for messaging, speak to the club hosts and ask for an introduction, tell them you're ND and they should be able to help out. Maybe ND wrist bands would help, as lanyards are a bit awkward in the hot tub. I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful. Was Woodside a different dept or school building? I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives", as long as schools allow inter pupil assault , battery and mental cruelty, to continue, then for the silent few this will be the worst days of their lives. Colleges and Universities wouldn't allow it would they? I think Woodside is a school for kids with special needs. The best day of my life was when I finished school. I went into YTS in the following Autumn and got paid for it! I bet that was good getting paid. Better than school, but I had mates who had proper paid jobs that was not £25 a week, more like £125 Blimey. That is a lot" In 1987, working for their Dad's/Uncle's firms. | |||
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"Glad to hear it went well for you. As much as I want to, I don't think I have the strength nor the confidence to be able to this myself. It makes me feel like a failure sometimes. You are not a failure: you haven't found the right tools. Successful people have had this confidence issue sussed out in primary school and have the ability to socialise with great ease. People like us, have struggled ever since. This gets left uncorrected and the problems grow and grow. As for messaging, speak to the club hosts and ask for an introduction, tell them you're ND and they should be able to help out. Maybe ND wrist bands would help, as lanyards are a bit awkward in the hot tub. I remember reading somewhere that social anxiety can stem from bad experiences at school like bullying for example. Well, I do remember being bullied while I was at school and my autism was one of those reasons and was called "Woodsider" so many times which was awful. Was Woodside a different dept or school building? I do wish people would stop saying "Schooldays are the best days of your lives", as long as schools allow inter pupil assault , battery and mental cruelty, to continue, then for the silent few this will be the worst days of their lives. Colleges and Universities wouldn't allow it would they? I think Woodside is a school for kids with special needs. The best day of my life was when I finished school. I went into YTS in the following Autumn and got paid for it! I bet that was good getting paid. Better than school, but I had mates who had proper paid jobs that was not £25 a week, more like £125 Blimey. That is a lot In 1987, working for their Dad's/Uncle's firms." Interesting | |||
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"Rightio, I feel comfortable to comment properly now I know how this thread works. Long suffering friends, family, partners and colleagues have had fun and frustration being around me. I'm trying to get a formal diagnosis for ADHD but to get help is sooooo bloody hard. MH and other professional colleagues are amazed and shocked that I can't get help. My education was horrid from day one when I did a runner from primary school. I found learning easy but staying focused and calm borderline impossible. Standing outside the staffroom, getting the pump, detentions, lines, the cane, suspensions. Nothing worked. Total waste. I must have been told a thousand times that something is a lousy idea but I usually just carried on with predictable outcomes. I've sadly offended so many people by opening my mouth before my brain kicks in. Luckily, I have really good people around me who get that I have no filter. Focus on work has been a constant battle to this day. From when my eyes ping open to when I crash at night my days are constantly spent spinning plates. I've had to work really hard to see risk as I've found it hard to get phased and gone lookng for excitement without a care for consequences. This is ok when 14 but not when middle aged. The above sounds shit and at times my life has been a car crash (mostly self inflicted) but it's not all been bad. I'm able to walk into a pub and drink with anyone! I'm confident but try not to seem arrogant. I love experiences and don't consider risk. I don't get nervous at job interviews and the like. I have a great social network who've stuck with me for years and years. As for swinging, it's been really good tbh. I get excited and aroused super quickly and love the experience without any nerves. Sexually I give everything to please a partner so that's all good. Thanks for reading, sorry it's a long post but this is who I am." Hey! Have you tried The Right to Choose? For a route to diagnosis. | |||
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" It'll be interesting to see if they introduce any new characters this season!" Introducing myself as a new character in this lovely sounding group. Late diagnosis of autism which, now I've got it, makes SOOOOO much sense about me, who and how I am, and the way my head works. Has really helped me understand myself better. Anyway, that's me for now. | |||
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"Rightio, I feel comfortable to comment properly now I know how this thread works. Long suffering friends, family, partners and colleagues have had fun and frustration being around me. I'm trying to get a formal diagnosis for ADHD but to get help is sooooo bloody hard. MH and other professional colleagues are amazed and shocked that I can't get help. My education was horrid from day one when I did a runner from primary school. I found learning easy but staying focused and calm borderline impossible. Standing outside the staffroom, getting the pump, detentions, lines, the cane, suspensions. Nothing worked. Total waste. I must have been told a thousand times that something is a lousy idea but I usually just carried on with predictable outcomes. I've sadly offended so many people by opening my mouth before my brain kicks in. Luckily, I have really good people around me who get that I have no filter. Focus on work has been a constant battle to this day. From when my eyes ping open to when I crash at night my days are constantly spent spinning plates. I've had to work really hard to see risk as I've found it hard to get phased and gone lookng for excitement without a care for consequences. This is ok when 14 but not when middle aged. The above sounds shit and at times my life has been a car crash (mostly self inflicted) but it's not all been bad. I'm able to walk into a pub and drink with anyone! I'm confident but try not to seem arrogant. I love experiences and don't consider risk. I don't get nervous at job interviews and the like. I have a great social network who've stuck with me for years and years. As for swinging, it's been really good tbh. I get excited and aroused super quickly and love the experience without any nerves. Sexually I give everything to please a partner so that's all good. Thanks for reading, sorry it's a long post but this is who I am. Hey! Have you tried The Right to Choose? For a route to diagnosis. " Hi, thank you Nope, never heard of this but will take a look. My GP gets me to complete ADHD assessment form (my score is always shit) and autism form (nothing to show here). He sends them off, I wait for months and get knocked back. And repeat. And repeat. I'm at a point now where I wonder if I'm too old to change tbh | |||
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"Thanks for reading, sorry it's a long post but this is who I am. Hey! Have you tried The Right to Choose? For a route to diagnosis. Hi, thank you Nope, never heard of this but will take a look. My GP gets me to complete ADHD assessment form (my score is always shit) and autism form (nothing to show here). He sends them off, I wait for months and get knocked back. And repeat. And repeat. I'm at a point now where I wonder if I'm too old to change tbh It may be worth printing off another ASRS form from Google or contacting somewhere like ADHD360 or Psychiatry UK to ask for support with the right to choose. They’ll support you with speaking to your GP. It’s currently a 6-8month wait for an assessment, rather than the usual route through the NHS, which is currently 3 years, in Leeds. Good luck!" Thank you so much, you're a star!!!! I'll have a good look at this tomorrow. I really appreciate your help, I owe you a beer!× | |||
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" It'll be interesting to see if they introduce any new characters this season! Introducing myself as a new character in this lovely sounding group. Late diagnosis of autism which, now I've got it, makes SOOOOO much sense about me, who and how I am, and the way my head works. Has really helped me understand myself better. Anyway, that's me for now." Welcome! So pleased your diagnosis has proven helpful. | |||
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"Hello to the new heads "Thank you
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"Anyone else having problems flirting? Chatting I can do when I know someone but flirting isn't one of my strong points." That quite common, as most with these conditions cannot really pick up well on social cues. I have tried to study a lot to be able to better understand my condition, to be able to be able to function without making a complete tit out of myself or saying something inappropriate, but it doesn’t always work. Okay, it rarely works
I would say that most people these days are more tolerant and understanding, just take a second to process before responding, reflect afterwards when alone but not to the extent you overanalyse and live in your head.
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"Anyone else having problems flirting? Chatting I can do when I know someone but flirting isn't one of my strong points. That quite common, as most with these conditions cannot really pick up well on social cues. I have tried to study a lot to be able to better understand my condition, to be able to be able to function without making a complete tit out of myself or saying something inappropriate, but it doesn’t always work. Okay, it rarely works
I would say that most people these days are more tolerant and understanding, just take a second to process before responding, reflect afterwards when alone but not to the extent you overanalyse and live in your head.
"This is true as reading social cues has always been difficult for me. | |||
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" This is true as reading social cues has always been difficult for me." You aren’t alone, just remember that, and people that know you and your condition that then stick around and are there for you, they see past your condition and like you for you. They are the people you can rely on and ask for assistance. My suggestion is to try and read up on your condition. You may not be able to control how your brain goes in an intense situation, but understanding your condition and management, even if it only improves things a little, is better than not understanding why. | |||
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" It'll be interesting to see if they introduce any new characters this season! Introducing myself as a new character in this lovely sounding group. Late diagnosis of autism which, now I've got it, makes SOOOOO much sense about me, who and how I am, and the way my head works. Has really helped me understand myself better. Anyway, that's me for now." Hi thanks for sharing.
It's lovely to see so many new people, sorry if I've missed anyone out. | |||
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"Just to bump from the last thread, here is a link to a suggestion that we have a neurodivergent section of the forums: https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/feedback/1384302 It might (?!) help if you add your voice. *** Applogies for using the word "forums" as a plural!" Now we're growing numbers it would be good if more of you could add your thoughts to this please. I would hate to think some people or subjects are being over looked, due to so many conversations running at one time in one thread. | |||
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" This is true as reading social cues has always been difficult for me. You aren’t alone, just remember that, and people that know you and your condition that then stick around and are there for you, they see past your condition and like you for you. They are the people you can rely on and ask for assistance. My suggestion is to try and read up on your condition. You may not be able to control how your brain goes in an intense situation, but understanding your condition and management, even if it only improves things a little, is better than not understanding why. " I'm sure I understand my condition to a degree. | |||
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"Anyone else having problems flirting? Chatting I can do when I know someone but flirting isn't one of my strong points." I kinda have the opposite problem. I get seen as a flirt even when I'm not trying Neurotypicals don't get me lol. It's made me doubt myself in so many situations before. I worry I'm not being "appropriate" or will have my intentions misunderstood again. So I try to stop being me and mask what comes natural like being very tactile. | |||
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"Just to bump from the last thread, here is a link to a suggestion that we have a neurodivergent section of the forums: https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/feedback/1384302 It might (?!) help if you add your voice. *** Applogies for using the word "forums" as a plural! Now we're growing numbers it would be good if more of you could add your thoughts to this please. I would hate to think some people or subjects are being over looked, due to so many conversations running at one time in one thread. " Yeah, that's precisely why I think it's such an important suggestion. Just this thread alone could probably be at least half a dozen threads. As you say, there's a risk that people's contributions are being overlooked because we're having like 5-10 discussions on any one thread. | |||
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"Anyone else having problems flirting? Chatting I can do when I know someone but flirting isn't one of my strong points. I kinda have the opposite problem. I get seen as a flirt even when I'm not trying Neurotypicals don't get me lol. It's made me doubt myself in so many situations before. I worry I'm not being "appropriate" or will have my intentions misunderstood again. So I try to stop being me and mask what comes natural like being very tactile."I get too worried about what people would say if I tried to introduce myself. I would fear they would tell me to go away or not want to know me so I just stay back. | |||
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"Just did a bit of reading on Body Dysmorphic Disorder (or BDD) where it's basically where the person feels they are ugly. I used to feel like this at school and still somewhat feel like this as an adult. I tend to over analyse things that a wrong with me mentally rather than physically and it upsets me when I can't figure out how to overcome these problems." I’m sure you do, what you have written certainly sounds that way. What I would say is that further reading always helps, because over time your understanding will grow and you may then learn new techniques. The BDD thing is something we share, and I know the point at which it started. It is a horrible condition, and I think the swinging world can make it worse for men due to the sheer volume of men compared to women / couples. Each rejection (even if it is down to the fact that they are just being pestered by all and sundry) can reinforce that negative belief in yourself, then you couple that with the missing of social cues can make it spiral. I got into swinging as I thought it was a way to get the boost of being wanted, but I do believe that it can be more detrimental to men that suffer, and then your behaviour may change in approaching people and then that can only reinforce your negative self-image. I think for many women, it has the opposite effect though as it can make them realise that all shapes and sizes are desirable. However, if they then get shit because they reject someone, that too can have a negative effect. It is a very horrible situation many are in here, but speaking and trying to educate yourself and understand, it really does help. | |||
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"Just to bump from the last thread, here is a link to a suggestion that we have a neurodivergent section of the forums: https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/feedback/1384302 It might (?!) help if you add your voice. *** Applogies for using the word "forums" as a plural! Now we're growing numbers it would be good if more of you could add your thoughts to this please. I would hate to think some people or subjects are being over looked, due to so many conversations running at one time in one thread. Yeah, that's precisely why I think it's such an important suggestion. Just this thread alone could probably be at least half a dozen threads. As you say, there's a risk that people's contributions are being overlooked because we're having like 5-10 discussions on any one thread. " I myself won’t add further to it to avoid confusion, but if anyone ever does need to talk, I am always happy to try and offer help that has come from years of counselling and self-learning. I always guide towards professional assistance, but sometimes have the odd pearl of wisdom that may help. | |||
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"I thought of changing my username to Long Schlong Silver. Piratey. Punny. Penisy. A good name? But then I looked at what the character is like and he's not nice at all so I decided against it." I think, generally, we can presume that a pirate is not very nice. | |||
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"I think, generally, we can presume that a pirate is not very nice. "Well this is where the aspie-over-analysing thing comes in... Would someone be more or less inclined to meet someone based on the username? A punny username suggests a sense of humour which must be attractive? Or would a particular username being associated with negative connotations therefore be unattractive? | |||
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"Just did a bit of reading on Body Dysmorphic Disorder (or BDD) where it's basically where the person feels they are ugly. I used to feel like this at school and still somewhat feel like this as an adult. I tend to over analyse things that a wrong with me mentally rather than physically and it upsets me when I can't figure out how to overcome these problems. I’m sure you do, what you have written certainly sounds that way. What I would say is that further reading always helps, because over time your understanding will grow and you may then learn new techniques. The BDD thing is something we share, and I know the point at which it started. It is a horrible condition, and I think the swinging world can make it worse for men due to the sheer volume of men compared to women / couples. Each rejection (even if it is down to the fact that they are just being pestered by all and sundry) can reinforce that negative belief in yourself, then you couple that with the missing of social cues can make it spiral. I got into swinging as I thought it was a way to get the boost of being wanted, but I do believe that it can be more detrimental to men that suffer, and then your behaviour may change in approaching people and then that can only reinforce your negative self-image. I think for many women, it has the opposite effect though as it can make them realise that all shapes and sizes are desirable. However, if they then get shit because they reject someone, that too can have a negative effect. It is a very horrible situation many are in here, but speaking and trying to educate yourself and understand, it really does help." There was even a time where I felt like my condition was a curse damning me to a lifetime of loneliness but I learned to accept my condition as a part of who I am. | |||
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"Just did a bit of reading on Body Dysmorphic Disorder (or BDD) where it's basically where the person feels they are ugly. I used to feel like this at school and still somewhat feel like this as an adult. I tend to over analyse things that a wrong with me mentally rather than physically and it upsets me when I can't figure out how to overcome these problems. I’m sure you do, what you have written certainly sounds that way. What I would say is that further reading always helps, because over time your understanding will grow and you may then learn new techniques. The BDD thing is something we share, and I know the point at which it started. It is a horrible condition, and I think the swinging world can make it worse for men due to the sheer volume of men compared to women / couples. Each rejection (even if it is down to the fact that they are just being pestered by all and sundry) can reinforce that negative belief in yourself, then you couple that with the missing of social cues can make it spiral. I got into swinging as I thought it was a way to get the boost of being wanted, but I do believe that it can be more detrimental to men that suffer, and then your behaviour may change in approaching people and then that can only reinforce your negative self-image. I think for many women, it has the opposite effect though as it can make them realise that all shapes and sizes are desirable. However, if they then get shit because they reject someone, that too can have a negative effect. It is a very horrible situation many are in here, but speaking and trying to educate yourself and understand, it really does help. There was even a time where I felt like my condition was a curse damning me to a lifetime of loneliness but I learned to accept my condition as a part of who I am." Fab can really knock anyones confidence, sometimes! As can the clubs! I wonder if you have thought about trying a local support group for your condition. Mainly because it seems to me, that ND people, get on better with one another, then with NTs. It might help with the feelings of loneliness. Just a thought x | |||
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"Just did a bit of reading on Body Dysmorphic Disorder (or BDD) where it's basically where the person feels they are ugly. I used to feel like this at school and still somewhat feel like this as an adult. I tend to over analyse things that a wrong with me mentally rather than physically and it upsets me when I can't figure out how to overcome these problems. I’m sure you do, what you have written certainly sounds that way. What I would say is that further reading always helps, because over time your understanding will grow and you may then learn new techniques. The BDD thing is something we share, and I know the point at which it started. It is a horrible condition, and I think the swinging world can make it worse for men due to the sheer volume of men compared to women / couples. Each rejection (even if it is down to the fact that they are just being pestered by all and sundry) can reinforce that negative belief in yourself, then you couple that with the missing of social cues can make it spiral. I got into swinging as I thought it was a way to get the boost of being wanted, but I do believe that it can be more detrimental to men that suffer, and then your behaviour may change in approaching people and then that can only reinforce your negative self-image. I think for many women, it has the opposite effect though as it can make them realise that all shapes and sizes are desirable. However, if they then get shit because they reject someone, that too can have a negative effect. It is a very horrible situation many are in here, but speaking and trying to educate yourself and understand, it really does help. There was even a time where I felt like my condition was a curse damning me to a lifetime of loneliness but I learned to accept my condition as a part of who I am. Fab can really knock anyones confidence, sometimes! As can the clubs! I wonder if you have thought about trying a local support group for your condition. Mainly because it seems to me, that ND people, get on better with one another, then with NTs. It might help with the feelings of loneliness. Just a thought x" I have thought about it but wasn't sure. | |||
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"I think self-compassion is important for us NDs as we are always far too tough on ourselves. " I think this is so important. It has made such a dramatic change in my life. However, one thing that I have had to learn is that it's not a one-off thing. From time to time, I find myself going, "Oh yeah, I need to practice self-compassion!" It's as if I thought doing it once would last forever! | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? Not much working nowadays sorry
That's a shame, do you find it hard to relax?
Extremely. I’m usually very tired from work but unable to unplug and get to sleep. Also will struggle to stay asleep once I manage to fall
Hard relate! I've spent most of my career feeling exhausted but thought that was the nature of the beast, as everyone else was saying the same thing. I wish I pulled myself out of that profession before burnout, no job or amount of money is worth it.
When it comes to sleep it's not my friend at all, I get out of bed feeling just as tired as when I got in. I'm not even gonna mention the sleep walking ect
I am very tempted to try weighted blankets, anyone had? "Iv got one. Its a game changer. You do need to calculate the weight correctly, General rule of thumb is 10% of your body weight. If you have any underlying conditions it's best to check with a doctor before you use one as they really are heavy. | |||
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"I absolutely love my weighted blanket. It was also quite a good price. I bought my daughter a weighted hoodie from the same company too. Oh amazing! Has it improved the quality of your sleep? " It's not ideal to use them for sleep. I mean some people do but they are more for comfort. | |||
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"I absolutely love my weighted blanket. It was also quite a good price. I bought my daughter a weighted hoodie from the same company too. Oh amazing! Has it improved the quality of your sleep? It's not ideal to use them for sleep. I mean some people do but they are more for comfort. " I’m very excited, mines arriving today. Never tried one before! A weighted hoody also sounds like heaven! | |||
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"I just came to a realization on something that I didn't understand until now. I hate myself. Maybe not completely but there have been times where I feel a bit hateful about myself. I watched this video earlier and what was described sounded very close to what I feel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X-tqloq6bM There was a lot in this video that rings true to me including self pity, feeling inadequate, feeling insecure, isolating myself from others, not feeling good enough and so on." I’ve just watched it. It’s tough to hear all of that. May I ask, what is your condition? You don’t have to say. I ask because I’ve been researching ADHD so much over the last 5 months - being hypercritical of ourselves is one trait. I also want to encourage you that it’s not your fault that you feel like this, sometimes. On average, people with ADHD will receive 20,000 more negative or corrective messages by age 12. For example, being told to be quiet, to behave, to try harder, you’re not reaching your potential, do better! Etc. Why would you automatically love yourself, if you have had that experience? I definitely think talking to others who have had similar experiences, can help. Kristen Neff had been recommended to me, to look into self-compassion. I don’t really understand it but I will research some more. Helping others can also be very therapeutic. You may have a lot of empathy and want to ensure others never feel as low as you have, in the past. I hope you are finding comfort in this thread, as much as I am x | |||
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"I just came to a realization on something that I didn't understand until now. I hate myself. Maybe not completely but there have been times where I feel a bit hateful about myself. I watched this video earlier and what was described sounded very close to what I feel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X-tqloq6bM There was a lot in this video that rings true to me including self pity, feeling inadequate, feeling insecure, isolating myself from others, not feeling good enough and so on. I’ve just watched it. It’s tough to hear all of that. May I ask, what is your condition? You don’t have to say. I ask because I’ve been researching ADHD so much over the last 5 months - being hypercritical of ourselves is one trait. I also want to encourage you that it’s not your fault that you feel like this, sometimes. On average, people with ADHD will receive 20,000 more negative or corrective messages by age 12. For example, being told to be quiet, to behave, to try harder, you’re not reaching your potential, do better! Etc. Why would you automatically love yourself, if you have had that experience? I definitely think talking to others who have had similar experiences, can help. Kristen Neff had been recommended to me, to look into self-compassion. I don’t really understand it but I will research some more. Helping others can also be very therapeutic. You may have a lot of empathy and want to ensure others never feel as low as you have, in the past. I hope you are finding comfort in this thread, as much as I am x" My condition is Asperger's Syndrome. It's a form of autism where I have difficulty learning things by myself so I have to be shown what to do so that I know how to do it myself. I have difficulty socialising with people I don't know and can't read social cues well. | |||
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"I just came to a realization on something that I didn't understand until now. I hate myself. Maybe not completely but there have been times where I feel a bit hateful about myself. I watched this video earlier and what was described sounded very close to what I feel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X-tqloq6bM There was a lot in this video that rings true to me including self pity, feeling inadequate, feeling insecure, isolating myself from others, not feeling good enough and so on. I’ve just watched it. It’s tough to hear all of that. May I ask, what is your condition? You don’t have to say. I ask because I’ve been researching ADHD so much over the last 5 months - being hypercritical of ourselves is one trait. I also want to encourage you that it’s not your fault that you feel like this, sometimes. On average, people with ADHD will receive 20,000 more negative or corrective messages by age 12. For example, being told to be quiet, to behave, to try harder, you’re not reaching your potential, do better! Etc. Why would you automatically love yourself, if you have had that experience? I definitely think talking to others who have had similar experiences, can help. Kristen Neff had been recommended to me, to look into self-compassion. I don’t really understand it but I will research some more. Helping others can also be very therapeutic. You may have a lot of empathy and want to ensure others never feel as low as you have, in the past. I hope you are finding comfort in this thread, as much as I am x My condition is Asperger's Syndrome. It's a form of autism where I have difficulty learning things by myself so I have to be shown what to do so that I know how to do it myself. I have difficulty socialising with people I don't know and can't read social cues well." Thank you for telling me, that. Perhaps you have had similar experiences, to the ones I mentioned above? | |||
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"Talking of self care has anyone got any tips you would like to share? What works for you guys? " Self care for me is a long walk on my own. I'm talking 15-20 miles, taking most of the day. It gives me time without other people (a blessing in itself!) and the opportunity for my brain to chew over all the crap in life that it's decided to focus on this week, and sort it all out. I also end up physically tired, so shifting the focus away from my head. If I don't get out for one (or something similar) at least once a week, I really start to suffer. It's not for everyone, but it works really well for me. | |||
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"I just came to a realization on something that I didn't understand until now. I hate myself. Maybe not completely but there have been times where I feel a bit hateful about myself. I watched this video earlier and what was described sounded very close to what I feel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X-tqloq6bM There was a lot in this video that rings true to me including self pity, feeling inadequate, feeling insecure, isolating myself from others, not feeling good enough and so on. I’ve just watched it. It’s tough to hear all of that. May I ask, what is your condition? You don’t have to say. I ask because I’ve been researching ADHD so much over the last 5 months - being hypercritical of ourselves is one trait. I also want to encourage you that it’s not your fault that you feel like this, sometimes. On average, people with ADHD will receive 20,000 more negative or corrective messages by age 12. For example, being told to be quiet, to behave, to try harder, you’re not reaching your potential, do better! Etc. Why would you automatically love yourself, if you have had that experience? I definitely think talking to others who have had similar experiences, can help. Kristen Neff had been recommended to me, to look into self-compassion. I don’t really understand it but I will research some more. Helping others can also be very therapeutic. You may have a lot of empathy and want to ensure others never feel as low as you have, in the past. I hope you are finding comfort in this thread, as much as I am x My condition is Asperger's Syndrome. It's a form of autism where I have difficulty learning things by myself so I have to be shown what to do so that I know how to do it myself. I have difficulty socialising with people I don't know and can't read social cues well. Thank you for telling me, that. Perhaps you have had similar experiences, to the ones I mentioned above? " I don't think so. I was usually bullied now and again when I was at school and my condition would be one of the reasons. | |||
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"I just came to a realization on something that I didn't understand until now. I hate myself. Maybe not completely but there have been times where I feel a bit hateful about myself. I watched this video earlier and what was described sounded very close to what I feel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X-tqloq6bM There was a lot in this video that rings true to me including self pity, feeling inadequate, feeling insecure, isolating myself from others, not feeling good enough and so on. I’ve just watched it. It’s tough to hear all of that. May I ask, what is your condition? You don’t have to say. I ask because I’ve been researching ADHD so much over the last 5 months - being hypercritical of ourselves is one trait. I also want to encourage you that it’s not your fault that you feel like this, sometimes. On average, people with ADHD will receive 20,000 more negative or corrective messages by age 12. For example, being told to be quiet, to behave, to try harder, you’re not reaching your potential, do better! Etc. Why would you automatically love yourself, if you have had that experience? I definitely think talking to others who have had similar experiences, can help. Kristen Neff had been recommended to me, to look into self-compassion. I don’t really understand it but I will research some more. Helping others can also be very therapeutic. You may have a lot of empathy and want to ensure others never feel as low as you have, in the past. I hope you are finding comfort in this thread, as much as I am x My condition is Asperger's Syndrome. It's a form of autism where I have difficulty learning things by myself so I have to be shown what to do so that I know how to do it myself. I have difficulty socialising with people I don't know and can't read social cues well. Thank you for telling me, that. Perhaps you have had similar experiences, to the ones I mentioned above? I don't think so. I was usually bullied now and again when I was at school and my condition would be one of the reasons." Kids can be so cruel. Every now and again is just as valid. Sorry that happened to you. | |||
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"I just came to a realization on something that I didn't understand until now. I hate myself. Maybe not completely but there have been times where I feel a bit hateful about myself. I watched this video earlier and what was described sounded very close to what I feel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X-tqloq6bM There was a lot in this video that rings true to me including self pity, feeling inadequate, feeling insecure, isolating myself from others, not feeling good enough and so on. I’ve just watched it. It’s tough to hear all of that. May I ask, what is your condition? You don’t have to say. I ask because I’ve been researching ADHD so much over the last 5 months - being hypercritical of ourselves is one trait. I also want to encourage you that it’s not your fault that you feel like this, sometimes. On average, people with ADHD will receive 20,000 more negative or corrective messages by age 12. For example, being told to be quiet, to behave, to try harder, you’re not reaching your potential, do better! Etc. Why would you automatically love yourself, if you have had that experience? I definitely think talking to others who have had similar experiences, can help. Kristen Neff had been recommended to me, to look into self-compassion. I don’t really understand it but I will research some more. Helping others can also be very therapeutic. You may have a lot of empathy and want to ensure others never feel as low as you have, in the past. I hope you are finding comfort in this thread, as much as I am x My condition is Asperger's Syndrome. It's a form of autism where I have difficulty learning things by myself so I have to be shown what to do so that I know how to do it myself. I have difficulty socialising with people I don't know and can't read social cues well. Thank you for telling me, that. Perhaps you have had similar experiences, to the ones I mentioned above? I don't think so. I was usually bullied now and again when I was at school and my condition would be one of the reasons. Kids can be so cruel. Every now and again is just as valid. Sorry that happened to you." Yeah. The worst was being called "Woodsider" when I was in secondary school. | |||
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"I absolutely love my weighted blanket. It was also quite a good price. I bought my daughter a weighted hoodie from the same company too. Oh amazing! Has it improved the quality of your sleep? It's not ideal to use them for sleep. I mean some people do but they are more for comfort. I’m very excited, mines arriving today. Never tried one before! A weighted hoody also sounds like heaven!" Oh I hope you like it and it helps you. Pulling it on and off definitely helps tone the arms they are not light. | |||
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"I absolutely love my weighted blanket. It was also quite a good price. I bought my daughter a weighted hoodie from the same company too. Oh amazing! Has it improved the quality of your sleep? It's not ideal to use them for sleep. I mean some people do but they are more for comfort. I’m very excited, mines arriving today. Never tried one before! A weighted hoody also sounds like heaven! Oh I hope you like it and it helps you. Pulling it on and off definitely helps tone the arms they are not light. "Do you think I might need one for upstairs and one for downstairs then?! | |||
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"I absolutely love my weighted blanket. It was also quite a good price. I bought my daughter a weighted hoodie from the same company too. Oh amazing! Has it improved the quality of your sleep? It's not ideal to use them for sleep. I mean some people do but they are more for comfort. I’m very excited, mines arriving today. Never tried one before! A weighted hoody also sounds like heaven! Oh I hope you like it and it helps you. Pulling it on and off definitely helps tone the arms they are not light.
Do you think I might need one for upstairs and one for downstairs then?! "Depends how much you want to tone your arms.
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"Just to bump from the last thread, here is a link to a suggestion that we have a neurodivergent section of the forums: https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/feedback/1384302 It might (?!) help if you add your voice. *** Applogies for using the word "forums" as a plural! Now we're growing numbers it would be good if more of you could add your thoughts to this please. I would hate to think some people or subjects are being over looked, due to so many conversations running at one time in one thread. Yeah, that's precisely why I think it's such an important suggestion. Just this thread alone could probably be at least half a dozen threads. As you say, there's a risk that people's contributions are being overlooked because we're having like 5-10 discussions on any one thread. " Oh absolutely! | |||
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"Sweet baby Jesus this weighted blanket is incredible. All the tension melted away and I felt all lightheaded and tingly (in a good way). Anybody who doesn't have one, do yourself a favour and buy one. Don't get stuck comparing 100 different options, just do it "That makes me ridiculously happy! | |||
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"Sweet baby Jesus this weighted blanket is incredible. All the tension melted away and I felt all lightheaded and tingly (in a good way). Anybody who doesn't have one, do yourself a favour and buy one. Don't get stuck comparing 100 different options, just do it
That makes me ridiculously happy! "Oh yay!!! I ordered mine the other day when we were discussing it | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it." It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. " When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work." Do you have family or friends you could visit? | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? " I live at home | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? I live at home" OK friends or work colleagues maybe. | |||
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"Sweet baby Jesus this weighted blanket is incredible. All the tension melted away and I felt all lightheaded and tingly (in a good way). Anybody who doesn't have one, do yourself a favour and buy one. Don't get stuck comparing 100 different options, just do it
That makes me ridiculously happy!
Oh yay!!! I ordered mine the other day when we were discussing it "Mine arrived!! wooooo! 11kg feels like the biggest warm hug! So good laid on my front. Enjoy xx | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? I live at home OK friends or work colleagues maybe. " I do have a few friends and had a good chat with one of my friends when she came over earlier today. | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? I live at home OK friends or work colleagues maybe. I do have a few friends and had a good chat with one of my friends when she came over earlier today." That's a start. Sometimes we think we have to do something drastic or make really big changes to make a difference but actually the little things that we do each day make the biggest difference. | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? I live at home OK friends or work colleagues maybe. I do have a few friends and had a good chat with one of my friends when she came over earlier today. That's a start. Sometimes we think we have to do something drastic or make really big changes to make a difference but actually the little things that we do each day make the biggest difference. "I guess so. I'm always fine when I'm around friends but I'm around people I don't know, that's where it goes south. | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? I live at home OK friends or work colleagues maybe. I do have a few friends and had a good chat with one of my friends when she came over earlier today. That's a start. Sometimes we think we have to do something drastic or make really big changes to make a difference but actually the little things that we do each day make the biggest difference.
I guess so. I'm always fine when I'm around friends but I'm around people I don't know, that's where it goes south."That makes sense and is the same for a lot of people even those that are not ND. | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? I live at home OK friends or work colleagues maybe. I do have a few friends and had a good chat with one of my friends when she came over earlier today. That's a start. Sometimes we think we have to do something drastic or make really big changes to make a difference but actually the little things that we do each day make the biggest difference.
I guess so. I'm always fine when I'm around friends but I'm around people I don't know, that's where it goes south.
That makes sense and is the same for a lot of people even those that are not ND.
"That's true. When I'm stuck in this negative trap, it clouds my kind making it hard to come up with anything good about myself. | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? I live at home OK friends or work colleagues maybe. I do have a few friends and had a good chat with one of my friends when she came over earlier today. That's a start. Sometimes we think we have to do something drastic or make really big changes to make a difference but actually the little things that we do each day make the biggest difference.
I guess so. I'm always fine when I'm around friends but I'm around people I don't know, that's where it goes south.
That makes sense and is the same for a lot of people even those that are not ND.
That's true. When I'm stuck in this negative trap, it clouds my kind making it hard to come up with anything good about myself."Definitely. The priority is getting out of that negative trap. What has helped in the past? | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? I live at home OK friends or work colleagues maybe. I do have a few friends and had a good chat with one of my friends when she came over earlier today. That's a start. Sometimes we think we have to do something drastic or make really big changes to make a difference but actually the little things that we do each day make the biggest difference.
I guess so. I'm always fine when I'm around friends but I'm around people I don't know, that's where it goes south.
That makes sense and is the same for a lot of people even those that are not ND.
That's true. When I'm stuck in this negative trap, it clouds my kind making it hard to come up with anything good about myself.
Definitely. The priority is getting out of that negative trap.
What has helped in the past? "I can't remember. The only thing that helped me cope was being around friends. | |||
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"I need to learn how to do self compassion. I've absolutely no idea how to do it. It takes practice. I always think it's best to start with something you enjoy doing or something you feel really good about after as long as it's safe and healthy. When I'm at home, I just watch YouTube, play on my PS4 and go on the Internet which is all I can do for now. I only ever go out when I've got money or when I'm at work. Do you have family or friends you could visit? I live at home OK friends or work colleagues maybe. I do have a few friends and had a good chat with one of my friends when she came over earlier today. That's a start. Sometimes we think we have to do something drastic or make really big changes to make a difference but actually the little things that we do each day make the biggest difference.
I guess so. I'm always fine when I'm around friends but I'm around people I don't know, that's where it goes south.
That makes sense and is the same for a lot of people even those that are not ND.
That's true. When I'm stuck in this negative trap, it clouds my kind making it hard to come up with anything good about myself.
Definitely. The priority is getting out of that negative trap.
What has helped in the past?
I can't remember. The only thing that helped me cope was being around friends."The people on this thread are not necessarily friends or physically with you but remember you are not alone. X | |||
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